I sighed as my eyes flickered open. The sunshine was slipping though the curtains, I groaned and turned around in an effortless wish to fall asleep again. When I realized the trial was doomed to fail I slowly got up. Last night I had been working on my project for HANA, since mr Lee had entrusted me with this task I hadn’t been able to free my mind of it. Lately I was getting more and more interested in the soul and blues feeling of the 50s, even more since my friend from the hospital had lend me the movie Burlesque. I just loved the concept of the make-up, the beat of the music and the attitude the woman had. Since then I had been researching the specific era.

A knock was heard and I looked up to see Inhae. “Inhae! How good to see you again!” She smiled as she entered the room, holding my breakfast. Inhae was one of the younger nurses, she was only 22, so we didn’t differ that much. Also we shared the date of birth, only I was born two years later. I reached for the dvd-case on my night stand and held it out to her. “You’re done already? I only gave it to you two days ago.” I smiled, “Yes, I had enough time to watch it.. hmm like 5 times already.” She looked stunned, “That much?” I nodded to her, “I really loved it! Their voices, their charisma everything!” She laughed at my enthusiasm, and sat down at the end of my bed.

We talked about random stuff while I ate my breakfast. I had gotten to know Inhae about a month ago, and she was currently a student here, for about 6 moths she had to do a practical course in the hospital. I loved her presence, and another thing we had in common, we were both incurable BABY’s. Luckily she wasn’t biased with Bang Yongguk, but with Himchan, otherwise we would have had quite the intense discussion… I wasn’t planning to share. She broke off my train of thought by her next words, “So, how is the song coming forth for HANA?” I sighed heavily, and gave her an look. She smiled understandingly, “It’s okay, let me hear, maybe we can figure out something together?”

~~~

We were both silent, even when the music stopped. “Hmm” I sighed again, “I know, it’s not really it.” “No, that’s not it, it’s just lacking something.” She was silent for another moment, and I studied her face, she kept thinking. Suddenly she looked back in my eyes, “Attitude!” “Huh?” “It’s missing attitude,” she explained, “Look at it, most songs that reach great chart rankings have some kind of feeling, something real. Like the listener is included in the song.” I frowned, slowly grasping the meaning of her words, but still not getting what she was pointing out. “How can you pull the listener with you if you don’t believe and experience the things you are writing about?” I frowned deeper this time, “Now you’ve lost me…”

She sighed, but displayed an naughty expression, “You need to do escape this, these rules.” My eyebrows rose in surprise, “Do you mean…” “Yes! That’s exactly what I mean. We are going out for a ‘stroll’ tomorrow.” “But what if someone recognizes me? Or if I faint again? Or …” “Tch Tch Tch.” She clacked with her tongue as she put an finger to my lips to shush me. “You are writing about strong, independent women, you have to be one. Don’t you want this song to be a success? Don’t you want your friends to become strong woman on stage, while singing your song?” I nodded slowly, still feeling a bit hesitant. “We won’t do anything irresponsible, we’ll just visit the hair salon, the nail salon, maybe even some kind of makeup artist. Simply everything that will help to get you into the role of the typical 50s woman.” A smile started to form on my face, as I finally started to understand the idea, and it appealed to me. Slowly I started nodding, “That’s seems okay…”

“You need some fresh air anyway, so it’s a perfect match to combine the two.” She smiled as she got up, “I’ll go now, to arrange everything, and you’ll hear from me, somewhere around noon I think.” “Sure that’s fine,” I answered, as I started planning the rest of the day, and the next, maybe we would have enough time to stop by an music store, I definitely needed new material, and of course I needed to support my friends. The rest of the day I was floating on my own pink cloud. Everything seemed to go perfect today, the gym trainer even commented on my improvement. “Romy, I’m impressed. You’ve made such tremendous improvement compared to when you just started here four months ago.” I glowed under his complements, “Thank you, I have been working hard.” He nodded, studying me, “Yes you have, but somehow it seems like you just kept leaping forward since last month.” I thanked him again, and only started thinking about his last remark when I was on my way back to my room. Last month Lee So Man had offered me a ‘job’ as songwriter, and I realized I had gained a new goal and purpose, which helped me to pull through all the endless and fruitless hours of rehabilitation.

I was still smiling to myself as I listened through my library of songs I had written last month. I had composed them and sung the lyrics to it, this was common. Most of the times the writer/composer made the music and wrote the lyrics, and to give it substance recorded the lyrics to the song. I was a bit hesitant about this part, since everyone who heard my voice couldn’t deny the comparison to Lian, who had officially died. I skipped through the songs, some of them were better than the others. I stopped at one particular song. It was one of the first songs I had written when I had woken up. It was about the chained feeling of not being able to do what you really wanted to do, about wanting the escape. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but it had something.

I decided to make an CD, together with some more tracks, and send it to Lee So Man, marked as confidential, so only mr. Lee would open it. In the letter attached I wrote, “Dear mr Lee, these are a few of the songs I wrote, I think some of these songs definitely have potential. At the moment my song is attached with the lyrics, that’s why I’m sending this confidential. If you think the songs are useable, we’d have to remove my voice and put in the voice of one of the vocal trainers, and give that version to the potential buyer of the song. I hope you like the material, and I would like to be informed if a group decides to buy the song. I’m currently still writing the song for HANA, please be patient, I promise it will be worth the wait, and it’ll be a great addition to their next album. R.G.” The next time I went down to the reception I would have to deliver it to the hospital post service, I reminded myself.

~~~

Though I had trouble falling asleep that evening, the morning of my trip I was awake far before the sun was up. Because it was only just the beginning of December it was cold and the sun didn’t shine very bright. But all those factors didn’t stop my sunny morning feelings. Excitedly I waited for Inhae to bring my breakfast, after that we would head out to the city. I couldn’t even remember how long it had exactly been since I had really shopped, and had been able to do what I wanted. Thinking deeper about it I remembered the last time I had breakfast outdoors, just the day before my surgery, with none other than…  “No,” I said sternly to myself, I wouldn’t think about that. Every time I thought about him, and about how terribly I was lying to him my heart ached. Of course he wasn’t the only one I was lying to, but if felt most cruel to him. He was the one I had been closest to the ‘last days’ of my life.
 

“If you are starting to talk to yourself, it’s really time for you to get out of here.” I quickly turned from my handbag to face Inhae who was entering the room, holding my breakfast. “Good morning to you too.” I smiled and continued packing my bag. Since I hadn’t been out, it was one hell of a job, since all my important stuff was scattered around my room. “I haven’t seen you that lively in the morning since…” She seemed to think, “Well never actually.” I grinned as I sat down next to her and started shoving the food down my throat.

~~~

Finally we arrived at the shop I most anticipated, the music store. Since I couldn’t go out, I couldn’t spend anything, so I had about three months of, a slimmed, salary to spend. The store was a book music combination store, my perfect heaven. I skipped past the isles of books, stopping here and there to throw another book in my chart. Inhae was following me, her eyes growing larger by the second, and with every item I picked up. “I see you have enough money, I should have let you pay your own haircut and nail treatment.” I smiled widely at her, “I didn’t ask you to pay for me, you insisted. And the reason I have this much money to spend is because I can’t shop that often, remember?” I turned around the corner and reached the music department of the store, “I’ll make it up to you, do you see that café at the other side of the street?” She followed where I was pointing, past the racks of music albums through the window, at the opposite side of the shopping street was a cute, and expensive looking, pastry café. She nodded enthusiastically. “Well,” I continued, “if you let me finish shopping in ease I’ll buy you afternoon tea with a treat there.”

She skipped out the store, slightly mumbling about macaroons and other pastries while I continued my way down the music department. While passing the isles I picked up some albums, I remembered some the names from the music sites I usually visited. Of course I bought all the albums I didn’t yet have from B.A.P, including the latsest, One Shot. Curiously I walked to the end of the isle, where it was possible to listen to some of the tracks. I put down my cart, and put the heavy headset on my hear. The sounds of the rest of the store were dimmed and only slightly hearable in the back. I pushed on the button to open the album One Shot, and scanned through the songs, my eyes ripped back as I read the name of one particular song. “Coma,” I whispered, I pushed the play button and the song started playing.

His voice resonated through me, a feeling like nothing I had felt before, as his words reached me.

“After you left, I lost control
I become drunk every night and stumble around
Spit out curses because I think of you, who was cold
I feel dirty”

His words reaching deeper and deeper in my system. His husky voice speaking the words, the words which somehow were telling a different but at the same time very common story, common to me.

“I overflow in anger, and scream
Your face that appears in the cracked mirror
It seems like our love that’s broken into many piece
I stand at the end of this tiring cliff, and
rip apart the memories I had with you
I don’t have it”

“Why did you throw me away like garbage
Just why can’t I do anything
Just why, why why do I throw all of the memories I had with you everyday”

The story wasn’t the same as mine, and Yongguk couldn’t know I hadn’t died, but still it felt like it was write especially for me. His raw emotion was portrayed in the song. Daehyun ended the song with his last lines.

“I’m trapped in memories of you, no
Please hold onto my hand, so that I can wake up
Please don’t go”

Just when the song skipped forward to the next a girl tapped me on my shoulder. I almost jumped in shock, I had completely forgotten where I was. The girl was eying me curiously, and I noticed my cheeks were wet. Hastely I turned and whipped them away, this is just silly, he didn’t write it about you, remember how you had a relationship with Baekhyun? Not Yongguk?

“Excuse me, could I use it?” I nodded and smiled while I handed her the headset, and walked to the counter to pay for my goods. My spirits had sunk a bit, and the song Coma kept repeating itself in my head, especially the lyrics, his lyrics, his voice, his oh so raw and y voice. “Took you long enough,” Inhae commented when I joined her on the table. I gaped at all the small plates stacked up in front of her. “Did you eat this all?!” I asked, in amazement. “Yup, and you promised it was your treat.” I blankly stared at her, “My. Treat.” I repeated after. My eyes gliding over all the plates, growing larger again, “Yah!” I yelled in expiration, “How rich do you think I am?”  A new plate arrived, and Inhae reached out for it, but I grabbed it from her. “This one is mine, and then we are leaving.” I sighed, “Jinya, you eat me poor.”

~~~***~~~

Wow this chapter really got out of hand… I didn’t write in a while… xD Here you go, I hope you enjoyed!

Love~ SeyahMyv

I just can't describe how buzy I've been! I hope you enjoy the chapter.. though I was disappointed to notice the story I wanted to do after this got more  response, comments and subscribers than this oneT^T

Either way, keep your eyes out for new updates, though it might take a while.... I'll try my best!