Taeyeon

I’ve known Sooyoung for a long time and my own family is pretty well-off- but even I sometimes can’t quite wrap my mind on just how affluent and wealthy the Choi family is. It was a little weird to be sitting with four other girls in the cushy and spacious Rolls Royce car when, normally, I would either be sleeping in my own room or helping my little sister with her summer homework.

Sooyoung was lounging in a casual and lax manner beside me, clearly used to the luxury. Hyoyeon and Yuri, on the other hand, were completely blown away- they were compelled to poke every single button and gawk at every gadget. Yoona sat a little away from them, staring out the window, completely wrapped in her thoughts- for the life of me, I couldn’t tell if she was thinking of a new cure for cancer or if she was trying her absolute hardest not to acknowledge the two girls beside her.

Sooyoung fished out a deck of cards and said, “You guys wanna play?”

I turned toward Yoona, tapped her and asked, “Yoona? Join us?”

She seemed to startle out of a trance- she looked at me curiously before saying, “Sure. What are we playing?”

Some hours later, after singing along to the entire CD track that Sooyoung blasted from the sound speakers and countless games of Big Time Loser, Yoona, who had gone back to gazing out the window, remarked in a quiet, but awed voice, “I think we’re here.”

Yuri glanced out the window and let out an audible gasp. Outside, the scenery had changed from the urban setting of cities to a vast, endless stretch of glittering ocean blue, complimented by a bright, cloudless sky with the sun shining brilliantly overhead.

I’ve been to the beach before, but looking at the shocked delight on some of the girls’ faces made me feel all the more excited.

“Where are we exactly, Sooyoung?” Hyoyeon asked the younger girl, her voice almost breathless.

“Our summer home is a few miles off of Jeju Island. The whole thing is privately owned Choi property- we’ll be completely undisturbed. Just wait- you haven’t seen everything yet. You guys are going to love it.” Sooyoung turned and grinned at all of us.

Looking out of tinted windows at the picture-perfect paradise was one thing. Actually stepping out of the car and having to squint from the sun casting its rays on the bright, hot sand and glittering ocean while breathing in the salty air and feeling the cool wind caress your skin is something else altogether.

“Is this for real?” I heard Tiffany whisper in amazement behind me. The other four girls had climbed out of the other Rolls Royce and we all clustered together, taking in our surroundings.

Big, crashing waves lapped onto the beach while the ocean seemed to stretch out into forever. Dotted along the coast were rock formations, perfect for diving off of into the sparkling water. If I shaded my eyes, I could clearly see the outline of the small, picturesque mountain that surrounded the area and even the few houses that peeked over the edge of the horizon. Directly in front of us was a modern-style house, or rather, mansion, the glass walls allowing us a look at the sleek interior design. It was a huge contrast to the natural surroundings- but it still looked very, very cool.

It was as if I had fallen into one of those seamless seaside postcards. Who knew a place like this existed in Korea?

“So there are three guest rooms total,” Sooyoung explained as the rest of us marveled at the paradise we saw around us. “We’ll split up three to a room. The maids will get us the extra mattresses and bedding needed...”

As the other girls started to compromise and figure out who was rooming with who, I drifted away into my own thoughts: It can’t get any better than this...

Not unless Jungsu were here with you, a knowing voice in my head responded. I shut down my thoughts immediately; I didn’t want the loneliness, the longing to come back to haunt me like they had been for the past few days.

The last time I saw him, it had been a bittersweet meeting. He had held me in his broad, strong arms like he normally did, but the way we clung to each other had a sense of uncertain finality. His fading touch lingered on my skin, the way his words still resounded in my head:

“It’s still undecided as of now, Taeyeon...I’m still waiting on a reply from my father’s company regarding when they can secure my position there. A few months ago, I would have been ecstatic to start working there as soon as possible...but I’ve come to like teaching at Baeyoung. I’ve grown to like my students...and I got to meet you, Taeyeon. It doesn’t matter that years separate us apart- you’ve become someone who’s first, in my heart. I’ll see what I can do to hopefully finish out the school year...”

He put a finger to my lips, his other hand fluttering over my . “Focus on the now. Here. With me. Together as one.”

I winced at the memory of his words, his lips tracing my skin...

“So I guess it’ll be Yuri, Tiffany and Yoona in the first room, Hyoyeon, Sunny and I in the second room and Sooyoung, Seohyun and Taeyeon in the last room. Sound good...Taeyeon?” Jessica’s voice brought me back to reality. I blinked and nodded quickly.

“Yup! Let’s go, girls!” I said, grabbing my things and heading into the mansion that was to be our summer home.

The surprised and delighted shrieks of the girls rang out in the air as they leaped off the rocky outcropping into the cold sea below. I had to shade my eyes in order to see them- the sun shone brightly in my eyes, even though I was wearing shades and sitting on my towel under an umbrella. It had been a unanimous decision this morning to go swimming- it was the perfect day for such an activity.

Yet on this perfect day, I was still distracted. This is so unfair, I thought. Here I am, possibly having the best vacation of my life with nice friends and all I can think of is how much I miss him.

I glanced over at Jessica, who lay on her towel listening to music, her shades on. I couldn’t tell if she was sleeping or not.  

An overwhelming desire to spill out the contents of my heart to someone overtook me. Why the hell not? I asked myself. I know and trust Sica and besides, I did tell her a while back that I’d explain someday.

I leaned over and poked her side. “Neh. Sica.”

Jessica made a small jolt- she had passed out. She struggled to sit up, taking out her earphones. “Hrnn. What is it, Taeng? Did somebody drown already?”

I shook my head. “Nahh, just kind of bored.”

“Oh. Well what’s up? It better be something good- you woke me up from a pretty intense nap I was having.”

I pursed my lips, wondering how I wanted to approach this. I started playing with a strand of my long, dark brown hair. “Jessica...do you remember one time during practice in the spring? I think we were practicing for a soccer game...and you asked me why I looked so ‘happy’ all the time?”

Jessica blinked and thought for a moment. She then said, “A little. Though, really, you’ve been weirdly happy for a while now.” Her eyes lit up at a thought. “Is it a guy? Are you...are you seeing someone behind Wooyoung’s back?”

“Well, kind of...okay yeah I am...but it’s not with someone who you’d expect.” I raised an eyebrow at Jessica. “Wait, you’re not chastising me for being unfaithful? And what do you mean you ‘figured?’”

Jessica shrugged. “Taeyeon, you and Wooyoung aren’t really an item anymore- in fact, you guys are a little past your expiration date. You guys just don’t seem all that into each other anymore. Wooyoung’s also kind of a jerk, but that’s beside the point. So...who is it? Do tell?” A sly grin crept across her face. 

I stared at Sica, but I let it slide. She was partially right, in one respect. “Okay- but you have to promise, no, swear, you’ll keep it to yourself.”

“Come on, Taeyeon. You know me- I couldn’t be less of a gossip .”

I hesitated for a moment and sighed. I leaned in close to Jessica and whispered into her ear, “It’s the new student Calculus teacher. My homeroom teacher, Mr. Park Jungsu.”

I admit, I felt a weird pride in savoring her reaction. Jessica’s not one to be super expressive, so I accepted that her pulling down her shades to stare at me with wide eyes was probably the best I was going to get out of her.

“Wha...what the...wait, what?!?” she stammered. “Wait a second...all this time, you’ve been having an affair with Mr. Park?! Have you...how far have you...?”

“Pretty far....all the way, actually,” I admitted, blushing.

fell open. “Holy ...what...oh my god, give me a second.”

“Surprised?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m kind of surprised- shocked, actually. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my best friend’s been having with Mr. Park and I didn’t know...Taeyeon. Tell. Me. Everything.”

When I finished telling her about my last encounter with Jungsu, she just shook her head in disbelief. “I’m just not sure whether I should be angry at you for not telling me all this time, shocked that you lost your ity earlier than I did or envious of the fact that you got it in with a hot older guy.” I started to laugh but faltered when Jessica shot me a serious look.

“Look, Taeyeon...just...be safe, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt, and from what I know, relationships like yours usually don’t turn out that well...”

I shot Jessica a glare- did she really think that I hadn’t thought about that and the future? “I...I know Jun- Mr. Park. He’s really sincere about how he feels about me...”

“No, no, I don’t think he’s a liar or anything,” Jessica said quickly. “But...I mean, Mr. Park’s a mature adult, but he’s also young too. Do you really think he’s going to carry through with your love and stay with you forever?”

 A silence settled between us. To be honest, I hadn’t thought that much far ahead.

“Taeyeon... I didn’t mean to make you upset but...” Jessica broke off when still I said nothing and stared out into the ocean in front of us.

After a while, I broke the silence and remarked, “They look like they’re having fun.”

“Yeah. You know, sitting here watching over them splash around having the time of their live...kind of makes you feel like a Mommy, doesn’t it?”

I pouted. “But I’m not a Mommy.”

“You sure as hell are with the cheerleading team for the most part,” Jessica pointed out. I sighed- that was true but sometimes, I wish I could just forsake my role as being the oldest for once. To not be the one who calls the shots, who always has the responsibility. Even here, on vacation, at Sooyoung’s own summer home, the younger girls still look to me for the final, executive decision.

I don’t want to be a leader or a mom all the time. I just want to be who I am: an insecure seventeen-year-old who needs someone to protect her once in a while.

Like Jungsu does.

I took off my shades and got up off my towel. “I think I’ll join them then.” I glanced at Jessica who still hadn’t moved from her spot. “Coming?”

“Mmm...” Jessica pondered for a moment. “....Nah. Don’t want to get up.” I giggled- sometimes, Jessica reminded me of a lazy housecat. I adjusted my bikini and loped off to join the girls in the water.

Jessica

Oh , my God. Talk about getting taken completely by surprise.

I mean, I figured Taeyeon was seeing someone other than Wooyoung, but...never in a million years would I have guessed that it was a teacher

More importantly, one of the really hot teachers in our school.

I just really hope Taeyeon knows what she’s getting into. I mean, Mr. Park seems like a really nice guy...but...Taeyeon never really tells people what’s on her mind or what’s bothering her. She worries me sometimes.

I yawned. I really did have an intensive nap- in fact, I had been dreaming right before Taeyeon woke me up. And, as luck would have it, it was a blast from the past- back to 7^th grade, back to when Kim Jonghyun was nothing like the Jonghyun of today...

I walked into the classroom one day and approached my seat; the chatter of pre-adolescents died down a notch. It was replaced by soft giggles and knowing, pretentious smirks. I stifled a groan as soon as I saw it- a collection of wild violets, freshly picked, lying on my desk.

I glanced at Jonghyun, who sat at his desk hunched over a textbook, but on occasion, he gave me a shy, sheepish smile. I sighed and brushed the flowers off my desk. However, I couldn’t bring myself to crush them in my fist or dump them in the trash- not while he was watching me intently. So I dropped them lightly on the floor by my feet. I kept the coolest face I could manage as the teacher entered the classroom and students scurried to their seats.

“Sica, why don’t you tell the freak to just leave you alone?” said Lee Hana, one of my “friends” back in middle school.

I shrugged in a nonchalant manner, picking around at my lunch. “It doesn’t really bother me that much. And I don’t see any point in being mean to him.”

“Anyone with eyes can see that he has a crush on you, though,” Hyuna pointed out. “...do you like him back?”

I rolled my eyes and insisted, “No way.”

I walked into the media center during break and I scanned the room. I found him reclined in his usual alcove, absorbed in a book about chemistry- God, he was such a nerd. I stood in front of him until he looked up from his book and noticed me. “Hi...Jessica Jung-ssi,” he said, a soft smile spread across his face.

“Hey, Jonghyun-ssi. Um, do me a favor and stop putting flowers on my desk.”

“But...Jessica Jung-ssi, I remember you said that you like any flowers that were purple...” he recalled, looking up at me with puppy dog eyes. I remember finding his eyes kind of beautiful and always thinking that he’d actually look kind of cute if he didn’t wear those big, dorky glasses all the time.

“I know, but can you, like, not give them to me in class. It’s embarrassing.” Even back then, I wasn’t one to beat around the bush.

Jonghyun pondered it for a moment, then shrugged. “All righty then. Fine by me. Anything for Jessica Jung-ssi. Would you like to take a look at what I’m reading now? Atomic structure and bonds are so fascinating...really, if you took the time to sit down and read it, you’d find it incredible and engaging...” As I let Jonghyun ramble on, I half pretended to listen, half observed how enthusiastic he was. It was so amusing to watch him get so excited over what he was talking about.

I broke in during the middle of his intellectual monologue, “You know...you don’t have to call me ‘Jessica Jung-ssi’ all the time...”

“What? But...someone like you deserves the most respect!” I stared at him and he explained, “You seem a bit cold to your peers, but you’re very tolerant. You’re not like other girls- you’re...you’re kind of unique in your own way. I like that about you.” I felt a funny twist in my stomach; that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me.

“Well...thank you, Jonghyun-ssi. But really...” With a quick motion, I swiped his glasses off his face, teasing him as I dangled them in front of him. “...you can just call me Jessica.”

I almost giggled at his shocked expression, wide eyes fixated on me. “O-O-Okay...u-uh...J-Jessica J- I mean, Jessica,” he stuttered. I flashed him a dazzling smile and left the media center.

We had other encounters. And every time, something about him drew me in completely. I came to realize that he was a lot more interesting to hang out with than the other popular boys and girls in my grade. His sheer intelligence was impressive to begin with, but his insight on the world was so matured...it was something that I found attractive.

I enjoyed his company- and the other kids noticed. And when other kids notice something that’s not quite ordinary, not quite the status quo- a pretty popular girl hanging out with a geeky, awkward loser- you better believe that the rumors that spread are rapid and vicious, like wildfire.

“So I saw you hanging out with ‘Four Eyes Jjong’ the other day.”

“Ooohhh- have you kissed him yet, Jessica?”

“Jessica and Jonghyun, the new freak couple...”

Looking back on it now, it was so ridiculous- I probably would have been better off just flipping them off and finding new friends. But in middle school, people tend to go along with irrational and petty opinions and ignore their true feelings. That’s what I did- at the time, social status was absurdly important to me and the teasing started to become unbearable. And sometimes, I actually regret what happened.

I was already in irritated and embarrassed by the latest comments from my friends when he approached me during lunch and asked, right in front of my friends: “Jessica Jung-ssi...can we talk together after school? Alone?” I could feel knowing stares on me. I only gave him a bored nod.

After classes ended, I followed him to what seemed like an empty hallway. I waited impatiently while he fidgeted in front of me, trying to think of the right words to say.

“Jessica Jung-ssi...you know...I value you as a person...very much...” I felt my heart constrict; he was making this much harder than it was supposed to be. “And, while I think of you as a good friend who’s been kind to me- one of my few friends in this school, actually- I...I...I’m afraid I see you as something more..."

He swallowed and finally brought his eyes level with mine. “I...I like you, Jessica Jung-ssi. And...I’d like you to consider me. Would you...uh....ah...would you...” He paused, closing his eyes and I could tell he was cursing his stuttering nervousness. “...Would you go out with me?”

A silence settled between us. I couldn’t remember anything I had planned to say in response. I remembered how at ease he made me feel...then I thought about the teasing of my classmates: the endless names they would call us, the ridicule I would face...

My eyes narrowed into an apathetic, indifferent glare, one that felt uncomfortably forced. “Um...sorry, Jonghyun. I’m flattered you think of me that way...but it’s a no-go. Do you really think I’d consider you anyway?" Jonghyun's eyes widened in surprise, but I went on. "You're kind of weird. I don't think I'd ever think of you that way. Oh and stop following me around all the time- it's a little creepy." The harsh bite at the end of my rant surprised even me. 

Jonghyun stood rooted where he stood, shock frozen on his face. I pushed past him as if he didn't exist. I kept my face passively blank, which hid the hollowness that started to eat away inside me well.

He was never the same again. No longer did he participate in class with warm enthusiasm. He became an easy target for malicious teasing- word of his confession got around quickly and he was ridiculed everyday. I saw everything, watched with my own eyes- but I did nothing. I stood by as he was bullied, time and time again. 

One day, I walked into class and found his seat empty. Our teacher said that his family moved again and he had to transfer out of our school. Whispers around the classroom speculated that he left because he had been bullied, because he had been depressed all the time. Some of those whispers...accused me. Blamed me for driving him out of the school.

I ignored them. I was only glad that I didn’t need to deal with his presence anymore. I had never felt more guilty yet relieved in my life.

Now that I think about it, I did kind of like him for who he was, back when he was a shy, eccentric child. He had been genuinely nice- not like the other boys who sidled up to me, hoping for a kiss, a make-out session, more. He had liked me for who I was...and, like an ungrateful , I forced him out of my life.

Well he’s back in my life now, I thought as I got up and stretched. As a douchebag playboy- exactly the kind of I don’t appreciate very much.

But...there is something I’m dying to ask him: where on earth did he learn how to...use the moves on girls?

Seohyun

It’s funny how you realize how much you've missed once you fully step out of the private bubble you lived in for most of your life. When I took that first step out, with Kyuhyun holding my hand, leading the way, it was as if I had been born again. 

Somehow, I managed to keep up the pretense of still being the old Seo Joohyun I used to be up until after I passed my finals. Afterwards there was no pretending. I went forward, without stopping and without looking back.

The first thing I did after finals was break up with Yonghwa. It felt pointless to keep leading him on and, I admit, I was eager to get rid of the burden of guilt still on my shoulders. I thought it would be difficult and messy job- but it had been surprisingly easy.

On our last date, at the same restaurant we always went to, I told him that something had changed and that we shouldn’t see each other. Yonghwa only gave me a small, sad smile- one that broke my heart. He kept a brave face as he assured me that it was all right and that he would still be there as a friend if I ever so needed him.

Sometimes I wonder if he had known the whole time, or at least had just an inkling of what I’d done behind his back and how I’d changed.

I did feel sorrow and guilt as I watched Yonghwa walk away and out of my life- but I would be lying if I claimed that it overrode the liberating, sinfully free feeling that settled in my heart.

My summer so far represents a tapestry of dull, uneventful gray- days of summer homework, chores and errands. Splintered between the threads, however, are afternoons and nights, when my parents work late and I spend time with Kyuhyun.

In a far corner, my old self watched as I went with Kyuhyun out late into the city, expanding my worldly views and cultural tastes- and shook her head. In the back of my head, my conscience and inhibitions, what were left of them, screamed in dissent while my body was pressed up against Kyuhyun’s, letting his lips traverse from my own down to my neck .

But I paid my doubts no mind. I was on a journey of new beginnings. I was Alice in Wonderland, wandering around and exploring nonsensical excitement around me- with the Mad Hatter himself by my side.

Ever since we met, we’ve only grown closer together; but after that night when Kyuhyun had saved me and accepted my confused mess of feelings, a definite, emotional change has taken place. His usual mischievous smirk has softened a few degrees when he sees me and his words have become sweeter- yet he still manages to surprise me in so many different ways.

The morning before I left for Sooyoung’s summer home, I woke up to find a voicemail I had missed last night where he sung me a lullaby.

Whatever it was I felt...I’m not quite sure if it was love- but it felt awfully close to it.

One morning, we woke to heavy rain pattering on the roof, our plans to go to the beach canceled for the day. I wandered out of the dining room after breakfast, intent on exploring more of the spacious mansion by myself. However, by ten to eleven, it became clear that I needed to find something else to occupy myself with for the rest of the hours.

I’ve looked through every nook and cranny...except... An ornate, golden doorknob, attached to a mahogany door I had not seen before, caught my eye. I pushed lightly and the door opened with a soft click. It swung open to reveal a sleek grand piano that sat in the middle of a simple, clean room.

I glanced around with uncertainty before approaching the seat. I let out a sigh, relaxed my shoulders. Then, my fingers plunked the keys and chords of music filled the air.

My mind wandered off as I played- countless hours, weeks and years of practice made this easy to do. I had no idea how much time had passed before I finally felt someone else’s presence in the room.

I turned and saw Hyoyeon standing by the doorway, eyes fixed on me. I stopped playing and stood up, both out of embarrassment and respect. While I’ve sat at the same lunch table as her for a while, I still don’t know very much about Hyoyeon. She’s not one to volunteer aspects of her personal life to us often- the only things I know about her is that she is the head of the girls’ dance group that was recently approved by the school and that she’s had a rough childhood. We rarely see each other in school outside of lunch, so there hasn’t been much opportunity to really get to know one another.

After a moment of awkward silence, Hyoyeon commented, “That was amazing...did you memorize all that?”

“Ah, no...I, uh, improvised that. Or maybe that was an actual song? I’m sorry, I wasn’t really paying attention.” Hyoyeon nodded, impressed. “I-It was nothing really...” I said out of habitual modesty.

“Nothing or something, that was still awesome.” We stood there staring at each other, not sure of what to say next. “Well, I’ll leave you alone to practice...” Hyoyeon said slowly, starting to walk out of the room.

I insisted, “Oh no, I’m pretty much done here. Where are you going?”

Hyoyeon cocked her head. “The basement. It’s really big, has mirrors all around and has enough space to practice dance.”

I thought for a second. I did need something to do for the rest of the day. I requested, “May I come watch?”

Hyoyeon gazed at me- she looked as if she were pondering something in complete seriousness.  Then she shrugged. “Sure, why not?” 

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A/N: Hi all. Gosh I still can't believe you're all still here...and there are more of you subscribing! I'm such an unreliable author...-creys-

We've finally come to the summer vacation arc! What sort of drama awaits us now? LOL. At least most of the girls are spending time away from guys and hanging out with each other. Looks like I'll need more interaction in the next chapter. WE SHALL SEE THOUGH. 

again. i love you all. that's all i have to say right now really- it's 2 in the morning and i need my sleep T-T