It’s been a week since I last saw Yunho.  It’s also been a week that I am waiting for nothing. Hoping Yunho will change his mind and knock on my door. It hurts to finally open my heart just to leave it wounded. It seems like this is what my life calls for. I am the kind where I bottled all my emotions inside. Afraid of rejections and afraid of someone hurting me that it would leave me devastated. I am too afraid to trust because I never felt love since I was a kid. I never experienced how to be loved by my parents because they are incapable of doing that to their children. My mother has an alcoholic problem that later on in her life it causes her death. My father is some delinquent of our city and he spends almost of his life in prison until his body gave up of a punishment of a certain crime that until now was still a mystery to me. When I try to ask my mom about it she would always ended yelling at me for bringing up some unwanted topic which I doubt she could be any better.

Noona and I grew up without our parents beside us. That might be one of the reason why my noona finally went away from home to seek herself some comfort that my parents are lacking to have. It might also be the reason why she ended up having an affair to a married man, but not just a married man but a very influential person. She once told me that she is working in a night club and I don’t want to know the details of her work so I never ask. I didn’t realize myself that I would find the same fate as my sister working in a club to earn money for a living.

I even wonder if there is happiness waiting for me at all. Sometimes I just want to give up but Jiyool is always the first reason why I always stood up and continue to fight for the so called life.

Here go the stupid tears again.

I remember him again.

Yunho.

I don’t know if I’ll be thankful that I met Yunho. At the back of my mind I am happy at least at the very short time I knew him I felt happy. He made me blush. I don’t have a firsthand experience being in a relationship so I don’t know if all I felt is normal.  Some people says being in love is a good thing but I don’t think so. Love could actually drown you in sorrow. To think that I’ve never felt love before but my vision of that word is always associated with unhappy memories. Maybe one of the reasons is also the lack of love I experienced from my parents. So it’s hard for me to define the word love.

I tried to forget everything for a while so I found myself staring at the long flow of water of Han River.

I felt a strange mixture of sadness and numbness taking over me.

It will be Jiyool’s surgery tomorrow. Sooner or later I will be kick out of my work due to my absences but I can’t help it. Jiyool is the most important person in my life I need to be with her side. I already received a call from my manager saying if I am still interested in working because if I don’t he’s so willingly will give the position to others who can guarantee that will work full time. 

I stare at my phone. Junsu is calling. I smiled. Despite of everything Junsu is still there with me in every passing moment I feel thankful that my best friend understands me and support me.

“Hello junsu ya . . .”

“Jae? Where are you?”

“I am about to go home why?”

“Someone is here. Looking for you said that he was the family attorney of the Jungs. He needs your signature as an authorized guardian of Jiyool.”

“Oh ok. Tell him I am on my way Junsu yah.”

“Jae? Are you ok?”

“I am Junsu yah. I will be fine. Thank you Junsu yah.”

**********

YUNHO POV:

I found myself looking through the glass at the beautiful girl inside the ICU. My heart hurt just by looking at her fragile figure. She’s a baby sleeping beauty full of innocence needing lots of protection from those people who wants to harm her.  I took a big amount of breath I’ve been holding since I’ve been here. I can’t imagine myself having a baby sister. A very beautiful and cute baby sister whose been already taken out the privilege of living a normal life. She shouldn’t be lying there. She should be in some pretty home full of people who loves her.

I found myself leaning more to the glass window trying to reach her out. I have the sudden longing to pull her tiny body into my arms and shield her from any harm and illness. I smiled bitterly. Maybe this is the thing that my father wanted to remind me that despite of how he wronged my mom there would still be the best thing that brings out emotions in me. To protect this little girl that looks a little version of me. 

When I am about to have my exit I literally froze on the spot. 

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JAE POV:

When I arrived at home the attorney I met at the Jung’s mansion was waiting with Junsu sitting at the sofa. I awkwardly nod at him recognizing his presence and when I turn to my right side at the kitchen I was surprise to see Changmin standing in there with a glass of water. He was staring back at me and I don’t know how to react. Do I have to smile? I look at the lawyer and he was staring at me like he was saying that he has no idea at all. I was about to smile at Changmin but he beat me to it when he spoke.

“I want to meet my little sister.”That little statement made me swallow hard. I don’t know how to react. I felt so scared and at the same time I felt the feeling of longing in Changmin’s eyes and in his voice like he was silently begging for my permission. I can’t be selfish I know that. But the idea of Jiyool around someone else besides me scared me. I know that time will come Jiyool would depend on someone else especially her stepbrothers but the thought  that I’ve been with Jiyool since she was born is somewhat giving me  the power that I have more than  the right to choose or decide for Jiyool. The fact that Jiyool is a real Jung and Changmin is after all Jiyool’s older brother makes me hesitant. There’s a lot of What If’s running on my mind and i just stared at Changmin,

Cha