(13)

I never wanted this day to come. I didn’t want to come to CUBE where I, 100% sure, will receive weird looks from everybody (and also where Yoseob currently is but I’m trying my best not to think of him that much because I’m now aware of my feelings for him and nope). Just the thought of Yoseob makes my stomach do summersaults and makes me want to do it as well and what’s up with that? Every time somebody mentions my name, my heart would just beat so hard and then it would start racing without warning. And whenever I do my usual morning routines, Yoseob would just go popping into my mind and I get this sudden urge to pour hot coffee all over myself. It was distressing I got no more words to explain this dilemma.

I was too nervous, standing outside the building alone made we want to have a mental breakdown. I can’t do that though. It’d be too embarrassing and humiliating.

“Hyojungie, don’t just stand there. Let’s get going.” Daeun was tugging the sleeve of my pullover. I was rather stiff and I started stuttering.

“D-Daeun-ah, can – can you go on ahead?”

Daeun groaned and pulled my arm. “No can do. Trust me, you need someone with you. It looks like you’re near fainting. Don’t be nervous. No one will judge you.”

She thought I wouldn’t hear what she whispered next: Maybe. That made me want to go home even more. I weaved a sigh and made a face.

She pulled me inside the building. No, actually, she dragged me inside against my will. I rooted my feet to the floor to stop the both of us from going further inside.

“How do I reach Hayoon’s office without any signs of life forms seeing me pass by?” I said softly in a rush.

Daeun pointed her finger to her chin, thinking deeply. “The fire exit?”

I nodded, suddenly finding my resolve and decided for myself to take the stairs. It doesn’t matter that I’m wearing heels. I’ll be walking four flights of stairs and no one is stopping me.

“I’m going to walk the stairs even if it costs me to lose legs!”

Daeun looked at me with her are you serious?! look for quite some time and just thought it’d be best to ignore my remark and agreed walking the stairs with me.

“The problem is the practice room and the staff room are like two floors apart so I’ll leave you on the second floor…” This time, I was pulling her along with me.

“No problem. I think I can manage.”

“And another thing,” Daeun stopped talking as soon as someone ran past us. More like jogged.

“Yoseob takes the stairs as part of his boxing training,” Daeun whispered and cold sweat started forming on my hairline. I was panicking in the inside. So how do I disappear without someone noticing?

Seriously, what are the odds? Against, obviously.

I looked slowly in front of me, strongly praying that Yoseob didn’t spot us and continue running to wherever his legs would take him. But the world was testing me and he’s staring right at me with a blank expression and my heart was racing too much and I felt something in my stomach. It wasn’t butterflies and it was definitely not tied in knots. It felt weird all of a sudden and it started hurting and all the hairs in my body began to stand up. I didn’t know if this is supposed to be a good or a bad thing. I hunched slightly, arm covering my stomach. It started rumbling.

“I…” I took a step back slowly, making sure I won’t fall backwards. “I need to go to the bathroom!!!”

I ran to the restroom to do my business. I wanted to scream. I cursed at all the coffees I drank in the past. The whole time my face was buried in my hands and I just wanted to cry and stay there for the rest of the day until the building gets empty. My biggest concern: I shouldn’t have said that out loud.

~*~

Then came my next problem. I walked to the staff room, already feeling better but with blistered feet, and stopped right in front of the door. Behind this door are more employees and other rooms for other employees. Hayoon and my room is at the far end of the huge staff room and thinking about passing by all of them just to reach the office made me shake in anxiety. I wanted to hit Yoseob (but how could I do that when I can’t even look at him?) for saying my name on broadcast. I don’t even know if I should be flattered or not.

After spending so much time doing breathing exercises, I pulled down the knob of the staff room and, being so weak on the knees, trudged to the far end of the room. I can’t avoid people looking at me, it’s expected. What bothered me are the whispers I hear each step I take. I really feel like taking all my paperwork and do it all at home. At least I’d be undisturbed and invisible there. This is horrible.

I wanted to do a short victory dance as I got to the end of the vast staff room. With a huge smile on my face, I turned the door knob and to my dismay, it was locked. Where’s Yoon Hayoon when you need her?! Why haven’t she given me the spare key yet? Am I still not trusted? Should I ask the janitor for an extra key? Should I break this open? There might be a secret passcode or something around here… I can’t turn my back now. I can’t afford to pass by these people again.

“Hayoon said she’ll be late,” Miri’s pitchy voice behind me made me jump. “Didn’t you know?”

Her voice has more edge today and I know exactly why. Plus, she dislikes me so she might be more indifferent to me than the others. Not that I can do anything about it.

“I had my phone fixed this morning,” I replied, trying to keep my face composed as possible. Hani was kind enough to pay for the repair of my phone’s screen. Actually, I planned on kakao-ing Yoseob after the broadcast but after discretely opening my phone, it started typing things on its own and shut down completely. I wanted to shut down too.

“She doesn’t send anything in the company phone,” I added, turning my heel to face her. She wore darker makeup and I’m just like, woah, Jang Miri just turned goth.

“I see,” she glanced down at me since I was bit on the losing side on height. Her eyeliner made her look angrier and, frankly, I’m a little scared. “I got a spare key of all the rooms so here you go.”

Not out of sympathy, but more like she was forced to be nice. She handed me the key and walked away before I even thanked her. I inserted the key and finally breathed normally when I got inside. The company phone beeped.

Rin: I’m so boreeeeed~ Hyojungie talk to meeeeee~

I raised a brow at the phone screen. Is this even allowed? To use a company phone for casual chatting? Are we going to talk about Yoseob? I hope not.

HJ: Aren’t you working or something?

R: I just finished ^O^ I stayed up the whole weekend. My eyes were wide open for 3 days I can’t close it anymore! OuO

HJ: Shouldn’t you be sleeping instead of chatting with me right now?

R: Don’t want to mess my body clock. I’ll sleep during the night. Kekekekekeke so how are youuuu

Apart from Yoseob saying my name in an Mnet interview and me kind of avoiding him, I don’t know, and my phone is currently damaged right now and everyone in this building is looking at me weirdly and they’re starting to creep me out and I’m very much uncomfortable with myself right now because Yoseob just keeps on coming into my mind and how do I get over these feelings? Because he’s an idol and I am that ordinary chick who so happens to work in the same place as he is and we are never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever –

The phone beeped again.

Rin: Probably not. I’m coming by~

I was about to reply to her when my door suddenly burst open, revealing the usual energetic Rin and her new dark circles. I guess she was already by the door when she sent her kakao message. She still looked very chic for me, fashion still indescribable, and I’m not even surprised.

“Heeey~” she sang as she flopped down Hayoon’s seat. She popped some of Hayoon’s coffee-flavored candies. Hayoon is so going to kill her.

“Hayoon-ssi’s still not here?”

“Seems like she’ll be late,” I giggled, stacking the documents I was told to translate.

“Is that so? You know it’s so depressing working alone in a huge room where your only companions are clothes, a sewing kit and a drawing pad.” Rin spoke, stacking a few papers on the desk. I raised my head to take a good look at it. Seeing me having a hard time to take a glimpse of the sketches, she showed me one page.

“4Minute’s costumes for their next concert. They’ll be a doing a song cover,” she said before I could even ask.

“Remember what you said about me creating APink’s stage outfits? It really boosted my spirits though they still say it’s plagiarized. Well, nah, I don’t care anymore. I mean, say what? They say I copied this other girl group’s outfits but they had a comeback 2 days after. After! Darn do we outfit designers have it bad,” she scoffed. “It’s also kind of hard since I’m not really used to cute concepts but I work hard, okay? We work hard to meet their expectations and they’ll still do this pointless hating. We squeeze our brains out for this. I think we need some recognition here.”

I found myself wordless and said anything that would just escape my mouth.

“I… I saw the live stage. The outfits were really good.”

“Isn’t it?” Rin stood from her chair slightly, her eyes sparkling, and sat down calmly again. She raised another paper and looked at me, optimism in her eyes.

“What do you think?”

I narrowed my eyes to take a clearer look and I got to admit, I was pretty much stunned. You wouldn’t expect Rin and her unique taste in fashion (which is more fun and wild) to sketch out a design so casual and pure. It wasn’t that much of a design that could be used in a runway but I was just so amazed at how she just decided to do a 360 degrees and try a different concept. She did the same to APink but this wasn’t cute. It’s refreshing. It’s just a simple dress with native designs on it, like something you could wear during a summer in Hawaii. It looks a bit loose and I wanted to see how I look like wearing it.

“It’s a summer dress I just thought of last night. I just can’t let the idea pass and just went on with it and sketched it. I’m going to make it for you!” Rin declared elatedly, waving the paper like a flag.

“What?”

“I always see you in oversized shirts and long sweaters I thought you need a dress too. I didn’t design it as a fitted dress knowing you’re not the type to wear those. If the dress is ready, just gladly accept it as a token of my friendship~ Oh, and I got two more for you.” She spread all the papers on the desk and gently picked out two. One had a sketch of a striped dress and the other a denim corset dress with spiky sequins on the shoulder blades and collar.

“This reminds me of prison,” she pointed out seriously. “And this, well, it may reveal a bit of skin but at least you wouldn’t be revealing a lot of skin, you know what I mean? Wear this when on a date with Yoseob.”

“Wait, what?” I nearly tore one of the papers.

“You’re dating right? I already knew it before the people outside were talking about it. You look good together, I swear,” she said it so casually like it was one of the easiest things to say in the world. My mouth formed an o shape and it stayed like that for a very long moment. Finally noticing I wasn’t uttering a word, she looked at me and stifled a laugh.

“Why do you look so scandalized? You think I’m dumb? You can’t hide anything from me!” Then she started laughing in a demonic antagonist way. “People call me Shelock Holmes for nothing!”

“Actually, Shelock Holmes, you are because we aren’t dating.” Yet. Wait. Did I just think yet? Yet?! Oh my god I think this thought is going to haunt me my whole life. Rin glared at me and huffed.  

“You’re kidding me, right?” she asked seriously, eyebrows creased. “How could you two act like you’re in a relationship when you’re not even official? You like him right?”

“Well, yeah –“

“And what are you doing?” she stood up, hand on her hip. She was eyeing me too intently I want to sink under my chair. “You’re going to tell him, right?”

Why does it seem like they always tell me to confess right away? Did they do the same, too? Is it why they have boyfriends? Because they confessed first? Does it work that way?

I was cut off my trance when she suddenly patted my shoulder.

“If I were you, I’d make the first move.”

“You confessed first to your boyfriend, didn’t you?”

“Does it surprise you?” she giggled, stacking the three papers. “I think men making the first move is a bit too overrated. It worked for me so this is the only advice I could give. Maybe you could say you like him Japanese? Heol, I could be a matchmaker.”

“Please don’t be a matchmaker,” I whispered and pursed my lips. She seemed to have heard and just laughed it off.

“Oh, Hyojungie, I need to get back to work. Soyoon unnie is going to strangle me if she sees that I got out of the office again… I’ll leave these 3 papers here for you to pick. I suggest you take the denim corset,” she recommended and winked at me before she stepped out of the room with her black wedge.

The empty room made me think a lot. It’s not like I’m expecting things to happen between me and Yoseob but things just keep on happening that I just can’t help myself. Like he keeps on sending mixed signals that I’m just so confused and I can’t ask for help either so I just end up trying to work out those signals alone. In the end, my imaginations always get the best of me. After becoming conscious of my laughable crush on him, I think of nothing else.

I wait for him to step inside this room and tell me he misses me. Or to knock on the door and peak in like a puppy and be like “Hyojungie, you’re not answering your phone. What’s up?” and I’d tell him it broke. Or maybe we could talk about yesterday’s broadcast and laugh about it. I wanted to roll into a ball in embarrassment from all these thoughts. Should I really tell him? Because I swear I’m going to explode if this feeling keeps bottled in for so long. It’s pretty much fine for me to face rejection, since it’s obvious he wouldn’t want to be in a serious relationship with an assistant of a translator. I don’t even understand myself anymore!

I bumped my head on my desk and stayed in that position until there were three knocks on the door. I lifted my head too quickly and cleared my throat. “Come in.”

Frankly, I was disappointed to see Miri opening the door and excusing herself to come inside. I slowly nodded my head, acknowledging her presence with curious eyes. What does she want now?

“Hi,” she breathed out and faced one of the empty chairs, then back at me. “The front desk lady told me to give this to you.”

She handed me my fixed phone and handed it to me with care. If she weren’t around I’d be hugging it so tightly while proclaiming my love for it.

“Nice lockscreen, by the way.” I raised my brow at her but after a few seconds, I finally got what she meant and pressed the on button. I made a mental checklist to squeeze the life out of Hani as soon as I get back to the apartment. 

“It wasn’t me, I swear I –“

“No, it’s fine. I know you wouldn’t do something like that,” she looked at one of the chairs again. “May I sit?”

“Uh, sure,” I gestured her to sit down and she quickly did, fixing her hair first before sitting down.

“Why are you here, Miri-ssi?” Though she still looked cold and snobbish and she frequently gets on my nerves, I asked her politely.

“To talk.” She crossed her legs and took a deep breath. “I planned on talking to you during your coffee break,” I smiled at her replacing lunch break as coffee break, “but it seems that now is the right time seeing that Hayoon-ssi isn’t around.”

“Talk about what?”

“Before that I just want to apologize. I’ve been immature, even a while ago. And for not allowing you to attend BEAST’s charity concert. I just didn’t want to breathe the same air as you.” Ouch.

“And maybe because I’m a bit jealous? When I heard CUBE hired a girl who looked like me,” You look like me, I wanted to say. “, I already disliked her because I thought she was going to steal my spotlight. You know I’m one of the prettiest in this building right? They said I could be a model instead of a head coordinator. Funny, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s okay,” I wanted to say.

“Yeah, it is,” I said in the end. She gave me a small smile.

“And you actually did get the spotlight! After that incident where you lock both of you and Yoseob in the studio and when you both drank coffee together in the café and, and when I see you countless of times in the studio, I just get so angry I want to pull your hair off. I even went off my schedule just to disrupt your alone time together that one time…” she lowered her head and laughed bitterly. “I’ve been in this job for 3 years and never did those things happen to me. I was losing to a new girl who just happened to be present in the airport when I had freakin’ diarrhea! I wondered to myself what could’ve happened if I held it in until we get back to the main building. And I am more frustrated because I know nothing would still happen if that were to happen.”

“Miri-ssi, do you perhaps…”

“Okay, I admit it! I like Yoseob! Why do you think I waste my precious time feeling inferior around you?”

I blinked. I, actually, was going to ask if she perhaps is jealous of me ‘for taking her spotlight’ but now I got the answer. She was the one who confessed.

“I confessed to him a year ago. Not a good memory.” Maybe I should take Rin’s title as Shelock Holmes.

“What happened?” I reluctantly asked.

“He turned me down, saying he can’t date. He tried phrasing it out as nicely as he can but it was clear he wasn’t interested; which made me dislike you even more because we look alike at one point yet you still get his attention.”

I was blushing. I wanted to look away. This is supposed to be a serious forum I shouldn’t be feeling all exultant. Holy –

“Which comes to the point on why I’m here,” she looked at me with sharp and dark eyes, and I had to lower my head to look into hers without my eyes shaking.

“Save yourself from heartbreak and distance yourself.”

Wait, what?

This is why you should expect the unexpected. I honestly thought she was going to cheer on my love. Then what was that apology for?

“What do you mean –“

“Yoseob. He’s like that to everyone. He once stayed overnight just to train a trainee in her voice lessons. He’s just really an angel. And he’s only with you because he’s scared of Hayoon-ssi. I’d do the same if I were him. I’d choose the younger girl who is the same age as me.”

“Actually, I’m a year younger than hi –“

“But you get my point, right? Right?”

I don’t even know what to think anymore. She was so nice apologizing a while ago and now she’s telling me to distance myself with Yoseob? I can do that. But I don’t think I can survive that long… But what about yesterday’s broadcast? Don’t tell me that doesn’t mean anything?”

“If you think that yesterday’s broadcast meant something then you got it wrong.”

“Then what is it supposed to be?”

Her face looks strained and yet she still remained her cold expression. We stared at each other for the longest time before she got up from her chair and stood near the door, already prepared to take her leave.

“Just – just give it up. I was devastated for days when he rejected me. Save yourself the pain! Yoseob – he is a heartbreaker! Are you really expecting something to happen?”

I didn’t reply.

“Yoseob. He can’t date, Hyojung. A female idol confessed to him but he turned her down even though he liked her because he’s scared. What more if it’s someone like us? People like him don’t end up with people like us. We should just stay where we are and not chase for someone who’s way above us.

She said a lot more after that but she might think she’s putting some sense into me but that’s only that. She made me feel even more pissed. I felt like rubbing my temple with one finger and groan in complaint while she’s talking so she could just stop. Maybe I still have some remaining caffeine in me that might have affected my temper. I mean, she isn’t my mom to decide things for me, as well as the people I should distance myself with.

“They say they will date a fan, but they won’t. Know your place, Hyojung. You speak many languages. You can marry a foreigner. Maybe even the President of –“

“You said to not chase someone who is way above us and you’re telling me I can marry a president? Miri-ssi, I’m sorry but who are you to tell me all this?”

She glared at me without her eyebrows touching one another. I tried to look as intimidating as I can but it seems like I only look like a rabbit waiting to be eaten alive by a wolf.

“Did you just talk back to your senior?”

“I was merely asking a question.” I was shaking, my fists balled behind me. I feel like I just got myself into a drama starring the both of us, Miri being the evil co-worker.

Miri parted her lips to reply when the door opened behind her, revealing a panting Hayoon holding a stack of documents. She arched a brow when she saw both of us and shuffled to her desk to relieve the weight of all the papers she was carrying. She was humming, obviously ignorant of the tension inside the room.

“Oh, Miri, it’s rare to see you in my office,” she spoke while humming. “Nice to see you both chatting. I thought you girls hate each other.” I wanted to laugh.

“You’re quite a fast worker,” she commented, filing all the documents I translated and transcribed in a clear envelope. “And Hyojung-ah, we got a last-minute lesson with BEAST this afternoon after the class with the trainees so you better make the preparations.”

“I thought it will be tomorro –“

“BEAST will be busy starting tomorrow so there’s nothing we can do.”

“Am I really needed, because –“

“When weren’t you needed?”

“Uh,” I pursed my lips and thought hard. Well, I never really become useful whenever we have a class with BEAST (I teach the trainees alone so I’m just very useless whenever partnered with Hayoon). I just sit in the corner and make side comments since sometimes Hayoon’s explanations are complicated. Aside from that, I watch her lecture while sipping from my coffee, which is fine by me because I don’t want to stand in front to teach fine Korean men Japanese and stutter with my own words. Hayoon is just enough. And plus, whenever she asks me to bring her coffee, I get to get myself one as well.

“See, you can’t even answer,” Hayoon sighed and handed me the envelope. “Give this to the editing department.”

I nodded and watched Miri looking at me. Glaring, actually.

“I hope you won’t forget what I said.”

I stopped before I even left the room. I started over-thinking again and found myself asking when did I ever follow whatever she said to me? She told me not to go to BEAST’s concert but I still went. Then again, I wouldn’t be able to go if it weren’t for Yoseob. If only he could do the same right now then maybe I’d… Nope. Today is Don’t Talk To Yang Yoseob day and I’m a very festive person.

“Celebrities don’t date non-celebrities. Got it.”

~*~

It has been five minutes already. Or is it ten? Fifteen? I lost track of time doing breathing exercises in the bathroom after handing the envelope to whoever is in charge. That took a lot of guts. I felt like Miri was going to eat me alive, like she’s an eagle and I’m a worthless worm on the ground. I still haven’t calmed my nerves when my actual phone beeped its default ringtone. The technician erased all my files. No wonder my passcode was also removed. I pulled my phone from my bag and saw a message from Hani.

HN: I got your phone fixed! ^o^ The technician was sorry for clearing all your data (photos, music, etc.) but they’re all backed up in your laptop right? The apps are still there and so are the messages. And what do you think of the wallpaper? Hella fine isn’t he ;)

HJ: When will you ever learn not to mess with your friend’s phone?

HN: I did it the last time so I could do it now. Mehrong :P

My jaw dropped. She couldn’t have talked to him using my phone just like the last time, could she? I looked at my phone log. The contacts should’ve been cleared too, I hope. I tapped the phone icon and saw it was cleared. She didn’t clear it herself, right? Then I looked at my kakao and the number of notifications shocked the soul out of me. All from Yoseob. I looked at my surrounding just to see if the coast is clear. I don’t even know why I’m doing this but I’m suddenly overly cautious. I looked at all the messages.

YS: Hyojungieee

YS: You watched it live didn’t you? ;A;

YS: I’m sorryyyy

YS: You wouldn’t hate me right

YS: [banana.jpg]

YS: Sorry I slipped

I don’t even know if he’s sincere or not but nonetheless I’m smiling like a big idiot in front of the bathroom stools.

YS: That wasn’t funny I’m sorry

YS: I wasn’t careful

YS: sobs

YS: TTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

YS: I’m so sorry Hyojung that’s all that I got to say TTTTT

YS: I’ll just let silence convey what’s left

What’s left? What does he mean by what’s left? I stared at my screen too intently, biting my lip too hard. Does silence means we won’t get to talk anymore? Was it because of this morning? But I only ran because I needed to do it! Not that I want him to know. If this goes on then maybe we won’t even get to spend time with each other again in the recording studio and I don’t want that. I want half of my free time to be spent with Yoseob. I closed my eyes and drew a deep breath.

I suppose it’s the right time to talk to him now? Or should I just reply? But I can’t just type “It’s okay.” and that’s it. What do I do? Should I just bring a pack of ice and be like “Let’s break the ice!”? Miri said to keep my distance but I never was an obedient person in the first place (though I’m doing a pretty good job as an errand girl).

I groaned out loud and hit sent. I hate having human emotions, I swear.

HJ: Yoseob, we need to talk.

Out of all the ideas that I had a while ago, this one’s the worst. Maybe the ice could do a lot better…?

A/N: HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONEEEEEEEEE! 2015 is near and this fic will amost be 2 years old lmao that's not something to be proud of. im a slow updater Hope you all have a great holiday with your family and friends and your computer Don't be like me who spends her holiday reading shoujo manga and watching dramas sobs i need a life

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