Reviewer: joanne200969

Hello! Thank you for being my first review! I never reviewed before, so I hope I will help. I tried to not be sugar coated and not be harsh.... LOL I love lollies...

Thank you for requesting! :D

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Title: 3 /5

Does your title attract your readers?

Your title is nice, but it’s just a bit long. If I was actually going down a list of stories I wouldn’t click it because remember it’s only a few seconds as you go down a list randomly looking at titles. There won’t be enough time for readers to actually make the meaning of the title, before they keep going down. Next time try making a title shorter and has a lot of meaning to it to make the reader curious. (Write down all the key words of the story, like books etc, and match them up to see do they make sense.) Otherwise, good job. 

Poster: 5/10

How does it in any way match your story and how does your poster make the readers want to read your story on the first look?

To be honest, I didn’t really like the poster. The colors were good, but the poster was too small. Everything looked stuffed up into one small space and everything wasn’t blended in well; the girl was too big and Kevin was too small.

In some poster shops if you use the poster for a certain amount of days you can request again. If your poster shop can, next time ask for a bigger poster and try a shop that gives backgrounds too. 

Description & foreword:  5/10

Will your readers understand your description and want to continue reading on? Or is it hard to understand and doesn't make any connection to your story?

Are the character descriptions giving correct information and how does it allow the reader to understand them?

How does your character, in the story, act according to how they are described to be?

Your foreword was pretty boring. I read a lot of fan fics that have a similar plot, like a normal girl met an idol and they fell in love but were too scared to confess and more things came in the way… ________. I’m not really into those stories because we already know half of the plot already by the information you gave us in the foreword. Some people might want to read it but some might just click ‘go back’.  

Plot originality:  26/35

Originality and is the plot interesting in overall? Is it confusing?

Your plot was too simple. Next time think of some ideas and things that will make more readers have more interest in your story. Read some other people’s fanfics and get some ideas from them. J

Flow: 3/5

This it too quick? Or was it too fast?

The flow was OK at some chapters. A few chapters the flow was too quick and some were too slow.

Example:

It was silent for a while so I started to work on my homework.

"Choon Hee...?"

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you another question?"

I shrugged. "I guess..."

"Do you... Like me?"

My head shot up from my book. I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks. "Y-Yah! Stop asking stupid questions and do your work!" I exclaimed before looking back down at my book. How could he ask me such a question!? I barely even know him!

Kevin smiled and started to do his work again. "I'll take that as a 'yes'..."

"No you won't. Because I don't!"

"Whatever you say Choon Hee..."

I’m not being a meanie here but they barely met up to 5 times!

I don’t think a lot of people would ask someone ‘do you like me’ in barely 1 week of knowing them.

Try to slower the pace at times but at times but sometimes mark it faster at times too. Some chapters the flow was too slow that I skipped a couple bits and pieces.

EG. The time when Choon Hee teaches Kevin Math. (I don’t really think you need 5 sentences to tell about them doing work.)   

Writing style:  9/15

Is the writing style easy to follow and understand?

Your writing style is plain at times, try to liven up the mood by adding more jokes and comedy stuff to it. A few chapters it was just plain text and I didn’t get really addicted to it. Still, not too bad for a first fanfic.

Spelling/grammar: 4/5

Is there correct spelling, punctuations and tense usage?

Your spelling and grammar was OK and I didn’t notice any large mistakes. But there are some typo errors you need to fix.

Ending:  /10

Does it end suddenly?

Is it confusing to the reader as they do not know what is going on?

You haven’t finished it so I won’t count the marks in. 

Bonus: 5/5

Was it a good fic?

What did I like in your fic/

1.      My first U-Kiss Fic!

2.      I don’t like math too. LOL

3.      Some cliffhangers were good.

4.      Good effort into your 1^st Fic!

5.      My first requester!

Total marks:  60/90 = 66.67/100

Good Job! By the way I subscribed so congra for getting a new subscriber! LOL

Thank you for requesting from us!

P.S. Please post the review in one of your chapters and credit!  ^^

joanne200969