God was being sadistic tonight.

The contrasting state of the beautiful night sky and how I was really feeling inside made me think that it might not have been a coincidence. It was like the mighty force high above had done this on purpose, teasing me to tears with its cold and uncaring side. “Oh, are you heartbroken? Well then, go ahead and cry to you heart’s content while this beautifully crafted night sky  ignores all your grief. “

I stretched out my arms, willing it to be long enough to grab one, just one would do. And as I did so, I looked at what’s above. The vast darkness stretching endlessly until where my eyes wouldn’t let me travel, decorated with specks of light. A star-lit night sky. It was truly the most beautiful night sky I’ve ever seen in my whole life.

Bending over the road railings, I urged myself forward with more might, more of my body now hanging midair. A baseless determination was slowly growing inside of me as I felt increasingly light-headed but I didn’t stop. I didn’t dare to. If I stop now I might lose this chance forever. This rare impulsity of mine. And really, I only needed one, just one would do.

One, I could hold inside my palm; one, I could keep inside my pocket.

A star.

That beautifully wicked thing.

I admired their way of being so un-feeling, was drunked by their beauty and envious of their easy way of being constant and infinite. Something normal people like us trys so hard to be but never could be. And tonight it had me remembering that one song we had recorded so very long ago, during our active So Nyuh Shi Dae days. Byul, byul, byul-the name of the song which meant stars. There was this one verse that keeps repeating itself now in my head as I watched the stars above me : Stars, stars, stars, tell me please is it over? Is that how it is? Please talk to me, don’t just smile.

I’m begging to the stars.

I could be drunk. Might be just a bit tipsy……

The metal railing shaked as a laugh made its way out of my mouth and I held on tighter to it. But after a few minutes that too lost its meaning, so I let it go and reached out once more. I almost had it, almost, just one more inch and I could-

“What the hell are you doing?” I felt the person’s arm around me before I heard the person’s voice. It was very warm, that unfamiliar contact on my exposed skin and for a second I just reveled myself in that comfortable feeling, the haziness slowly melting away. I could feel that person’s hand on my arm as he turned me around.

Between the time my eyes made contact of this stranger’s face and the time it took for my brain to kick start the recognition process, I had threw my arms around him, and draw him close to me and smiled. His mouth formed a surprised ‘O’ shape but that too quickly disappear when my conscious mind came back to me. I pushed him away so quickly that he didn’t had enough time to react and that ended with him falling on his on the cold, hard pavement.

The frantic feeling from before surpassed the guilt of not having said sorry as I turned around and started running. Following the cool wind that kisses my exposed skin and combes through my hair, the stupor I was in minutes ago was slowly wearing off and right now my conscience was giving me a hard time about my stupid actions from before. You could have die. What were you thinking?

I didn’t know. And I still don’t.

The only I had now was to just keep running, to get away. I imagined how I look right now, my coat in one hand as I ran while donning a white sundress. It really wasn’t the best choice to be running away from an ex while you’re in a dress but, luckily there weren’t an cars in the dead quiet street at this hour of the night. Has it pass midnight already?

Turning around I glanced at the oncoming figure running after me, surprised. He was looking right at me and there wasn’t a silver of anger on his face when there should be, instead he looked amused in a childlike way. I turned back around ever as I heard the thudding of his footsteps hitting the pavement and a wild urged to scream arise in my throat. His expression got me thinking, what would people think if drive by and  saw us right now?

Would they think we were some young crazy couple happily chasing each other on their date,  and that after he caught me, he would hold me in his arms and never let me go. We would be laughing like small kids and he would tell me he love me and I will repeat those three word back to him and then we would kiss.

 Well, that is if he manage to catch me.

I stopped abruptly but I didn’t turned around until I heard him panting behind me, standing just a few centimetres behind me. “Stop.” That was the first word I said to him, and the exact same word he said when he looked up at me, with his hands in his knees and a big sweat stain at the front of his black shirt.

We stopped short after that simultaneous one-word greeting and the whole cat and mouse chase.

He doesn’t get closer to hug me and I don’t repeat those three words that he was suppose to say first after  he did. Hug me, that is, after he finally catch up with me, all smily face and sweet. Instead he smiled cheekily and announced, “I said it first.”

Yes, yes you did.

I didn’t reply him and he didn’t seemed affected that I didn’t. He continued but this time without facing me, he looked out at a vantage point far below and stared at that one point as he spoke, his voice smooth and velvety like from the radios. “Sure is a beauty, huh?”

“What?”

“Tonight. The sky.”

I walked over and mirrored his pose, my elbow leaning on the railing as I watched him. Diffent from the JUNG YONGHWA on the magazines and on live TV, all sharp-edged handsomeness and shinning out the spotlight; instead, Jung Yonghwa right here right now on the sidewalk by the streets, leaning on the railing talking softly was all subtle charisma and slightly more brooding with his looks. It made me think of the underside of the moon. If you take away the light that shines at just the right angle, the clothes that cut and clinch at the better parts of his body, the make up that accentuate his features-this is what you get. The almost inperceptible surface  underneath.

A charming boy from Busan.

“How do you know?” I questioned his admiration softly. “You’re not even looking.”

He didn’t say anything but quietly pointed to the point he was staring at. “Look.”

I had to forcefully take my eyes away from all the angles of his profile to look over at the reflection below. I let out a small gasp, “When-?” How did I not notice before? I thought as I look a mirrored reflection of the night sky on the surface of the Han River. I didn’t have to look up to know that he’s smirking at me. I could see it through our clear reflection on the river. His reflection had a huge grin on it’s face as he stare at me through our reflection.

He turned away before I did. I was still immersed in the most beautiful night sky created by the waters. I heard him sighed before he spoke again.

“This reminds me of when we were dating. Remember how it was like?” He laughed at the thought before he continued. I smiled at the sound. “Everytime we went out in public it was like we were shooting a spy flick. All the hiding and the small signals-ha, you remembered how once, we had to walk on opposite sides of the street until we reached some restaurant to eat. The whole time I was starving, I kept stealing glances at you but you didn’t noticed. And after I did, I wasn’t so hungry anymore-“

“Stop.” My head was beginning to throb, I rubbed my temple. “Just stop.” I pulled out a hand shaped in a ‘stop’ sign, fingers spread out with my palm facing him.

I had to get the words out before I swallow them. “The-the message from just now, I,” It was the hardest thing to say them. “I sent them wrongly. It was a m-mistake.”

“I didn’t mean it.” I did.

It doesn’t matter.

I saw the light dimmed in his eyes, his arms moved lifelessly to his side and his jaw slacked. He didn’t looked at me and I didn’t know what I was looking at anymore. There was something in my eyes, blurring everything in sight and I didn’t know where to look.

“Hey. Hey….” I could feel his hand on my cheek, gently clapping against it before it just stayed there, skin to skin. “It’s alright. Everything’s fine.” I couldn’t made out his face but I could here the comforting tone in his voice as gently rubbed his thumb across my cheek. “It’s okay. Don’t-don’t look like that.” If it was even possible, his voice dropped to a gentler tone.

“You’re fine. It’s fine.” Those words keep repeating itself with his voice and I couldn’t bear to hear him in pain and still take comfort in his kindness. I quickly shaked his hand off and look at him, as much of him that I could that is. And what I saw made my heart break. His eyebrows were pinched as he looked at me worriedly with his jaw clenched.

“Sorry.” I mouthed the word. I couldn’t find my voice.

He saw it. He turned his head skyward to stare up at the night sky, his forehead still pinched like he’s thinking too hard. He said, “There’s too many things we’ve learnt only we separated, Hyun.” He relaxed and all that’s left is a bittersweet smile.

“And so this is goodbye.” He said it without looking at me, like he was reading lyrics of an unfinished song.

That would never be finished.

With that I turned around and walk away. The tears don’t come when I need them most, I probably used them all up already. I couldn’t overcome my instint to turn around but he could. He wasn’t standing there, body half turned with only his profile visible, staring right back at me while I was.

Serves you right.

I deserve this.

Yes, I know I do. Yet the whole time I looked back at the silhouette of the man who holds my first love, I was drowning.

The whole time I did, I was drowning in wanting.

“You’re fine. It’s fine.”

Honestly, those words weren’t spoke to comfort her only. I was the other benefiting party. Those words repeated itself soundlessly in my head after she told me it didn’t mean anything. But they were just words, without use if not spoken outloud so I said them as a mean to comfort her, well on the surface anyway. So you see, I wasn’t as selfless as she thinks I am.

“You’re fine. Fine. Just perfectly fine.” I chanted under my breath as I walked away. This was the end and I don’t think people in the audience seat would like this ending. “I’m ing fine. Goddamit!”

I laughed quietly to myself as I looked at the sky. So disgustingly beautiful. I don’t think I’ll ever forget this night because of it. Because all of this happened when such a memorable night sky was hanging right above us.

I whispered a curse word at the sky.

Maybe someday, when I’m old enough to get over tonight’s event I would tell somebody about tonight. A close confidant or maybe just Jonghyun or my brother. I would tell them how she looked when she broke my heart. Hair whispering in the cool breeze, eyes wide with tears as she looked at me, mouth in that wretchedly cute afterthought pout. I would change the story a little, I would tell them I was fine afterward, that I didn’t think about committing suicide by jumping into the river, that I immediately when back to the recording studio and wrote a hit song about tonight. And earn tons.

Yes.

That’s what I will do.

I’m going to go back to my recording studio right now and-

I think I just heared my heart drop out of my chest.

Turning back, I examined the pavement for any bloody muscular organ. But there was none. The only thing there was a pair of mary janes. With fake leather cut out flower on top as decoration.

That’s not my heart.

After realizing my mistake, I was about to turn around to continue my way back to the recording studio when a set of arms attacked me. For a minute I had no idea that it was arms, as in human arms, my brain was just too out of it to think of a logic explanation to what everything was happening. That was until I heard her voice.

“Oppa.

Yong oppa.”

She squeezed me around my waist, her arm tightening around it, squeezing life back into me. I adamantly grabbed her arms away from me. I noticed the tear stain on the front of my shirt as she lifted her head to stare miserably at me. The cold breeze biting onto my skin at the place where her tears had seeped in.

She was shivering and I could hear her murmured indistinguishable words as I stared her down. “…..sorry…I didn’t understand……I’m slow……..wasted your……….”

I didn’t say anything as I gently pushed her away and she went quiet as I did. Before she said anything else, I guided her arms around my waist, just like before, instead this time her arms weren’t exposed to the merciless cold inside my coat.

I pushed her head towards my chest forcefully, “What do you have to say for yourself?” My voice was hoarse and broken, easily inaudible in the wind.

“I’m sorry.” Her head nuzzled against me like a kitten. “I’m sorry I’ve forgotten the most important thing.” She was crying, I knew from the way her shoulders shaked.

“What’s that?”

She looked up at me, tears trickling down her cheeks as she smiled, looking crazy and at the same time, looking the most beautiful I’ve ever seen of her. “That I love you.”

By then, the lyrics for the song had already popped into my head :

Cry for me, I know you secretly do.

Cry for me, because you know the reason to.

 She knows.

Deep down she knows. She know just how important she is to me.

And that’s all that matter…….

I’m going to be fine.

Everything’s fine. 

It's finish! OMGOD IT'S FINISH! HURRAH~ HURRAH~ I'M TYPING IN CAPS BECAUSE I'VE GONE CRAZY! MUAHAHAHAHA! 

Alright back to normal. 

You have no idea how hard it was to write this. God! 

It was hard to write out Hyun's feeling.........but hopefully I managed??? 

I still need to work on my writting but I'm just too EXCITED RIGHT NOW CAUSE THIS IS MY FIRST COMPLETED STORY~!!!!

XD 

Hope you guys like the ending. There was supposed to be another scene about the morning after this chap......all fluffy Yongseo and everything......but I don't know....

Anyway, hope I didn't let anyone down with the final.....

X)