Title : 5/5

It’s suit your story.

Description : 4/5

Your description is great. Just a thing, don’t make it so short like that. People will never fascinate to it if it just four-five line.

Plot : 7/10

It’s good. Just too fast.

Originality :  20/20

I’ve never see a horror story like this.

Grammar and spelling: 13/30

Description:

‘What you'll think that will’

First, how many times do you want to repeat will? Seriously, this is very basic to know.

Don’t repeat same thing in one sentence. Did your teacher never teach you this? Ok, I’m sorry being mean here.

So, change it to, ‘What you think that will happen that day…’

Second, ‘That day is that people’

Please put ‘,’ after ‘day’.

That’s mean it will turn out like this, ‘That day, is that people…’

Third, ‘is that people would receive presents, people would be riding on sleds, people would also smile and laugh’

This one, please and please put ‘or’, do you never learn about this?

Change it to, ‘are people will receive some presents or riding sleds or celebrate it with smile and laugh?’

Once you put what/when/how/etc, please put question mark at the back. Or the sentence will be ugly.

Next, ‘Have you ever heard of this song?’

‘But what if the song turns into this?’ no need to put ‘but’ there.

‘What happens if Christmas has turned into a nightmare?’

You say earlier, is coming. So why did you put ‘has’ and ‘turned’ is it already past? Not right?

So change it to

‘What happen if Christmas turns into a nightmare?’

Chapter 1 : I will just correcting it. If you want reason, ask.

‘I woke up. It is Christmas. I looked outside the window. I was expecting a day with a sun shining brightly. But no, it was dark as hell. I could barely see anything. I looked at the clock. It showed that it is 7 am. But why the skies still pitch black? It was freezing cold. I’m trying hard not to shiver. I quickly ran to my closet and grab some more clothing. I put them on. It helped a bit but it still felt like 3 degrees Celsius out there. I decided to go out. I grabbed my scarf and put it around my neck. I also got my jacket. I slowly walked towards the door silently, trying hard not to wake my parents up.’

Correct:

' I woke up, it’s Christmas, I went look outside the window. I was expecting a day with a bright sunshine. But no, it was dark like hell, I couldn’t see anything. I looked at the clock, it showed strike at 7 a.m. Why the skies pitch black? It was freezing cold. I quickly ran to my closet and grab some more clothes. It helped me a bit but it still cold. I thought it might be 3 degrees Celsius out there. So, I decided to go out. I grabbed my jacket and scarf and put them on. I slowly walked towards the door silently, trying not to wake my parents up. '

There’s still too many to point. How about getting someone to beta your story.

oh and please please and please dont put too much full stop. use comma sometimes!

Writing style : 0/10

Actually, your writing style is ok. Just you have so many grammatical errors that make me feel like your writing style looks .

Feeling : 1/10

Honestly to say, this is not what I want to recommend to others. Why? Because this story didn’t give me any feeling.

Graphic : 3/10

The backgrounds just look simply dark. Not giving any feeling. The poster, look so bland. Graphics is second the most important thing when you writing. You know why? Because people sometimes got interested to a story because of the poster. So, how about giving some of your times to search a good graphic shop for your story? It’s seriously not wasting your time.

Total :  53/100

review by:

chibixchibi 

with a lot of love

im sorry if its kinda hurt you.

to tell you, I change characterization

to writing style. because, this is my rubric!~ c;