It wasn’t just once.

But he kept telling himself that.

Or perhaps he was living in the delusion that it would be only be once in order to keep his friendship intact.

But whatever it was that allowed him to continue on with Hakyeon’s schemes, it made him feel more distant with his friends, yet still holding on the slowly ripping string that connected him to them.

And the longer he kept holding on, the easier it was for him to look the other way when it happened.

It was amazing. The way Hakyeon was able to create an organization, an empire over the span of a few weeks. He had hundreds of people under his control, directly and indirectly. And by the time they were about to enter high school, they had created a name for themselves, Hakyeon created a name for themselves.    

He thought that perhaps that it was because of Hakyeon, his ingenious and calculating mind, which allowed of this to happen.

Whether or not he personally liked it or not, he still helped Hakyeon out. Because he was his friend. Because he didn’t want to disappoint one of his only friends. Because he was afraid of being alone again.

“We should come up names for ourselves,” Hakyeon piped up from the dark red couch he was relaxing in, his head on one end and his legs propped over the armrest on the other.

He looked up from his computer where he was sitting on an office chair in front of a large wooden desk. “Names?”

Hakyeon grinned. “Yeah. We’re getting pretty popular now, you know. You wouldn’t want people finding out our personal lives, right? So we should give ourselves codenames.”

Taehyun looked over from the floor where he was sitting cross-legged, meditating. “What do you suggest?”

Hakyeon laughed and waved the manga book he was reading. He pointed at the boy sitting at the desk. “You look like L from Death Note. You should be called L!”

The boy gave a quizzical look. “Shouldn’t you be L? He’s one of the smartest ones in the series. You’re also one of the smartest of this group. Or would you rather be Kira?”

Hakyeon shook his head and laughed. “Not as smart as you. I want to be N. Near. He’s my favorite character in the series,” he said as he flipped through the book. He then looked at Taehyun. “Who do you want to be?”

Taehyun shrugged.

Hakyeon glanced at his book. “I think I like the one letter name, but there are no more one letter names in Death Note,” he frowned as he continued flipping through the book. He closed the book and threw it lazily behind him. “How about K?” he threw out randomly.

Taehyun shrugged again and closed his eyes. “Whatever you want.”

Hakyeon clapped his hands once in excitement. “Then it’s settled. I’m N, you’re L, and you’re K!”

Taehyun nodded slightly to indicate that he was fine with it and the boy behind the computer simply shook his head and rolled his eyes.

He knew that there were several rumors floating around about him and his group when he entered high school. And sure enough, he could pick out those he knew. Those who Hakyeon manipulated into bending to his control. Those who he remembered looking up and finding their secrets. Those who would not look him the eye when he passed them, only scurrying away.

Some people gave him odd scrutinizing looks and others, wary ones.

He gave them no attention, allowing himself to become isolated and feared by them.

It continued for the next few years in an almost smooth continuous pattern.

He was left alone at school until someone desperate enough to seek his help came along. He helped Hakyeon and Taehyun slowly build up their reputation. He continued to use his computer for what Hakyeon called “the greater good”.

He didn’t care for any of it, but he felt like it was his duty to support his friends.

Until his last year in high, something different happened. Something that made him rethink about all he had done. Who his friends really were. Who he truly was.

“I want you to get into groups of three, and complete this assignment,” the teacher droned.

His ears perked up, and he moved his face slightly up from his crossed arms which his forehead was lying on.

He watched from the corner of the back as the students began to bustle around, heading toward their friends to group up.

He lowered his head back into his original sleeping position. He internally laughed because the past years in high school, he never had to need to form groups.

This was the first time he was forced to associate with his classmates.

He knew that no one wanted to form a group with him and had half a mind to talk to the teacher later and ask if he could work alone.

That was until he heard some screeching of some tables that sounded rather close to him.

He picked up his head to meet two pairs of eyes, one looking expressionless and one looking nervous.

He recognized the duo in his class.

The taller, inexpressive boy was Lee Sungyeol. He grouped this boy in the five percent that didn’t care about him.

The smaller, fair-looking boy who was nervously glancing around, not meeting his eyes was Lee Sungjong. He was part of the ninety percent who was afraid of him.

He raised an eyebrow at their proximity. “Yes?”

And he wasn’t the only one looking at them strangely. The rest of the class had stopped what they were doing to stare at the madness occurring. Someone was actually taking the initiative to talk to the solitary and most feared person in class. And that person was Lee Sungyeol, the most sarcastic and bored person in class. This wouldn’t be a good combination.

Sungyeol stared at him for the longest time before muttering, “Let’s form a group.”

There was a collective gasps from several people since it was assumed that no one was going to join a group with him.

The boy thought the same and asked, “Why?”

Sungyeol shrugged. “It was either you or him,” he said as jabbed his thumb at another boy behind him, his eyes still on the boy in front of him. “And he and I never see eye to eye. I would rather partner up with you than get stuck in a group with him.”

He watched him carefully, seeing if this boy was truly telling the truth, or trying to say something more. But he couldn’t find any discrepancies and shrugged.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Sungyeol mumbled and promptly sat down on his chair.

Sungjong gave Sungyeol an exasperated look and gave the other boy a wary glance before sighing and sitting down as well.

He didn’t know then, but he felt something deep within stir. Something at that time he didn’t know exactly what it was. But the him now would say that it was something special. Something that was partly relief, amusement, and thankfulness all rolled up into one. That he was actually happy that these two approached him with no ulterior motive but simply because they could.

But the him then thought they were the most ridiculous people he had met, and he would not give them a second glance.

It wasn’t exactly a friendship that clicked from the start. Most of the time it was Sungyeol and Sungjong bickering about pointless things while he watched with slight humor.

Sungjong was cautious about him at first, hardly talking to him and only speaking to Sungyeol,. But in the end, whether it was because he warmed up to him or simply could not handle speaking so little, Sungjong treated him like an old friend even though he hardly spoke to him or Sungyeol.

Sungyeol treated him the same as he treated everyone else, with mild boredom. Even his so called best friend Sungjong was treated the same, though he could tell that their friendship was stronger than that.

He wouldn’t exactly call them friends, more close acquaintances than classmates, since they would both go out of their way to greet him each morning yet he wouldn’t respond in the slightest.

Most people would have given up by now due to his unresponsiveness, but these two didn’t seem to mind. Instead they would actually continuously follow him to his spot at lunch, walking behind him and squabbling like children.

When he had finally reached his spot secluded from the more populated area at school, he had enough.

“What are you doing here?” he asked coldly.

The two boys stopped arguing about which type of starter Pokémon was better and turned to look at him.

“Um. To eat lunch?” Sungjong stated questionably.

Sungyeol sat down on the grass. “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing for the last past month?” he questioned with a blankly amused look on his face.

He stared at the two boys who seemed to not even notice his exasperation. “What I’m trying to say is that I don’t want you two here.”

Sungyeol stopped trying to open up his bag of chips. “That seems contradictory, no?”

He narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“What he means is that we have been hanging out with you ever since we formed that group. If you didn’t want us around, you would have kicked us away long ago. Yet, here we are. A month later, still here,” Sungjong replied, munching on his sandwich.

Sungyeol and Sungjong were both seated while he was still standing up and staring at them in a stupor.

“And we know you’re not what the rumors say. You’re a pretty nice guy once we get to know you. Not really responsive to what we say, but nice, nevertheless,” continued Sungjong.

He sat down on the grass in front of them. “Rumors?” he said quietly.

Sungyeol smirked. “Things like that you and some people you knew were the cause of some ‘disturbance of the peace’ when we know for a fact that you were sleeping like a log when we were at Sungjong’s house for our group project.”

“And among other things,” Sungjong mumbled. “But we know that you didn’t do them. At least not those.”

He blinked at them slowly and gave them a small genuine smile. “I see.”

Sungyeol and Sungjong looked at each other in surprise and grinned back at him.

They knew, of course. Sungyeol and Sungjong. They knew that some of the rumors weren’t exactly baseless. That for the most part, their newly acquired ‘friend’ was involved in group that ruled from the shadows.

And even though they were curious, they never asked him. They felt like it was too soon. That it would break their fragile friendship if they did. So they kept quiet about it.

And luckily through that, he was becoming more and more comfortable and expressive around them. He showed a few more smiles than usual, and it wasn’t rare for him to give a brisk laugh when he was with them.

Other people watched in wonder, thinking it was impossible for something of this nature to happen. They still kept their distance, however, not feeling bold enough to approach him, even with Sungyeol and Sungjong around.

It didn’t matter to him though because he was beginning to appreciate such a simple friendship. He always felt alone with people around him, not being able to hold what he thought was a proper conversation. And although Sungyeol and Sungjong would never be able to match his intellectual prowess, their personality made up for it.

Sungyeol amused him. His way of blatantly saying what he wanted out loud, even more than him. The way that he never seemed interested in what anybody had to say, and if he did, he answered sarcastically or until Sungjong riled him up with some argument.

Sungjong made him feel like he was at home. He had a way of bringing everyone into the conversation, not leaving anyone out, even him. When he would sit there and watch Sungyeol and Sungjong argue, Sungjong would suddenly ask him what he thought, and he always felt like he had to answer him. Sungjong could make him answer things without knowing.

And the two of them together, well, they were the most entertaining duo ever. They way they seemingly argue about everything and anything, to the most insignificant things to more complicated and intellectual arguments.

And he was a part of them. A part of the group they had let him join. Sneakily, casually, gradually, that he didn’t know that he was in it when he was in it. They accepted everything about him, his intelligence, his distantness, his other self that ran with a different group.

But with this, he was beginning to wonder about his friendship with Hakyeon and Taehyun who were becoming more and more different from when he first met them.

And it wasn’t until a few more months later that he knew he had to choose.

He mostly spent his time with Sungyeol and Sungjong. Hakyeon understood that and let him roam free with them, only calling him back when he needed him. However, Hakyeon still expected him to place his friendship with him and Taehyun over his friendship with Sungyeol and Sungjong.

He was fine with that if it meant that he wouldn’t have to place his friendship with Sungjong and Sungyeol in danger. He also didn’t have to see what Hakyeon and Taehyun did behind the scenes. He usually watched, but stopped after he couldn’t handle the screams and cries for help.

But it was one day when he went to school and saw his two school friends.

He smiled softly at them but his eyes widened in shock over the appearance of Sungjong. A black eye, a bruised lip, and walking with a limp. He had his arm over Sungyeol who was helping him walk.

“What happened?” he asked, horrified.

Sungyeol growled, “Some little punks ambushed Sungjong. The same ones who…” He stopped when Sungjong squeezed his arm and shook his head, mouthing a “No” to him.

Sungyeol watched him with a grim frown and sighed. “Never mind. Some bad luck.”

Sungjong gave his other friend as wry smile. “I’m fine,” he tried to assure him. And then Sungyeol helped Sungjong back in his seat.

The boy watched his two friends, feeling, knowing, that something was wrong. That they weren’t telling him the whole truth. That whatever it was they were hiding, it involved him somehow.

But Sungjong seemed insistent on leaving him out of this situation, and he decided to let him for they allowed him the same privilege with his connection with Hakyeon and Taehyun.

However, he couldn’t stand by and watch after it happened again.

Sungyeol had walked into class the next week with a cast plastered around him arm.

And before he could ask him what happened, Sungyeol pointed the arm at him recklessly. “Don’t ask. I fell down the stairs.”

“Stairs?” he asked suspiciously.

“Yep,” he replied simply.

Sungjong walked in a little after and stopped short when he saw Sungyeol.

He stared at his arm and looked at him with worry.

Sungyeol rolled his eyes. “Don’t give me that look.”

But Sungjong wouldn’t stop with his intense stare of concern.

Sungyeol sighed and motioned Sungjong to follow him. He leaned over to whisper in his ear as they walked away. “I’m managed to fight them off. Gave them some bruises as well.”

Sungyeol thought that their other friend couldn’t hear, but he did. He heard every word. But he acted like he didn’t.

Because he wanted to find out what they were hiding.

Since his job was to find information on the people who they were targeting, he had not only picked up skills that allowed him more information from the internet, but Takyeon had also showed him how to track and follow them.

Which is why he was following his two friends who were headed home. He shadowed them closely, making sure that he wouldn’t be noticed by them, hoping that he would find out what was happening.

Nothing seemingly out of the ordinary happened, and they had almost reached Sungjong’s house.

But as they rounded the corner, he noticed that they were stopped by a group of boys, surrounding them and backing them against the wall.

He noticed that it was a deserted street and that they had nowhere to run.

“You again?” Sungyeol muttered. “Thought you had enough yesterday.”

One of the boys, who was obviously the leader with the way he was positioned, laughed grimly. “Yeah, we got to thank you for that. Some of my boys came back rather scuffed.”

Sungjong looked around nervously. “Look. Beating us up is not going to do anything. He doesn’t know a thing. We’re not getting him involved.”

The leader scoffed. “I can’t believe that you’re protecting L. Him and the other two have done more damage than you would have ever thought. We can’t touch them, but their friends we can. Which means you two. You’re famous for being L’s friends outside their organization. We hurt you two; we hurt L.”

And with a wave of his hands, his companions rushed up Sungjong and Sungyeol and stared to beat them mercilessly.

He watched from a while away in shock. He was supposed to know everything, yet he didn’t know about this?

He couldn’t watch his friend get beaten up so he rushed to them, throwing off their attackers.

The group of boys frowned at that sudden intruder until they realized who it was.

“! It’s L!” one of them murmured, stepping away from him.

The leader laughed. “Oh, so the one behind it all has come to save his friends. How admirable.” He glared at the one of the three he despised.

But before he could do anything else, he felt a heavy punch in his stomach which made him stumble back and bend over in pain. “You bastard,” he snarled.

But the other one didn’t heed him any attention as he gave him a straight punch with his right and then an uppercut.

The boy fell down, coughing with blood. He glared at him while he head throbbed with pain. He cursed and then yelled for his group to retreat.

As they ran off, he hurried over to his friends. They weren’t heavily wounded, but they had their fair share of cuts and bruises.

As he propped them up so they were sitting and leaning against the wall, Sungjong winced as he opened his eyes. “Myungsoo?” he croaked.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he mumbled angrily. “Or at least stopped being my friend.”

Sungyeol muttered from beside Sungjong, his eyes still closed. “What kind of friends would be if we did that?”

Sungjong tried to smile but ended up coughing harshly. “You’re more important to us than you think.”

And the boy could only look at them sadly and give them a half-smile.

He helped them home and over the course of a few days, made sure that they were going to be fine.

He found out that they both had been confronted numerous times before by enemies that him and his other two friends made, always escaping in the nick of time. But it wasn’t until lately that they were actually injured because of that.

He couldn’t believe it. That he had spent this long, unknowingly putting his friends in danger.

Sungjong and Sungyeol tried to tell him that is wasn’t his fault, but he wouldn’t hear any of it. Because it was his fault. Everything.

He spent his time thinking about what happened, about what was important to him, about what he should do.

And he finally came to a conclusion.

And a few nights after, he approached them.

“Myungsoo!” Hakyeon cried after Taehyun let him in. “To what do we owe this pleasure? You hardly have time to see us anymore.”

“I need to tell you something,” he replied grimly.

“Oh?” Hakyeon mused as he gestured to the seat in front of him. “Do tell.”

He sat down and stared long and hard at his friend. His friend who had changed so dramatically since he first met him. Who he felt was no longer the person he admired.

He then looked at Taehyun. His friend, who didn’t speak much, showed his friendship in more ways than possible. Who unfortunately seemed to agree with Hakyeon’s ideals. Who he felt had also changed for the worse.

He sighed and looked at Hakyeon. “I want out.”

Hakyeon blinked at him with a surprised face before he narrowed his eyes and said darkly, “What?”

He stared firmly at him. “I said I want out. I don’t want to be involved in this group anymore. I don’t want to be associated with your doings anymore.”

Hakyeon watched him carefully before laughing heartily. “You want out? You can’t just simply leave, my dear Myungsoo.” His expression darkened. “Not after putting almost four years of effort into this.”

He shook his head. “I can’t do this anymore.”

Hakyeon raised an eyebrow. “You can’t do this anymore? Or is it your ‘other’ friends can’t?” he muttered, using his fingers to quote the word other.

He watched Hakyeon with a grim look as Hakyeon approached him slowly. “Don’t think I don’t know about what happened to your friends. And don’t think I don’t know that you spend more and more time with them than you do with us.”

He grabbed the opposite boy’s collar, pulling him closer. “And so you think they’re worth more than us? That these measly so-called friends of yours are more important than us? Your true friends who allowed you become more than you could ever hoped for. That we connected on a higher level than nobody else could. And yet you choose them over us?”

He stared at Hakyeon, not deterring from his harsh gaze. “It’s true. You let me into a world where I could never be bored, where I could enjoy life like I never had before. I gained friends who understood me. I wasn’t alone anymore.”

“Then why?!” Hakyeon yelled, letting go of his collar. “Why them over us?” he cried softly.

He looked down and smiled sadly. “Because you changed Hayeon. You changed. You’re not the same Hakyeon that I first met.” He turned to look at Taehyun who was looking at him with a strangely, as if he couldn’t believe this was happening. “You too, Taehyun. Maybe not as much as Hakyeon, but I see it.”

“I can’t believe it!” Hakyeon muttered, pacing across the room. “I’ve changed? We’ve changed? No, you’re wrong. I haven’t changed. I have simply seen the light. Where our future is bigger and brighter and where no one can hurt us again.” He turned to look at him. “And I’m sorry that you can’t see it.”

Hakyeon approached him slowly, carefully, until he was standing right in front of him. “You can leave, Myungsoo. But don’t expect us to welcome you back with open arms,” he snarled.

Then with no hesitation, he punched him in the stomach. And while he bended over slightly over in pain, Hakyeon pulled his hair up and kneed him on the chin. He dropped him onto the floor and kicked him, kicked over and over.

The boy on the floor did not fight back, letting his old friend attack him, feeling that this was the only way to leave, for his friend to forgive him.

Once Hakyeon stopped, panting hard, he stared at the boy on the floor. His face was crumpled in agony and shouted, “We were friends, Myungsoo! I would even call you my best friend! I trusted you, and yet you do this to me!" He raised his leg again, but after a moment of hesitation, slowly put it down. He crouched down.

“We were friends,” he said again, more softly, his voice on the edge of breaking, tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

He stood up and rubbed his eyes. He started to walk away but stopped half-way. “We’re always going to be friends, L,” he said bitingly, spitting out his nickname. His expression changed to a more cheerily look. “Whether you like it or not.”

He headed out the door and took one look back. “I’ll always be watching you, L. You’ll get your happiness with your friends, since that’s what you fought for. But I don’t think you deserve any more happiness with people like your family or lovers.” He looked at Taehyun. “You can do what you want too, Taehyun. I’m leaving.”

Taehyun watched him go and turned to look at the other boy who was still on the floor.

He moved over to him and helped him stand up. And then gave him a strong punch to the face.

He fell down again, and Taehyun sat down in front of him as the fallen boy tried to pick himself up, but couldn’t. He ended up lying on the floor.

“You know, I was always envious of you, Myungsoo.”

The boy blinked at him in confusion.

“Yeah, didn’t know that, did you? I was jealous of your relationship with Hakyeon. You were always closer to him despite the fact that I went to the same school as him.”

He sighed. “Hakyeon always talked about you even when you weren’t here, even when you were hanging out with your other friends, even when I was right next to him. He always held you in high esteem, that you were the one who could understand him.”

He sighed again as he reached into his pocket to take a tissue out which he handed over to the boy so he could wipe the blood from his mouth. “I knew that you didn’t like what Hakyeon did. It was understandable, really. You didn’t go through what we went through at your school. But Hakyeon seemed insistent that you could understand. You followed through with his demands, but you didn’t like what he did.”

Taehyun put his hands on the floor behind him and leaned back. He stared at the ceiling. “I was okay with it because I understood better. Sure, it’s not exactly the best approach, but Hakyeon was my friend. My only friend now. I wasn’t exactly lucky like you were, making friends who aren’t afraid of you. Hakyeon and you were the only friends who weren’t.”

He stood up, brushing off the dirt of his pants. “Even though you won’t be around us anymore, you’ll still be remembered wherever we go. I’m still a bit envious of you. I could never have the same relationships like you did, with Hakyeon and your other friends, and I never will.”

“That must be the most you have ever spoken to me in my entire life,” the boy groaned softly.

Taehyun slightly smiled. “Don’t expect it to happen again.” He started to walk out of the door and looked back. “I hope we won’t meet each other again like this, L. And remember that N doesn’t make empty threats.”

Myungsoo watched as he disappeared from the room.

He painstakingly reached for his pocket to grab his phone. He slowly dialed a number and waited for the other person to pick up.

“Hello? Myungsoo?”

He coughed. “Hey, I need your help,” he said weakly.

“What? What happened? Where are you?” the voice cried out.

“I’m at the old warehouse on Main St. It’s advised that you hurry,” he mumbled.

“Oh my god. We’ll be right there.”

Right after another voice popped. “Who was that, Sungjong?”

“Sungyeol! It’s Myungsoo. I think he’s hurt.”

That was all Myungsoo could hear before the dial tone droned through.

He ended the call and lied there, staring at the ceiling. He closed his eyes thinking about the choices that he made. Whether they were good or bad, only time could tell.

But for now, even though it hurt both physically and emotionally, he couldn’t help but let a small smile grow on his face.

He was going to start anew.

He wasn’t going to risk ignoring Hakyeon’s threat. So when high school was coming to a close, he tried to persuade his parents about him leaving home. However, they wouldn’t have any of it. They wanted him home.

But he didn’t want them to put them at risk, so late at night, he left home. He left them a note telling them he was sorry, that when he was ready, when everything was fine again, then they would find him home again. But for now, this was not the time.

He made arrangements to stay at Sungjong’s and Sungyeol’s houses for the time-being until he was able to find somewhere to live.

If there was something he gained from being in the group, it was that he had excessive money from when Hakyeon blackmailed their richer targets. Hakyeon gave him it saying that it was his allowance, and him and Taehyun didn’t touch his part of the money after they went their own separate ways.

He didn’t like using the money, before and now, but he felt like he had no choice.

So with that money, he bought an apartment complex where he could commute to the nearby university.

He lived his next year of his life casually. Sungyeol and Sungjong attended the same school, and nobody seemed to know his past, who he truly was.

And he liked it that way.

But it wasn’t until he met someone just as amusing as Sungyeol, who at first seemed to have the same prickly nature as his sarcastic friend, but realized that this person was actually almost the same as Sungjong with his warm personality.

He wasn’t until then that he felt like the decision he made two years ago was worth it.

But it also the same time where his past came back to haunt him. That he was reminded that he wasn’t allowed the happiness he could have had.

But if that meant that he could protect that people that he cared about, where he couldn’t with Sungyeol and Sungjong in the past, then he was willing to forego that happiness.

He was willing to see her safe than with him and hurt.

But little did he know that she wasn’t going to let that happen.

A/N: The end of part two of Myungsoo’s past. Gosh, I felt my heart wrench as I was writing N’s part where he was getting all emotional with Myungsoo. I really like N; it saddens me to write such history about him.

But now back to the main story. We know about Myungsoo, so let’s see what Soojin does now.

Thanks for reading!