Despite the smile Youngjae gave, he felt even more guilt claw at his guts. They seemed so much like a family. Once broken, then pieced back together, but shattered once more. And when they finally managed to tape themselves together again, they would only be knocked apart again... By him. Once he finished his mission and reported in, B.A.P. would surely be arrested and thrown in jail. Their freedom would be taken away, their rights too. But they were so young. They were still in the prime of their lives and everything they had would be taken away... By him. Youngjae suddenly felt nauseated as he stared at the grass down by his feet. He wanted to just bury his head in a hole and never come out. 

"Jae? Are you okay?" 

Daehyun's concerned face appeared in Youngjae's view and the younger felt tears pooling in his eyes. What happened to his training? What happened to hiding his emotions? He had no answer. 

"Jae?" Daehyun's voice softened even more as he put his hand over the other boy's. "You know you can talk with me." 

"I--I just remembered something from before." Youngjae lied. 

"What happened?"

"I did something horrible." Youngjae said. He tried to make up a story in his mind without revealing anything. "My best friend... I took everything away from him." 

"What do you mean?"

"H-He was an orphan, and he went to s-several different homes. When he finally settled in... I set his house on fire and his family didn't make it out. Now he's stru-ugling to live by himself." Youngjae didn't notice when his tears spilled out or when he began hiccuping for breath. He didn't even understand why he was crying. He shouldn't be feeling sympathy for gangsters. They were criminals. But maybe he was just confused and frustrated. He wanted to end the mission quickly and get the money to help his brother, but he also wanted to prolong it to stay with the gang. His job made his life so much harder. 

"It was by accident. You couldn't help it." Daehyun said. 

I didn't say it was by accident. Youngjae thought. Do you think so highly of me? That you immediately assumed that it was by accident?

"I'm sure he'll forgive you. You didn't mean it." Daehyun continued. "If I were him, I know I would." 

Youngjae looked up and saw sincerity in Daehyun's eyes. He was saying the truth, but all it did was make Youngjae's insides twist even harder. It was so bad that he wanted to throw up. He must have went a few shades paler because Daehyun's eyes became even more worried. 

"Do you want to lie down?" he asked, patting his legs.

"Y-Yeah." 

The two of them just stayed there for a while, Youngjae's head on Daehyun's lap, and the older one staring off into space. He seemed lost in his own world as he softly hummed to himself as he gaze was fixed onto the sky. Youngjae found himself unable to look away from him. 

"You know, you don't seem like a gangster." Youngjae said. 

"Hmm?" Daehyun hummed. "I don't?"

"Not at all." 

"Well, I guess that's good since I can live a more normal life." 

"Do you want to?"

"Of course I do." Daehyun said. "But with the rest of the members, of course." 

"Do you think you can ever live one?"

Daehyun shrugged. "Who knows."

"I hope you can." Youngjae said quietly. 

"Why are you talking like that?" Daehyun chuckled. "Are you regretting joining us now?" 

"No." Youngjae said. "It's just... I want you guys to be happy." 

Daehyun chuckled at that. "You sound so cheesy." 

 

Youngjae's cheeks flared up again and he sat up.

 

"We should probably head back." Daehyun said. 

 

"Good idea." 

 

As they walked from the park back towards the apartment, Youngjae trailed behind a little bit, lost in his thoughts. He was staring at his feet when he heard Daehyun shout out his name, his voice filled with panic. When he looked up, the last thing he saw was Daehyun sprinting back towards him, his hand stretched out, before the world went black.

 

 

---

 

Himchan was woken from his nap by the frantic knocking at the front door. He was immediately awake and sitting up on the couch as he watched Zelo reach the door and open it, Yongguk just steps behind him. As soon as the door was unlocked, a breathless Daehyun burst inside. 

 

"They took Youngjae!" was the first thing he said. 

 

Yongguk's expression instantly hardened. "Where?"

 

"I don't know!" Daehyun said. "I just-- I ju--"

 

"Dae, calm down." Himchan said, walking up to him and rubbing his hand on the younger boy's back. 

 

Daehyun took a deep breath before continuing. He knew his panic wouldn't help with finding Youngjae. "I don't know where they went. We were just talking in the park, and on our way back, a van pulled up and they just grabbed him."

 

"Did you get the license plate?"

 

Daehyun nodded. It had been the first thing he wrote down. 

 

"Good." Yongguk said. "Then we'll find him in no time." 

 

"What was it?" Zelo asked. "I'll start working on tracking it with Jongup." 

 

Daehyun then handed him the piece of paper he had hastily scribbled on, hoping he hadn't made a mistake. Zelo then left the room with it.

 

After a few moments of silence, Yongguk spoke up. "Do you know why they would want him?" 

 

"I have no idea." Daehyun said honestly. "Things have been pretty quiet lately, so I let me guard down. Sorry."

 

"It's not your fault." Himchan told him. 

 

"Don't worry, we'll get him back." Yongguk said. Then after a moment's hesitation, added, "Prepare yourselves. I have a bad feeling about this." 

 

Despite the worry on his face, Himchan tried to lighten the situation. "What do you guys want to eat?"

 

"Anything is fine." Daehyun said. He didn't feel like eating anyway.

 

"Don't worry too much." Yongguk said. "We'll get him back." 

 

Daehyun only nodded, sighed, and hoped he was right.

 

 

---

 

"You know why you're here, right?"

 

Youngjae didn't respond. 

 

"You're a bright one. You must know." 

 

Still, Youngjae didn't respond. 

 

"Not answering my questions won't help your situation." 

 

"... I know." 

 

"Then answer me."

 

So Youngjae just said what he knew they wanted to hear. "Yes. I do know why I'm here." 

 

"You've taken a really long time, and never gave us any good information." said a man dressed in a suit. "We thought this way would be faster." 

 

Youngjae bit his lip. He was in a bad situation. 

 

"Since you seemed to be in good terms with that gang now, we thought if we faked a kidnapping, it would be easier. We know they'll come and try to rescue you." 

 

"They won't." Youngjae said. "I'm too new. They won't risk their lives for me." 

 

"It's worth a try." 

 

"Just let me go. I'm so close. I just got close to them, I'm finally getting to the important part." Youngjae said. He tried to hide the desperation in his voice. 

 

The man paused in his tracks and took a good look at Youngjae. "You seem like you've built quite a close relationship with those gangsters. I hope you haven't gotten too close?"

 

"Of course not." Youngjae said in his best business voice. 

 

"Then you'll corporate with us and wait for them to fall into the trap." 

 

Youngjae knew he couldn't say anything else. Anymore, and he would give away too much information. It would be too suspicious. He only nodded. 

 

"Good."

 

And with that, the man left Youngjae alone in the room. After spending so many days sharing an apartment with B.A.P. and a room with Daehyun, being alone felt oddly cold. 

 

He was surprised. He had gotten used to being alone because of his job, why was he feeling lonely? Why was he treating this mission differently than previous ones? After the gang falls for the trap and gets caught, it would be all over. He would have enough money for his brother, he could quit the job he hated so much, and they would be able to live in peace for the rest of their lives. It seemed like a good plan to him, so why was he hesitating? Why did he want to sneak away and warn his gang?

 

Youngjae laughed at his choice of words. His gang. Then he sighed.

 

How he hated his job.

 

- - -

 

Hello, readers! I'm so sorry for not updating this story for such a long time. I'm extremely grateful for those of you who stayed with the story. :) Thank you for being patient! I will try to get the next chapter out ASAP!