GA IN 

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Several days later

We’ve been talking extensively about the matter over the past few days. What we are set against doing remains the same, which really isn’t doing very much good in reconciling the whole matter. But at the very least, the communication is very open right now, and I feel that I understand Kwonnie better than I ever have.

“So how Kwonnie?” I murmur as he joins me in bed.

“If I knew I would tell you.”

“But you love children don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“You know, the feeling isn’t going to go away?”

“It’s only going to get worse. I’m only going to look at the hyungs and be jealous of them.”

Kwon snorts softly, “I wonder why is it that I’m always envious of them? I was envious of them when they got married. Very recently, I was envious of them because they could happily go on a honeymoon. Then I found out that I didn’t know what jealous is. I’m totally going to be jealous of them when their babies come along.”

“You can’t have it both ways.”

“I’m jealous of people who can have it both ways. Why can’t I have it both ways?”

Don’t leave, please, no, “I love you.”

“How many times must I tell you that that’s absolutely not an option? If you walk out on me now, I will break. Fall to pieces. Shatter, in front of your very eyes.”

“You can’t have it both ways, Kwonnie.”

“I wish I could.”

“That’s not going to help the situation. You know that.”

“But it’s becoming increasingly clear to me. I can’t condemn a life, but I can’t not condemn it either. While the other option is on paper an option, in reality, it isn’t really an option. Doctors won’t do it, and I won’t let you do it. If anything happens to you I won’t forgive myself.”

“What can possibly happen to me?”

“It’s just not worth the risk. Not you. How will I know what will happen? For all I know, your mood swings will go out of control. Then you might, I don’t know, drink too much, bump into baddies, get kidnapped, starve yourself, self-harm.”

His overactive imagination is much too fertile for his own good.

“It’s really not all that bad anymore,” I mumble, because I full well know it’s because he makes me happy.

“Yeah, and you’ll be hard