I leaned against the door and tried to calm myself, despite the wood behind me vibrating from the blows on the other side. When I started hearing a muffled version of my name from outside the door, I yanked it open and pulled the guys inside. It wouldn’t do to start a ruckus in the neighborhood.

“Why did you come here?” I yelled at the two guys before me. “How did you find me?”

I slumped down to the floor. Neither of them answered and I started feeling anxious. The little world I’d built so far was suddenly crashing down around me and no one had said a word. I was mumbling incoherently under my breath, my vision going blurry from lack of oxygen. Apparently my lungs had decided to stop working.

“Yaya, breathe baby. Just breathe, okay?”

I nodded blindly and tried to follow CAP’s directions. My chest heaved as I gulped in huge amounts of air.

“Take my hand. I’ll help you to the other room.”

I blindly reached out until my hand connected to Baro’s. He helped me up and I slightly leaned on him as our trio made its way to the living room. I sat down hard in the arm chair.

When I was calm enough, I just sat there and stared at the two familiar men sitting across from me. They were both just the same and extremely different at the same time. CAP’s hair was grown out long and he had a light mustache coming in. Baro was no longer blonde and was instead brown haired. Seeing them, really looking at them, made all the memories I’d been repressing for years rush to the front of my mind.

“How did you find me?” I repeated.

“It took longer than it should have. The only reason we’re here right now is that we finally had a bit of good luck,” Baro started.

“I looked everywhere for you,” CAP said. “I went to your place for a week straight before I got told not to come back again. I went to the museums and everywhere we talked about visiting.”

“I tried too,” Baro continued. “I went to every place we were visited at least half a dozen times.”

“I got you letter,” CAP cut in. “Instead of discouraging me, it made me that much more determined to find you. If you cared that much then you shouldn’t have left. I had to know why. I had to hear it from your own mouth for me to be able to accept it.”

“You haven’t answered my question. How did you find me?”

They looked at each other and decided who would talk. It didn’t surprise me that Baro was the spokesperson of the two. Time hadn’t changed that much.

“A few days ago, I went to see Chan Hee to try and get him to talk to me about you. I knew he knew something but it was hard to get him to crack. It just so happened that at the same time, CAP was trying his luck again as well. We both sat in Chan Hee’s office and refused to leave until he gave us some answers.

“For a while it was an impasse. He wouldn’t say anything and we wouldn’t budge. He got a phone call and though he tried to be discreet about it, we knew it had something to do with you. Minsoo here has some pretty good ears and he knew who the voice on the other line belonged to.”

Minsoo? I thought. So they’re friendly enough to be on a first name basis?

“The voice was P.O. I’d heard him backstage at a music show before. It was unmistakable, even with the two of them trying to speak quietly,” CAP jumped in.

Baro nodded. “I’d done a show or two with P.O.’s group, so I called his leader to ask about him. I was told P.O. was gone on holiday to see a friend. I asked where and he told me here. Minsoo and I grabbed our stuff and hopped on the first train.”

“We didn’t know if you’d changed your name or appearance or anything, but we knew if we could find P.O., then we would find you, so we asked around for him. A lady at the bottom of the hill directed us here,” CAP finished.

I nodded slowly, trying to take in the information. I’d thought Gongchan might have messed up and said something, but it was P.O. checking in on me that had brought all this drama on. Damn. I’d always wondered if staying in touch with anybody was a good idea and it turned out that it wasn’t.

“Now that we’re here, are you going to tell us why you ran out on us?” CAP asked. “I thought I meant something to you.  Just…why?”

I almost couldn’t stand the pleading tone in his voice. This was why I didn’t want to be found. I didn’t want to be dealing with these emotions right now.

“The reason why I left-”

“Noona, we’re back!”

“We?” Baro asked quietly.

P.O. and Min Ki came into view. My son ran straight to me and climbed in my lap, talking a mile a minute about what he’d done all day. P.O. sat on the arm of the chair I was sitting in and stared wide eyed at the other two that had identical looks on their faces.

“Mama, who are they?” Min Ki asked. “Are they here to play with me?”

“It’s nap time baby. Go on to your room. Uncle P.O. will sit with you for a while.”

P.O. looked like he wanted to protest, but he gave in under my pleading look. When the door to Min Ki’s room shut, Baro and CAP turned to me with soul-searching stares. The range of emotion held in each man’s eyes ran from hurt to sad and everything in between.

“Whose is he?” they asked in unison.

. I lowered my head. “I don’t know,” I whispered.

“Huh?”

“What?”

Before they could question me further, I spoke up. “I can’t handle this right now. I seriously can’t. Can you guys please just go?”

“How can you ask us to go after we find out that one of us has a son?” Baro exclaimed.

“You can come back tomorrow and we’ll talk then, I promise, but right now, I really need ya’ll to leave. I need some time to come to terms with the day.” I looked at them both. “Please. I’ll answer every question, tell every story, whatever you want tomorrow.”

“Okay,” CAP said quietly, standing up and walking toward me. He took my hand and tried to get me to look at him but I just couldn’t. “No one word answers tomorrow, okay?”

I nodded. “Okay.”

He chuckled quietly at my answer. “Come on Sunwoo. Let’s go find somewhere to stay.”

“I’ll be there in a minute.” CAP walked off and Baro approached me. “Anna. Anna, look at me, please.” I shook my head. I felt his finger on my chin and he gently lifted my face up. “You’re going to have to talk about a lot of things tomorrow love, including us.”

 My heart leapt at the old nickname, but I still couldn’t look at him.

“I know this isn’t how we’re meant to be. I…I know the last time we saw each other it wasn’t a good situation but I’ve been waiting four years for the chance to make it right.” He kissed my cheek softly before leaving. As soon as the door clicked behind them, P.O. came out of Min Ki’s room.

“Are you okay noona?”

I shook my head. “No, but I still have another day to get through,” I told him. “You’re going to be with me when I talk to them tomorrow?”

He nodded. “I’ve got you.”