“Step, one…two…three” Lay crossed his arms, letting them flow down to his sides and then pop in super slow motion for me to follow. We are deliberately back in the auditorium after becoming fast friends the day before.  

“You’re doing it wrong.” He said. He showed me once again. I knew the moves but my body wouldn’t follow what my brain told it to do. I breathed heavily. I was tired but too afraid to speak up.

“That was good.” Lay continued his routine in lecture mode. When Lay was too focused on the dance, I leaned myself against the wall and take deep breaths. I obediently followed his lead and moved in sync with him to the beat. 

Night had fallen before we planned.

"So I'll be seeing you tomorrow?" Lay asked, his hands in this pockets as we made it to the front gate of the school. 

"You saw me today, and you'll definitely see me tomorrow." I beamed. 

He nodded and returned a smile. Lay pointed to his left gesturing that he was going in that direction. I nodded and pointed in the other direction. We both understood. 

I watched him walk into the darkness and soon disappearing around the corner. I finally had the courage to bend down, taking my deep breaths that brought piercing pain to my lungs. I squeezed my eyes tight trying to fight through the pain. 

From an outsider's point of view, it might have appeared as if I was choking myself, but all I was aiming for was to get this invisible pair of hands off of my neck. This invisible stranger kept tightening his grip around my neck. I tried so hard to remove the invisible hands but it was no use, the demon was attacking me internally. 

I reached into my pocket and I pulled out my phone, contacting my mom on speed dial.

"Mom..." I breathed weakly.

"Minah-ah..." mum's voice echoed. I didn't say anything more, Umma knew what was happening.

In a matter of seconds, the familiar family silver vehicle came racing down the streets. The door slammed loudly as mum raced towards me.

"Minah" mum said helping me up to the passenger seats in the back. Mum placed the mouth piece of the oxygen tank over my mouth, allowing me to breathe it in. The oxygen seeped though my lungs. The oxygen soothed me but made me wonder why I didn't think of contacting Umma earlier. The pain disappeared and I was breathing normally once again.

"Minah" Mum said sternly, holding me in her arms. "What were you doing?" 

I couldn't answer. I didn't know how to answer. "I'm sorry." I said in the slightest whisper.

"Sorry doesn't cut it. You know you scared me? What will I ever do if you leave?" mum's embrace tightened.

Mum contacted our neighbor to help us close the burning stove that held our burnt dinner. Mum drove to get us some takeout for dinner in replace for the burnt ones in high hopes that dad wouldn't notice, to question what I did tonight. 

The car journey was silent. I was deep into thought, in reminisce of my childhood. The popping spring colors came back to life when I remembered that family days in the park. The innocent me on the swings thinking I was able to touch the sky. Then came the horror. I ran from dad and making my way to mom, her arms held wide waiting for me to come but I never made it. I lost my breath and then my consciousness. 

From then on, the oxygen tank and the hospital bed became my daily routine. I came in and out of the hospital. Maybe that was when I became an outcast? I could no longer play freeze tag or jump rope with my friends. They all had a thought that I became 'too good' to play with them anymore. I didn't explain. 

I probably wouldn't remember all the details since I was so young but there is always that one thing I will never forget until I lay down in my grave. That year when I was five, I saw my parents cry for the first time. They weeped next to me on the hospital bed and at night when they think I'm sleeping. 

Often, I see mom get down on her knees and pray to God, asking Him questions: Why our Minah? What did we ever do wrong?

Then dad would be there, telling mom that I will be okay, only knowing that he wasn't lying to anyone but himself. 

How will they ever get over the emotional attachment of their only daughter when I leave?

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