seven.
lather, rinse, repeatI worked hard to keep at my slimed down weight, skipping meals and walking the long way home instead of taking the bus. Himchan would lift his brows, but before he had a chance to say anything, I learned to avoid him, returning home and running straight for my room, blurting out something about grades and projects. I didn’t give him a chance to confront me.
“Youngjae,” snuggling into my jacket (actually, it was one of Jaebum’s friend’s, he’d noticed I’d started shivering while waiting for their practice to end) I turned my head toward the call, faintly nodding, “are you still cold?”
I only just gave a faint shrug back then, willing my teeth to stop chattering. I wasn’t supposed to be cold; it was just only the beginning of fall. The leaves had only just started falling off and the wind had only now begun to pick up. It wasn’t nearly yet time enough for it to be cold.
But it was obvious that I hadn’t fooled anyone. Before I knew it, he had gone to gather JB. He was just a nasty tattle tale.
“You’re cold?”
It wasn’t the weather that struck as cold back then, it was Jaebum’s voice. The usually soft hum had hardened, sharp and uninviting. I suppose it had been my fault, I had interrupted practice, but I couldn’t help but shiver and cringe back at his words. I hadn’t meant to upset Jaebum after all. “No.”
I didn’t mind being a little cold if it meant being with Jaebum.
Hanging with Jaebum, however, decreased my time spent with Himchan. Afraid to become unworthy of Jaebum’s eyes and upsetting Himchan at the same time, I was constantly stuck between two opposing forces, unsure of which side to pick.
And in the end, I had decided with Jaebum.
He made me happy.
Avoiding Himchan eventually became a habit of mine, flinching away from even the sound of his voice. Whenever Himchan was even as much as in the same room, it became my immediate task to make a mad dash to the other room; and if so given I was forced to stay in the same room, the lack of eye contact was an automatic reaction.
Eventually, even Himchan gave up trying.
Eventually, we split ways.
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