I am going crazy already. It’s been three weeks and up until now, I’m still crying myself to sleep and no matter how hard I try to brush him off my mind, he’s still there and it because I want to move on as soon as possible for me to be able to continue where I left my “before Jiyong life”. To be honest, I cannot remember my life before he came anymore. I don’t know why, but I feel like the fun and the hues in my world right now are brought by him.

Our break-up was pretty bad. No. Let me correct that. It’s really bad for I gave up right away and didn’t even try to work things up with him. I’m not a quitter. Giving up is really not in my nature, but because I’ve had enough already and my family is also on the line here, I decided to just call it off even if what we have is really perfect and good. Our relationship is blooming like a rose but sadly, it didn’t grow anymore for the one who planted it lost his/her interest in it. Just like me, I lost interest in his world. Now I find it really messy and dirty. Not to mention, it’s really chaotic.

“Bill”

“Ouch!” I rubbed my neck then my back.

I fell asleep while watching over Drake again. Speaking of my brother, he’s still in coma. The doctors told us that we’re already playing with death here but none of us are giving him up yet because we know that he’s still fighting. There are improvements when it comes to his color though. He was so pale weeks ago and now his cheeks are a bit pinkish as well as his lips. His finger twitched days ago as well but according to the doctor, it is not a sign that he’s waking up already for it can happen from time to time to coma patients.

“Go home first…c’mon….Bill….you’ve been here since yesterday morning…don’t you think it’s time for you to do things out of these four walls?” Mummy asked while massaging my aching back.

I sighed “I’m all good Mummy….and I’m doing things outside of this room….I go to work”

She smirked “Yes you do work…but are you enjoying it? Coz honestly Bill….from the looks of it….I can tell that you are not happy with what you’re doing anymore….you work for the sake of working…and it’s not supposed to be like that”

Here we go again. Mummy has been bugging me to live my life once again without caring about the world. She wants me to be free again, but how can I do it when there are a lot of people who knows me already? I don’t know why, but up until now whenever I walk in public places, there are some people who will get their cameras out and nearly shove it on my face. To them I’m still “G-dragon’s girlfriend”. Yes, I do understand that it’s not that easy to go away from his shadows, but as much as possible, I really want to have my own individuality back again because that’s the only thing that I have coz all the things that I own has been sold or is now gone.

And because Mummy knows that she can’t talk me out and convince me with whatever she wants me to do, she just let me be. It’s a Saturday which means I’m free from work, but I have a photo shoot later because Jang Hyun Sajangnim asked me to lead it for he can’t attend to it anymore. This just means one thing, Bunny and I are up for a grueling and long day once again.

“Oh! You’re home!” MG said in shock upon seeing me walking in the apartment.

I gave her a small smile “Yeah….I’ll just take a bath and change” I told her.

She sighed then grabbed me by the wrist “Where are you taking me?” I asked in surprise.

She dragged me to the living room “Sit!” she demanded while pointing at the long couch.

I obeyed and waited for her next move. This monster is going to get it from me if what she’s about to do is senseless.

“Monster…I don’t have time for your crap” I told her.

She smirked then crossed her arms across her chest “Ugly….this may be senseless….but heck…somebody has to snap you out of the that you’re putting yourself in to right now”

What is this kid talking about? I’m not just in , I’m in hell already. If she thinks that everything is still a bit light, well sorry coz it’s not for we’re going through a really tough time with Drake and I feel so sorry for her because she has to sacrifice her studies just for our budget to at least meet up with our expenses.

“Spit it now coz I have to be at the studio in an hour” I said.

“Have you seen yourself in the mirror already?” she asked, earning a weird look from me.

I chuckled “Yeah” I answered.

“What can you see?”

What a stupid question.

“Me? My lovely face that is starting to look worst because of the dark circles around my eyes….I also have a zit here” I pointed at my forehead “And my cheekbones are SUPER visible coz I lost a lot of weight…which because everybody is telling me that I look like a lollipop stick already” I answered.

My sister is concerned with my well-being nowadays. Actually, it’s not only her, but everybody. Even the media is alarmed when they spotted me in a mall a few days ago. They wrote an article about my drastic weight loss but it didn’t ring the bell that much coz for the people, it’s just a normal thing for a person who is undergoing the pain of a break-up to get ugly for some time.

“Ugly….please…you have to snap out of this already….just to remind you….you’re the one who is putting yourself in this situation….Jiyong Oppa is working so hard just to get you back…he’s doing everything just to show you how much he wanted you in his life again….and here you are….locking yourself in a small box ….you have closed your mind and heart from all the wonderful things this world has to offer….and that includes love” MG is really a big fan of G-dragon. She’s always bringing the man up and telling me all the good things about him even if I know all of them very well.

“MG….please….I don’t want to talk about him AGAIN….he’s been our topic for days…no…weeks already….haven’t you had enough of it?” I asked.

She sighed then shook her head “I won’t get tired of reminding you how much Jiyong Oppa loves you because Ugly….that man will be the biggest loss in your life”

“Then what is Drake?” I asked, making her speechless.

“He’s out of this….Drake and Jiyong Oppa are two different situations….and we are not going to lose Drake coz I swear….I’m going to get the heck out of that child if he ever gives up” this is where MG become so emotional.

Seeing my sister cry is really painful for I can feel in every tear that rolls down her che