~ 100 days with you ~ - chocolatenite

~Crazy Swirly Review Request Shop!~ [CLOSED]

 

Title of story: ~ 100 days with you ~

Story link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/45337/100-days-with-you-ahnjaehyo-jiyeon-ljoe-myungsoo-romance-schoollife-taemin

Characters in story: L.Joe, Jiyeon, Taemin, Jaehyo

 

Title:  4/5

 

Yay! I liked your title very much as it made me curious about your story. The title is intriguing and I liked it. 
I deducted one mark because you should have capitalised your title. Also, I think that you should just take away “~”.

So it becomes like this: 100 Days with You

 

Poster: 4/5

The poster is nice and well blended, but a little to red for my taste. Also, I don’t know what the chunk at the bottom left
corner of the poster is, so I deducted one mark.

 

Description & foreword:  6/10

 

I loved your description! It didn’t actually give away too many details, and the readers (like me)
would actually take the time to think about the questions, and want to read on. However, there
are some spelling errors you need to take note of there.

 

Instead of happends, it should have been happens.

 

For the foreword, you didn’t use it for what you were supposed to use it for, like many other writers do.
A suggestion is to write a short summary or a little teaser for your audiences instead of putting your
character charts and disclaimer there. Personally, I don’t like character charts which are a little too detailed
as they give away too much information on the story.

 

Plot: 25/30

 

I loved the plot, and it was really interesting. It was original, although I might have came across a few stories like yours here and there, but you managed to set it apart and I could see the differences in the story.                      

 

Kudos to you for that! ^^

Writing style:  10/20

 

Wrong: "I don't understand why girls live him,I mean sure he's handsome and
everything but he's a toal playboy and girls know that."

 

Correct: “I don’t understand why girls like him, I mean, sure, he’s handsome and everything,
but he’s a total playboy and girls know that.”

 

Spelling/grammar:  8/10

 

The grammar was great, and no big errors anywhere I could find. For the spelling,
it is relatively okay, only with a few typo errors here and there. Make sure to check
through your work after writing every time!

 

Wrong: I'm seriously going bersek! I need medication!

 

Correct: I'm seriously going berserk! I need medication!

 

Ending:  9/10

 

Considering that you had a sequel, your ending was great, but the kiss was
a little too sudden. But overall, I love the sweet ending!

 

Overall enjoyment: 10/10

 

I freaking loved it omg! Speechless.

 

Total marks:  76/100

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Thank you!

Comments

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flyingyen
#1
Hey there! Sorry to be leaving a message like this in your comments but Ravenous Temptations are hiring for more staff! We are looking for dedicated graphic designers, reviewers, writers and advertisers! So please help us out because we are overloaded with requests and lack the staff to complete them ^^;;<br />
<br />
http://ravenous-temptations.blogspot.com
jwhong005
#2
i just applied for a review. i've been subscribed for a while and didn't realize i didn't submit a request. oops
chocolatenite
#3
Thanks for your honest review.haha I didn't have time to check.
fizz-peaze #4
but may I ask, I still have no idea what's the difference of description and foreword. I just figured one is a description of the story and the other is just anything you want... i still get confused :(
fizz-peaze #5
can I point out something? My title is The Fall of the Trampled Rose" not "Tramped Roses" no, no, that wouldn't make much sense would it? lol...tramp rose. hahaha //can't get over that, tramped rose... LOL.. <br />
thanks for reviewing!
dawnrose
#6
thanks~ LOL<br />
keep up the good work!
keymera
#7
Username: keymera<br />
<br />
Title of story: It Started with a Promise<br />
<br />
Link to story: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/28059/it-started-with-a-promise-jonghyun-key-minho-onew-romance-taemin-you<;br />
<br />
Characters & Story foreword/description: Main characters are Key and Mika the others are like supporties.<br />
<br />
a story of a little girl who made a promise with her childhood friend.<br />
After 12 years she returned to her hometown, since she don't have any<br />
relatives in Korea, Minho (her best boy-friend) insisted that she should<br />
stay with him. To her surprise the guy whom she hated the most from the first<br />
time they met was one of Minho's mates and they're going to live in just one<br />
house. Will they stay quarrelling over things ? Will she find her childhood<br />
friend? Would she still remember the promise they made?<br />
<br />
mika : Then let's make a promise :)<br />
boy : What kind of promise?<br />
mika : That we will marry each other, I promise that I will return and find you<br />
boy : Then I'll wait for your return<br />
mika : Let's make a pinky swear :)<br />
boy : It's a promise :)<br />
<br />
Extras (What do you want me to do/ not to do): Nothing really. But I just want to say that I'm kinda lazy to edit my typo errors so I guess I'll edit it once I finished the story :)
summerswirlies
#8
The reason why I used "Infinitely" is because the group is Infinite.<br />
It's a comedy meaning It's not to be taken seriously.<br />
The ending that I forgot to put is that Sungjong and Woohyun were watching the two of them... Well spying more like it.<br />
<br />
Thanks!
summerswirlies
#9
Username: borrriing123<br />
<br />
Title of story: Drunk on Yogurt<br />
<br />
Link to story:http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/39702/drunk-on-yogurt-oneshot-myungsoo-sungjong-woohyun-you<;br />
<br />
Characters & Story foreword/description: Myungsoo/you... <br />
Cameo SungJong and Woohyun.<br />
<br />
One look at Kim Myungsoo, you'll think that right away he's cool, handsome and charming. But only his group members and you, know that he's crazy, random, weird yet innocent at the same time. Why? Because he gets drunk on yogurt. How's that for being innocent?<br />
<br />
Extras (What do you want me to do/ not to do): <br />
I don't have a poster yet. Sorry!<br />
and theres only one chappie because it's a oneshot :D<br />
I have several mistakes but I still hope you can enjoy :)