I close my eyes.

I love you.

BANG!

I didn’t feel anything. Is this the feeling of being shot? Not being able to feel anything because you’re filled with remorse, with guilt? That when you die, you’ve not lived completely—perfectly like you imagined. I remember when GD took me out frequently. The October 31^st I’ve always dread becoming the most beautiful day of my life. My mom telling me to eat well. My siblings playing with me in our hand-me-downs until the sun sets. My father playing with me even though he’s tired. My family’s kisses. GD’s kisses. GD.

I open my eyes but instead of darkness, I see Kwon Henry standing between me and GD. Noticing, my heart bursts into fireworks of sadness and I shout, “No!”

Kwon Henry staggers back, and with a trembling voice says, “Don’t live like me, son.”

He falls down on the floor, and I get a view of the wound on his forehead, a small crater millimeter in wide. His eyes are closed—he didn’t regret anything. Why?

I turn back to GD. “You’re not a killer!”

He narrows his eyes. “Really? But I’ve been feeling good lately after killing. You know, like I found my true self.” GD laughs, and I feel certain tingles on my skin. “The true GD.”

He tosses his gun and takes off his jacket, which he tosses as well. Underneath the red jacket, he was wearing a black turtleneck, knitted. At least he can still feel—I want to hold on something humanely left on him. “There goes my only bullet.” He says, shaking his head and placing his hands on his hips. “But I can do hand combat.”

“GD, remember—“

“What?” He cuts me off, laughing. “What? Are you asking if I remember our relationship? Like a fool? Dara, I don’t even know. Did you love me because I was your only option? Did you go here to find me because I am Kwon Jiyong? Our love is not justifiable. It’s just a feeling all along. I feel like I should save GD.”

“That’s not true!” I deny, clenching my fists. “It’s not true!”

“Tell me.” He laughs, nodding. “Tell me then, with something concrete, why are you saving me?”

My voice falters. “It’s because I love—“

“See? You’re basing your urges in an abstract feeling, which you based on a chemical reaction in your brain.” He chuckles, shaking his head. “Don’t fool me with your words, Dara.”

Different from before, GD calling my name now feels like a burden—as if he’s just forced to do so. The heavy feeling inside my heart multiplies as Kwon henry lays dead between us and GD acting indifferent from everything. Is the Esurient keeping his brain on rejecting everything he needs to accept?

I don’t know how to fight—a person I love. Maybe this is the truth. No matter how much you ready yourself mentally and physically before the match, you can’t compare it with the actual thing. Both of my legs feel like lead beneath me as I steady my breathing. But no matter how much I try to concentrate, I desperately fail at keeping myself concentrated. I don’t want to fight with GD. I just want to save him.

He tilts his neck before running towards me. In different retrospect, it might’ve mean running towards me to hug me. But the glare in his eyes seem to negate hug. GD aims for my face and I dodge it by folding my legs. My arms are now on level with his abdomen and I punch him on the side to make the damages both worse and less.

Completely unfazed, GD regains his balance and kicks using his left leg, turning 180 degrees to give it power. He hits my side forcefully that I am toppled to the other side, falling down with my back on the floor. As I groan, he runs towards me, aiming to hit my stomach with his elbow by power jumping, but I quickly roll sideward to dodge. GD’s aim fails and hits the floor instead. I instantly use the momentum to use my right leg. Turning slightly to give it strength, I raise my right leg to hit him just below the nape. GD falls down the floor.

I stand up quickly and bite my lip, hard enough for it to bleed. It’s the only comfort and warmth I can feel as of the moment. GD stands up from the floor while laughing. But it wasn’t a sweet, lovable laugh. Of course it’s lovable because he’s the one laughing. But it’s wicked, sort of a sinister.

He stares into my eyes, burying deep with his electric red ones. For a moment, as I stare at his eyes too, I see the real GD—the one I’ve known for a year. He’s trapped inside by the Esurient and he’s begging me to save him. I need to save him.

GD runs towards me, too quickly before I realize. He successfully pins me down, caging me. His legs are between mine, keeping me from moving them, while his left hand holds my hands down. I stare up at his face, his bruised, almost skeletal face. I need to save him. But I can’t fight him.

So instead, I’ll just die in his arms. “Just kill me.” I whisper under my breath, and tears fall down my cheek, a continuous stream.

GD scoffs. “Why the sudden change of heart? A moment ago, you were trying to save your life.”

I continue to stare in his eyes as I cry. “Because I love you.”

GD shakes his head, laughing sinisterly. “Again with the abstract.”

“But before you do kill me.” My breathing hitches. “I have a wish.”

He stares into my eyes, calculating my choice. I bite my lips out of anxiety, and my lower lip bleeds. “What is it?” He asks.

“Release my hands.”

He stares at me, more intense than before. “What?”

Instead of answering, I just continue to look into his eyes. Giving up, he releases my hands and then supports himself by putting both of his hands near my head. Shaking his head, he reaches up his jacket and takes out a knife, not longer than a regular kitchen knife. Then he puts it near my neck.

“You have five minutes to do what you wish.” GD says, moving the knife closer to my neck.

I reach up and hold both of his cheeks with my cold hands. He’s now as cold as me and the truth only makes me cry. GD stiffens at my touch but doesn’t protest. Maybe because he gave me consent to do what I wish.

Then I slightly move my head up to press my lips against his. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t close his eyes as I do, or respond. I just want to kiss him and feel his lips before I die.

It hurts, but I continue to move—in between his lips, at his upper lip and then the bottom. My blood tastes salty—I can taste it myself. I hope he doesn’t.

I’m keeping track of the time in my head. I want to kiss him as long as five minutes.

Five. Four. Three. Two. One. A tear escapes my eye and I brace myself to take the plunge.

I feel GD responding beneath my lips, and I catch my breath. Instead of the sharp cold knife, I feel his hands on my back, hugging me. I continue to cry, and after a few seconds, stops the kiss.

GD then moves my head to his, pressing his forehead against mine. I open my eyes and see the…the….the same electrifying eyes that I’ve come to love. Not the controlled ones that are stiff, but the ones that always waver.

“Dara.” GD whispers under his breath.

And we kiss again, basked under the artificial light.

A/N: This is shorter than the usual 3k updates but I hope you still enjoyed it! 
And I'm happy he's back. I'm getting tired with Dara's P.O.V ; A;