"I carry your heart with me, I am never without it, I want no world, and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever sun will always sing is you. 

here is the deepest secret nobody knows, and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)" 

-E.E s

start of Chapter 40

I begin my day by writing compositions early in the morning in a coffee shop. Listening to the soft, jazz music that gives me the chills to write about what I felt about this day. The staff here already knew me since I first came here, they even gave me special treatments and allowed me to use the VIP area, but I insisted I shall do what normally customers always do. 

Time passes by so quickly, and it's been three years since my graduation ended, I'm in grad school and continuing to learn. After graduation, I decided to come with grandma and leave my home country. I've been experiencing cold weather and it's my first time to experience things that I haven't back home. 

I've been living in an apartment by myself but I have a nice neighbor who also attends grad school. Those past few years, a lot had happened. And I never had any news about him. 

Before I came here, Han Byul and I had a closure. I know he is a good person. 

flashback

Han Byul and I were in good terms, he finally accepted that I can't change my heart suddenly and he knows I love Myung Soo, a news was announced that Han Byul and I will have an engagement party publicly after my graduation. I went to Han Byul and asked him what was happening. 

Han Byul: "I think my dad, did all these things, I'm sorry Soo Jung"

Soo Jung: "Can we just beg to those newspapers company to stop spreading it."

while we were talking, Han Byul was thinking and he said "I got an idea, just trust me. 

In my graduation, grandma Jin, aunt Song, Sun Young, Jong Suk and Min Ho came. After they gave the diplomas, Jong Suk and Min Ho gave me bouqet of flowers and congratulated me.

Min Ho: "Congrats"

Soo Jung: "Thank you"

Jong Suk: "Let's celebrate after this"

Sun Young: "That's right, grandma Jin and aunt Song are game to that right?" grandma Jin and aunt Song nod

When we were about to go to the car, I asked Jong Suk

Soo Jung: "How is he?"

Jong Suk: "Don't worry about him, I think he's doing good"

Soo Jung: "Thank you for checking him out for me, I know I hurt him a lot after breaking up with him in a piece of paper." and Jong Suk pat my hair. 

When Jong Suk and Min Ho came to the city again, Min Ho was mad at me for leaving Myung Soo all of a sudden but Jong Suk explained the reason and he forgive me. They told me that after Myung Soo read my letter, he didn't came out from his work, he always make himself busy and they never see him smile like the day before I left. After months, he never communicate with me, he didn't have any message for me when Jong Suk and Min Ho went to Jeju to help him. All I can thought of that day, was that I wish him well. Min Ho told me that their company at Jeju and Incheon was back maybe that's the effect of my agreement with Myung Soo's uncle. And news spread that I am Han Byul's fiance and I know it's in the agreement.

When it's time for the public announcement, Han Byul told me that I need to trust him with this and I did. When Myung Soo's uncle said our names, we went out of the room and there were many visitors. Han Byul did the talking but before he speak to everyone, he looked at me and said "Don't worry" and he smiled at me

Han Byul: "Good evening everyone, I honestly, don't know if I should welcome you or not because this is unexpected event for us. It's been 2 years since we have this kind of event especially for my dad, this is a very important matter to him." Han Byul looked at his dad and said "Sorry, dad but I have to do the right thing." Han Byul was holding my hand while he made his speech.

Han Byul: "I'm here with Ms. Soo Jung, that we all know, she is the grand daughter of madam Jin, that went through a lot, and her story is an open book to the public after her introduction. A good person told me about her, he compliments Soo Jung a lot, in days he visited me at the hospital, to the point that I became curious, who is she? who is Soo Jung? When I got out of the hospital, I decided to came back home, and find that good person who told me about Soo Jung. Unfortunately, I can't find him....but I was hoping I can see him. I just found out that my dad took over their company, that I didn't know, that I didn't tolerate at all. When I found about it, my dad told me to choose what I want, and I remembered Soo Jung. And I'm thankful for my dad that he bring Soo Jung to me, but it makes me sad because she didn't came just because of me, she came for this good person that she loves. The first time I met her, her eyes was cold that I knew and felt that she wasn't interested with me. I know it's foolish for me to be wanted and to be like by this beautiful person" he took a deep sighed and continued

Han Byul: "She may not know me, but I know her by this good person. I know it's wrong to steal someone's heart and want it to change. Dad, we need to stop this, we need to go back from what we used to be, not this. This is not you, this is not us. I believe there's something good other than this. Why you need more power when you are contented already with what you have before?" then Han Byul's dad said "I did this for you son, it's all for you"

Han Byul: "No, it's not for me. Mom won't ever like this when she's still here. I don't hate you dad, we can go back just like before." Han Byul's dad came towards to him and said "Okay, son" and Han Byul continued

Han Byul: "Everyone, there's no engagement to be follow, there's never been us, so we should go back to being normal again okay? Good night everyone and sorry for the misunderstanding"

After the event, Han Byul and I talked outside.

Han Byul: "You just need to go with him again"

Soo Jung: "I think he won't accept me anymore, after all I did to him, Han Byul thank you, you're a good person" Han Byul smiled and said

Han Byul: "What are your plans?"

and that ends, the reason why I fly abroad, is to self-reflect. I tried to call Myung Soo back then but he was not answering. I guess I deserve this.

end of flashback

While I'm far from my friends, we still exchange messages with each other. Jong Suk became active in theater plays after his graduation and he was also continuing his studies, Min Ho is taking over his dad's business, he sent me gifts every Friday and I'm thankful for it. I actually asked him if he met someone special and he said shyly that he did met someone from university, and I'm happy for Min Ho. Sun Young, she has a work now and she's a bit busy but she never forget to send messages to me. Aunt Song sold our old apartment back to my home place, and reside to her relatives but sometimes she visits grandma so I'm thankful for it. 

Every day I woke up early in the morning, to come to class, I spend my spare time watching live performances from different theaters around here, sometimes I go round about with my group mates. When I travel, I always bring my notebook and his photo. It makes me wonder where is he now? According to Min Ho, Myung Soo's parents came back to the mansion after Han Byul's father gave up the company and apologized to Myung Soo's parents, Myung Soo was not also in the country, Myung Soo's parents told Jong Suk that Myung Soo decided to travel by himself and maybe he was studying. I'm glad he was.

I miss him a lot, I miss talking to him, I miss how he sings to me, and his smile. I don't know where he is but I'm wishing him well, if he finds love again, I'm glad he will be smiling but the reason is not me anymore. I honestly, haven't move on but if he does, I think I just need to accept it.

I came to class today to submit my compositions to our professor, I don't know if he will like it but I wrote it based on what I feel in a rainy morning. While I was walking, someone was calling me and it's Carl.

Carl: "Hi! Miss, madam Jin have a favor."

Soo Jung: "What is it?"

Carl: "She's in New Zealand and she might not come to this event."

Soo Jung: "Event....?"

Carl:  "I already sent the package to your apartment there and also the plane ticket"

Soo Jung: "You mean, I'm going home? I can't leave my work and s