The End is the Beginning....

Deja Vu. 

This is what Jiyong is feeling at that very moment as he found himself once again sitted at the couch with the girl he loves the most in front of him with a luggage at hand. Only this time, there is no anger and hurt painted on Dara's lovely face but instead, she was begging for him. 

Begging for him to let her go. 

"Jiyong-ah..." Dara whispered his name and his chest constricted hearing the desperation in her voice. Is she really this desparate to leave him? He thought to himself. "Please understand" She begged him, her voice was shaking, tears streaming down her face. 

He just looked at her. He couldn't understand no matter how hard he tried. It just doesn't make sense. He remained true to his words, when he promised her that he will be there for her and take care of her. They were doing just fine, they just celebrated their anniversary a month ago.

They were happy.

She was happy.

So why? 

"Why?" At last, he finally managed to say. His throat was dry and hurting. 

"I..I need this--" Dara bowed her head. 

"But I need you" There was pain in his voice. "I need you Dara. I did everything for you, I promised you that I will take care of you, I promised you that I will never hurt you ever again...and I kept that promise...I love you...you know that!" He was now kneeling in front of her, he looked pathetic he knows but he doesn't care, he doesn't care anymore. Dara can step on his pride a million times and he doesn't care anymore. 

"And I love you too" Jiyong closed his eyes as he felt Dara's small hands cupping his face, her fingers gently wiping the tears in his cheeks. "I love you so much" She whispered lovingly and he felt like he was stabbed a billion times in the heart hearing those words from her. 

"Then don't leave me, don't go and stay here with me" He replied pleadingly. 

Dara looked at him sadly. Her eyes was distant but he knows that she's looking at him. "I can't Jiyong. I need to do this. I need to do this for myself. This is the only chance that I got" 

"Then let me go with you...we can start a new life there, my savings is more than enough to open up a business or something...I'll take care of you---"

"You don't understand!" Jiyong was taken aback when Dara shouted. He blink his eyes a couple of times, refusing to accept the truth that was unfolding in front of him.

Dara wants to live her life, without him.

"Jiyong-ah...that night of our anniversary, when you came in late, I was upset."

"It's only because I was looking for your favorite flower--"

"I know...but that time, I became upset and everything in the past came back to me, Jiyong, I felt the pain again...and I got scared because I don't want to feel that kind of pain again...Jiyong...I'm still broken...and I can't be like this...I can't love you completely if I still have my demons with me"

She was crying. Her tears stream down her face like a river. He could feel her pain and it pained him more. He studied her face, memorizing the contour of her face, only now that he realized how broken she is, he was a fool for thinking that he can heal her. That everything will go back to where they used to be if he can give her all that she needed, his attention and his affection.

Once the mirror is broken, you can put it back together but it will never look the same. He chuckled bitterly to himself as the words played in his mind, it was a cliche' saying but apparently every word of it screams the truth.  

Jiyong looked at Dara once more, for the first time he was glad the she's blind, she cannot see the unbearable pain in his eyes. . "What do you want me to do to heal you?"

Dara moved from her seat and kneeled in front of him, imitating his position and cupped his face with her hands "Jiyong-ah...mianhe...but let me be selfish...just this once"

With clenched fist, he took a deep breath, gathering all the courage that he could muster and slowly nodded. 

He understands now. He understands all along.

A gentle knock on the door followed by careful footsteps was heard, Jiyong looked up and saw Chaerin and Bom standing before them, their eyes looking at him apologetically telling him that they're here to take Dara away from him, he slowly nodded at them in understanding, a bitter smile on his face. He looked back once more at Dara and gave her a gentle peck on her forehead 

"I will wait for you Dara" He told her but Dara shook her head, tears b in her eyes. "W-Why?" 

"Live your life Ji...I don't want to lock you with me..I don't want you to feel that I imprisoned you..I don't want you to someday feel hate towards me and yourself..you may not understand now but I've been there and this is why I have to leave..to find myself...you deserve a life of your own as I deserve mine...if we are meant to be I know fate will bring us back together...it doesn't matter when or how...or where..." 

Jiyong closed his eyes as Dara kissed him gently, and his heart cries knowing that this will be the last time that he will taste her sweet lips, he clenched his fist to prevent himself from begging her not to leave him. Their forehead touches and he could feel her hot breath against his face. "Go..." He whispered painfully. His clenched fist tigthening and until his knuckles turned white. "Go now Dara..." 

Dara nodded her head slowly "I love you Jiyong" She whispered in his ear. Jiyong bowed his head, his gaze fixed on the floor, refusing to see the love of his life walk away from him,  but he could feel Dara standing up and then her footsteps and lastly, the sound of the door closing...and then silence. 

Jiyong slumped on the floor, his eyes staring blankly at the door where Dara is standing a few hours ago. He doesn't know if he made the right decision, he just know that this is all for her, maybe both of them are still broken and he just turn a blind eye because of the guilt inside him, maybe they both need to heal and fixed their lives separately, and maybe someday they will meet again, both are free from their painful past. He fished out his phone in his pocket, and dialled the number of the person, he thought he doesn't need in his life, that one person that made him greedy to be worthy of his name.

"Dad...."

========== 

It was a cold day. One of those days where the wind cuts right through a person's clothing and makes a presence in their soul. The snow was only about four inches deep but had been laying there for a while and was somewhat crunchy instead of powdery as the snow first falls to the ground. 

I took a deep breath and inhaled the sweet smell of December, a smile slowly crept on my lips as the fresh smell of pine trees filled my nose, the soft melody of Blue Christmas playing in the background. I sighed contentedly, Christmas is just around the corner.  

My ears perked up when I heard footsteps behind me, I could hear Bom's loud voice ranting about the weather and Chaerin whining cause she's too loud for her liking. I chuckled lightly as I shake my head my two best friends never changed.

And some of us...

Do change. 

Five years. It's been five years since I left Seoul and walked out of Jiyong's life, I may sound heartless but I didn't regret leaving. Some may not understand why I did what I did, breaking the heart of the man that is willing to give me his life just so he can protect me and love me with all that he have and in the process, breaking my own heart as well. But that time, I felt the need that it has to be done, for him, for me and for us. 

The years that we were together, I did nothing but to depend on him. I let him control me, my life, my wants and my needs. I lose myself, my identity, and when I lost my sight, I became more dependent on him, I felt myself becoming greedy of him, of his attention, there was a part of me that says that I deserve this cause it was because of him that I lost everything, and it came to a point that I felt myself becoming selfish, and I didn't want that, I don't wanna to be like him and him, I don't want to turn him into me. 

That day of our anniversary, I realized that. It was just a simple incident, the kind that you can just forget and move on but to me, it was different, it triggered something deep within me that I have buried on the depths of my soul. 

And I know, if I didn't leave that time, it will hurt us both, destroy us even and who knows if we will still be able to recover from it, I didn't want to take that risk. So I left. 

When Bom and Chaerin told me about a special program for the blind at Harvard, I instantly took the test, I didn't tell Jiyong about this, I kept it a secret from him, I wanted to spend my remaining days with nothing but happiness. It was a shocked to him when I told him I was leaving, he didn't saw it coming, he was clueless. It was cruel I know but I'd rather spend my days with him with just good memories rather than spending it with him the thought that someday I will be gone. 

Now, I am happy. I feel complete. I found the person that I was before I met Jiyong. I got rid of my demons, no more pain in my heart, no more insecurities. I finish the program with flying colors and I'm proud to say that I did it all on my own, not depending on anyone but me. 

I am living my life just like what I wanted. A life of my own. 

I've changed for the better. 

But there is one thing that never changed in me all these years. My love for Jiyong. He still owns my heart and I don't think I will find someone that can replace him.  There was never a time that he's not in my mind. I still think of him the moment I open my eyes in the morning and ask myself if somehow he is also awake, and when I'm eating lunch, I still wonder if he's doing the same thing. I long to hear his voice and his songs. I miss him so much. 

I don't know where his is now or what he's doing. If he have moved on and found another girl that will complete him. I haven't spoken to him since I left. The only thing I know about him is he's now taking over his dad's company, my mom told me about it before. I was happy for him. He finally found the courage and the heart to forgive his father and reconciled with him. 

That is why I don't regret leaving. Because eventhough he lost me, he found his way back to his family again. 

And eventhough I lost him, I found myself again in return. 

I do not know what the future holds for the both us. Like I said, if we are fated for each other, we will meet again, it doesn't matter when..how or where.

Fate will find a way. 

And if not, then I am glad that once in my life I met a great man that loved me truthfully. And I'm thankful that our paths has crossed and eventhough we seperated with a broken heart, I am stronger now because of him. 

"Dara!!!!" My reverie were interrupted with Chaerin and Bom's voice calling me. I giggled hearing the excitement in their voices. It still amazes me how one minute they wanted to kill each other and the next they act like they're the best bestfriends ever in the entire universe. Shaking my head, I went back inside to warmth of our apartment. A bright smile crept on my lips when I felt two pairs of arms hugging me. 

"Merry Christmas Dee!" Chaerin and Bom chirped happily and hugged me tighter and I hugged them back ever so thightly until we fell of balance and found ourselves sprawled at the floor and laughed loudly. 

In the cold of night, my laughter resonated in the four corners of our apartment. My eyes twinkling because of happiness and contentment. I hope Jiyong does the same. 

"Merry Christmas Jiyong" I whispered, smiling to myself. 

The night is ending soon, and tomorrow, I will wake up once again with a smile on my face, excited and ready for the next day will bring me. 

For me, everyday is a new day. 

A new beginning.