Chapter 8 – End

How great it would be, if life could be just like a movie.

If life was a directed story where the scenes were planned with tremendous care in order to captivate an audience, to for about an hour and forty minutes lock them up in a handmade world…living would be so much more convenient. In a film no scene is needless, every minute, every second and every passing motion serves a purpose. That’s why you can always be sure that even if you see something bad, something that makes your heart frighteningly hammer against you chest, it’s all happening for a reason.

When the music turns low and the screen so many shades darker, almost black, you’ll bite your nails and feel for the scared and lonely soul out there in the midst of the unknown. But at some point it will have to turn brighter.

Because at the end of the day, it’s just a movie.

Whoever or whatever lost has to be found or else it will only be a cinematic product worth throwing popcorn at. After all, a story is no good if it doesn’t leave a sense of satisfaction.

If life was a story on tape people wouldn’t have to learn things the hard way, people wouldn’t have to live with all the wrongdoings that they might have done. One simple push of a button can rewind their regrets, playing it again or playing it differently. Then a light push on another button can astoundingly freeze the digital numbers on the player, ceasing every motion, thought and line.

If this was a movie…

Daehyun would like to pause the world at this particular moment.

He would kindly ask the clock to stop ticking and for the camera to still in the midst of its slow 360 degree route to capture them onto an everlasting picture.

‘How great it would be if Youngjae never stopped smiling like this…’

The sparkle of genuine happiness in his eyes, the way his lips curled into the sweetest smile topped with that beyond adorable dimple on his cheek…every little thing, every fold, every crease, added up to a person so…so captivating.

This, he thought, was them at their best.

How great it would be if people could with a broaden mind and vision watch the scene before them and realize that behind that repulsive exterior carved by society, there was something more…something beautiful.

Something that shouldn’t be put away in disgrace, prohibited from showing.

Love, the foundation to ‘happily ever after’, the ground to one’s most prominent memories is actually a very fragile concept. For happiness to be able to stand then love has to be solid…but sadly that’s not always the case.

In fact, love is rarely beautiful.

Because people do not often get the chance to really care for someone, to simply love someone.

How many times hasn’t it been seen, people turning witnesses to ‘love’ being diluted by paranoia, jealousy, unreasonable tears and sweet revenge? Once contaminated, it becomes so easy to crack and everything just falls.

Only when ‘love’ is in its purest form, in its innocence is it truly beautiful…

Only then is it meant to last.

The back of Daehyun’s hand brushed against Youngjae’s cheek. His heart beating away for one reason. For one person.

‘Youngjae-ah, let’s do this together.’

But unfortunately, a movie can at most only capture small fractions of life. The beginning, the highlight and the end. All the in between, all the struggles on that emotional train were frankly too complex to be adapted into a manuscript, to be caught by the human eye behind a circular lens.

So life is nowhere near like a playing movie.

If this was the peripety of their story, if this was their turning-point then what would the coming episode be about?

What differences, what impact would a moment like this have? What would change once the heart’s contents poured out onto a ground tainted and trampled on by people’s dirty feet?

Daehyun found himself incapable to prevent what he saw coming. Even if he was to smash the remote control he wouldn’t be able stop Youngjae’s smile from falling, from morphing into a firm line as he frantically looked around. Slowly, he collected all signs of reality with wary eyes.

A story in a secluded form can be perceived as a masterpiece, praised for its contents, beauty and artistry. However, when it opens for the public eye the way it is received can be entirely different.

A curtain fell over Youngjae’s eyes, stubbornly trying to hide the turmoil behind the scenes. And Daehyun held his breath. He was too slow, the tip of his fingers had barely brushed against Youngjae’s arm before the other turned his feet and ran. With a thick lump caught in his throat and injuries threatening to reopen; Youngjae ran away from the spot light, away from the puzzled and critical eyes and consequently away from Daehyun.

Again.

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“Youngjae!” Daehyun shouted, matching Youngjae’s echoing steps with his own.

The other was running as fast as his injured body allowed him to, ignoring the calls of his name and made it through the long corridor without any obstructions. However, when he passed the school entrance and got exposed to the mid-day blazing sun the aftermath of his drastic exercise started to kick in ad his limbs ached.

Daehyun saw how Youngjae abruptly stopped in his track and called out again, “Yoo Youngjae!” the grave tone held a slight warning, a demand for the panting boy to stay exactly where he was. “What are you doing?” Daehyun asked through quick breaths when he finally caught up. His hand automatically went to clutch Youngjae arm, gentle enough not to hurt but still firm enough to put an end to what he felt like was a never-ending game of tag. “What are you doing? Why are you running?”  He really wanted to know, he thought that for once he was doing the right thing, something that was going to let him have Youngjae back. But why was the other running, why did things never turn out as they supposed to? Daehyun searched for Youngjae’s eyes, waited for the boy in his hold to help him clear out the confusion. Weren’t they perfectly fine just moments ago? Weren’t they meant to be in this together?

Youngjae looked up, torn and tired. “Do you have any idea of what you just did?”

“Of course I do,” Daehyun loosened his grip, eyes desperately searching for their counterpart. “I was trying to make things right.”

‘And I have never been more proud over myself.’

Youngjae smiled sadly. And Daehyun realized just how much he hated that smile, the sign of defeat and dejection. What has to be done for it to vanish? He brought a hand up, with the intention to touch Youngjae’s face, but the other turned away leaving Daehyun’s hand to curl around emptiness. Around cold air that against his will stored underneath his skin. He couldn’t tell if the day had been too eventful or if he was simply drained from all the thoughts running through his head. But he felt tired, worn out and on the brink of collapsion. A lump formed in his throat, trapping cries of frustration somewhere deep down within his body. Had he been too naive to believe that the person before him would be saved from drowning the moment he stopped being afraid?

Youngjae jerked his arm out of the lifeless grip and took a step back. “Don’t you get it? Things will never be right.” He said, looking straight at Daehyun with hardened eyes. “And you…you just made yourself a target.” His gaze turned softer, softer in a frail way as he drew his bottom lip between his teeth. Biting down on it hard until he almost could taste blood. “Now they are going to come at you too. You…just lost a lot.”

Daehyun was fully aware of that and strangely he didn’t care.

Things that were so easily lost, he figured, were not worth keeping in first place. Popularity and a good reputation had once upon a time provided him with just enough self-confidence to keep him going. But actually, deep down inside, right in the core…he has always been insecure. Suddenly he felt a bit regretful, it hit him that he had spent great efforts and wasted time on preserving things that in reality held so little meaning.

A tile of warmth and pride washed over Daehyun, covering him entirely from head to toe. If he could think like this, if he could sort out what truly mattered to him then surely…he had grown as an individual. At least, that was what it felt like at the moment. Maybe it was just a tiny baby step or maybe it was a large leap but that didn’t really matter. What mattered was that he was slowly starting to like the picture of himself. Be it in Youngjae’s eyes or in everyone else’s. He was finally breathing…for real. This was him,  Jung Daehyun 18 years old from Busan.

“I don’t care.” Daehyun said with great determination and a small smile graced his features. “I don’t need any of it.”

‘I’ve got you.’

Youngjae shook his head. “Life doesn’t end after high school, Daehyun,” His head bent to look at his bandaged hand, feeling it ach when he tried to move his fingers. “If this was hard, then what do you think will happen once we start college or once we start working. How are we going to go through everything else in life? Do you want to constantly be hurt?” Youngjae looked up to lock his eyes with Daehyun’s, hands clenching hard on his sides. “Do you think that a few words and a kiss in front of everybody are going to make a difference?”

Daehyun blinked as his smile faltered, he just stood there letting Youngjae’s words make their way through his skull, unconsciously stored them in his mind and involuntarily registered their meaning.

The answer was an obvious ‘No’.

After the storm, comes the sun. That’s how nature work…that’s how life works. When the raging storm approaches and rakes up life as it pleases, there’s not much that can be done except for accepting that things might not ever go back to how they were again. The swirling wind forces even the strongest to succumb and scar even the toughest surfaces. A natural power so great, so devious and frightening comes at you with all the intention to blow you away. What do you do?

Unpredictably, it comes and goes. The sun rises afterwards as proof that there is calm after chaos. But it’s a repetitive circle. There’s no such thing as eternal calmness or happiness.

Life offers you warmth from the sun as well as hard hitting winds and pouring rain during stormy nights. And it goes on and on.

They were going to hurt again, again and again.

“Do you think I’m worth it?” The hint of sarcasm in Youngjae’s voice, Daehyun thought could only mean that Youngjae himself didn’t believe that he was. “Do you really want to make ‘us’ work?”

‘Why do you keep offering me chances to run away?’

The train of thought running through Daehyun’s mind at the moment must have to some extent been apparent on his face. His open eyes must have flashed the obvious answer ‘Yes’ because Youngjae’s expression altered slightly, twisting into what it seemed like an intricate combination of confliction, exhaustion and…hope.

“What if they break you?” Youngjae asked, a whisper that blended softly with the light twirling breeze.

Daehyun stared back. The smattering of harsh words and dismissive looks as they tried to pierce through the fragile tiles of his back would surely hurt. And he might fall into ruins once struck by lightning.

But…

“Then build me up again.”

The reply seemed unexpected, judging by the way Youngjae visibly stiffened for a moment. Maybe it was an answer a great mind like Youngjae’s had been unable to foresee. But to Daehyun, it was such a blatant thing to say. His way of thinking might have turned simple, on the borderline to naivety. But sometimes simple worked as more than enough.

Daehyun couldn’t help but think that perhaps it was a common habit for intellectual people to think so much further ahead, to look at things through more complicated angles. They often deemed a simple answer as wrong with the reasoning that it was too simple. So they would then try to dig deeper, to constantly strive for the better ‘it’ that might not even exist or technically too far off to see.

‘Isn’t it time for you to come down to my level?’

“Youngjae-ah, don’t think too much into this. Don’t analyze it.” Daehyun spoke, in gentle and soft tones. “I’m not trying to make a difference here. Actually, I have no desire to change the world. I just…I’m just trying to be with you.”

‘Yoo Youngjae, let’s live life right where we are.’

When Daehyun sensed hesitation oozing from Youngjae, he decidedly opened his mouth to keep on talking, confident that he would eventually win the other over. “Tell me that back then in the cafeteria you weren’t smiling because you felt happy. That you not even for a millisecond thought that ‘we’ are going to work. Say it and I’ll give up.”

‘Lie to me.’

Youngjae couldn’t say it. It was so obvious that Daehyun wanted nothing more than to hold out his hands, palms up and offer to take or share everything that kept on weighing down the other’s chest.

He decided to push it. “Don’t you want me?”

‘Don’t you love me?’

Youngjae squeezed his eyes shut, his whole face constricted unflatteringly in an endearing sense. Then when seeing those brown eyes appear again behind fluttering eyelids, Daehyun couldn’t stop the corners of his mouth from tugging upwards. He had him.

“I do.” Honest and sincere, an answer that was Yoo Youngjae through and through.

Daehyun smiled broadly.

It was indeed a very sunny day.

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Daehyun was used to it. Wherever he went, eyes usually shifted his way either to stare at him admiringly or to send him daggers. However, he wasn’t used to this particular type of staring. The one which consisted of unblinking eyes following him as if he had grown an extra head or gotten three sets of arms wiggling by his sides. Yet it didn’t bother him as much as he thought it would. It’s strange how easily people’s opinion can be ignored when you know that you’re not the one in the wrong. Maybe they couldn’t help it; they couldn’t prevent themselves from looking at him in a certain way because it was always hard to face something one didn’t quite understand. But that wasn’t his fault. Not now, not ever.

The words of comfort were easy to say. But how often were the said from a person’s good heart and not just whispered because the moment required them. Phrases such as, ‘I’ll support you no matter what’ and ‘You’ll always have me’, Daehyun concluded, lost their meaning the moment backs of his so called friends him. Oh well, or he just came to realize the emptiness that has always been there behind those facades.

Daehyun decided to shrug it off and instead to lay his focus on the boy now crossing the school gates with him. Because Youngjae deserved it, all of it.

“You took the cast off,” Daehyun stated, his eyes landing on Youngjae left hand while they passed the yard.

Youngjae followed Daehyun gaze and nodded. “Yeah, didn’t want my mom to worry.”

‘How typical of you…to think about others first.’

Daehyun wondered if he should scold his boyfriend for being so careless of his own body or if he should just hug the other right then and there. “Maybe you should make a doctor’s appointment. Just to make sure that it’s not worse than it looks.”

The other boy shook his head slightly as he replied: “Nah, I’m fine.”

A response that made Daehyun grunt and suddenly stop in his tracks. When noticing that Daehyun was no longer walking beside him, Youngjae too halted and spun around. “What?” he inquired, somewhat confused.

Daehyun gave Youngjae a meaningful look, one which he hoped showed how displeased he felt at the moment.

But Youngjae only sighed and tilted his head to the side. “Really, I’m fine.” He said again, even attaching a small smile just to appear a bit more convincing. “I’ll tell you if I’m not, okay?”

Knowing that was the best he could get, Daehyun let out a heavy breath and muttered: “You better,” at the other. Then the sap in him decided to take over, not that the side of him often made an appearance, however when it did Daehyun couldn’t help but let it act freely. He picked up his steps only to stop again when he stood in front of Youngjae, he leaned closer, enough so that he could whisper into Youngjae’s ear: “I can help you kiss it better when we’re alone.”

‘You and I, we both know that being together is going to be hard. But then how come I can say whatever I want and say whatever I mean with a smile on my lips? Surely, living doesn’t get easier than this...’

“Yah!” Youngjae’s uninjured hand pushed at Daehyun’s chest, sending him a couple of feet back. “Don’t say weird things this early in the day!” he exasperated then covered his face with his hand, trying to shake the processed words away.

Daehyun chuckled lightly as his eyes crinkled . “Why? So I can say later?” The sight of Youngjae scowling only fueled him to continue. “Besides,” he cleared his throat, “you already got me on my knees this morning.”

Youngjae gasped as his eyes widened into round coins, he spun his head around, suddenly getting the illusion that the murmurs around them had increased immensely. “Yah, what are you on about?” he hissed. “W-when… when did…aish …” he stuttered as his face gradually changed color to a shade of dark pink.

“Well, it’s true isn’t it? I got down on my knees and helped you tie your shoe-laces since you couldn’t do it yourself.” Daehyun smirked, “What did you think I was talking about?”

Youngjae narrowed his eyes significantly, his mouth opened on the verge to go all out at Daehyun who was laughing heartily but then a deep and raspy voice flooded across the area.

“Jung Daehyun!” the addressed teen and the boy next to him turn to search for the caller. Both almost instantaneously stepped back when a marching Kim Himchan came into view. The older carried an aura which could mean nothing but danger; he stomped towards them with so much force that for a second reminded Daehyun of a general leading an army for war. Except, there wasn’t a thousand soldiers walking behind his fuming hyung, only Yongguk who by the looks of it tried to make various gestures of warning towards his junior.

Daehyun swallowed thickly and unconsciously took Youngjae’s hand and dragged him towards himself. They stood like frozen, as if praying for the best when their two seniors stopped a few feet in front of them.

“Jung Daehyun, what am I to you!?” Himchan shouted despite the close proximity. But then again, Daehyun had never really heard the elder whisper anything. While others preferred to talk in tiny voices or murmur behind people’s back, Kim Himchan preferred to just blatantly shout out the things he wanted said. ‘If I say things with the intention to hide it, then why bother open my mouth at all’ he once explained. And Daehyun guessed that’s what people would refer to as ‘appreciative honesty’.

The dumfounded teen cleared his throat; “My hyung,” Daehyun spoke unsurely, and then threw a pleading look at Yongguk asking for some assistance in whatever this was about.

“Easy Channie,” Yongguk’s eccentric deep voice tried to break through Himchan’s hardened demeanor. “You are scaring the kids,” he said while stifling a small smile.

“You bastard,” Himchan hissed through gritted teeth and pointed his finger right between Daehyun’s eyes. “You lied to me. Aren’t we friends? I, Kim Himchan got to know about this…” he gestured dramatically between Daehyun and Youngjae with his hand, “when everybody else did. Yah, you , am I on the same level as all those commoners!?”

Sometimes, Daehyun couldn’t help but think that the senior’s lung capacity was pretty impressive. And of course, so was his sense of reasoning.

Bang Yongguk chuckled in the background, finding the situation amusing and ridiculous rather than intimidating. And Daehyun thought that he would be doing the same, if he wasn’t at the moment being scolded at, so he had no choice but to settle for discreet smiles. “I’m sorry,” he said and meant the words to the fullest even if his expression told otherwise.

The elder huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “You think that’ll cut it? Do I took that simple to you?” he threw his head to the side to get his fringe off his face.

“Himchannie,” Yongguk tried to step in, but the said boy raised a hand and sufficiently silenced him.

“Jung Daehyun, at my next recording, you better be holding the biggest placard I’ve ever seen in my entire life, with my name on it. Or else I’m going to be breathing down your neck, chopping you down to pieces,” the threat was impossible to mistaken in his voice. “Understood?”

Daehyun glanced between his hyungs.

While some turned their backs and walked away from him…some decided to stay.

Warmth spread behind his ribcage.

“Yes sir,” Daehyun saluted and smiled so wide that all his teeth flashed.

The elder subdued slightly, he nodded as he was satisfied to have gotten his message across. But then he turned towards Youngjae who had been silently observing the scene and suddenly some of that threatening flame returned in his eyes. “And you…” he started as his blazing gaze scanned Youngjae’s face thoroughly. Daehyun gulped and tightened his grip round Youngjae’s hand. “Just to be clear…I’m much prettier than you.” Kim Himchan huffed before he spun around and started to march his way back into the building. A memorable entrance of course also required a dramatic exit.

Youngjae’smouth fell wide open, “Is he for real?” he mumbled more to himself and stared at the back of the retreating general.

Daehyun smiled faintly and turned to Yongguk who stayed behind, “Is he going to be okay?”

“He’s just a bit upset, but he’ll get over it.” The elder smiled reassuringly at the two boys. “You should have seen him just now; he went full gear on two kids that were badmouthing you. I think he would have jumped them if I hadn’t been there to hold him back.”

‘I’ll support you no matter what’ or ‘You will always have me’, depending on the person who said them…they could also cling prettily, embracing the touching meaning of loyalty.

Daehyun looked down at the ground; rolled his bottom lip between his teeth before he lifted his head to stare directly at Yongguk again. “Thank you.”

Bang Yongguk replied with a nod, and then went closer to ruffle the younger’s hair with his hand gently. “You can count on us, kiddo.” He laughed lightly then gave Youngjae a wave before he too turned to disappear into the school building.

The yard was clearing off; the majority of the students had gone to their classrooms, waiting for the day to begin. Some wished for it to be over already, while some were shaking in excitement. However, Daehyun couldn’t put himself into any of the categories, so he decided to simply make one of his own.

One where you could look up at the sky and think: ‘tomorrow will be brighter’.

“Youngjae-ah,” Daehyun said breathily, still staring at the school entrance. “They are my friends, Bang Yongguk and Kim Himchan.”

He felt how Youngjae squeezed his hand affectionately, “I can tell.”

At that particular moment, Daehyun realized that it was impossible for him to ever feel the slightest hint of regret for coming out the way he did. If he hadn’t done it, then he wouldn’t know just how loved he truly was…

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Youngjae was sitting on the floor; his back leaned against the bed frame as he engrossed himself in a magazine about the latest technology. Daehyun on the other hand, despite being full Korean got tired of the hard surface and instead hopped up to lie on his stomach on Youngjae’s bed, he spread himself across the short side of the bed and skimmed the magazine over his boyfriend’s shoulder.

The page turned and Daehyun’s arms went round Youngjae’s neck from behind, he scooted closer and reached to flip the page back. “I’m not done,” he pouted. But then instead of withdrawing his arms, he let them casually fold over Youngjae’s collarbones. His eyes were set on the printed letters on laminated sheets but his lips were instinctively brushing a path over Youngjae’s shoulder to halfway up his neck. Daehyun couldn’t resist and nibbled feathery on the soft skin at the end of his destination.

“Jung Daehyun, what do you think you are doing?” came a husky voice, stilling all of Daehyun’s ministrations.

“I’m reading,” he replied innocently, though a grin formed on his features. “Now, next page.”

Youngjae sighed before he turned a page; he shifted slightly on the floor to let the back of his head fall back and rest against Daehyun’s shoulder. And since Daehyun was content with just being this close to the other, he decided to be stay good and read the new page with a cheery smile on his face.

However, his world cracked a little when Youngjae’s hot breath hit his ear, forming the words: “I think my mom knows about us.”

Daehyun drew back, enlarging the distance between them so that he could look at Youngjae thoroughly. “S-she does?” he stammered, still trying to grasp what Youngjae had just told him. “How?”

“She must have guessed it.” Youngjae stared back into Daehyun’s eyes and made an attempt to at least form a small smile. “But she hasn’t said anything. I think…I think she’s waiting for me to tell her.”

Daehyun unfolded his arms around Youngjae, and then moved to sit up on the bed. It seemed like a habit now, the way his mind efficiently drew up multiple scenarios during a very short span of time. They all lined up before him, one better than another, but none of them pretty enough. Could that be counted as a skill, the ability to always consider the worst? He didn’t say anything; instead he sat there quietly and waited for Youngjae continue. There was something in Youngjae’s eyes that told there was something more he wanted to be said.

“And I think I want to tell her.”

Expectant eyes looked into his.

It was inevitable. It was something that would have to be told sooner or later. The ones of your flesh and blood have the right to know about the major changes of your life, they have the right to be a part of it. Because without them, there wouldn’t be you.

“Okay,” he whispered finally.

If he was to be honest he would admit that he was a bit afraid but somehow those feelings were laced with strings of relief and a sense of confirmation.

‘If we’re ready to tell our parents…then doesn’t it mean that we’re also ready to be persistent?’

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They made their way down the stairs, step by step approaching the ground floor. The scrambles in the kitchen indicated there was a person currently roaming around it, so unconsciously, they feet steered into that direction.

Daehyun bowed and said his greeting when the middle-aged woman came into view, a knot suddenly twisted in doubles down the pit of his stomach.

“Oh, hi Daehyunnie.” She replied and wiped her hands with the apron she was wearing. “You’re here?”

Her expression, her body language…it was so obvious that she knew.

Youngjae stepped forward and cleared his throat, “Mom, I…” he hesitated and tried to consider his words carefully. “Daehyun…and I…we—“

“Aigoo, why are you looking at me like that?” She suddenly said and wore what Daehyun thought was one of the tenderest smiles he had laid his eyes upon. “You are both so young, yet you walk around frowning like this.” Her hands ran over the checked apron again as her discomfort shone through. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“M-mom…”

“Ah Daehyunnie,” she said and went over to the dining table to pick up a gift bag. “Would you give this to your parents? I don’t know what they like, so I just picked out something.” The glittering bag was handed to him, but he was too surprised to take it in his hands. In the end, the elder had to directly press the bag between his fingers.

Heavy, Daehyun thought as he looked into brown eyes that resembled Youngjae’s. “M-Mrs Yoo, I can’t take this,” he mumbled and tried to hand it back.

“Nonsense,” She pushed it back towards him. “Of course you can take it, it’s a present. Tell them that I hope they’ll like it.”

Daehyun’s eyes shifted to Youngjae, who looked just as taken aback as he did. “But—“

“No buts.” She said firmly and held up a hand. But she softened somewhat when she turned back to her dishes. “Even though I don’t know if I can fully accept it …but the least I can do is to try. So take it Daehyun, it would be good if both families got to know each other better, don’t you think?”

Silently, Youngjae went over to wrap shaking hands around his mother. No words were being said, but sometimes, words were just not enough to express or explain an intricate heading like emotions.

One like ‘gratitude’.

Daehyun felt how he gripped the strings of the bag harder in his hands. He was going to bring it home and give it to his parents; he was going to protect it on the way as if it was the most precious thing in the world. Daehyun had no idea what was in the bag, but still it felt like something invaluable, so precious…

…like a blessing.

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The classroom was empty; students had packed their bags and gone home for the day even before the bell stopped ringing, saved for Daehyun who kept himself entertained by pacing back and forth. He had been told not to wait, but still when he crossed the schoolyard his feet had seemed to suddenly develop their own will and before he knew it, he was within the square-like room surrounded by unoccupied school desks again.

Daehyun shoved his hands in his pockets and hammered at the floor with the toe of his shoes. Bored out of his mind, he raised his head to take another glance at the clock, mentally groaning and counting down the minutes until Youngjae would be done with his meeting.

His own ‘future’ talk with the homeroom teacher could more or less have been skipped, Daehyun thought. It lasted nowhere near as long as Youngjae’s. But then again, he had yet to figure what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. Daehyun wasn’t a bad student, but he wasn’t the excellent one either. Instead of having one thing he felt he was really good at, one thing he could wholeheartedly dedicate himself to he had countless of things he was mediocre at. His English was okay for a non-speaker, he could get mathematics done and he could kick a ball in P.E even though he wasn’t quite fond of it but…sometimes, he couldn’t help but think that it would feel nice to be brilliant at one particular thing.

Well, he did sound pretty good the times he sang in the shower.

Youngjae’s case though, was the opposite of Daehyun’s and many others. When you are too good, things will have the tendency to get predictable, boring even. Maybe that was why Youngjae liked video games; they offered the kind of excitement and variety that he’d seldom experience otherwise.

Daehyun twirled on his toes, a move that could almost pass as a decent dance step if watched through squinted eyes. His gaze traveled round the room, along the four walls and over roughly 30 chairs and tables before they finally landed on a particular seat by the windows. Youngjae’s seat.

Daehyun’s own seat was placed in the middle of the room, which was where he sat and how he always looked at the surroundings. Out of curiosity, he skipped soundly across the area, pulled out the chair and sat down on the seat that wasn’t his own. The room seemed slightly different from here, the blackboard looked a bit crooked and when he turned to look out of the window instead of seeing only the top of the school gates, he now saw the whole yard. He placed his elbows on the desk and rested his chin on the palms of his hands…this was how Youngjae saw the room. This was what Youngjae saw every day. Daehyun smiled faintly to himself and looked over at his desk, wondering how often Youngjae threw glances at his back, how often he became the center of the other’s vision without really knowing it. Once, twice or perhaps all the time?

“You’re still here?” Turning his head to the voice intruding his thought, he was met by the sight of Youngjae entering the classroom.

“I was waiting for you,” he said, the smile on his lips widened as he sat back. “What did he say?” Daehyun asked, referring to the teacher.

The other retorted with a shrug. “They are trying to push me into medicine.” Youngjae crossed the room, and then hopped to sit on the desk with his side facing Daehyun. His feet dangled above the floor as he stared down at the other. “But I’m not sure.” His face scrunched at the thought of it.

Daehyun shook his head and clicked his tongue, showing a mock disapproval. “While there are people worrying that they might not get anywhere in life, your biggest concern is to choose a medical school or not? Aish…”

Youngjae narrowed his eyes as he folded his arms over his chest. “Actually my biggest concern is how to get rid of you.”

Daehyun raised an eyebrow at the words, smirking now, “Oh, really?” He shifted to sit on the edge of the chair, leaned closer to wrap his arms around the boy in front of him. His hands folded together over Youngjae’s hipbone.

Youngjae grinned as his teeth lightly grated over his bottom lip. “Yeah, I’m going to dump you before you even know it.” He spoke while his body fell slightly to the side, leaving margin proximity between them. “Maybe hook up with some Greek god, one taller, younger and cuter than you.” Daehyun felt a small peck on his lips, but before he could even respond to it, Youngjae already pulled back.

“I’d like to see you try,” Daehyun challenged, playing along. Though, his arms did tighten possessively round Youngjae’s waist and pulled him closer.

He groaned inwardly as the smirk gracing Youngjae’s lips did all sorts of weird things to him. The arms encircling Youngjae loosened; instead Daehyun bent forward and rest his head on Youngjae’s lap, his cheek scraped against the material of the black uniform as his eyes settled on the other’s knees. Daehyun blinked and sighed heavily, “have a little mercy, will you?” he mumbled more to himself.

“Mom wants you to come over for dinner. Apparently, she made your favorite stew.” Youngjae said, and drove a hand through Daehyun’s hair, distantly playing with the stands. “Seriously, sometimes I think she likes you more than me.”

Daehyun removed himself from Youngjae as realization hit him. He got up on his feet, straightened his back and stared triumphantly at his boyfriend. “You know what that means, right?” he asked grinning broadly.

A small furrow formed between Youngjae’s eyes, “That you are eating at my place?” he said confusedly.

“Oh well, that too, but…” Daehyun snapped his fingers, directing his gaze straight into the brown irides belonging to Yoo Youngjae. “Since your mom likes me a lot, she’s only going to accept me.” He bent forward so that they were on eye-level, “which means that you are stuck with me.”

The room then filled with Youngjae’s ringing chuckles. Clear tones that to Daehyun was contagious and pleasantly so. Youngjae got off the desk, turned his body to fully face Daehyun and tilted his head to the side. “I guess you have a point there,” he said softly, smiling through crescent-formed eyes. “Please, take good care of me then, Jung Daehyun.”

Daehyun couldn’t really point out what happened to him next. Which words could describe the sudden alteration of his breathing? Explain to him the reason for its irregularity?

“What’s the matter?” Youngjae’s concerned voice alarmed Daehyun how he had grown to wear his feelings on his sleeves. Or maybe it was just like this whenever he was close to the other.

“I don’t know.” He had no idea yet it didn’t worry him. Not in the least.

He took a step closer.

It was unclear who had moved in first. It could have been him or it could have been Youngjae. They couldn’t care less about that though. Not when Daehyun found the soft lips against his own addicting, not in the sense that it was something he couldn’t live without. However, kissing Youngjae, closing his eyes and letting that ‘thing’, whatever he couldn’t pin-point delicately swirl its way through his sensory system was something he wouldn’t like to be without. His hands went to hold Youngjae’s upper arms and pulled him, pulled him closer. No intentions to ever let go.

‘There is something breathtaking about the way you say my name….

And I find myself wanting to hear it all over again.’

It’s funny how things often seem to go ashtray, how they don’t turn out the way you want them to. And it’s funny how they sometimes do, when you least expect it…

‘We met.’

“Well, excuse me for wondering, but your split personality is actually kind of hard to keep up to,” Youngjae spat as he was getting annoyed. “Right now, who are you right now?” he continued.

“Me! Right now I’m me, Jung Daehyun!” Daehyun made a sound in the back of his throat, “Done? What now? Are we supposed to shake hands and bow to each other as well?” Daehyun grabbed Youngjae’s hand, shook it firmly and said in a harsh tone: “Happy? Oh wait…nice to meet you.”

‘We laughed.’

“Does this mean that we are friends?” Daehyun’s smile held a hint of amusement.

“As if.” Youngjae retorted and pushed a button to resume the game. Daehyun chuckled, because he could tell by the tone of Youngjae’s voice that he meant otherwise.

“I see you,” Daehyun said softly after another moment of silence.

Youngjae cast him a quick glance, before he turned back to his game. The words warmed his chest, but he was determined not to let the other have the satisfaction of knowing it.

‘We fought.’

“Argh, you…” Daehyun grabbed the nearest pillow and placed a few hit on his boyfriend. “No, I’m Youngjae frustrated! Aigoo, it’s only me, isn’t it? Who feels like this.” He dropped the pillow and willed himself to breathe at a steady state. Then he continued in a somewhat calmer manner. “Sometimes I…” he knew that he was going to sound like some corny character of a low-budget and badly produced flick, but at the moment, he couldn’t care less. “Sometimes when we are alone and close like this, I want to touch you or kiss you. But…it feels like I’m the only who wants it.”

‘We hurt.’

“I’m not going to change,” Daehyun said quietly as he cautiously lay his hand over Youngjae’s that rested between them and gave it a light squeeze. “I won’t.”

“You don’t know that,” Youngjae turned his head back to look up at mighty and blue covering above, greedily taking in its serenity. “Besides you’re a guy and I’m also a guy…feelings like these are not meant to last.”

‘But we’ll live…’

Daehyun thought it felt somewhat foolish, to look directly into Youngjae’s eyes and smile the way he did.

Foolish, but oh so nice.

For the person you have been watching to look at you in the same way, you’ll let the indescribable sentiment rush though your whole body and awake every cell on its journey.

Youngjae beamed at him.

For the person who has been shutting you out to pull you in, to willingly open up for you, you’ll breathe and try a little bit harder at everything.

And Daehyun’s heart raced.

The sounds of heartbeat encourage those who prosper and comfort those in pain. That’s how it is, that’s how it goes.

It’s the sound of life.

So for the heart to keep on beating for whatever it is it wants…

Let’s stay beautiful.

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Hi!

So this is the end of ‘I want to see you again’. I just went through the outline for this and noticed that the story turned out completely different….but, oh well, I’m quite satisfied with it so I guess it’s fine. And I hope you enjoyed the story as a whole as well ^^

Though I do apologize it the story ended disappoinedly for you.

To all readers, subscribers, commenters and upvoters  oh my goodness where do all of you come from, why are you being this nice to me….

If I was rich I would invite you all to my house for tea and cookie…but sadly I’m not so I’ll just have to somehow show my gratitude to you here. Really, Thank you!

Also thank you Yellowfluffball for the poster! When a story has its own poster, it feels a little bit special ^^

I don’t know how to do this without turning into an emotional wreck so I’ll just leave it here. But thank you again, for all the support!

With lots of Love,

Ivy