Ever had that feeling when you anticipate something but scared of it at the same time?. Yeah that's what I'm feeling right now. It's Friday night and I've been feeling bloated since I booked two tickets to LA. Yes two; I was going with Hyunseung. After booking the tickets and getting myself together after I read Bom's letter that night, I went to Hyunseung and asked him to be my date to the wedding. He declined at first, stating that he would rather stay in Paris alone than see me drool over Seunghyun and I understood. It took me three days of convincing to get him to come with me. So here I am, Friday night in my office with my publicist and a few members of the press ready to out myself. Moving to LA, I couldn't keep being incognito and now seemed the best time to reveal myself because I would be on the second flight to LA to catch Seungri's wedding.

"Are you sure you want to do this. They would never leave you alone, your private life as we know it would be gone" my secretary pleaded. It was nice to be surrounded by people as dramatic as I so when I did something farfetched, I wouldn't look like a fool. 

"Yes I'm sure" And just like that it was done, I had outed myself and Seunghyun would see me but instead of him coming to find me, I'd go to him.

 

 

Here I am on the flight shivering and I wish I could blame my fear of flying for this but truthfully, I was more scared of seeing Seunghyun. 'What would I say'? 'Would he talk to me'? 'Would he still call me yongie'? Were the questions going through my head for the entire flight.

"You'll be fine" Hyunseung squeezed my shoulder as we waited for a taxi. 

"We are late" I said back, trying not to think about why I wouldn't be fine. We made our way to our hotel, dropped our things and left to the address of the church Seungri sent earlier.

We slipped into the backseat of the church as I looked around for Seunghyun and there he was seating in the first row. I couldn't see his face but I knew he still looked devishly handsome. 'Please turn and look at me' I wished as I continued staring.

"I'm guessing that's him" Hyunseung said following my eyes.

"I'm sorry" I truly was, I mean here I was with a date and staring at another man the entire time. 

The wedding was finally over and the bride and groom were escorted out of the church with the congregation.

"You made it"!! Seungri yelled leaving Dara and running to where I was seated.

"Of course I did. You threatened me remember"? I said and hugged him. "Congrats"

"Thanks, I can't believe...."

"JIYONG"!!!! I had never felt more loved as Taeyang and Daesung ran to me, embracing me. I was locked in their embrace with them as my eyes locked with Seunghyun's. He just stood there, starting at me and after all this time, he still had the same effect on me. The other three were still asking questions when I tried to approach Seunghyun only for him to take a step back, holding his hands mid air as if telling not to come closer, and just like that he walked out of the church.

"Give him time, he was the one who hurt the most after you left" Taeyang said putting his hand over my shoulder. It was what I dreaded the most; Seunghyun not speaking to me, but I wasn't going to back down. I was here to stay.

"Who's the cute guy with you" Daesung whispered blushing.

"Uhhh...my boyfriend" I responded shyly.

"We have a party to attend guys, my bride and the guests are actually waiting for me believe it or not" Seungri said immediately as we left laughing. 

Hyunseung and I rode with Daesung and Taeyang and I introduced them, I noticed the lingering handshake between Daesung and Taeyang and smiled. 

"Why did you leave without saying goodbye Ji"? Taeyang asked not taking his eyes off the road.

"I needed a fresh start" I said truthfully.

"I'm not trying to judge you or anything but leaving like was messed up. For a moment we thought you were dead, and Seunghyun blamed us for not keeping an eye on you" 

"I'm so sorry" I really was selfish, leaving everyone who cared about me because of my own problems.

"You should apologize to Seunghyun. Seungri told us he found you but we chose not to tell Seunghyun"

We arrived at the party and as fate would have it, and because my life . I was placed between Seunghyun and Hyunseung and to make matters worse, Hyunseung and Daesung were involved in a vey heated conversation and some casual flirting so once again I was alone. I guess my love for Seunghyun was a little over the top, for me to still be feeling this way after so many years and not being able to move on, while Hyunseung here is basically dating Daesung at this point with me seating right beside him. So much for him loving me.

 

I want to talk to him so badly, I really do but where do I start from?. I surely couldn't be all 'sorry I left you a year ago and didn't call when your marriage broke apart at the slight chance of you being in love with me' now can I?. Imagine I said that though, that'd be more crazy than our second meeting.

I watched him the entire day, he certainly had changed; his cuteness had been replaced with ruggedness, his voice was still the same but deeper and it seems he got taller. 'Did I really hurt you that much, and if I did does that mean that there's a slight chance that you have feelings for me, and if you do, why did you marry someone else' so many questions ran through my head as i continued staring at him.

It was time for the bride and groom to leave, I hugged Dara and Seungri

"You should talk to him. Looking at him all day wouldn't do you any favors" Seungri whispered in my ears as he hugged me.

"I would, I have to" I assured him.

As I left to look for my date as other people said their goodbyes, I felt someone grab my hand, leading me to the dim balcony. I was going to go all ape on the stranger when I looked up to see Seunghyun, and I let myself be pulled. His grip on me got tighter and tighter till we arrived at the balcony where he let go of me but didn't look back.

"Seunghyun...". I wasn't sure what was coming next but I was dying  of anticipation.

"Why did you leave me"?. It was a simple question really but the weight of it killed me.

"I...I..."

"Was I not good enough for you. I thought we were friends".

"We were....we still are" I moved closer to him now, but scared to touch him.

"No, I don't think we were ever friends. I practically begged you to be my friend all those years ago, and I was the one always calling. I forced myself on you, and you left". What was he saying, this was far from what I was expecting. I expected him to yell at me and hate me, not blame himself for my departure.

"How could you say that..." I finally touched him now, turning him around to face me. He had tears in his eyes. My perfect Seunghyun was crying because of me.

"You should go back to wherever you came from Jiyong" It was the first time I heard him say my name, and it hurt. "I don't need you here, you weren't here when I did" he said stepping away from me and walking away.

"I...I love you Seunghyun" I broke down now, not caring how much of a wimp I possibly looked. "I've loved you since the second time I met you and I have stayed loving you since then and I never cared about how much it hurt. Then you got married, you actually got married Seunghyun and it hurt even more, not the sweet pain I got from loving you from afar but the really painful type and I knew it would kill me if I had to see you and your wife start a family together when it should be you and I". He watched me calmly as I poured my heart out to him. It was never how I thought I'd do it but it had to be done.

"I'm sorry I caused you so much pain Jiyong, I really am. I hope you're happy now with your boyfriend" he said shortly and left, leaving me alone and hurt as I began to wonder if I did the right thing. I might have shattered what was left of our friendship.  

 

I dried my eyes, looking for my runaway date when I was stopped by a familiar voice.

"Jiyong" I turned to see Seunghyun sister. "Can I speak with you"? I guess pleasantries are too mainstream now. We took a chair by a corner.

"How've you been Mae Ri"?

"Let's keep this short Jiyong, when I saw you walk into the church earlier, I was ready to kill you but after all I just witnessed between you and Seunghyun in the balcony. I knew it was time to pulls the both of you out of your miseries"

"You were eavesdropping"? I knew I always found her annoying.

"Getting to the point, Seunghyun loves you Jiyong, he always has from the first day he saw you. I remember him coming home and telling me all about the boy who assaulted him in the middle of the night and how he wasn't able to get him out of his mind. When he introduced you to us, I knew it was you immediately and I knew you loved him back, which was why I continuously teased you, hoping you'd come out but you never did. I know you met my father and you thought he was smitten with you and what not but don't be fooled. My father saw it too, and being the man he is...he threatened Seunghyun that if he confesses to you or if he dated you, you'd lose your internship at Top fashion and he would make it impossible for you to ever work in the fashion industry" I sat quietly as I took it all in. 

"I don't why he had to marry someone, you will have to find that out yourself but one thing I'm sure of is my brother crying to me almost every night saying how much it hurt to hold back from you. The painful part was, he made the deal with my father saying that he would be beside you as a friend and nothing more but you ended up leaving him, making it seem like he did it all for nothing. I wasn't going to tell you but hearing you confess just now with so much hurt, I knew I had to"

The thought of what Seunghyun had been through pained me. This whole time I thought he was stupid for not knowing how much I was in love with him, when in reality he had  loved me back. He loved me so much that he sacrificed his love for me to protect my dream, and all I did was run away run away from him.

"Plea....please, where can I find him" I asked and she gave me his address immediately. 

"Don't worry about your boyfriend, I saw him leave with Daesung. Careful out there it's raining" she called after me as I made my way outside.

 It wasn't raining, it was pouring but I never felt more alive as I hopped in a taxi and told him the address.

"Seunghyun loves me" I squealed at him.

"Whatever" he said and rolled up the demarcating window. I couldn't blame him, he probably thought I was cuckoo and I actually was, I was cuckoo for Seumghyun who I loved and who loved me back.

 

It was still pouring as I paid and got out of the taxi, running to the door, and pressing the bell rigorously.

"Who..."? And there he was, the love of my life, standing right in front of me with sad eyes that looked like he had been crying, with a champagne flute in one hand. Still looking like a god.

"Seunghyun"? I asked, just like the first time I met him. I wanted to be sure he was the right one.

"Yeah. Wh...." I didn't let him finish as I hopped on him. Not caring how wet I was, I wrapped my legs around him, placing my lips on his.

'Please kiss me back Seunhyun' I thought I stayed there kissing him, and then it happened. He kissed me back, using his arms to pull me closer into him and into my mouth as as he kicked the door shut.

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