Ren’s POV:

I finally woke up after a good long nap. It’s probably the best nap I ever had in days after being sleep deprived. I turned to look at the clock beside me; 3 o’clock. I wonder if they had come back from the hospital. While I’m still on my bed, I thought about the dream I had with JR. Everything was fine between us; no arguments, no fights, no opinion clash, no cold war. Everything was calm and peaceful. In fact, JR was being very sweet to me; making me breakfast, watching movies together while holding hands (I even dreamt about us watching a romantic movie – how unlikely!) and cuddling in bed together just talking about random stuffs. That was a bittersweet moment considering the fact of our current relationship and that Jonghyun had lost his memory. How I wished for it to be real. I really want everything to be fine between us. I’m sick and tired of the constant bickering between JR and I. It’s not like I want to. My mind acted on its own. I just feel like saying something every time he opens his mouth.  I know I’m making him upset and frustrated. It is also making me frustrated! But it’s too late now. I wish I could take everything I said back. Tears started forming at the corner of my eyes and I just cried. I cried thinking about JR (who should have got out of the hospital by now). All because of ME!

I just cried as hard as I could while hugging the bolster on my bed and began mumbling words of sorry to myself. I know whatever I say now could not change what had happened. I know that. I’m well aware of that fact that nothing could change the past no matter what you do in the future to make up for it. I just wished I that I could’ve control my mouth and not cause all these to happen. I’m sorry, Jonghyun. I’m extremely sorry. I just hope for you to be healthy now, that’s all. I would do anything I could to help you regain back your memories. Your happy memories of being together with us, with me. I would even become your slave if you want me to. I love you, Jonghyun. I really do. All I want is your happiness. 

The longer I cry, the more pain I felt. My chest, it hurts. Why does it hurt so much? The pain is getting unbearable. I hate it. I hate myself. I feel like taking a knife and stab right through me just to stop the pain. It’s just so hard to know the agonizing truth that JR had already forgotten about me. I almost jump down a river that day if not for BaekHo. He hugged and comforted me as I cry into his shirt. BaekHo, I’m sorry.  I sat up to get some air. I had difficulty in breathing as I was crying while lying down. As I wipe of the tears that had dried up on my face with the blanket, I saw a pair of scissors lying on the dressing table adjacent to the room. I feel so tempted to grab it and stick it right through my aching heart and end the pain. I've made everyone suffer. The whole of NU'EST and mostly Jonghyun and BaekHo. They shouldn't have to.

I place my feet down on the cold hard floor. I pull my legs back up as it was too cold and rubbed them to warm it up a little then place them gently back down again – one foot at a time. Getting up, I dragged my feet across the room inching closer to the dressing table where the pair of scissors is. When I reach there, I grabbed the pair of scissors and looked at it hesitantly. My hands are shaking. Why are you shaking?! Stupid hands. With the sharp end of the scissors facing me, I drew it closer to where my heart is and without much thought, I held it up and stabbed myself. Ouch! That hurts. But I don’t think it hurts as much as what I had caused Jonghyun. All I could see after that was blood oozing out of my chest, staining my shirt that BaekHo had bought me during that vacation in the process. My vision slowly started to faded and everything became pitch black in an instant. Suddenly, everything felt better. I wasn’t in pain anymore and no one would be if I’m dead. No one...Jonghyun would be free from me too. 

A/N: Thank you very much to those had gave me motivation to continue writing this story. I had originally plan to end this story in this chapter because no one commented after chapter 3. I was upset and depressed because of that. Now that some of my dear friends had given me words of encouragement, I decided to spice up the story a bit. I'm sorry for the depressing chapter. Hehe~ :p