[L e t t e r s | to | Y o o n a]   

T W E L V E

Dear Yoona,

I went back to the cemetery eventually. It took me a while to cool down and get everything out of my system; I think I abused the privilege of having no one around to see me cry, because for once, I just let myself cry on that swing.

Like I said before, I've been crying a lot lately. But I think I have good reasons for doing so.

You were still there when I came back, still sitting in front of my gravestone in your white dress.

And you were talking.

Talking to me.

I think my heart broke all over again, knowing that you still spared time to speak to me, even though you didn't even know whether or not I was listening.

You were halfway through a sentence, but I sat beside you anyway and listened.

You were saying, "...but I really am sorry, Luhan. It hurts every day, even though today it's been a year since you died. I remember when I had to confess to the search party and the ambulance that came to take us away that it was my fault. And when they announced that you were dead, I cried and apologised all over again. Everyone said that there was nothing I could have done, but I think on the inside, they still blame me."

No, I wanted to say, even though I didn't even know if I was right or not. No one blames you, Yoona. There really was nothing you could have done.

"We should have stayed home." You started sobbing again then. "You would have been 19 this year, Luhan. We would have gone to college together and−"

You broke off then and I reached out, but my hand never touched your shoulder and you didn't feel it. And what? I thought. What, Yoona?

But I couldn't think about it for long because you started speaking again and what you said next made my thoughts evaporate.

"You know, something strange happened the other day, Luhan." You were whispering, but strangely, it was the loudest sound in my ears. "I got these letters, addressed to me, from you." You let out a small sniffle and continued. "I swear I imagined them, because when I went looking for them yesterday, they were gone."

My eyes started going wide then, because I realised that you really had read my letters. I don't know where they had went, but I knew then that you had read them.

Which means...

"You told me that you love me, Luhan. And you reminded me about all the memories that I've been thinking about every day since you died−when we first met, those friendship bracelets, the late night notes, our book... Our first kiss."

I swear my heart restarted then.

"You know, I never got to tell you this, Luhan, but I never kissed anyone else, either," you whispered, laying a hand on my gravestone. It felt like you had placed your hand against my chest. My chest, where my heart was beating erratically.

"I miss you, too, Luhan. I miss you every day," you continued. "Even now, I forget that you're not here anymore, and I turn to tell you something, but no one's there. And it hurts."

I miss you even more, Yoona, I wished I could say. And it hurts because I can't tell you that. It hurts because I'll never be able to tell you that and see your face as I say it.

"It hurts because I know everything was my fault." You closed your eyes then, and a tear slid down your cheek. "Even if everyone says that there was nothing I could do, there was. I could have stayed home with you. I could have been a good friend.

It hurts, Luhan, not knowing if you're happy now. You never mentioned that you were happy in your letters. If I knew..." You swallowed and blinked a few times before continuing and I wished then that I could wipe your tears away. "If I knew that you were happy, it would hurt a little less. If you're happy, then it might make me happy, too, even if I never got to tell you that I love you, Luhan."

That was it. The moment that the world stopped and my heart stopped along with it.

Because you said that you love me.

That's all I ever wanted to hear.

"You said that you love me, too, Luhan. In your letters." Your voice was barely a whisper. "I don't know if I hurt a little more inside reading that, or if my heart healed a little. All I know is that I miss you, Luhan. I hope one day you'll forgive me for not being your friend."

No, I thought, shaking my head even though I knew you couldn't see it. No, you were always my friend. I might have forgotten for a while, but you are my friend, and you always will be.

I knew you wouldn't hear me, so I did the one thing I knew I could.

I pulled out a piece of paper from my pocket− nothing much, just a little notepad I always kept with me−and a pen, and I started writing.

I knew that you would never forgive yourself if I didn't tell you that I forgive you, even if there's nothing to forgive.

As for everything else, I knew exactly what to write− just the same words I've been writing to you in the past few letters.

The words that you need to read from me. One last time.

I wrote:

Dear Yoona,

I'm here now, with you.

And I forgive you.

Don't worry about my happiness, okay?

All I want is for you to be happy. I hope you find someone else to share your smiles and laughs with. Someone who will take care of you in my place.

I hope one day you'll be able to look back on our memories without feeling sad. Just know that I'm always here, waiting for you. Someday, we'll meet again. I promise.

As for me, I am happy, because I died as your friend, and I know that now.

I miss you, Yoona.

And I love you.

Eternally yours,

Luhan.

***

A/N: Fin.

Thank you so much to everyone who read, subscribed, commented and voted ^^. I didn't expect this to get any attention at all, because it was just a little project I set aside to do for a week while I took a little break from my other fics. So thank you all ^^

I just realised that I used the words 'and' and then' too much in this story >.< Sorry about that ^^;;

I hope all your hearts broke like mine did while I was writing this. My Luyoon feels D:

((by the way, everyone. I have a new Luyoon fic called She Likes the Rain. So if you're an avid Luyoon shipper like me, please check it out~))