It was a less known fact that Chang Sun and Byung Hee were best friends. They shared their best and their worst. They trusted each other so much, it was impossible to separate them. If something happened, Chang Sun first called Byung Hee. If Byung Hee had a heavier load on his heart, he went straight to Chang Sun and lamented over a couple of drinks. It was true Seungho sometimes cut in their happy hours, but Byung Hee always returned to Chang Sun. The only thing both of them never opened up about was their love life. It wasn’t exactly a taboo subject, but they didn’t overcomplicate something none of them fully understood. Chang Sun’s the type that feels first and thinks later when it comes to dating someone. Byung Hee was the opposite. He deliberated about who he would call his girlfriend and who just a drinking buddy and such.

Their roles switched the night Byung Hee arrived bewildered at the dorm. Chang Sun saw him from the hallway; he arrived from his late night radio schedules. He wasn’t supposed to return to the dorm, that’s why he hid among shadows and carefully opened the front door, only to catch part of Byung Hee and Seungho’s conversation. He heard Seungho’s joke of inflicting other substances instead of the usual drinks Byung Hee normally had. He used that moment to sneak inside Cheol Yong’s room. The kid fell asleep with After School’s new album in his arms. He carelessly undressed until he heard noises on the hallway. He cracked the door open and took a glance at what was happening outside, only to see the half-drunk fool chatting with someone at his phone and giggling to himself. It was the first of many occurrences. Chang Sun was darn curious about it.

Although he didn’t push the subject, Chang Sun paid extra attention to ever little detail he missed in the past. He thought Byung Hee was definitely dating somebody, yet he had no idea who. He could have pointed fingers and shout random names, yet he knew Byung Hee would laugh and ruin his adventure. Chang Sun expected Byung Hee to naturally confess to him later, so he placed the events at the back of his head. Truth be told, he was too busy courting Hyuna for the past months to actually fear the twisted relationship his partner in crime might be having. He decided to finally ask Hyuna to be her lover and not some innocent flirt. He was ready to make it official as soon as possible. Just days before he could meet her again, news broke out of Byung Hee and Nana from After School dating. Chang Sun found them ridiculous. Cheol Yong on the other hand hadn’t. It was one of those rare occasions when the youngest was clearly angry and he wasn’t overreacting. Chang Sun couldn’t understand the fuss over something that Byung Hee hadn’t personally confirmed. Cheol Yong’s only answer was that he was robbed of his happiness. Chang Sun shrugged it those days; he was too busy with Hyuna. It felt as if he wanted to ask her hand in marriage, but he hadn’t thought that far ahead.

Unfortunately, they were forbidden from another relationship scandal until things calmed down. So Chang Sun waited and waited. Soon enough, all of Cheol Yong’s frustrations were taken upon him. He finally could have Hyuna all for himself and was forced to endure loneliness for the time being. He loathed seeing her around another man, particularly around Hyunseung. He had faith in Hyuna, but it was still really hard not to become overprotective. In Chang Sun’s case, it was pure jealousy pouring out of his every pore. He kept texting Hyuna on KakaoTalk until his fingers bled. That resulted in a huge fight that only annoyed both of them. Ready to explode, he confronted Byung Hee. He had to know why he had to ruin everything. Why couldn’t he have told him? Chang Sun could have helped him find a better solution and the media would have never stuck its nose. Not even the agency could have butted in his affairs, yet Byung Hee had to keep this one away from his grasps.

“It’s not her, alright? It’s not her!”

Chang Sun grabbed Byung Hee by his collar and shouted it had to be. Everybody knew and none hid their frustration in front of the camera. It was breaking the members apart and not because he kept quiet about his love affairs, but because Chang Sun no longer recognized the man in front of him reeking of alcohol. He let him go and found a spot near the door where he leaned over the wall. He tried to calm down. Byung Hee started laughing and crying at the same time. He was on the verge of collapsing.

“You don’t understand... you don’t.”

Chang Sun wanted to punch the air out of Byung Hee’s lungs. He was stopped only by the sound of footsteps shuffling beside the door.

“It’s Chaerin... I love Chaerin.”

Chang Sun choked. He didn’t know who had been watching Byung Hee then. He kneeled in front of the man and picked him up from the floor.

♥

“How have you been?” Chang Sun muttered the words as he placed the glass of water in front of the man. He took his seat at the table, opposite of Byung Hee, and leaned his elbows against it.

“Good. I’ve heard you went to the USA after I left.” Byung Hee picked up the glass and swallowed the precious liquid. His throat was sore and his lips were dry. Coughs filled the silence between them while Chang Sun couldn’t take his eyes off the man’s gestures.

“I did. With Hyuna.”

It was really difficult for Chang Sun and Hyuna to maintain their couple status. Chang Sun’s depression hit him after Byung Hee left for the army. He couldn’t understand why his friend chose such a hard branch. It puzzled him to no end. He also promised to keep an eye on Chaerin.

“How is she?”

Chang Sun’s thoughts were cut short. He tapped his fingers and smirked. Annoyance scrawled his expression like a badly written love poem.

“Good... can’t say the same about Chaerin.”

Chang Sun became sacrificed most of his free time for Chaerin. He had to tell her Byung Hee hadn’t done anything wrong. All happened in a blur. Of course, he was also lying to himself. His friend should have never crossed that line, yet he couldn’t stand seeing both of them crumble. Some mistakes were better forgiven than forgotten. He was amazed to find Chaerin had actually removed herself from Byung Hee’s side for another reason. She couldn’t cope with the idea that Byung Hee might be unhappy in their relationship, thus the need to go and cheat even with a simple kiss. It saddened her.

“Do you know where she is?” Byung Hee stiffened. Fingers scratched the glass. He leaned forward, eagerly awaiting Chang Sun’s answer. His soul got caught somewhere between his chest and throat. It burnt so much.

“I don’t, but I think Dara does.”

After everything that had happened, Chang Sun went on and talked with the girls. Of course Sandara knew more about it and blamed Byung Hee for being an . At the same time, she admitted Chaerin had been happier along his side than alone. For Chang Sun, it was normal they would become a couple again. It just didn’t cross his mind several months would pass before it happened. He stood and watched from afar as they left the dorm entrance and poor Cheol Yong had the most confused expression he had ever seen. Chang Sun on the other hand was curious on how those two came back together.

“I know... she hasn’t told me.” Byung Hee pressed back into the chair and blankly stared ahead.

“Why not?” Chang Sun inquired while he removed Byung Hee’s glass from his grasp.

 “Because I couldn’t take the deal.” He answered as the corner of his mouth twitched. “I couldn’t just see her then...” he trailed off.

“Then what?” Chang Sun approached Byung Hee and assured he was among friends.

“Then never meet her again. Never embrace her, to protect her, and never kiss her under the shower. It’s been almost three years... where has she gone?”

♥

It was morning. After spending the night over at Chang Sun’s, Byung Hee decided nobody could offer him an answer.

One year before he left for the army, Chaerin returned to his side. They spent that time together contemplating: from their lives, to their relationship as a whole. That year had changed something inside both of them. He had to leave. He had to let Chaerin behind. It felt... weird, to say so. A part of him stayed behind for her, while the other carried on his family duty. He wished that part returned to him because he knew Chaerin would be tagging along.

The bus was buzzing. People around him were animated through movement, laughter and sentences spread on a string of memories. He closed his eyes and let the gentle sensation fill him up. He dreamt he was reaching the skies while riding a swing. The child inside of him touched the clouds before he fell back on earth. He didn’t want to stop. His feet refused to touch the ground.

♥

“Oh, Lee? Go down that road.” The old lady pointed to her left. Byung Hee could see the last house among the trees. He thanked her and fixed his bag on his shoulder.

“You have to go and apologize to her mother!”

Those were Sandara’s last words before she left Byung Hee in the café. He couldn’t agree with her terms. What kind of stupid and childish thing was that? He only took note of her last command. He had met Chaerin’s mother before. She was a lovely lady with grief painted behind her tired eyes. Her husband was nowhere to be found and he never dared ask. He needed directions because he couldn’t remember exactly which house was back then. Back then, they arrived at night time. It was currently in the afternoon. Four years passed since he had last seen her. He didn’t bring flowers or other gifts. It was a little too insulting from his side to show up and try to ask for forgiveness with objects. He hoped his mere respect was enough.

The sun was blinding as he approached the small crooked fence. His rough fingers touched the wooden surface, ready to push the gate open and enter the yard.

Byung Hee froze in spot.

A child was playing. He kicked the ball one last time and turned around to face him. Their eyes met for a fraction before the kid ran towards the house and screamed something incoherently. Byung Hee wanted to yell after him there was nothing to fear, only to freeze again.

Chaerin’s figure appeared at the front entrance with the child hanging onto her skirt like to dear life.

She stood there motionless.

Both of their trembling hearts were beating at a rapid pace.