Jessica hadn’t been in the habit of checking her emails, as everyone contacted her through KakaoTalk, text or phone, but it turns out that when you run a business, checking your email frequently is very important. Even so, she doesn’t get many personal emails, aside from spam ones telling her she’s won a holiday to Cuba (yes please) or advertising a new miracle cure for erectile dysfunction (no thanks).

When she checks her personal e-mail today, she’s bombarded by thirty-two emails, twenty-eight of which are from an e-cards site.

She blinks. Who would send her twenty-eight e-cards? Her first reaction is that it’s some kind of spam, but the site is a well-established one that she’s used on occasion, although she outgrew e-cards about a decade ago. She opens the first email, to be greeted by a horrifically pink, glittering birthday card with a teddy bear holding out a heart at her. If the colour and sparkles aren’t indicative enough of the sender, the accompanying message definitely is.

You have a message from: Tiffany

Happy Birthday, Jessi!!! <3 I was just going to send you one card, but they had so many good ones that I couldn’t make up my mind. Then I was like, why limit myself to one card? So I decided to send you 28, one for each year! Are you excited? Here we go!

Jessica doesn’t know whether to laugh or cover her face. She ends up doing something in between, her hand sliding from her forehead in secondhand embarrassment to her chin in firsthand fondness. Of course Tiffany would do something like this. It’s so—Tiffany, from the pink to the teddy bear to the one card for each of her 28 years. Cheesy yet sincere, amusing yet endearing, warm and affectionate and—Tiffany.

She should really be checking her business email right now, or follow up on the other 1249824 things she has to do, but instead she opens the next e-card.

I don’t think I can keep this tradition up, because I’d have to find you 29 next year, and then 30 the one after that. Can you believe that we’re going to be 30 soon?? That’s pretty scary, isn’t it? We met when we were 15, you know. That means that by the time we’re 30, we’ll have known each other for half of our lives. Sometimes I feel like I’ve known you for longer than that, like I’ve known you for my entire life and even before that. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know you at all.

All the air in Jessica’s lungs escapes her in a sudden whoosh, the pressure hitting her like a blow to the chest, leaving her light-headed and heavy-hearted. Her eyes scan over the words again, drinking them in like bitter ale, as memories wash over her:

Stephanie Hwang at 15 years old, yelling “hey, American girl!” across the room, speaking in a jumbled mix of English and Korean, tugging Jessica along in her quest for pizza and spaghetti. Stephanie Hwang at 20 years old, crying into Jessica’s arms about the success they only dared to dream of, exclaiming about the third first snowfall they experienced together, singing with her on a stage full of other idols but having eyes only for her. Stephanie Hwang at 25 years old, staring at her with solemn eyes as she tried to explain, nodding with her ever-present smile tucked away, squeezing her hand one last time before letting go.

And now?

Sometimes I feel like I’ve known you for my entire life and even before that. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know you at all.

She wonders which of these times it is right now. Wonders if Tiffany will be there when she’s 30, 35, 40. Wonders if, after sharing their youths together, they can share old age together too. Wonders if Tiffany will still call her “Jessi” like nobody else ever does and give her the smile nobody else ever gets. Wonders.

Despite knowing better, she clicks on the next e-card.

Tiffany gets a simple email as a reply. No e-card, no sparkles and definitely no teddy bears.

Are you free for a birthday dinner?

At the sound of heels stopping in front of her table and, more than that, a certain feeling, Jessica glances up from the menu she’s looking at but not seeing.

Tiffany’s smile is brighter than the sparklers that had been on Jessica’s birthday cake. Jessica looks at it, breathless, like she had tried to blow out too many candles at once.

And then that smile softens, and a word leaves her lips, and suddenly Jessica knows. Knows, and not just wonders.

“Jessi.”

A/N: I started this in April, probably April 17 or 18, because it was supposed to be for Jessica's birthday. And then I just couldn't finish it. I originally intended it to be a much longer fic, but that wasn't happening and I wanted to say more in what's unsaid. Hopefully I managed to accomplish that.