How will I continue my life without him? What will happen to me now? Do I still have a chance on moving on? Will I still see love the way I see it before? Can I still bring myself together? How will I pick up the broken pieces? Who will make me whole again?

I have all these questions in mind and I’m desperate to know the answers.

About a week ago, G-dragon ended our relationship, leaving me in pain and misery. I don’t even know how to describe it. We just found ourselves in a mess and sadly, he raised both his hands and gave up. I’m telling you, I don’t have any intensions of breaking up with him even though I’m already fed up with whatever is going on between us. Oh well, maybe we’re really not meant for each other.

That night is still so fresh in my mind. I can still hear him saying those hurtful words. All I did was cry. I walked out of his apartment with a blurred vision, took a cab, went to my studio where I found Bunny and Hyun chatting then I told them everything.

“NO WAY! Tell me you’re just joking” Bunny said after I told them what happened.

I can’t even talk, all I did was sob “I’m not Bubu” I finally blurted out.

She pulled me closer to her then hugged me tightly “I’m sure things are still going to get fixed….this is just a phase” she said while rubbing my back gently for comfort.

I pulled out from the hug then shook my head “No…this isn’t just a phase Bubu….Jiyong looks so sure of his decision….at first I thought he’s going to take it all back but he didn’t…instead he rubbed reality on my  face….making me feel like crap….I admit…I was a bad girlfriend…I’m paranoid…I lose my trust in him from time to time….I’m a liar….I’m so unfair to him….but….I love him so freakin much....I tried everything…I changed the way I live…the way I look at life….and most especially….opened myself to the world that I’ve already shut down a long time ago…I risked a lot just to be with him and this is what happened…I’m used to getting hurt….but this is different….He wounded me so badly that I don’t know how to heal myself”

More than being sad, I’m devastated because I thought I already got a good man but it turns out that he’s just like any other guy out there. He quits easily and is not even open in working things out. As much as possible I don’t want to think that he did this because he is already committed to another woman coz if I’m going to see it that way, I’ll just lose my mind.

“I don’t know…but I have a strong feeling that he broke up with you not just because he can’t take the mess in your relationship anymore….I really think that…he’s with someone else already and he’s just using all your damn fights and your scandals to end whatever you have” Bunny is totally thinking way too far again.

I sighed then shook my head “I don’t think so….Jiyong is not the type of man who will enter a relationship when he’s still in one….we can never be sure of it….but...that’s how I see him….maybe he’s about to fall for someone….or have fallen in love already….but he will not cheat on me by being in a relationship with her when ours is still running”

Hang me! I’m defending him even when I know that I shouldn’t.

Hyun cleared his throat “Billie…I think…you should just call this a day…you and Jiyong are both tired and pretty emotional…I’m sure tomorrow things will go back to the way it used to be” he patted my shoulder with a smile on his face.

 Can you believe this? Hyun is here, comforting me and is so positive that G-dragon and I will still get back together.

After staying in the studio for an hour, I decided to go home, still crying for my tears just won’t stop. I keep on telling Bunny and Hyun that I’m fine but truth is, I’m not.

“What happened? Why are you crying?” MG asked the moment she saw me walking in the apartment.

I looked at her then shook my head “Nothing” I answered and went inside my room.

Awhile ago when we were still in the studio, I asked Bunny if I can stay with her for the night and of course, she agreed with it. The reason why I want to stay over at her house is because I don’t want my family to see me at my lowest point. As much as possible, I don’t want to break the news to them yet coz I know that they will get totally affected by it.

“MG…just tell Mummy that I’m with Bunny….I’ll sleep at her house tonight” I told my sister who is so busy feeding Drake.

I went to my brother then kissed him on the forehead “I love you Monster…I’ll be out for the night….but don’t worry….I’ll be here once you wake up” I told him.

He made a sound then gripped my hand tightly “I’m fine….don’t worry about me”

If there’s someone in my family who will get really sad and totally affected by our break-up, it’s Drake. He’s really close with G-dragon and he actually sees him as his role model and big brother.

After getting some clothes, we went to Bunny’s house already. Hyun decided to come with us then left after a while. In all fairness to him, he really did everything to comfort me. His lame jokes and crazy break-up stories entertained me and got me out of pain even just for a while.

“Oh !” I exclaimed.

Bunny turned to look at me “Is there anything wrong?” she asked.

I sighed then threw my bag on the floor “I forgot my medicines” I answered.

She sighed then gave out a small smile “Kenken…you’re too worked up…why are you being so damn hard on yourself when you just forgot your medicines? Don’t worry about it anymore…I’ll be the one getting them for you”

Bunny has gone nuts. How can she still go out when it’s so late already?

“No…it’s good….I’ll just take them tomorrow” I told her but she insisted.

“You can’t skip your medicines….just go to sleep and I’ll wake you up once I arrive so that you can take your medicines already” she said then gave me a hug.

I just realized that even if I lose someone that I love, I’m still left with a lot who will never even think of leaving me. Bunny is one of them and I can’t thank her enough for all the things that she has done for me. Maybe this is how things go. happens and next thing you know it, you’re appreciating the people around you more that makes you feel lighter than before.

The next morning, I felt more sad and heavy. I wasn’t able to sleep for my mind keeps on running and what’s worst is, it can’t keep from thinking of G-dragon. Once again, I’m being bombarded with questions that I don’t even know how to answer which .

“You’re crying once again” Bunny said upon seeing me in the living room.

I hugged her then cried harder “How am I going to live now? I need him….I miss him badly” I said in between sobs.

She pulled out from the hug then wiped my tears with her hands “Look Kenken…you should snap out of it…I know that it’s easier said than done…but it’s the only way for you to feel better”

“But Bubu…I just can’t let our relationship end here….this can still be fixed…I’ll go wherever he is and ask for another chance…I’ll beg if I need to….I just want him to come back to me again” this sounds so crazy.

“No” Bunny shook her head “You’re not going to beg for his mercy….C’mon! You’re smarter and better than this! HE…broke up with you….which means that if there’s someone who needs to beg for a comeback…it’s him…and I’m telling you….don’t bend into him again….Billie Kennedy London” she gripped my shoulders then faced me fully to her “He had the balls to break up with you…now…have the to accept it and not look back anymore….he has hurt you and I’m sure as hell that you don’t want history to repeat itself once again…this is the second time that he made you cry and killed your heart….and it’s not to be repeated ever again so if I were you…FORGET HIM”

As if forgetting him is easy. Of course, I can’t just snap my fingers and tell myself to erase him from my mind. First and foremost, I love him dearly and I cannot even picture myself without him anymore. I don’t even know how to continue life now.

And because Bunny wouldn’t even let me talk to him on the phone, I just took reality in and is trying so hard to accept it. After all, I’ve given everything that I can give and more than that. Things are slowly sipping in me now and I’m starting to realize that he’s no good for me, that I should just brush him off my life coz there’s no more US anymore. Chances are to be given to the right people and I swear, he’s not the right person to give a chance to. He threw this second chance that I gave him in the bin and I will never go for a third chance again. Enough is enough.

The day went by so slow. I decided to not go to work after my chemotherapy coz I’m so ed up and I have a feeling that I won’t be able to work well anyway. I’m still staying with Bunny and is still grieving.

“Hyun!” I am totally shock to see him here “What made you go here?” I asked and invited him inside.

I made him sit on the long couch “I just want to see how you’re doing now” he answered, earning a heavy sigh from me.

“I’m….not that good….obviously” I told him and he looked at me from head to foot.

OK. I look like trash because I just finished my weekly chemotherapy session. The way Hyun looks at me freaked my whole being because I have this feeling that he will ask me if I’m sick or he has already felt that I am.

“Are you sure you’re fine?” he asked and I gave him a nod right away.

“Yeah! Why? Do I look like I’m not?” I asked and he shook his head.

“Billie…don’t hide it anymore….you are sick…and it’s so easy to tell” he said then looked at my arms.

I rolled down my sleeves right away to cover my bruises and the visible needle shots that were given to me awhile ago during the session.

“This is nothing” I’m so dead. I have to get out of this .

“Did he hurt you? Why do you have all those bruises? Tell me Billie” he grabbed my arm then rolled up my sleeves, revealing my dark colored bruises “He hurt you….am I right?” Hyun’s voice made my nerves shoot up.

“No…he didn’t…believe me…he didn’t” I keep on telling.

He stood up from his seat, raging in anger like he’s ready to kill someone already.

“He will get it from me…I’m telling you Billie….I will kill your man even if it will hurt you so damn much”

The moment he said this, I blocked the door right away. I know Hyun, he will do everything just to protect the important people in his life. He can kill and he has done it before, and I swear, he will not spare G-dragon.

“Get out of my way” he said in a scary tone.

I shook my head “No…I won’t….Hyun” I touched his arms but he shoved it away, causing me to shriek in pain.

“AAAAAAH!” I said while holding my left arm that has the most needle shots.

“I know that tactic Billie…you’re going to pretend that you’re hurt to stop me from going out….nice try…but…” he shoved me away from the door and was about to open it when I said….

“I have Leukemia….these bruises are a part of it” I said then fell to the floor with tears rolling down my cheeks.

He turned to look at me. Shock is all I can see in his eyes.

“What is that again?” he asked in disbelief.

“I have cancer….Leukemia to be exact….I just finished a chemotherapy session about an hour ago” I removed my cardigan for him to see my arms fully.

He gasped the moment he saw it filled with bruises.

“No…this isn’t true” he moved back a little, still staring at my arms.

I took a deep breath “It is….I was diagnosed a couple of months ago…no one knows about this….it’s only me and Bunny and now…you….there’s one thing that I want you to promise me” I said then walked closer to him.

He looked at me with pity in his eyes “Billie….this isn’t true….you can tell me what really happened…don’t worry…I will not do anything to Jiyong….just admit that he’s the one who did this to you” he said.

I sighed heavily “Jiyong can never hurt me….he’s not the kind of person who will hurt someone that he loves …he’s a good guy” I told him.

After that, I made him promise to not say a word about my illness. To be honest, I’m really shocked of myself. Not even in a million years have I thought that I’d be sharing this secret to Hyun, but I don’t have a choice. I’d rather let him know about my condition than let him kill G-dragon. Maybe God really made this happen because he knows that I need massive support now more than ever.

The next day, Hyun insisted to have me checked again, this time it’s in one of the most expensive hospitals in the whole of Korea. Like before, the