»Once MoreReview«
![jqfNofG.png](http://i.imgur.com/jqfNofG.png)
Story
Title (4/5)
I really like the title. They met as children and were separated. Then, they came together again and loved once more. Although they are common words, if you put them together it makes for a nice title that intertwines perfectly with the story.
Foreward/Description (6/10)
The quote in the description was fine. But, the rest of the description and the quotes under each character info was too revealing. You practically gave away half of the plot right there.
Appearance (3/5)
The text was messy. In each chapter you started off okay, but when making dialogue you centered the words and then went back to left aligntement. This might seem picky, but it made the story a little hard to read. And it's fine that you put the credits for the poster where you did, but they were just a little distracting with the different colors and huge font. Which is why most people put them at the bottom. Your character profiles were okay, though.
Plot (10/15)
Best Friend Romance is quite over-used and this might turn some readers off instantly. But, your plot was good. In the beginning it seemed very similar to others I've read. She likes him, but he dosn't seem to like her back. Then, he gets a girlfriend! *dramatic gasp* But, the ending was cute and diffrent. Making it all a little revenge for Yuri forgetting him set it apart and gave the story the sweet moment/comic relief that was lacking before.
Originality (13/15)
The overall plot wasn't original. The ending was cute, but in general it lacked originality.
Grammer & Spelling (15/20)
Traditionally, dialogue is inserted in a whole new paragraph, indented and to the left. It is a fanfic and not a published story, so no one indents these days. But, I took off points for centering the dialogue. Despite this, you do have a good vocabulary and use descriptive words appropriately.
Your Writing;
" Jongdae-oppa!!! "
A deafening shriek filled the vast hall of the high school. A certain brown-headed girl ran as fast as her legs can take her and headed straight to the boy named Jongdae.
" Oppa! Make him stop! "
The girl wailed for help. She hid behind Jongdae and grasped his shirt for safety. Following behind her was a tall young man with a bright white smile. He tried to catch her but she used Jongdae as a shield.
My Edit;
" Jongdae-oppa!!! " A deafening shriek filled the vast hall of the high school. A certain brown-headed girl ran as fast as her legs could take her and headed straight to the boy named Jongdae.
" Oppa! Make him stop! " The girl wailed for help. She hid behind Jongdae and grasped his shirt for safety. Following behind her was a tall young man with a bright white smile. He tried to catch her but she used Jongdae as a shield.
Flow (5/10)
I'm at a loss here. It seems to me that the story starts off with Yuri back in Korea after years have past, then the flashback happens and it starts over from the beginning when she just moves back and has forgotten Chen. I guess it's alright to do it this, but you have to narrate better to give the auidence a sense of time so they're not left floundering.
Characterization (4/10)
I was dissappointed. You introduced 'the gang' as Yuri, Chen, Baekhyun and Chanyeol. All best friends, I presume. But, we don't get to know Baekhyun or Chanyeol much. Some characters are just meant to be there to make up for time, I get that. But, seeing as they were 'the gang' it seemed to me that they should've held more of an important place in the story than they actually did. It's an easy task to characterize the protaganist. I saw no problems there. But, the only thing I know about Chen is that he's funny. Which you stated in his charcter info. The characterization was not swell. Not swell at all.
Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
I genuinely liked the story. It was short and cute.
70/100!
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