...in which words are the knives piercing through hearts

Myungsoo/Sungyeol

1466 words

dedicated to naznew

On the day he came for me, the world suddenly felt lighter.   ** We met for the first time when I was seven, I remember. The day was pale without colours. Perhaps the radio reporters knew why it was that way; after all they were announcing one dreadful message after another. I liked listening to them.   There was a knock on our door one evening. I wasn't even aware of having neighbours. My brother had opened the door and brought him in. A boy my age, soaking wet and shivering, asked for a bit of flour. While mummy was in the kitchen, I carefully observed him. I had always noticed details first and I saw a tiny scar he had next to his right eye. It made me wonder how someone like me could have gotten one when every person I had met was nice and kind.   It was only later that I'd found out how.   "I was bad and mummy said that I'd get better if she hit me." he told me.   I remember I had wanted to meet his mummy. Her ways were different, but I had wanted to thank her for bringing up child so kind like Myungsoo was.   We were fourteen when Europe was exploding with news coming from Germany. When I first saw the man who became the chancellor, he didn't really appeal to me, but the people there loved him so I thought he couldn't be bad. But Koreans were not interested as I'd found out. Europe was far away for all I knew.   It was a few days after my birthday that mummy told me she thought there was something wrong with me. She wanted to take me to a doctor and I had hated doctors since I was small. I was scared, so I went to her and asked her to hit me. The look she gave me was incredulous and I didn't understand why. It was the right thing after all; Myungsoo's mummy was doing it.   "I could never hit you." she told me then. Instead of hitting me she wrapped her arms around me. I truly didn't understand and I was still to be taken to the doctor's. Before we had gone though, I asked Myungsoo what was the hitting supposed to mean. He just shook his head and smiled at me without saying anything.   Maybe the hitting wasn't right and maybe Myungsoo's mummy wasn't kind.    I remember I accidentaly heard mummy talking with the doctor after I'd been released and told to wait outside. Mummy was telling the doctor about the accident I'd had even before I met Myungsoo. It wasn't so terrible from my point of view, but hearing mummy weep behind the door kind of confused me. The doctor then spoke of some more examinations because she as well didn't like the way I behaved. I felt sad because it seemed like no one liked me for being myself. The only person who still smiled at me the same way was Myungsoo whom I liked more than I realised. I knew he liked me too, maybe even more than I did him.   "Why is your mummy still hitting you?" I asked him once, when we were walking outside. "Are you still bad to her?"   Myungsoo merely shook his head before saying, "She's just sad."   "Why?"   "Because my father left her because of me."   I didn't ask further and I felt guilty, which Myungsoo seemed to sense and instead of carrying on with the conversation, he held my hand.   After the examinations the doctor had talked about, mummy was blamed for not taking good care of me, which I didn't understand at all. I stood up for her, but it was as if I wasn't even there.

"If you searched for help sooner you could've helped him." the doctor started. I was out, behind