Tiffany

The teacher stalked up the aisles, handing out the results of our last tests. His glares of disappointment as he dished out papers marred with killer red marks were enough to make me completely nervous.

When he finally stopped by my desk, he gave me a long, disdainful look and set my test paper face down in front of me. I waited until the teacher left my row and then, with a sinking heart, cautiously flipped over the test.

A big “55” was written in glaring red ink on the top. I stared at it, the image of my failing grade imprinting itself in my mind. No way... I thought. How was this possible? I had reviewed and studied so intensely with Siwon for this test. In fact, the night before the test, I had confidently told him that I felt totally prepared- and he had given me a small smile of approval. How could I have let him down like this?

Sunny, who was sitting in the row next to me, noticed my distress and mouthed to me, “Are you okay?” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw an “80” on the top of her test paper.

I swallowed down the self pity and resentment that started to build, bit back my tears the best I could and mouthed back, “Yeah, it’s okay, I’m fine...” A concerned look appeared on her face; she clearly didn’t believe me. But before she could say or do anything else, the teacher stood at the front of the room and began barking at us about how terribly we all did. I lowered my head and stared dejectedly at my paper.

Self-loathing, misery and worthlessness, feelings that I had not paid attention to in a long time, took over. It was all I could do to keep up the façade of being “fine” so no one would question why “cheerful Fany” suddenly didn’t look so cheerful.

When the bell rang, the teacher called my name and instructed me to stay after. I reluctantly stayed behind and had to will myself to look up into the brooding face of my teacher.

By the time Siwon came to the library, I was overcome with anxiety and could barely conceal my agitation. He set his bag down on the table and remarked, “Well this is a change- you’re here early.” I glanced up at him and nodded, quickly directing my attention back to the glossy, fake-wood surface of the table.

“So? Did you find out your test score today?” he asked, sitting in the chair beside me.

“...Yes...” I said, my voice barely audible. A silence passed between us.

“...And...?” he prompted, staring at me.

My voice quivered as I told him, “...I...I failed...” I could not hold myself together any longer and a geyser of tears spilled forth. “I...I’m sorry, Siwon...I-I know you worked so hard...to...to help me prepare for this test...but...I...just let you down so much...and...” My voice broke off and I began to cry quietly. Any minute, I expected Siwon to reprimand me but he simply sat there staring at me, stunned.

It was embarrassing- I can’t remember the last time I cried quite so hard. The stress from failing a test Siwon had worked so hard to help me pass, coupled with finals that were just a week away, really hit home. Siwon waited patiently until I had calmed down and heaved only deep, shuddering breaths. He placed a tissue on the table right before me. Gratefully, I picked it up and used it to clean my tear-stained face and wipe away the dripping snot.

“I...I look like a mess, don’t I?” I croaked, sniffling and managing a chuckle that sounded vaguely like a dying reptile. Siwon looked me over.

“Well...I suppose you don’t exactly look stunning at the moment, but that’s beside the point,” he replied dryly. “Are you all right now?”

I stared at him, wide-eyed. “You...you’re not mad at me?”

“No...I’m not,” he stated matter-of-factly. “Of course, it’s not good that you failed but...” He realized that I was still tearing up a little and his words softened. “...really, Tiffany, I’m not angry at all.”

“B-But I...I failed...I failed that test...I failed you, you worked so hard t-to help me understand...!” I blubbered. He turned toward me; I tried to fathom his expression, but it was unreadable, as usual- save the deep sincerity in his eyes.

“Yes I know...but you’re going to make mistakes in life- there’s nothing much you can do except acknowledge it and move on,” he said. For a flickering moment, his eyes became melancholic and wistful. “I learned this the hard way.”

“I guess you’re right...” I hiccupped, using the tissue to wipe my eyes. “It’s just...exams, college...the future scares me. I...I can’t bear to think of what would happen if I couldn’t get in anywhere...” How odd it was that I was suddenly telling Siwon things I normally never spoke of to anyone else.

“You’ll get into university, I’m sure of it. But you’ll have to work hard- especially for our exams coming up next week. I’ll do the best I can to help you, but whatever happens with that work is up to you.”

We settled into the lesson. I reluctantly took out the test and Siwon made me go over every single problem. It turns out that I had made a plethora of stupid mistakes in my rush to finish the test as quickly as possible.

“It’s actually a habit of yours which I’ve noticed for a while, Tiffany,” he pointed out. “You speed through the problems without really checking over your work. There’s really no reason to rush and you don’t get extra points for being the first one to hand your test in.”

I stared at my test incredulously. “I never really realized that. Wow. You’d think that would be common senseeven a grade schooler could follow...” I commented, feeling a little stupid on my part.

“Yeah, well, you’d surprised at how many other people in the world don’t follow the basic ideas of common sense,” Siwon replied, an amused smile playing on his lips.

Then, Siwon began to help me outline topics that would be on the exams and key concepts I had to review extensively. He did everything he could to make sure I absolutely understood everything we went over. I couldn’t help noticing how much gentler he was compared to before.

By the time the tutoring session was over, I felt loads better than I had earlier that day. Even so, Siwon still decided to accompany me home.

“I feel that I might as well drop by and brief your aunt on everything that’s going on,” he explained. “And...to be honest, you strike me as the type that would do something drastically irresponsible in the unstable state you’re in.”

In other words, he was worried about me. I was starting to see that this seemingly cold, methodical boy was, underneath it all, truly kind. The thought made me smile.

On the bus ride to my neighborhood, I turned to him and asked, “Siwon?”

“Hm?”

“If you don’t mind me asking...back at the library...what did you mean by ‘I learned the hard way?’” There was a stifling silence as he didn’t respond. Minutes passed by and I was beginning to regret even bringing it up. “I...I’m sorry...it was an intrusive question and I didn’t really mean to ask...”

“It’s okay,” he said suddenly.  “It’s just that...I don’t feel quite comfortable discussing it. Not right now, anyway.”

I nodded in assent, still feeling a little disappointed inside that Siwon didn’t trust me enough to tell me about himself.

“To be honest...it’s not that I don’t trust you either, Tiffany,” he remarked. My eyes widened in suprise. Did he just read my mind? I wondered. “In fact...of all the people I know, you are the one person I would confide in. You’re...simple, yet kind. And, above all else, you don’t judge. I...I value that in you. So know that I would tell you more...but now isn’t the right time. We’re almost at your residence anyway.”

His words were straightforward and direct- yet he could still cause a chaos of overwhelming emotions within me. “Thank you...” I said quietly. “It...it makes me happy that you think of me that way.”

Siwon smiled his genuine, real smile at me and motioned that the bus had arrived at our stop.

Jessica

“Jessica-ssi...you know you’re really pretty...”

I gave him a small smile and said, “Yes, thank you...” A bunch of girls walked by me in the hallway as I said this and gave me pointed stares. I could still hear their whispers:

“How conceited can she get?”

“Why has she been hanging out with Sungyeol-oppa so much lately?”

Oh so that was his name. Ah. As if I cared about what those girls really thought. Even in 7^th grade I had grown to be indifferent to the jealousy of girls. I was an icy little even at twelve years old.

“Sungyeol-oppa” was inching a little too close to me. I wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face, but back in middle school, most of us still feared punishment by teachers and school aides.

Fortunately, just as I was ready to snap and yell at him to go away, someone stepped in front of me.

“Please leave- can’t you tell that you’re bothering her?” Hyoyeon said in a quiet, but firm voice. I could only imagine the scathing glare she was giving Sungyeol. His face went pale and he shrank away from us- Hyoyeon had that kind of intimidating effect on people.  

I sighed in relief. “Thanks, Hyo.”

“No problem,” was the curt response. “We should probably get to class now- the bell’s going to ring.” I nodded in agreement and together, we went on our way.

In the beginning, when I had just met Hyoyeon, people used to give me weird looks whenever they saw us hanging out with each other. “Pretty, popular girl” and “quiet, homely girl” together didn’t equate as friends, in their eyes.

That didn’t really matter to me though; I didn’t see any reason to be particularly malicious to Hyoyeon and she was actually a very interesting girl. Plus, it was nice to have someone who would help me out of awkward situations.

We were walking in the hallway together, talking, when we came across a large crowd of boys. Upon closer inspection, they were surrounding two boys, one of whom was taking quite a beating.

“Forget to address me as ‘sunbaenim’, next time, I dare you,” the bigger boy sneered, shoving the other boy roughly into the wall.

“Yah, lay off a bit, hyung- isn’t he the new kid? He probably didn’t know...”

“That’s no excuse for not giving the respect due,” the boy barked. “Besides...doesn’t he look so dumb with his nerdy little glasses?”

Even though it had already been five years since I had moved to Korea from America, I had yet to get used to the culture that was so strict with formalities and respect for elders. I realized that the boy being bullied was the new kid who had just transferred a few weeks ago- Kim Jonghyun.

I winced internally as Jonghyun had his glasses knocked off his face. The other boy snorted and gave him a final, hard shove before leaving with the crowd of boys at his tail.

“Jessica, class is gonna start soon...” Hyoyeon said, but I ignored her as I approached Jonghyun, who crawled over to where his glasses had landed. He quickly swiped his hand across his eyes but could not contain the loud sniffle that escaped his nose.

I picked up the glasses and handed it to him. “Here you go,” I said. For a good minute, he sat there, gawking at me. Then, he quickly took the glasses, put them on, and smiled brightly at me.

I could barely contain my own giggles- he just looked so silly and ridiculous, with those oversized glasses perched on his nose that was dripping with snot.

“Thank you!” he said.

“It’s no problem...” I replied. I signaled to Hyoyeon to go to class without me. She shrugged and went off.

Jonghyun picked himself up and approached me. “May I ask...what’s your name?”

“Jessica Jung. You’re Kim Jonghyun in my class right...?”

He kept his gaze on me. “Jessica...Jung...Jessica Jung-ssi,” he said, as if he were tasting my name. “Yeah...I was wondering what it was...because...I remember seeing you on my first day of school here and thinking you were a beautiful angel...”

Since elementary school, boys always called me “pretty”...but none of them had ever called me “beautiful” or an “angel”. Even though this awkward boy was probably the last person I would ever consider seriously, his words flattered me greatly.

The way his eyes softened and a small, shy smile crossed his face is also, to this day, stuck to my memory...

“...pencils down, time is up,” Ms. Kwon called. I woke up from my nap- for a few seconds, I felt a panic surge through me, before logic and reasoning calmed me down and reminded my brain that I had finished the exam early. I sat up straight and stretched, yawning...

...and then became startled when, out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Jonghyum making the same expression as in both my memories and my dream- soft eyes, gazing at me and a small, wistful smile playing on his lips.

Had he been watching me sleep the entire time?

I angled my head towards him and sent him a glare. His expression immediately melted into one of cocky arrogance and, smirking, he winked at me.

I rolled my eyes and turned away from him, nevertheless unable to shake off the warm feeling in my heart.

Sooyoung

I took a bite out of my sandwich and glanced around at the table- everyone was in a sort of zombie state after exams and no one was really saying anything.

I swallowed and then said, “So uh...how did everyone’s exams go?”

Answers with varying degrees of enthusiasm echoed amongst the table.

“I think I did fairly well,” Yoona said nonchalantly.

“Same here...” Seohyun said.

“Ehh...it was whatever, you know?” Hyoyeon said carelessly.

Taeyeon turned to Tiffany, who had been strangely quiet for most of the lunch period, and asked, “So Tiffany, how’d you think you did? Did studying with Siwon-sunbaenim pay off?”

Everyone then suddenly swarmed Tiffany with questions about tutoring and Siwon and her face turned bright red. “Yeah, he’s been tutoring me for a while...um...honestly, I’m not sure. Siwon...sunbaenim has helped me a lot and I did a lot of extra studying...and I did my best on the exam, so I guess that’s really all that matters.” She smiled and we assured her that she would be fine.

Yuri groaned, “Ugh, I don’t know and I don’t care- all I want is for school to let out and summer break to start already.” There was a chorus of agreement all throughout the table.

“What does everyone plan on doing for break, then?” Taeyeon asked, glancing around at everyone.

“Summer homework, obviously,” Sunny spoke up and we all laughed, true as it was.

Taeyeon insisted, “Seriously though- I want to do something really fun, being a senior and all.”

“Like what, though? There really isn’t anywhere fun to go in the city ...” Jessica pointed out.

Suddenly, an idea popped into my head.

“You know, my family owns a private beach...” I mentioned. “We could all, like, go there for a week or so and have fun. Would you all be up for it?” Some of the girls looked at me, shocked, and asked how much it would cost, but I assured them that it was no problem covering for them.

Suggestions were made and concerns raised, but before I could address any of them, the bell rang and we had to go to afternoon classes. “I’ll message you all on Cyworld later!” I promised, gathering my things and rushing off to class.

When class was dismissed, I exited the classroom- and who should I run into but currently my least favorite person in the world, whom I hadn’t spoken to in two weeks- which hadn’t been all that difficult since elective classes were canceled during exams.

“Hi Sooyoung,” Changmin said. I ignored him and walked away. He easily caught up to me and still continued to bother me.

He is not going to ruin your day, Sooyoung. Keep your temper even. Not today... I kept repeating to myself silently.

“I thought I made it super clear that I wasn’t speaking to you, Shim Changmin,” I said briskly, not even sparing him a glance.

“Well then what are you doing now, Sooyoung?” he replied. He chuckled as I turned to glare at him.

“Look, I don’t have time to deal with your snark, so make it quick- what do you want?”

His answer caught me completely off-guard: “I wanted to apologize.” I came to a complete standstill and stared at him.

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“Okay fine, yes, I did hear you...but...why...? And what for...?”

He scratched his head awkwardly as he explained, “You know...for making you upset the other day...”

Finally, I lost my patience. “Changmin, whatever joke you’re trying to make, it’s not funny and I really don’t have time for this so...”

“God, can you stop and listen to me for a few seconds?!” he shouted, grabbing my arm and startling me. “Look...I wasn’t trying to make you upset or anything...”

“Oh SURE, you weren’t. It’s not like your main goal in life is irritating me all the time,” I replied, sarcasm dripping from my voice. I tugged at my arm, but he held on tightly.

“Sooyoung, shut up okay,” he snapped. “That time...I...I was just trying to tell you that, even though your love is unrequited...that you shouldn’t give up hope.”

I stared at him for a good minute. Shim Changmin was being sincere? Why was I getting the feeling he was lying? At least he had had the decency not to shout out to the world that I had a crush on Mr. Jung.

“Well...no offense, but you did a pretty job at doing so...” I pointed out.

“I know, I know- my friends all tell me that I at being nice to people, I’m used to it,” he said dismissively. He leaned in close and lowered his voice. “Point I was trying to make back then, before you got mad at me and refused to speak to me for two weeks, is that you shouldn’t have to make yourself unhappy for someone’s sake.”

We walked out of the building together. I struggled to put my thoughts together. “I...still don’t really get what you want me to do about that then...”

Changmin shrugged. “That’s entirely up to you. I mean...it would probably be within your best interest to let go...but do it gracefully. Hey, it's your choice to do whatever. So...are we, uh, cool?” He stuck his hand out to me. I glanced at his outstretched hand and then up at his face. He gave me a well-meaning smile.

I mulled over his words and then tentatively shook his hands. “Yeah...I guess we’re cool...but you’re still an idiot and I hate you.”

He chuckled and tousled my hair. “That’s the Sooyoung I know and...” his voice trailed off.  It might have been just my imagination but I saw his cheeks turn pink. Then he gave me an awkward wave and left me there with a sense that...something had changed. 

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A/N: HI EVERYONE. I AM NOT DEAD.

lol.

i have survived through my hellish exams, taken a long hiatus to deeply rethink my writing and now here i am with my comeback! :DDDD 

so number one, i would like to thank all the subscribers/readers that are still here for their support and for still sticking around. my 2 month hiatus must have been frustrating for those who still believed i was going to stick to a normal update schedule so for that i am truly sorry -kowtows-

a few updates:

- if you've been rereading chapters, you'll notice that there are some edits here and there. just to note, nothing major plot-wise has been really altered- i've just reworded and added some stuff to my liking

- since school is, at this point, over for me, i'll have loads more time to update than i had before; so expect a return to a more frequent posting schedule :) although i would like to warn you all beforehand that i may end up being quite busy in the summer as well >.<

- HOW IS EVERYONE???!! i've been quite out of touch with the kpop world for the past couple of months now (damn you school T_T) and am trying to ease back into a fangirl life. yeah this should be interesting...

hope you guys like this update/don't think it's too crappy and disjointed lol 

edit: 250 subscribers holy shyt you know i seriously love you guys forever right ;_;