Done by: yiling245

Username: borrriing123

Title of story: Drunk on Yogurt

Link to story:http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/39702/drunk-on-yogurt-oneshot-myungsoo-sungjong-woohyun-you

Characters & Story foreword/description: Myungsoo/you... 
Cameo SungJong and Woohyun.

One look at Kim Myungsoo, you'll think that right away he's cool, handsome and charming. But only his group members and you, know that he's crazy, random, weird yet innocent at the same time. Why? Because he gets drunk on yogurt. How's that for being innocent?

Extras (What do you want me to do/ not to do): 
I don't have a poster yet. Sorry!
and theres only one chappie because it's a oneshot :D
I have several mistakes but I still hope you can enjoy :)

Hey this will be your review but I changed some parts of the reviewing system because you don’t have a poster.

Title:  2/5

Okay, the title is not that interesting to the readers out there scrolling through the stories. So what if you get drunk on yogurt? In my opinion it’s not that interesting.

Description & foreword:  10/20

Your description is relatively interesting, and SOME of your readers would choose to continue reading since it’s a one shot.  

Plot originality:  37/45

The plot is very original and I don’t think anyone would actually get DRUNK on yogurt haha. But the thing myungsoo does when he is drunk is kinda cliché, maybe you would want to change them to something more bizarre to interest the readers. Just a suggestion.        

Writing style:  8/15

Okay first, your writing style is quite confusing as you keep putting in--- to break off. These would just mislead people to thinking otherwise to whatever you were trying to say.

For example:

----

"Oh that's just cute." Woohyun smiled then turned to Sungjong.

"Sunjong dongsaeng. I'm sure you're going to start teasing her after this right?"

Sungjong smirked. "Duh. For three years yes :) hehe."

"Good." Woohyun smiled but shrugged at the same time.

"Hyung?... I still then get revenge of saying that I don't have taste" Sungjong smirked evily.

"Uh. Oh. Here we go again..."

---

"ggaahhh!" 

"Did you hear anything?" Myungsoo asked me.

"mmm? No."

---

"Somebody help me!!!!"

I don’t really understand what you are trying to say here, so yeah.

Spelling/grammar:  2/5

Your tenses are quite inconsistent as you keep changing from past tense to present tense and then vice versa.

This is you're new roommate you.

For this example, it should be “This is your new roommate.” There is a wrong use of words.

But one good point is that your range of vocabulary and spelling are not bad.

 But there is one instance when you wrote “He'll tease me.. Infinitely.” Instead of “He’ll definitely tease me.”

Ending:  5/10

To say the truth I seriously did not understand what you were trying to say in the ending as it was too confusing with all the --- even after reading like about 4 times. So my suggestion is that you have a clearer ending so it is not so abrupt.

 General Conclusion: Be clearer cut with your writing style and take not of the grammar. The plot was awesome though.

Total marks:  64/100 – A decent piece of work with little number of errors.