Some days are harder than others, but I’ve managed to make a pretty decent living for myself and my son. We don’t have much in the way of extravagance, but we’re alive and healthy, we have food to eat and a roof over our heads.

When I arrived here, no one made a big fuss over me. I got a place to live with little hassle. I don’t cause any trouble so no one bothered to ask why I was here or what I planned to do once the little one got here. I am way too glad for that.

I cried almost nonstop the first month. After that, I put my big girl on and started getting on with my life. Once Min Ki was old enough to talk, I found myself a job. Every other day the ahjumma a few doors down watches him while I teach English after the middle school lets out. She has grandchildren around his age and he loves being around other kids.

One of the other things I did was get a new phone. The old one was in danger of melting from the sheer number of calls and texts coming in from Sunwoo. I didn’t read or listen to anything. Why bother? I got a new, cheap phone and the only person with its number is P.O., who nicely relays messages to Chan Hee for me every once in a while.

Speaking of P.O., I told him not to get in trouble and he didn’t listen. His group was overseas somewhere and acted their age instead of like idols. People got really mad over something blown way out of proportion. The poor kid has been really stressed out lately about the whole thing. He doesn’t like to talk about it too much, but I can hear the weariness in his voice sometimes.

As for Minho- I’d heard from Chan Hee that he’d admitted defeat. At the time I left, Minho was preparing for an Asia tour and wasn’t going to have time to look for me. I know that had to mess with his head. I couldn’t blame him for focusing on the more important matter. I’ve seen some of his group’s performances over the years and they are truly some of the best performers in the industry.

When it comes to CAP, I feel guilty almost all the time. I just…I don’t know how to explain it. I left him at probably the worst possible moment. For the longest time I hoped his mom didn’t hate me. The bracelet he’d given me sat in the bottom of my first dresser drawer along with Sunwoo’s ring. I missed CAP so much sometimes that it hurt. We’d just gotten close, past the awkward stage we’d started off with, but before we could figure out where we were going things went bad.

I picked up Min Ki from the ahjumma and started heading home with a heavy heart. Thinking about my boys always put me in a funky mood. Min Ki was babbling about his day so I barely heard the voice calling me.

“Anna?”

Nobody here called me Anna. It was either Teacher or Min Ki’s mom. I paused for a moment too long. Min Ki looked back and tugged on my shirt.

“Mama, he’s talking to you,” he said.

I picked him up and kept walking. “Let’s hurry home,” I told him.

“Anna!” The person ran up to us. “Anna noona, it really is you! So this is where you’ve been all this time! How are you? Why are you-”

“Gongchan, slow down.”

“Sorry noona. I’m just shocked to see you.” I sighed, and realizing I wasn’t going to get out of talking to him, I let him follow me home.

“Mama, who is this?”

“I’m Gongchan. What’s your name?”

“I’m Min Ki and I’m three,” he said, holding up the correct number of fingers.

“Go play,” I told Min Ki. He waved to Gongchan before toddling away.

“Do you want something to drink?”

Gongchan shook his head. I got myself a bottle of water and sat down across from him. I nervously played with my hair while waiting for him to say something. Now that he was inside, however, he seemed strangely quiet.

“What are you doing here Gongchan?”

“I live not too far from here. You did know all of us weren’t from the city, right?”

I slowly nodded. The information was vaguely familiar. “But why are you here? I thought you guys were going back to Japan.”

“You have been keeping up with us! Actually, we aren’t leaving for a couple weeks but we had a few days off so I came home for a while.”

“That’s nice,” I said absentmindedly. “So how have you been? You were sick for a while, right?”

“I’m doing fine noona, but don’t stall,” Gongchan said. “Why’d you disappear like that? I know it looked bad that day with hyung but you should have let him explain. It wasn’t what it looked like.”

“I know that now.”

It came out about a week after I’d left. That shirt he’d been wearing was some high fashion monstrosity that was purposely looked that way and cost way too much money. It got him featured on a Who Wore it Better on some gossip site. As for the girl-she was featured in a solo song with him. None of it explained why she was in his room though.

“I was just…really vulnerable at the time,” I explained, bringing myself out of my own head.

“You came to tell hyung that you were pregnant with his kid, right?”

“Actually…to be honest, I’m not sure who Min Ki’s father is.”

“You cheated on hyung!?”

“Channie, what do you know about how Baro and I met?”

His shoulders went up and down. “I don’t really know. One day he just started talking about this girl he really liked and one by one we all met you some kind of way.”

“That’s all?”

He thought about it for a moment. “Yes, that’s all. Why?”

I took a sip of water and told Gongchan everything about Baro and I’s relationship, from our first meeting up until when I left. I skipped over a lot of the stuff involving Minho and P.O., but I told him about CAP and our relationship as well.

“You’re saying you were an …and you used to fool around with some other guy while you were with hyung?”

“Basically.”

“You cheated on hyung but you ran out on him for being with the other noona in a totally platonic way?”

“I wasn’t cheating on him, I was doing my damn job! We already established that I was a bit emotional that day.”

“I didn’t mean to upset you.” Gongchan came over and held my hand.

“I’m alright,” I insisted.

“Anyway, it can’t be that hard to figure this whole thing out. What’s your blood type?”

“O.”

“What’s Min Ki’s blood type?”

“O.”

“Oh.”

“What about the other guy?”

“He’s O as well, but that doesn’t necessarily rule Baro out.” Inside I was slightly amused. Leave it to the blood-dol to go straight to that characteristic.

“What about the timing of, uh…you know…between him and hyung and when you found out?”

“There were about four days between them, I think, so that’s no help either.”

“I think I have a headache.”

“I know the feeling,” I muttered.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure Gongchan. What is it?”

“Who do you want it to be?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered. “I’ve thought about it a lot. If Baro is the father, then I’ve cheated Min Ki. If CAP is the father, then I’ve cheated him. At this point, I’d much rather not know.”

“Do you really mean that?”

I nodded. “I’ve literally had years to think about it.”

“What if Min Ki asks you when he’s older?”

“Then I’ll tell him,” I said simply. “If he wants to find out for himself I won’t stop him.”

“Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Yes…”

“Do you mind if I play with Min Ki? Just for a little while?”

I cracked a smile. “Sure Channie. Why don’t you stay and eat dinner with us too?”

“Yay!” He cheered and went to Min Ki’s room while I went to the kitchen to decide what to make for dinner. I had to smile at the muffled laughter I heard from the other room. Seeing Gongchan had made me talk about a lot of things I’d kept bottled up. I was both grateful for running into him, but also a little wary. If Gongchan told Baro he’d seen me then he’d probably come here and…No! I stopped myself from completing the thought of seeing Baro again, but unfortunately the butterflies in my stomach were roused at just the idea.

This could be bad.