A/N: Feeling angsty today and decided to jot this down.

I look at you smiling at your phone as you reply to whoever that send you a text. Was this suppose to be part of the dinner that we are suppose to have once in a couple of months? As you constantly text, I was close to finishing the meal we ordered together not long ago. Our table was filled with nothing but random questions and short answers as you keep picking up your phone whenever it starts vibrating. I felt annoyed that even when I told you to excuse me to go to the ladies, you didn't even look up once. When I came back to the table, only then you realize my absence. 

I learnt my lesson the last time I ask who you were busy texting. I remember how you gave me the look of disappointment for not putting my trust in you but tell me how do I do so when you keep pushing me aside like some toy you play with? I'm your girlfriend but I don't see myself as one. In fact, I feel like a delusional girl instead. Only going out with you for meals as our talks get lesser as the months past. What is our relationship to you now?

I wonder how is it that your best friend, Jongin knows me better than you nowadays? Calling me and ensuring I was healthy and keep myself in check whenever I work too hard. You used to be fine with Jongin being close to me because the both of us are the 94'ers. It was just fortunate that we have more things in common that I have with you or used to have with you. However, now, it is almost always one of the reasons of our frequent arguments. Sometimes, it hurts when you shout me straight in the face to accuse me of cheating when I was busy working.

You are finally done with your dinner which is only having a few bites of your own meal as you kept yourself busy with your phone. Even when we went our separate ways, you coolly wave me goodbye without any hugs or kisses. It's been long since you've stopped doing so and I don't bother asking because I am not the type who seeks your attention to get affection. You should know that by now but maybe the problem lies with me not being forward about it. Is it?

Reaching the empty dorm, I search for my phone to inform you that I've reached home but I know it is a hopeless attempt since you will ignore it unlike whoever you give your attention to on your phone. Just like any other day when I get to see you once in a blue moon, it always started with excitement and ends in despair. Before I know it, fresh tears were rolling down my cheeks to my pillow. How much longer do I have to withstand this? 

Since that day, I've indulge myself in work as we're preparing for the new album release as well as commercial and variety show deals to attend during the promotion. After which, there are plans for another world tour, longer and more countries this time. I don't even remember when was the last time I talked or texted you. The only person I remember was Jongin and some other friends in your company who gave endless support when the plans for 2ne1's group activities in 2013 was revealed. 

When the album was dropped, the planned promotions are endless as our schedules were packed and our only break time is within the company itself to rehearse for the world tour or self improvement dance lessons with the HiTech oppas and Crazy unnies. I manage to squeeze through time to keep in touch with the SNSD and F(x) unnies by attending church regularly on the weekends even if it was only for a few hours of service. Jongin too started attending the same church as me thus, the frequent calls and texts to each other.

I was sitting down for rehearsals for our concert in a foreign country when Chaerin unni approached me. We talked a little and she got me stunned for a moment when she suddenly ask about you. I casually said you were fine as you always are and she let go of the topic as we joke about other stuff. When she left, it was only then that I realize the last we contacted each other was almost a year ago. Then, it occurred to me that during those times, there wasn't a time where I actually sat and thought about you. 

Guilt started creeping in as I went in search of my phone the moment we were let off from the stage to rest in the hotel. I gave you a call but just like any other times, it was left unanswered. Even when I head to sleep to the next morning, there was nothing from you. When the concert ended for the day, somehow, a part of me did not expect any calls from you and I was right, there was none. I thought you changed numbers because of the fans but after getting confirmation from Jongin, your number remains the same. Somehow, I found myself flicking that problem like another everyday issue as I continue with my daily routines. 

When we were done touring the world, we came back home for a long break. During this time, I had a good vacation with friends and family as well as the people at work. I was on the way to the dorm from visiting home when I receive a text. Expecting it to be Jongin, I immediately gave him a call without checking but was being told that he just ended practice and was only about to text me. We talked for awhile before he hangs up to take a shower and only then i remember about the text that I had mistaken for Jongin. Unexpectedly, it was one from you that simply ask for a meet up near my dorm supposedly 2 hours ago.

I rushed down out from my room as I felt bad for making you wait. Part of me wanted to let it go because I was certain that you would not wait but you seem to give me another surprise when I saw you in your hoodie already on your third drink. I approached you hesitantly and apologized. Being in front of you again after a year of no contact made me feel awkward. We even started the conversation like we were strangers meeting for the first time. It was so odd that I found my throat getting dry and you push me your drink as if you notice my discomfort.

"What are we Minzy ah?" was the sentence you uttered after a long silence.

I look at him and wonder, almost forgetting that we were once together or are we still together? I don't know myself and I honestly told him that.

"We used to be better than this right? What happen to us?"

Yet again, I don't know how to answer. The frustrations that pent up inside of me a year ago disappeared and I don't even know what you mean to me this time. 

"Should we start all over?" you asks while cautiously looking at me.

i gave him the same answer as I did the last two questions as I try to figure my feelings out.

"Do you... do you not love me anymore?"

"Love?" I asked as I chuckled.

Memories of you being uncaring flows back like a waterfall slowly killing me as I remember how cold you were to me throughout the year. I look coldly at you and smirk, "You know nothing of love Taemin ah."

"What.. what do you mean?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?" I look at him in disbelief but just continued without giving him a chance to speak, "you know what, nevermind. I don't even know what are you to me anymore, I'm tired of waiting and anticipating but I get nothing in return. I yearn for your affection till I find myself getting bored. I realize I'm better without you. There were many things I enjoyed without having to think or worry about you. Others are always more important than me and it has been so long since we contacted and you came looking for me. Don't you think it's too late or did you just realize my absence in your life only now?" I said as I stare at you.

"I'm sorry, I must have been such a jerk and all being self centered." you said but I cut you off, not wanting to hear your excuses. I just wanted to get out of here soon.

"You are but it's done. It's over Taemin ah. I don't want to start all over. You can find someone who is willing to be patient with you but I'm done with us." I said as I stood up.

I look at your sad face but it did not stop me from walking away. Though my heart was aching, I have no tears to let out for you anymore. As I walk, i felt you hold on my wrist desperately stopping me and making me face the panic you.

"Minzy ah, can you just try to give us a second chance? I'll change for us, for you."

I pulled away from his grip as I told you off, "Try? I stopped trying since the day you stop caring. You ought to do the same." 

I look at you for the last time before walking away again but you cling on me again begging me to listen to your pleads. I had enough as I push you hard enough to see you fall on the ground. 

"You're late Taemin. My heart has no more space to endure the torture you put me through. We're done. See you when I see you." I said before turning away to walk into the lobby of the dorm. Thank goodness that our meeting place is not far from where the dorm is or I would have a harder time to let go of the clingy you.

As I wait for the elevator, you were trying to get pass the security guard. For a brief moment, our eyes met but I quickly broke it off when the door of the elevator open as I coldly leave you and our memories behind.