Updated: 01092015
Words: 2967

Mom was complimenting Mr. Kim all night and even when I woke up, she was still talking at how polite and human he was. Since she considers everyone we know in this neighbor or outside as not human due to how they behave around us.

She didn't say anything about the fact that he was at our door. Like it was the most normal thing that happened to us, something we face daily. Like we always invite people over and we have our doors widely open to visitors.

A part of our routine. Like she wouldn't kill me a few years ago and have me buried in the basement when I invited some close friends.

Why did it change now? I wondered all the time.

I am mad, yes.

At first I thought it was just a surface in front of the man, and when I go inside she will slap me to next week. Apparently, it wasn't. She didn't even spoke that much about my teacher but instead she questioned why I was out in a school day and why I didn't tell her earlier if I had some symptoms of cold or dizziness or whatever.

I did mention that my phone is with her, and I threw some suggestive comments that that kind of punishment doesn’t work anymore. We're in 2015.

So what is wrong now was nothing related to the fact that I brought someone to our house which might lead to the discovery that we have my father in our house, a man who's wanted by the law, but why I didn't inform my mother about my sickness.

She insisted that we go to a hospital, together, after school to check if everything is okay, even though I said with too much details that I have nothing and there is no need to go there.  

As I was eating my breakfast, my mom got out a new plastic lunch box and handed it to me with a grin. I took it and as I examine it, I saw an IKEA stamp on its bottom.

It is new.

She did go to IKEA while I was at school. She also had put some vegetables and some rice. This is not normal.

I couldn't believe that she prepared it for me, and I also couldn't believe that she bothered herself to fill every corner of our house with plant pots. It was pretty but so unfamiliar that it freaked me out. The change is good, I love it and I spent years wishing for it, but it made me overthink. Why. How. What.

"Why?"

She bit her lips as she opened the fridge. "Well, I thought that old one is ugly and old."

"No, I mean, why did you bother to do this?"

She looked at me strangely but I know she got my point. I didn't intend to make the question this harsh. She always found my selection of words kind of offensive and not spontaneous whatsoever. She would take it personally, I know, but I really want to know what's going on.  

"B-Bother? Careful, Daran, if anyone heard you, they would think I'm that type of moms."

I couldn't hold my tongue. "But you are."

Her face dropped but she managed to keep that fake smile of hers. That smile she always has. That smile that says I am okay, but I know she is not. That smile that says I'm unaffected by anything, I'm immune, but I know it is not. "What did you say?" It came out with a hint of disbelief.

I sighed and tried to correct what I just destruct. My intentions here are not to hurt her in anyway. "Mom, you're nice the way you are, I love you the way you are despite everything I hate you do. But you try to be something you're not, which freaks the hell out of me."

She scoffed. "I'm not trying to be something I am not,"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I shouldn't open up this subject at this time when I know that it would take us nowhere.

Mom continued sounding hesitant as if she herself wasn't sure of what she is saying. "I'm only being myself, as you see," She pointed at the lunch box and the plants. "I'm doing what I like to do."

I rolled my eyes as I bit on the toast. She continued talking bull and I couldn't take it anymore. She is pathetically lying to herself. She is desperately trying to make our life seem as normal as everyone else's which is incorrect. Obviously.

"Mom, please stop," I stood, my eyes closed in attempt to hold back my anger. I tried to sound as nice as possible. "For god's sake,"

I shrugged as I barked. "Are we seriously going to blindly look over everything that happened to us so far and pretend like we are a normal happy family? No, we're not going to do that."

"I can't just do whatever you want whenever you want to and then just stop doing it. I can't pretend to be a happy well-connected family where in reality we're not. I can't pretend that everything's right, go shop and hang out with friends and then go back home to chat to you and father about what I did like normal people do. I can't follow the rules, but in the same time, pretend that there is no rules."

I took a breath after my bullet-like words, and uttered bitterly. "I'm not sure I can keep up with you and father,"

The reason why I felt a lump forming in my throat. I still wonder why I get emotional at the mention of certain subjects. "I'm sorry," it was like a whisper, but she heard it and I walked out of the door.

I fanned myself as I almost pumped into my father. I blinked as my eyes scanned his clothes. He wore no hats, no scarfs, nothing of what he is wearing was for undercover purposes. He didn't even wear a pair of sunglasses, even though he came from outside. Surely he did, and he's also nervous that I found out about his little secret.

He drew a hesitant smile as he waved his hand at me. "Morning, darling."

.

Jun startled me as he came from behind me with a worried face. "Are you okay?" I think this would be a habit of his to always find me and catch me off guards.  

I was sitting in a wooden bench near the school's gate, but at the same time, no one can see me clearly since there was a huge tree in front of me. The perfect place to think and dive into another world with no one disturbing you. But Jun ruined that.

The school didn't start yet, and I figured it would be excellent not to face anyone, Sehun, Jun and Mr. Kim, for example, and enjoy my morning quietly. Well, not enjoy but to rest, to relax.

I would appreciate a few minutes to be alone. I know Jun is only attempting to be nice, so I faked a smile. "Yeah,"

He occupied the space next to me but he kept a 30 cm between us. "Next time, make some noise or cough. Anything." He raised a regrettable eyebrow. "Oh, sorry to do that,"

After an awkward silence, I stood because I'm not sure I'm in the mood to converse with him. Whether he's only going to express his concerns or he is going to question me about what exactly happened last night is something I'm not ready for.

I bowed slightly, but before I walked, he grabbed my arm, my supposedly shot arm, as Minseok piffled last night. "Daran,"

I shivered, as I always d