Can You Love Me? (Instead of Him)
Forbidden Dreamers Review Gallery»Can You Love Me? (Instead of Him) Review«
Title (3/5)
Appropriate enough but the "instead of him" is an extension and not an alternative title so putting it in brackets might not be ideal. I would suggest something like "Could You Love Me Instead?"
Foreward/Description (6/10)
A little bit lengthy. I might have just condense everything into a simple "arranged marriage" and you can go into details into the opening chapters and include more details and emotions there. The and highlight is also mentioned so credit is given.
Appearance (4/5)
It is a pretty picture but I don't have the feeling that Kyungsoo is in the middle being torn apart.
Plot (7/15)
I can't really give a good stand on this since no chapters have been written; I will base on score on your foreword and on the assumption of "how good this story could potentially become"
- Despite cheating on his wife, there is potential for a Kyungsoo-Chanyeol relationship development as you mentioned that Chanyeol is still a caring person
- I like how Kai is introduced as a runaway child, a lot of questions to be answered there and perhaps even moving into the direction of his state of "deserving love" ie gaining sympathy from your readers.
- Considering how you have introduced Baekyun in the foreword, this character stands to play an important role too
- Also there is indications to the brotherly love which implicates matters here in the love triangle
Good luck for your story!
Originality (10/15)
I can't give you high credits here as arranged marriage, cheating husbands and love triangles are abundance. You may look towards the feedback I've given you above to insert some twists and turns within the story.
Grammer & Spelling (12/20)
Not the best as you have explained with English not being your first language but understandable nonetheless
Flow (7/10)
Seems well-thought out.
Characterization (6/10)
Sneak preview into each character and personality so that's noted.
Overall Enjoyment (5/10)
Let's see how the story turns out.
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
60/100!
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