thirty.
lather, rinse, repeatI’d known it, that I could never get my happily ever after.
I wasn’t nearly perfect enough for it.
My eyes were too small, ears too low, and cheeks too chubby. My skin wasn’t a pale, glistening white, nor was it a deep tan. I definitely wasn’t skinny and my bodily proportions only read of a past full of battles lost against hunger.
I knew I would never get my fairy tale ending. I was foolish in thinking that if I tried hard enough, I could be as pretty as I wanted. I was wrong. I couldn’t have been any more wrong.
“Youngjae, let me finish.”
His eyes were screwed together, brows pinched to a point at the center in a look I could only describe as pity. All that he felt for me was pity; pity for the idiot who thought he could overcome the barrior between us. Maybe Jiyeon had been right all those years ago. He had been fooling with me this whole time. But even like this, he looked perfect – a look I would never be able to accomplish (he really did belong with Jiyeon in the end).
No, I didn’t want to listen after all. “No, don’t.”
I closed my eyes, squeezing them together in hopeless wills to keep from meeting his eyes. If I saw him, I wasn’t sure if I could continue to reject him. If I saw him now, I was almost positive I would melt once more into his eyes. I’d play the part of the fool again.
“Youngjae, just listen to me, please.”
He was begging me. Lim Jaebum never begged. Not to anyone, especially not me.
Whimpering, I pressed the palms of my hands to my ears, shaking my head. I didn’t want to hear a thing. I didn’t want to hear about how much he loved Jiyeon. How I’d only been a play thing to pass time.
I wanted to remain ignorant.
“I love you, I really do.” His hands were over mine as Jaebum whispered this to me, fingers prying at my hands, trying to get me to listen. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen Youngjae. I don’t want to lose you, just hear me out this once. Please.”
“No. No, no, no, no, no.” I whimpered, chanting the words in rushed sentences, each word growing in pitch until I was practically screaming this. I wanted to get out of here.
His hands were all over me, tugging me into his warmth, making me melt into his chest. I was stupid. I knew better than to want this. I should have been running. I should leave.
“I’m sorry, I really am. I love you, I really do.” I wanted nothing but to believe his words; they sounded real to me (or maybe it was just my mind that wanted to believe they were real). “More than Jiyeon, more than anyone else.”
More than Jiyeon.
I gasped out a sob, unfurling myself to grasp desperately at his shirt, burying my face into his chest weakly. Jaebum had set to placing light pats on my back, pressing his kisses to the back of my neck in reassurance. I felt happy, even if just for that second. I was in Jaebum’s arms again. He wasn’t mad at me. He wasn’t upset.
Everything felt right in the world.
And that was my mistake. I’d unknowingly lowered my guard again.
“Break up with her. Please.”
Please.
“I can’t.”
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