"Did you hear about Jessica-ssi?" 

"Yeah, I saw her went into boss' office. I think the boss knows about this matter. She won't get fired, will she?"

"Just because she likes girls doesn't mean she will get fired, but it's the company's image we're talking about. I think our boss would like if she quit the job herself."

"Damn! Who would have thought such a pretty girl like her was actually a dyke?"

"But I thought she had a boyfiend, turned out that she has a wife?"

"Tckh... disgusting lesbian..."

"Ssshhh..."

I close my eyes as I lean on the outside wall. It has been like this since they found out about my personal life 2 months ago. They used to be good colleagues and friends before. 

Typical weekend in the mall packed with crowds especially the week before New Year, who wouldn't be surprised if there was still a table to reserve in the restaurant a few floors above the shopping centre. Although it is crowded but I'm glad we have a good quiet position table near window plus beautiful night view of seoul.

"It's been a while since the last time we had dinner together. How was your work SooYeon?" My mother is in her 50 this year easily get worried when it comes about her 2 daughters.

"Quite busy these days, New Year is coming, hope i can get a week off so i can spend more time at home."

"You look skinnier, just don't get yourself too tired, honey. And don't forget to keep yourself warm, it's really freezing nowadays."

"I will mom, don't worry."

"SooJung, why you cut up your steak like that?"

"It's easier to eat mom, I learnt it from Tiffany unnie.""

"Sshh... SooJung..." My mother slapped Krystal's arm lightly, reminding her that I am here listening their conversation.

"It's okay mom, I'm used to it." I give a smile and try to make an expression like it was nothing.

I understand Krystal didn't mean to slip out the name to make me feel uncomfortable, even if she didn't say it doesn't mean I will forget Tiffany entirely. The pink clothes Krystal just bought 3 hours ago reminded me of how Tiffany liked pink so much. 2 hours and a half ago we walked pass the pizza hut reminded me Tiffany ordered this often when she was suddenly hungry in the middle of night. Just 10 minutes ago the restaurant played Tiffany's favorite song, and even this foreigner sitting at the next table speaks in hangul has the same accent as hers. In fact, almost everything I see or hear reminds me of her.

I walk as fast as I can. I couldn't take it anymore. What did I do wrong to deserve this? Just because I married a girl?

"Jessi..."

I wipe my tears quickly before look up to the voice and Tiffany's there preparing dinner.

"Something's wrong? What happened Jessi?" She looks at me worried.

"I.. I'm fine. I have no appetite tonight, and will just get on my bed after shower." I know I dont really look good in front of her,  I just need to be alone tonight. 

"Don't wait for me Tiff." I whispered.

".... okay."

"Jessica... Jessica...?"

I look up to my father, suddenly awake from my thoughts.

"Oh.. I'm sorry Dad. What did you say? Where's Mom and Krystal?"

"They went to toilet and I thought you heard them. You seem off today, are you okay?"

"I'm fine Dad, don't worry." I take a sip of water from my glass and look at somewhere else avoiding his gaze.

"You still blame me?"

I turn back my head looking at him questioningly.

"I know you still blame me. It was all my fault and I owe you too much Jessica, there's nothing I could do to repay you." He put down his fork and knife as he continued.

"What are you talking about, Dad?"

"I've found a photo album a while ago. There were lots of photos taken when you were still young. You smiled so brightly in the photos, and I haven't seen the same smile since 3 years ago, when I forced you to marry Tiffany."

I didn't say anything as I look down thinking about that day, yes it was really hard for me, but it had been decided anyway, what's done is done.

"It's the only decision i've ever regretted in my life Jessica. I shouldn't have sacrificed your happiness because of my own stupidity. You're my daughter for God's sake."

"Dad, don't say it like that. It's all in the past now. I've never blamed you so you don't have to blame yourself."

"Have you found her yet?"

I shake my head signing a no.

"The Hwang family always this mysterious. People only know they own a big company but never even once they show up in media. None of the executives in their company know where they actually live. They show up only for very important meetings, I don't know how but surely they have their own way to monitor the company, secretly." He said while giving a sigh.

My father was right, back then the Hwangs lived in New York but they moved as soon as Tiffany left. We didn't know where they went. I have no clue whether Tiffany went back to the states or she probably still in Korea. They left no trace. Even Taeyeon, Tiffany's best friend lost contact with her.

"Tiffany once told me her mother passed away when she was very young, then they moved from California to New York. But she didn't tell me which part of California she used to live."

"Yeah, I heard about that too. You miss her so much, do you?"

"It would be a lie if I said no." I answered with a faint smile.

"Is she the one who waited for you in front of the gate last month?" Taecyeon-ssi is the only one being nice driving me home for the last time. I quit my job today. A box filled with my stuff on the backseat.

"You saw her?"

"I did. It was raining and really cold that day, no one would like to go outside even just a second. She was the only one there holding an umbrella waiting for you. I thought she was just a really good friend of yours. I never thought she was your wife."

"Are you shocked?"

"Well, she's hot. I don't mind though, you two look good together."

I unconsciously smile at his statement, i think this is what i need to hear the most in a situation like this. For some reasons, it just felt good.

"Let me take your stuff to the door Jessica-ssi." He said before getting out of the car.

I open my gate and letting him in, he put down the box in the porch and looks around my front yard.

"Wow, you have really beautiful place here Jessica-ssi. The yard is well taken care of. Did you hire someone to clean the snow?"

"It's actually my wife. She took care of everything all by herself."

"You must love her so much, your eyes sparkling everytime you talk about her."

My eyes sparkling? Sometimes I really wish more people to remind me of how I truly feel for her. I don't blame anyone, I just blame myself. If I could just follow my heart then maybe my life wouldn't be this hard. Stupid me.

"Jessica-ssi, why are you crying? Are you alright?"

I don't know how but my tears easily falling down, I couldn't stop them.

"I'm sorry.. I'm... I'm just..." Worst, i couldn't even say a word now.

He grabs my hand and pulls me slowly, borrowing his shoulders.

"It's okay Jessica-ssi, I know it's truly unfair for you. I will help you finding another job, don't worry." He pats my back gently.

It's actually not about the job. I just felt I wasted too much time denying my feelings just to keep what I had but it just ended everything's gone. I rejected Tiffany so many times only to lose everything. How ironic.

"Jessi...."

I push myself from Taecyeon and see Tiffany standing at the gate, she drops a plastic bag before she turns and runs.

"Wait... Tiffany!!!" I called her out but she ignored me. "Taecyeon-ssi..."

"Go ahead Jessica-ssi, I'll be on my way now."

"Thank you." I said and he nods before giving me a smile.

I turn around and start to run. A least I still have my wife. For the first time after 2 years, I don't want to lose her.

"Tiffany wait!!!" I called again hoping she would hear me this time.

She finally stops on a road covered with snow not too far from our house. I take few steps towards her. She then turning her back and face me with teary eyes. I need to explain to her.

"Tiff, It's not what you think...."

"I know."

"What..."

"I know."

"Then why did you run?"

Instead of answer my question, she just keep her eyes down to the snow, staying silent.

"Tiffany.." I called her name softly.

"I just wanted to know one thing Jessi." She looks at me in the eyes deeply. "For the past 2 years, have you ever been happy?"

Again I was stunned, now it's just my turn couldn't answer her question.

"Tell me Jessi, have you ever been happy... with me?"

TBC