I wasn’t sure what to do anymore as Daehyun lumped himself back onto my lap, letting out another wild wail. He was sad, broken, but I as his friend wasn’t able to do anything about it. Unlike how he’d managed to pick me up, I wasn’t able to do the same for him. This was beyond me.

It’s not your fault.

The words were at the tip of my tongue, threatening to spill. It wasn’t Daehyun’s fault, what happened to Jongup. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It could have happened to anybody; car accidents were rare by the slightest.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I pulled him closer, wincing as his nails dug into the soft part of my sides. I wasn’t going to pull away from him, not at a time like this.

“Shh, tell me what happened, Daehyun.”

We continued like this for the next several minutes. I was begging him to tell me what had happened, and he, he continued to sob on my lap, chanting inaudibly. It was only after an hour, when hints of rain drops began to fall, that I decided to enlist Yongguk’s help. It was sorrowful enough that Daehyun had lost his most important person in the world, no need for him to catch something too in the rain.

Yongguk helped me lug Daehyun to the car, loading him into the backseat of the car then climbing in ourselves, me in the back with him and Yongguk by the wheels. For minute, we just sat there watching him shiver, curling his knees impossibly close in one himself. For a minute, I thought he was going to start crying again.

“Do you want me to take you back home, Daehyun?”

Yongguk’s voice was soft, barely audible, but Daehyun winced anyways, clutching at his ears with a whimper before shaking his head rapidly. He didn’t want to go back. I couldn’t imagine why, but I silently begged Yongguk to let him in our house. Just for a day. Just until he stopped crying again.

And I don’t know why, but he agreed.

Until Daehyun was able to pick himself up again, Yongguk agreed to sharing our already too full apartment with another stranger. Yongguk was too nice for his own good.

With another person in the house, our living arrangements changed once more. Himchan had agreed to rooming with Yongguk – it was apparently nothing new to them – while Daehyun and I went in the room that used to be shared with my brother.

The little old apartment, too small to house even three, was now filled with four. But somehow, we all made do. Early morning, Himchan and I would hurry to leave for school, waving goodbye to Daehyun and Yongguk. Then, a little later during the afternoon, Yongguk would make for his work (returning way later at night when everyone was already asleep). During the time, Daehyun would remain alone in our little horror apartment with the TV and the couch. And though, for the first few nights, I was barely able to concentrate on school because of it, I learned to trust my friend not to destroy himself on those hours alone.

Little by little, I was able to watch that usual smile bloom on his face again. And though his goofy smile was back, it never stretched to reach his eyes as it used to do.

But at least he was smiling.

Coming back home – Himchan and I had matched our schedules to go to and return from classes together – Daehyun would always be waiting with the table set with dinner. I knew, better than anyone else, that it wasn’t him that was cooking our food – the evidence was clear by the foils in the trash – but the thought of serving us dinner was sweet enough as it was. No longer did we have to live all three meals off of packaged ramen.

He never asked for money, nor completed jobs outside, but somehow, Daehyun always managed to keep our tables filled with food when we returned. He and Yongguk got in a fight over this a little into our new found schedule, but Daehyun seemed determined to do his job, claiming himself the job as our housewife.

“Aren’t I a good housewife?”

He really was; none of us could deny that.

For a while, we were able to forget everything that had happened in the past years and live in our mock harmony. Our little family of three was soon officially a full house of four.

It wasn’t until dinner one day, at least a good month or two since Daehyun began living with us, that our peaceful little schedule broke. For the first time in a while, I was left speechless. And for the second time, I was going to lose Daehyun again.

“I’m moving out.” We all stopped our chopsticks to peer up Daehyun, expecting the worst. What we got in return was a smile, “I mean, I found an apartment not too far away from here. I’m gonna study again so I get in college.” He turned to look at me, holding that lopsided smirk that seemed to beg for a pat on the head. He was doing the right thing.

That night, walking into our bedroom after a shower, I found Daehyun sprawled lazily across our tiny bed, through my textbook with a frown. Maybe he was really serious about the college thing.

“What made you change your mind?” I asked, tossing my towel across the room to a dirty pile in the corner (making Daehyun wince and point fingers at me for trying to make his life all the more difficult for hiding – I was not – the dirty laundry), “On going to college I mean.”

Sighing, and pushing my textbook off the corner of the bed, he lazily shrugged, rolling so that he could stare me blankly in the face. “I dunno; maybe you were right about it. Maybe he really would have wanted me to stop fussing over him and live my life.”