Turmoil.....

Jiyong came out from the building of his agency at around two in the morning. His now brown hair swayed in the warm breeze of the night. His back were aching as well as his head, he was in his studio for two whole days working on his music and decided to come home just now, afterall, Dara must be really worried about him, he only managed to talk to her once yesterday and wasn't able to talk to her today, the whole day, he had switched his mobile phone off, it is a crucial time for the producers of the agency as one of YG's artist is about to make a debut soon and he doesn't really want to be bothered. 

He just stood there at the entrance, fishing out his pack of cigarette in his pocket. He startled when he suddenly heard a click sound followed by light from a lighter from a hand that suddenly popped out of nowhere, he glanced sideways and saw his co-producer standing on his side, offering him the lighter with a smile on her face. He shook his head and chuckled before he lit his cigarette stick. "Ahn..." He acknowledge her before blowing out the smoke. 

"What are you still doing here Kwon?" 

Ahn Sohee, is his co-producer, she joined the team one year ago, like him, Sohee is very passionate in Music, she is one gifted woman, more gifted than him, he might add. Jiyong could still remember the first time Sohee entered the agency, they all thought she's there to be an idol, she was dressed like she's going to a party everytime, much prettier than the trainees of YG, who would've thought that this girl can produce sick beats and melodies and can kick their asses, him and Teddy. 

He could still remember what Teddy once told him, Sohee is too girly, but as the days and months goes by, they realized that it was all just her outside appearance. She's not girly at all, not the damsel in distress kind of a woman, she's carefree, laid back and independent. 

Everything a guy could ask for, the perfect girlfriend as what Teddy says. 

"Hey!" Jiyong exclaimed when Sohee suddenly grab the lit cigarette from his hold and took a puff before giving the cigarette stick to him. "Tch! Why don't you just light up your own" He mumbled, shaking his head on her. 

Sohee raised a brow at him "Do I hear annoyance in here Kwon? Just because we shared a stick doesn't mean you're cheating on your girl" She playfully said "And besides I'm taken..thank you very much..."

"You're crazy..." Jiyong laughed out loud 

"Apparently my craziness is what Heechul loves about me..." Sohee said smugly. "Go home Kwon..don't make your lady love wait for you that long..." 

"What do---" Jiyong stared at Sohee with confusion on his face, and his eyes widened all of a sudden when he remembered something "!" He cursed loudly. He fished out his phone with his shaking hands and turned it on "!" He cursed again upon seeing that he had recieved twenty messages from Dara and ten voicemails, he quickly dash into a run to the car park leaving Sohee behind, not even bidding his goodbye. "! I'm so screwed!" He hissed as he dialled Dara's number, his other hand gripping the steering wheel, careless manuevering it. "Dara...pick up!" He whispered hoping that the girl would answer his call, his shoulders slumped down dejectedly when his call was forwarded to her voicemail. He threw his phone on the passenger seat as he pushed the gas pedal hard, hoping that he can get home as fas as he can. 

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Jiyong finally arrived at his newly bought apartment, he abruptly stopped in front of the entrance and tossed his car keys to the valet, he only gave him a nod when the valet greeted him, he dashed his way towards the elevator, fortunately, he was not using the stairs like before at least he could save more time and get to Dara as quickly as possible. 

"Babe?" He called her as soon as he entered his apartment. He was greeted by darkness and the defeaning silence inside just made him feel more anxious. "Dara?" He called her name, he tiptoed to the living room and his eyes landed on the couch and saw her lying there. He carefully walk towards the couch and sat in front of her. He felt relieve that she was still there, he thought she already left. A warm smile crept on his lips seeing her sleeping soundly, he could hear light snores coming from her and it calms his nerves. He tucked her loose hair covering her face, wanting to see her more but then he felt like he was stab straight to his heart when he saw trails of tears on her cheeks.

She cried herself to sleep and it was his fault.

He felt guilty. Today is their second year anniversary and he had forgotten, he forgot that Dara told him yesterday she was coming over and celebrate their second year on his new home. He raked his hair harshly, hoping the pain from pulling his hair can ease the guilt inside him but it didn't. He gently dried her tears with his thumb as careful as he can, praying that he won't wake her up, he doesn't know how will he face her at the moment.  !

He bowed his head down and noticed that Dara was still clutching to her phone protectively. Double ! He carefully took her phone from her hold and placed it on the coffee table, that's when he noticed that a band-aid was wrapped around her forefinger. He was guessing she accidentally cut herself while cooking their meal. His heart sank and the very depth of the black hole. Shoot me!

Feeling suffocated with guilt, he quickly stood up and turn his back on her, he felt that he isn't worthy to even look at her for a second. "I am such a ..." He admitted to himself.  

"Ji...." Dara's soft voice resonated in the room and Jiyong shut his eyes tightly. With a heavy heart, he slowly turned around to face her and he was greeted by her sad eyes. 

"Dara...."

"Did you just came in? Are you hungry?" Dara quickly stood up, her eyes avoiding to look at him. "Just wait here, I'll just re-heat the food okay?" Jiyong was just looking at her, watching her every move and its killing him knowing fully well that she was trying to act cheerful in front of him, like he did nothing wrong, like he didn't forget their important day, like she wasn't hurting deep inside her. 

"Dara..." 

"You must be really tired...look at you jagiya...your eyes already have dark circles..." Dara's cheerful voice felt like sharp needles poking his heart painfully. "Do you want coffee? Do you want anything? Water? I'll get it for---"

"Dara..stop..." 

"Ji..don't..."

Jiyong gently reached for her hand and forced her to face him "Look at me...look at me please..." He pleaded when Dara closed her eyes, obviously not wanting to see him, he saw her biting her lips really hard and he knew that she's stopping herself to cry in front of him. "Dara...."

"I...called you so many times but your phone is off, I cooked a lot and baked, I cut my fingers, I was in hurry cause I came in late..."

"Dara..."

"And I was worried that I won't make it on time...and.."

"Dara..."

"And you didn't come...you said you will...but you didn't...." She choked, she looked up at him, her eyes is full of pain all the more that Jiyong felt guilty. "you forgot...." She whispered as tears started to fall from her eyes.

Dara cried and bawled her eyes out in front of him and there's nothing he can do but the pull her from him and enclosed her in his arms. "Mianhe...Dara...I'm really sorry..." He knows that apologies can't do anything anymore, she was hurting and it was all because of him. "I'm sorry baby...please forgive me...I promised this won't happen again..." He cooed her, he felt her arms wrapped around his waist, and he knows she had forgiven him, just like that. 

And he wasn't happy that she did. 

==========

"What?! Are you ing out of your mind?!!!" Bom's loud voice startled everyone in the restuarant. I looked up and she was glaring at me, I was taken aback. Bom and I argue a couple of times but this is the first time that I saw her fuming mad. "Can you repeat that again Dara? I think I heard it wrong...you're backing out? Did I heard it right?" 

I looked straight in her eyes, I can see fire in them but there's nothing I can do, I've already decided so I nodded my head " I'm not coming..." I repeated what I've said in a low voice and bowed my head. I was waiting for her to scream at me but instead I was answered by silence. I looked up and Bom was looking at me with pain in her eyes. "I'm sorry Bom..."

She clicked her tongue and shook her head. I know she's disappointed in me. "So just like that? We planned this Dara....this is why we're here..together...this is our dream...we worked hard to pass Harvard and now that we did, after all the things we've been through...you're backing out?!" 

"I can't leave Jiyong, Bom he needs me here..."

"We left Busan to study here so we can have a better chance on passing Harvard..and now because of that good for nothing boyfriend of yours you will leave us hanging?!!"

"He's important to me Bom!!!" I felt my voice raised higher.

"Are you important to him?"Bom laughed mockingly at me "because if you are..then where is he? why is he not with you? today..at your very important day huh? Why are you here with  us celebrating your goddamn graduation?!! Is he even aware that today is your graduation?!!!" I bowed my head down, not because I'm guilty but because I'm hurt. After all, Bom is right, Jiyong didn't come although, I've reminded him last night and he said he'll come but he didn't. 

"Bom..." I heard Chaerin, I look at her and she was looking at me with sad eyes and once again I bowed my head down. I don't know what I'm doing hurting my friends like this but all I know is that I can't leave Jiyong, two years staying at the other side of the world is too long for me, I just can't do it...and I hope my friends will understand. 

"What Chaerin? Are you siding with her now? Are you just gonna let her ruin her life, forget her dreams just because of that bastard?!!" 

"That's enough Bom!!! You're going too far!!!"My head snap angrily when I heard Bom cursed Jiyong.

"Enough?!!! Yes you're right Dara..I have enough!!! I have enough of you acting like a ing clingy girlfriend!!! I have enough of your Dara!!! I have enough of everything! I have enough of just watching you destroy yourself !!!" Bom shouted furiously "I don't know you anymore...have you seen yourself in the mirror? Have you? Do you still recognize yourself?!!!  

Bom stood up and was about to walk out of the restaurant but I held her wrist. I just can't bear her being angry at me "Bommie...please..." 

"Are you coming with us now?" She asked me, not looking at me and I just bowed my head. She pulled her wrist away from my grasp harshly "Then this talk is over...you can do what you want...and I'm not going to stop you but do not expect that I'll be here when you Jiyong hurts you...don't come running to me when that happens..lets go Chaerin..we're just wasting our time here" She added. I look at Chaerin and she was just smiling sadly at me.

"I'm sorry Dara..." Chaerin placed her hand on top of mine and she gently squeezed it .

"Are you leaving me too Chae?" 

She shook her head "You're the one leaving us...and honestly Bom is right..I don't know you anymore Dara...because the Dara I know would be happy and excited that finally we are going to Harvard to fulfill are dreams..the Dara I know will stop at nothing to achieve them...and the Dara I know is full of confidence...and the Dara know gives importance to herself...I'm sorry that we have to leave like this..." 

========

After the talk with Bom and Chaerin, I went to Jiyong's apartment, although I know that he won't be there, but I have nowhere to go right now, my friends is surely packing their things already to go back to Busan where the three of us grew up, since initially, it was our plan right after our graduation. I don't have the heart to see them go knowing full well that they hates me. My feet halted at the doorstep when I heard voices inside. I listened for a while and my brows creased when I heard another voice, a voice of a female. I turned the knob of the front door and luckily it wasn't locked. I tiptoed my way to the kitchen room where I could hear laughing and Jiyong and a petite girl with auburn hair greeted me. 

"Hey babe!!!" Jiyong greeted me cheerfully when he saw me standing by the kitchen door. He quickly went towards me and enclosed me in his arms, embracing me tightly. 

"Ehem..." Jiyong was about to kiss me on my lips when he heard his visitor clearing her troath. I looked at her and she was smiling at us teasingly. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your lady love?" She said, she rolled her eyes as she placed the glass of water she's holding on top of the counter "Nevermind, Hello..I'm Sohee...you're Dara right? Wow! Jiyong is right...you're so pretty...you know Jiyong told me a lot about you..."
 

"Yah Sohee! You talk too much!" Jiyong cut her off and gave Sohee a playful glare. 

"What?" Sohee blinked her eyes innocently "Oh look at you blushing like a teenage boy! You know Dara he's always like that everytime he talks about you.." Sohee told me, winking at me and I just returned it with a fake smile. I honestly am not in the mood to socialize because of what happened between me, Bom and Chaerin. 

Jiyong must've sensed my mood and he stared at me looking worried "Are you okay jagiya? Are you sick?"

"I'm okay...I'm just tired...I'll just go in the bedroom and rest..." I answered, faking a smile and he nodded. "It was nice meeting you Sohee..." I looked at her, still faking a smile and she smiled warmly at me.

"Oh babe!" I was about to turn the knob of his bedroom door when I heard Jiyong calling me and I halted "We're just going to stay in the my studio..we're working on some songs today...is that okay?" I nodded. "By the way...where have you been? You looked pretty dressed today?" He asked and I bit my lips preventing myself not to cry.

Right. He forgot.

I didn't answer him and instead opened the door of his bedroom and went in. I felt him following me and I just let him be. "Babe...whats wrong?" He asked.

I paused for a moment to steady myself. I was afraid that my voice will betray me once I opened my mouth. I turned my back on him cause I know my face will give me away of how devastated I was. "You asked me where I've been?" I spoke when I finally managed to calm myself

"Yeah?"

"Today..is my graduation"  I told him, still not looking at him. 

"Babe...listen...I'm---"

"Ji..save it...it's okay...I understand..you're busy...." I cut him off. I don't want to hear his sorry anymore because really...whenever he says sorry to me everytime he forgets something, instead of making me feel alright...it makes me feel depress more. Once, twice, thrice, I've already lost count of how many times this happened. Sorry doesn't make sense anymore if you keep apologizing every single ing time, all for the same reasons. "Just close the door when you leave..." 

I felt him staring at me and I was hoping that he'll come to me and hug me. That's what I need right now, a hug, a comfort, not a half meant sorry. I heard him sigh and the next thing I knew, he was already making his way out of his bedroom, leaving me all alone.. 

And as he closes the door, I finally gave in. 

I cried myself to sleep.