(12)

The whole house was in chaos. Hani was running around the room crying out words I can’t comprehend. Daeun looked so confused she kept looking at the television, then at me, then at the television again, eyes wide and full lips forming a perfect circle. I was too bewildered to even breathe a word. Blinking my eyes in confusion, I started to finally hear Hani's babbling clearly.

“Oh, he did not just say that. Say your name in live broadcast? That’s… I don’t know! Hey, are you two guys even a thing?! Was that a public announcement of your relationship? Oh my god, Song Hyojung, you… Should I be happy for you or…? Wait, why didn’t I know this?! Oh my god. You’re in so much trouble. He has fans! Fans! Angry fans! Crazy fans! They’ll hunt you down and make you memorize Italian adjectives which you can’t do since you specialize in Asian languages. Wait, that’s not important right now. What’s important is, HE SAID YOU NAME LIVE! LIVE! Oh my god. That is so cute. But! He has fans! Possessive fans! I swear I –“

“Hani- ah. Calm down!” I literally had to shout louder than usual to grab her attention, my hands on the air. She stopped to take a deep breath.

“I’m calm,” she breathed out quickly. “I’m very calm. Are you calm? How do you stay calm?! Is calm even an option?!”

“H-how should I know!” I could barely speak, returning my attention to the broadcast. The host joked about how Yoseob’s head is so small, his hearing turned small too. The audience was laughing which means everything is going to be fine, right? Yoseob looked like nothing happened as well and acts like what idols normally do and answer all questions effortlessly, though I noticed halfway through the interview, he grew noticeably more quiet and opened his mouth for a few seconds before talking, probably organizing his words first on his mind before blurting it all out. I wonder what he’s thinking. How much is he freaking out in the inside? Because I for sure am near collapsing in mixed emotions. I can’t stay calm after all. I started shaking, stammering “What should I do?” over and over again.

“You have some serious explanation to do, Song Hyojung.”

“Unnie,” Daeun softly uttered. “Seems like you were in Yoseob oppa’s mind all this time.”

I forced shut my eyes and pursed my lips. This is not the time, Kim Daeun. “D-don’t say that!”

Daeun snickered and got up and outstretched her hand to take some popcorn. Hani was still ranting about how fans would kill me. I kicked her once she marched angrily before me and she only shot me a glare in which I innocently smiled at before she continued talking about Yoseob. I wasn’t listening. My mind kept on going back to Mnet. Maybe not Mnet. But to Yoseob. I did not sign up for this. I didn’t want to lose blood all over my body because it figures that they’ve all reached my head at this point. I wondered if I were even still sane.

I started to think of what to kakao to him, what to react when we face each other tomorrow, what to say to him. My mind was so full of Yang Yoseob I started to think what’s the better ice cream flavour just to rest my exhausted brain.

“So, Hyojung?”

“Chocolate Almond.”

“What?” Both of them said in unison.

“What?” I mimicked nonchalantly.

“Weren’t you listening?” Hani raised an eyebrow and tilted her head slightly to the side. I raised mine as well.

I lowered my head and mumbled, “Do I look like listening to you?”

“She wasn’t listening.” Daeun uttered, stifling a giggle.

“I was asking about Yoseob!” Hani exclaimed as she slapped her knees.

“What about him?” I innocently asked, masking my nervousness. I don’t want to be interrogated about Yoseob because for all I know, I wouldn’t know the answer anyway. I didn’t know I was playing with the loose thread of the sofa until I felt it tightly wrapped around my thumb.

“Do you like like him?” She was staring so hard at me I wonder if she could see through my soul. She wasn’t breaking eye contact and after all the years of our friendship, this is the first that I became so uncomfortable. “Are you dating?”

I shook my head violently and answered her first question.

“Uhhh,” I pressed my back against the backrest of the sofa and looked at the other direction. My eye twitched. “I don’t know?”

Hani threw her hands in the air in exasperation and breathed a sharp, “What?!”

“Why are you the one who’s mad?”

“And why are you the one who’s calm here?” This is bad. Hani is whispering. Nothing is good when she’s mad, and she’s whispering.

“Um, hello? I’m your best friend? We talk about girly things like boys? Talk about feelings? What, are you like hipster now you don’t do usual girl convos?” She was rolling her eyes at me and I didn’t think twice and high-fived her hand that was still on air. She glared at me but decided to continue what she was saying. She sighed.

“I don’t know. Sorry. It’s just that we haven’t talked for a very long time and even now that we’re living together we still haven’t really catched up. Yeah, you know I got a boyfriend and a dreamy love life but do I know yours? It might be shallow but I feel like I’m really missing out a lot of things.”

She was serious and honest and never broke eye contact, which I tried not to break as well. She always wanted people to look at her when talking and I can’t let her down more if I were to think of looking elsewhere. I pursed my lips and looked away after I knew that she was done with giving me a piece of her mind. It was silent for a few seconds. Daeun left a while ago and went to the bathroom, probably to give us privacy.

“I’m sorry,” I said at last. “I’m serious too, you know. I really don’t know.”

Before she could give another speech, I talked ahead of her. “I’m serious! Yoseob isn’t… Yoseob is an idol. What I feel about him is kind of complicated. I’m actually very confused. He isn’t like my first crush or my first boyfriend. I don’t know if I like him as an idol or as a man. You see my problem here? I don’t want my feelings to get ahead of me to think that I might’ve actually fallen for him. Because what if it’s just a simple admiration, infatuation, I don’t know, I have for him because he’s BEAST, for crying out loud! I mean, maybe I’m just like this because I’ve never talked, heck, even interacted with a celebrity before. Maybe I kind of slipped into the Yoseob zone and because it’s a new experience, I… I don’t know. You feel me?”

“Um,” Daeun made a sound from behind. How long has she been there? Hani and I both turned our heads to face her and saw forcing herself not to show her cheesy smile.

“I get the idea of it,” she started and made her way to sit on the carpet in front of the sofa. “I can point out some differences. I think liking an idol is just like infatuation where you get lost in their music and how they are on stage and on backstage and how you see them in television. You know, not as a real person since you’ve never actually met and even if you do you haven’t spent time alone where you get to know each other more and interact with each other and, yeah. You’ll know it when he talks to you. You’ll know it in his eyes. You’ll just really feel it out of nowhere and then one day when you wake up you’ll be thinking “Holy , I love this guy.”.”

We stared at each other for a long moment, me processing everything she said. So, if I were to look back at all that happened before the broadcast, there’s actually this big difference like the difference between a stadium full of fans and a concert meant for just one person.

“Did I just blow you away with my advice, or what?” Daeun lifted her chin and laughed dramatically.

“Daeun-ah, you surely know a lot. Where’d you all figure it out?”

Daeun’s porcelain skin flushed bright pink. Her eyes diverted from us and she smiled a toothless grin, laughing. “You don’t just learn dancing and singing as a trainee, you know.”

“Have you figured yourself out?” Hani asked, jabbing a finger below my collarbone.

“Maybe I have.”

“So what did you figure out?” There was so much anticipation in her voice.

I grinned and raised a DVD of Tangled. “Now that everything is settled, can we watch now?”

“Good Lord, Song Hyojung, I freaking swear, I –“

The shrilly rings of the telephone cut her off mid-sentence and Hani slowly closed her eyes and drew a breath. The Lord is testing her today, it seems. She mumbled something under her breath before she said, “I’ll take that.” and marched, pissed off, to the telephone.

“You like him, don’t you? You’ve liked him before you even noticed it,” Daeun said it so casually like she was just asking how was the weather today. I didn’t say anything. Not that I don’t want to reply, but there’s just nothing else to say. I find it embarrassing to say “Yes.” Or should I just say “Hell yeah, you got that right!” or “Yeah, maybe.” or be a total tsundere and go “O-of course not!”

In the end I just gave her a meaningful look and a small smile.

“I could say that you got all the time in the world to get your feelings straight but for an idol like Yoseob, I think you got to hurry up. There’s a long line and it because some emotions just can’t be noticed that easily. I think you got to hurry up though before somebody else starts confessing to him again.”

“Again?” I was wondering who but then I realized that he’s famous and maybe even other celebrities would go professing their love for him.

Before Daeun could answer me, Hani called me out.

“Hyojungie! Your mom is on the other line.” Hani called out from the other end of the hall. I jumped off the sofa and quickly walked (ran?) to the telephone. Receiving the telephone from Hani, I hesitantly pressed it on my ear, fearing what I would hear from the other line.

“Mom, you okay?”

She didn’t answer my question, instead she screamed from the other telephone line. I cringed.

“Goodness, Hyojung! I even called the nurses to fetch me my phone! I’m shaking!”

I suddenly got nervous and I felt my stomach fall. I leaned on the wall for support as I gripped the telephone tighter.

“What? Mom, shouldn’t you be asking help from the nurses or the doctors not me? Did you take your prescribed medicines? Take long deep breaths okay, mom? You got nurses there, you’ll be okay –“

“Who cares about medicines~” she literally sang it. I didn’t know adults go through the rebel phase as well…

“What should I do when an internationally known idol just said the name of my daughter on showbiz television?” she said slowly, forcing herself not to say anything too quickly or else I wouldn’t understand a thing from her and she’d bit her tongue. I imagined her watching Mnet and holding her chest once the incident happen, and even gasping exaggeratedly.

“No, he didn’t,” I said, relieved, playing with the telephone wire. “He said yojung. Yo-jung.”

“I heard the H clearly, young lady. I’ve been in this world longer than you to be able to hear the slightest of sounds and vowels.”

Giving in, I heaved a sigh. “So what if he did?”

“Are you in a relationship?” Here it is again. The tone of anticipation.

“If we were, you’d be the first to know.” There’s now a huge smile on my face that I want to rip off.

“Stop lying,” she sulked, maybe even pouting. My silence made her talk more.

“Weird, because I never did imagine my son-on-law as a singer. I always thought it’d be a foreigner who isn’t famous worldwide and got a voice of an angel. The world is amazing.”

“Mom,” I pressed my eyes shot and sharp breath. “You know we’re not really a thing.”

“So?”

“So… It won’t be possible?”

“Who told you that?”

“Mom, please.” My mom hated seeing me rolling my eyes but I did it anyway, absentmindedly.

“You’re rolling your eyes.”

“Sorry.”

“Well, after this situation, your name might be on online sites and things would get pretty difficult. I called to make sure everything’s fine and I hope the company would do something about it.”

I laughed. “Mom, you called to make sure if Yoseob and I were dating.”

“Okay, maybe that, too.”

I thought it’d be best to avoid the topic to go on for the rest of the morning. But I got to say, I wanted to talk more about Yoseob with my mom. Not just this time.

“You’ll be discharged in a few hours. You need rest, mom. I was serious when I said that you need to call the nurses or the doctor if something goes wrong.”

“Gotcha,” my mom chimed and before I put the telephone away from my ear, she said something before hanging up.

“One more thing. Don’t go around saying something is impossible when the kid took the time to visit your frail mother to the hospital and sing her a song. Bye~~~!”

My face heated up and my heart began racing. I stayed there for a moment to calm myself before I returned to the living room, my face maybe still flushed.

“How is she?” Hani asked. I rubbed my temple and giggled.

“You wouldn’t even think she was sick in the first place.”

~*~

Having Daeun stay over doesn’t feel like a burden at all. She doesn’t even need to apologize so many times before bedtime for staying for 2 days. Hani also looked like she’s so fond of her.

After more than 12 hours of going on a Harry Potter marathon, we tried to bake cupcakes (Hani won’t let this pass no matter how hard I tried to ignore her suggestion) and we had Chinese food delivered and we watched another round and settled for some intense Japanese horror movies. Daeun couldn’t even move an inch after Ju-on so Hani offered her bedroom again for Hani to sleep. It was like a slumber party but in the end we still stayed in different rooms to sleep. It was the longest time I didn’t spend on thinking and freaking out about Yoseob. It didn’t sink in until I was already ready to sleep.

I had a cup of coffee (mom kept on scolding me that I should drink tea instead of coffee before sleeping but you know I can’t do that) before getting under the thick covers of my bed. By the time I took one last slip, all emotions suddenly came spilling out. Is it the caffeine that’s making my heart run wild again because if yes then I need to go to the hospital. If this were a horror movie then I would seriously freak out whenever I just randomly remember – and even hear – Yoseob saying my name in a question. I kept on thinking about that Mnet interview and Yoseob and also my cracked phone screen and Yoseob.

Shaking my head as I slapped my cheeks lightly, my attention got set on the empty pink mug, traces of coffee still inside. It reminded me so much of the day we fetched my cousin to the airport. It should’ve been just that. What could’ve happen if Manager-nim didn’t drag me out of the coffee shop like I did some sort of crime that involved the abduction of his nonexistent hair. What if I rejected their job offer to me? What if Yoseob didn’t chase me to hand me my application form? What if we didn’t get stuck in the recording studio at all? The questions driven by so much coffee intake were endless and I kept them coming into my mind thinking it would eventually bring me to sleep. I was wrong.

That night, my blood turned to caffeine and the only things running in my head are Yoseob and my feelings for him. I barely slept, or didn’t sleep at all. I was wrong when I thought the questions would be my version of counting sheep. The questions kept me up the whole night. I was also wrong when I said I don’t know whether or not I like Yang Yoseob. I already did from the very start and I think I'm going to explode any minute now. 

A/N: Yoooooooo I updated again~ Bet you expected some Hyojung and Seob here hmmmmm... 

I already got Chap 13 written (though it's not yet finished lol) so the next update hopefully won't take too long hehe

AAAANNNNDDDDDD BTS CONCERT ON SUNDAY I AM SO PUMPED IM GOING TO

D-15 till Yong's birthday aw yea 

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