4,795 words

updated in: April 20th 2015

I’m supposed to go to work after school, but according to my mother’s request this morning I had to skip this day and take it off. She told me she will tell me something that is urgent and has to be today.

I storm inside of the house and turn my head in case anyone has followed me. I sigh and I take my shoes off. I don’t know when will this stupidity end.

Paranoia.

And delusions. I

 want to get rid of it all.

Akira barks as he runs in my direction and buries his faces into my thighs. He seems to sense my fears. Of course, he does. I stretch my hands to his head and pull him closer to my chest. “It is nothing, Akira.” I lie and look around. There's no sign of my mom or dad. The TV is closed, the kitchen’s light is off as well as the basement where father spends all his time. I turn to ask Akira. “Where are they?”

He my hand and I pat his head, as my smile grows wider. I sit on the cold wooden floor, spreading my legs, allowing him to sit on my lap comfortably. I think loudly, as if asking him for an advice. “Do I tell them, Akira?”

I, myself, can sense the worry in my voice. He looks up at me with his crystal-like eyes as I continue to pat him, as if telling me that he is listening. “Do you think they’ll listen to me?” I pause as I stare at my hands. “To my theories?”

“I’m hearing voices, Akira.” I smile again, but it disappears immediately. “Hearing voices isn’t a good sign in all fields.”

I exhale. “Am I going crazy?”

Akira nuzzles his head in my abdomen playfully and I chuckle. I wish I was a dog. I didn't mean literally, but their lives is so much easier.

It is time for his meal; I stand and enter the kitchen to get him some food. I put it on his tray and place it near the door. After making sure he is eating, I take Mike’s food out and head toward the garden. The air brushes against my cheeks and I thought of how nice is to take a small walk in such weather.

As I stand in front of his small wooden house my father and I built, I notice that he is not here. My eyes wander around for any clues to where he could’ve  gone to, but I find nothing. I go back inside the house and immediately search for the phone. Before I dial my mother’s phone, a yellow note on the coffee table with my mother’s horrible handwriting is the only clue I found.

“We won’t be out for long. We’ve taken Mike with us.
don’t wait up.
P.S. If we didn’t come back, you will stay the night with the Lees.”

So it is this easy to my mother. I cancelled my entire schedule for whatever she wanted to say and she simply put this small note as an apology. I look at the small note again to search for any sorry word, but there was none, as expected.

It wouldn’t kill her though if she just called when they suddenly decided to go out. I would’ve gone to work directly from school. Everyone's happy.

I take a quick glance at the clock, I must return to work or else, a fine amount of my salary will be taken off.

I have three jobs. One in a Veterinary clinic that the Lee family owns. I work there almost all week, although they don’t need me much and there is not even that much work. The family is just so nice to me; I find it comfortable to be around them. Feeling loved and accepted is something I had barely experienced the past years.

The other one is at some fast-food restaurant, I only wash the dishes and they give me some fine money. Really fine money. The last one is at Yoondai library; it is only at the weekends. I go there, clean up the archive and do some computer work.

There is still time, if I leave the house now I could make it. I may be 5 minutes late, but better late than sorry. I kick my school skirt and go up to my room. In the way, I tie my hair again and down my shirt. As I enter my room, I take the first thing my eyes lay on, the white t-shirt I have since I was 13 and a pair of ‘not too bad’ denim shorts. I take my bags without looking inside to make sure everything I need is there. I say a small goodbye to Akira and close the door after me.

I am thankful though that they didn’t come, if they did they would’ve seen what art Yeonhee and Souji have done to my face. Well, my father would. Mom wouldn’t actually care much, it wasn’t the first time. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t want to be questioned on who did it and why and why haven’t I say something to the teachers. A conversation we both, mom and I, know how will it end up.

It took me more than five minutes to reach the restaurant. The old man owning the restaurant is the one who greets me with a stern look, arm-crossed. “You’re late.” I was panting; I nod and bow 90 degree ignoring the other worker’s looks and glares, which became part of my routine.

“I know, I’m sincerely sorry.”

I wanted to say this was my first time being late, and it is only for less than ten minutes. I wanted to say that there are some workers who come so late and they’re always slacking behind but they don’t get scolded as I do for the slightest mistake. However, I said nothing as I rush inside to be greeted with piled dirty dishes. I try not to look at anyone and just be done with it as I always do. I take my apron and start working.

.

My 5 hours shift has done, and I received my money for the month. Although there is an obvious discount, I was greatly happy. I should’ve received full 600,000 won. Since they pay me 7,000 won per hour. But they gave me 400,000 won. I head to the Lees veterinary clinic by taking the bus.

The bus, due to the hour, is crowded with students, workers, and old women. I scan for somewhere to sit or at least stand at, but no place in the back so I stayed close to the gate. I stabilize myself as I hold both hands on the holder, standing next a woman and her child who’s sitting near the window.

He looked like he’s eight years old, but as he speaks he seemed older. Black straight haired which matches his mother’s, and he was discussing something with his mother as she smiles warmly at him. “I’m not lying,” he spits.

“I didn’t say you are lying.” She chuckles. “But sometimes our minds tell us something and make us believe it, just because we want to. But that doesn’t mean they’re real.”

“What does that supposed to mean?” He looks confused.

“Our mind have this function where it visualize our fears.” The mother continues in a lower tone and the kid interrupts her philosophy right away. “I’m not afraid of them.”

The kid sighs, shoulders down. “Mom, I told you, I’ve seen it with my eyes. It wasn’t just a huge dog,” As I was examining my reflection on the window in front of me, my eyes involuntary turn to the kid and I find myself listening carefully to what he is saying. Despite the noise of the passengers and the noise of the bus’s making against the street’s asphalt, surprisingly I can hear their conversation very clearly.

“I’m not saying that you were lying, you don’t lie, I know that. But I’m saying that maybe you saw something and you thought it was something else.”

The kid looks grumpier. “You mean you don’t believe me?”

The mother sighs as she brushes the kid’s hair off his forehead. “I do, honey. It is just, there is no wolves here in Seoul.”

I shot my eyes open, and can’t help the change of my heart rhythm as the subject’s brought up. I shuffle in my place as the kid shouts again; getting everyone’s attention and now it is not just me who’s listening. “Yeah, I know. Wolves exist in certain areas and they will never be in the middle of a city, but I really saw them.”

‘the next stop is-‘

The bus announces my destination and I secretly wanted to stay, wanted to hear more. Maybe he is lying. Maybe he is not. Maybe he is imagining things, but maybe he is not.

I glance one more time at the kid and his mother and get off the bus.

.

The squawking and barking is deafening, but this is all just part of the Lees clinic. The smelly and the stinking floor is something I and they got used to, even though the current state of the clinic is different than it was in the past.

I'm in charge of feeding the animals in the two rooms for now, and making sure that their last meal is finished and their cage is cleaned. I’m also in charge of giving dome medicine to the animals in the isolated room. It isn’t as hard as it looks, it is actually more fun than staying the whole day at Yoondai library.

I make my way to the isolated room and before entering, I put on a mask and a new pair of gloves. I don’t like wearing gloves when I’m in contact with the animals, but Tablo always makes me. He says some animals may transmit some fatal microorganisms to you and then your father would aim my head. He’s joking, of course, because he is one of my father’s dearest friends and father would never do this to him. As I say before, father doesn’t just kill anyone and not for such a reason, and I admit that he actually has killed anyone.  

They received their medicine in a row, though the last cage animal has given me some troubles. She’s a dog, she’s been here for a week now, and as I look at her, I can’t hate her even if she’s torturing me every time I come near her. She reminds me of Akira. She has the same posture, nearly the same fur color, but she has blackish ears, which matches her tail.

“Okay, hush now. I’m leaving.” I raise a hand as if to signal my surrendering.

I leave quietly, close the door after me and head to the bathroom to wash my hands. I, then, join Tablo and another customer who are babbling about something since I was feeding the animals. With one glance, I examine the hairy customer. Massively large, about six feet or even more, white hair is recently introduced to his head. However, he seems like he is near Tablo’s age, mid thirties. There’s a collection of grey and black hair in his chin as well, but one can’t say it is a beard.

As I finished my work, I sit in the couch facing the huge-for-nothing TV and I take out my notepad from my bag to check my to-do list for the day. I cross the things that I’d done already, circled those I need to do next and underline the ones that I don’t think I could do.

I get out a book to read to distract me from thinking back to the voices