She threw herself next to me on the bed and I turned towards her onto my side, still laughing lightly, as did she.

‘Hey,’ I poked her waist.

She turned her head to look at me with a smile, her eyebrows raised.

I smiled back and tapped at my lips twice with my index finger.

Don’t ask me why. I know I shouldn’t have. But I’ve been thinking about it all night. “Should I blame it on the drinks that I— Oh, who am I trying to fool here, I didn’t even drink that much tonight.”

I expected her usual response. A mischievous smile and a wild animal pouncing at my lips as if they were the prey.

This is not what happened.

Not this time.

Her eyes turned serious and so did her whole expression.

It looked as if she was trying to read me as she bit her lip, scanning my face with her eyes, eyelashes batting. What expression I wore at the time, I couldn’t tell.

Next thing I knew, she slowly sat up in the bed then climbed off from the side, and she made her way towards her door. I to my back, propping myself up by the elbows.

I didn’t know what happened or what she was doing. But I was captured by her figure and the atmosphere, too much to be able to utter a word. Too much to want to disturb the silence of the room.

I heard a click and saw her hand on the doorknob, her head tilted downwards. She closed the door. I didn’t know what to think. “What is she planning to do to me?”

Another click and the lights were off.

My heart beat noticeably louder inside my chest.

She climbed on the bed.

She climbed on top of me.

Her knees beside my waist, she turned the bedside lamp on. Her movements were so slow, the room was so quiet, for a moment I wondered if I’d been dropped into a silent movie, the tape being dragged way too slowly and the movements of the actors becoming lousy...

I gulped when she turned to look at me.

I felt somewhat scared but at the same time, somewhat expectant.

Her body crouched over mine as she leaned closer.

“What are you doing to me? What are you trying to do to me?” I didn’t know who I was asking because all Tiffany did was look at me. Simply look at me.

As simple as the action was, the more meaning it seemed to carry than all the kisses we had ever shared before. The more feelings it brought out of me than anything ever before.

She tucked her hair behind her ears. First, the right side, with her right hand, then the left side, using the same hand again. With her gaze kept fixed on me. I was captured by her eyes like there was a never ending story behind the depths of her pupils and I just couldn’t afford to miss a letter.

My stomach was tickled by something. Could it be—? No way.

She never broke eye-contact. Not even when she leaned in completely, hovering over my lips for a few moments.

She finally pressed her hot lips against mine.

She didn’t keep them there for long though.

She slowly pulled away.

But not far enough.

I yearned for more. Her breath was covering my lips like a warm blanket.

She kissed me again. I breathed her scent in.

This time, her lips stayed longer... but still not long enough.

She pulled further away this time around though.

I exhaled.

She looked unsure as she searched my eyes for something.

Insecure, is what she was.

“Tiffany? Insecure? About this? She threw herself at me like a wild animal just the other day... and now she was insecure…?” I was baffled.

But Tiffany Hwang always had confidence somewhere, hidden at the inside pocket of a pink little coat, maybe under the little rip that allows small coins to slide in and disappear without notice, just to turn up once unexpectedly... She must’ve found her little lost coin somewhere again as she leaned back down, to kiss me one more time.

Her tongue asked for entrance this time, hesitantly. I never remember that happening before. She always burst through the doors without any warning or concern. I gladly gave her access and she gently pushed her tongue against mine.

Then something happened.

She shifted a bit...

and then...

She touched my cheek. And I felt my face heat up.

Then my whole body, reacting similarly to the simple contact of warm skin, her warm skin brushing against my own.

Something… some curious sensation was traveling through my spine. And I have found that it felt good. So good…

I never reacted to her like this though. I didn’t understand. We’ve done this so many times before, and by now, I knew I enjoyed it of course, but... it couldn’t be anything more, right? “I mean, if it were, why didn’t I react this way before? What’s happening, seriously?”

‘Tiffany,’ I called weakly, muffled against her hot lips... Weakly. “Wait, why did my voice sound so desperate?”

She didn’t seem to bother stopping though; I think she didn’t get that that’s what I meant to achieve by calling her name. The way it ended up coming out of my mouth, I wouldn’t have either.

‘Fany-ah,’ I tried again, with a bit more force in my voice, trying to separate, but she just seemed to become more fuelled by that and I had nowhere to escape. And it’s not that I wanted to do that, I just… didn’t know what I could— or how I should—

My hands, that previously held onto the corners of my pillow, slowly and unsurely made their way to her legs.

From the back of her knees that she was supporting herself on, my palms crept higher and higher and I felt her sigh into my mouth. I could’ve gone higher and I know she would’ve given in. But I didn’t want to assault her. So my hands stayed placed on her upper thighs, lightly squeezing the soft flesh there every once in a while, making our kiss more passionate each time. Or was it the other way round…? I didn’t know and I couldn’t even think about it much longer because Tiffany suddenly stopped kissing me, pulling away slowly, her hands still cupping my face.

And she looked into my eyes again.

The feeling in my stomach and… everywhere else in my body intensified once more.

I didn’t know what I was seeing in her gaze but I knew I’ve never seen something like that before and I knew I was looking at her the same way in return right now.

Interpreting the look became somewhat irrelevant though when her thumbs slowly started caressing my cheeks... I saw her pink nails getting in and out of sight like a windshield wiper as I was still focusing on her beautiful, stunning eyes... they seemed to transfix me; I felt like never wanting to look away from those orbs.

I didn’t care about putting into words the meaning of this.

It didn’t matter.

It just had to go on.

Tiffany seemed to understand because now, she leaned in really close, breathing onto my left cheek which was still half-covered by her palm.

Slowly. Slowly.

She planted a soft kiss there. On my cheek.

Her hands slid lower and her lips followed.

Another soft peck.

And another.

And another.

I felt like blowing up, inside. Her hand reached my neck and she kissed the spot between the end of my jaw line and my neck. She teasingly kept her lips there longer than at any of the other spots before. I was shivering. “I’m really going to explode, aren’t I?”

“I’m breathing too loud, too unruly. This is... seriously driving me crazy.” I moved my hands up on the sides of her thighs as she moved lower and lower on my neck; my hands traveled on, on her sides, on her back, with more pressure as she on my neck ever-so-lightly. Finally, my palms reached their destination in Tiffany’s hair. Her silky, silky hair, it was messed up by my fingers soon as she continued to feast on my neck, her lips devouring my skin deeper and deeper... my heart would burst any moment for sure if I didn’t stop this. I heard a moan and I knew I had to act.

‘Fany-ah.’ It took all my effort to say it without panting too much and with enough determination in my voice. Only then did I realize that the moan from earlier came from me. I also had to pull her head away, with my hands on the back of her neck and my thumbs supporting her jaw.

Her beautiful, long, shiny hair fell on me.

She didn’t say a word when I looked at her scoldingly. Somewhat questioningly. “What is she doing? Where are we going with this? This was surely not just one of our casual, friendly making-out sessions. This was surely anything but what I would consider ‘casual’, let alone ‘friendly.’”

Her eyes were fixated on mine and all I could see in them was “please, let me do it just a bit more... please let me show you...” She didn’t need to say the words. I understood.

I pulled her head in and, for the first time ever, I was the one kissing her and not the other way round. She seemed mildly surprised but utterly content with this new turn of events. She moaned into my mouth as my tongue took the lead and I couldn’t help but feel my whole body tingle and my mind get clouded at this.

My fingers slid past the borders of her bra that I could feel through her dress as my palms glided down towards her waist. Once there, I grabbed hold of her and with a newly found strength, that I supposed could only come from her weakness, I threw her body off of mine. Beside me. More roughly than I intended.

The bed creaked in surprise.

Tiffany was shocked too. For a moment, she probably thought I was ending it here.

But this was only where it all began for me.

I saw a trace of eager excitement flash through her mind-numbingly beautiful features as I kneeled up on the bed and threw a leg over her torso.

The position was not exactly good though. My right knee was almost slipping off the bed, we were so much at the edge now. So I nudged her side with my knee to make her move to the left and she did. Then I secured her body between my legs and as she was about to lift up her arms to do God-only-knows-what to me, I caught hold of her hands and slowly, carefully, I intertwined our fingers.

Her eyes were boring holes into me as she stared at my face, probably examining every little movement and twitch and frown carefully while I focused on our fingers, wondering how those delicate phalanges slipping between mine could create such turbulence inside my stomach. When I never remember feeling anything this intense any time we held hands before.

I blew a soft kiss on the tip of her index finger.

Then, I finally turned to look at her.

And that’s when I noticed. Her eyes… her eyes were so clear… Too clear.

Her face had been flushed, yes, every time I looked at her and I naturally assumed it was because of the drinks but… now that I thought about it, I haven’t seen her drink a sip of alcohol tonight… Not even once.

And I’d barely drunk anything, too.

We were both completely sober.

Our roles were reversed now. I stared at her, letting my instincts take over while she became the one trying to figure me out now, seemingly fragile but the look in her eyes told me she wanted to be, too.

Our locked hands, that were resting near my thighs before, were slowly pushed down onto the pillows supporting Tiffany’s head, by me. My upper body lowered along with it.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, I really don’t,” I kept repeating to myself as I inched closer and closer to the girl lying under me. But since she seemed so fragile, so giving-in... I decided to be as delicate as humanly possible.

My hands pinned hers down with force though. If they wouldn’t, she would attack, I knew.

“Delicate, very delicate.”

I brushed some of her hair aside, placing my lips on her forehead and removing them in a very slow pace. She exhaled and seemed to relax under me.

I softly kissed her above her left eyebrow, her right eyebrow, between her brows. I felt my own pulse get stronger again. Then came the bridge of her nose. Both of her pink, heated, soft cheeks. The tip of her nose. Her cute nose I was always somewhat jealous of.

I felt her body tense up immediately as my lips left her nose.

I hovered over her full, plump lips for a moment before deciding to skip it for now, torturing myself in the process, and instead, kissing her skin right below her lower lip, the top of my upper lip briefly touching the bottom of her lower. She opened a bit as if mine was going to slip on it somehow if she did so, and as I lingered on, I felt her hands gripping mine and her body arch in towards me.

She moaned. The kind of moan that is wrapped softly within a sigh.

I knew the moment that sigh left that she really wanted me to take control. But I felt like I could be losing it anytime soon as well as my sanity, hearing these sounds from her.

I lifted my head up to admire her flawless beauty once again, trying to regain composure by putting at least a bit of distance between us. The sight didn’t help at all.

She had her eyes closed but now she slowly opened her eyelids, looking up at me with a child-like curiosity in her eyes.

And in that moment, she was not Tiffany Hwang. She was not Stephanie Young anymore either. She… was Hwang Miyoung now.

And the rest of the last decade or so came flooding back at me along with Hwang Miyoung.

An indescribable feeling washed through me.

‘Miyoungie~?’ I cooed into her left ear, while my right hand kept her hair behind her ear. Her free hand stayed limp by her head.

‘Yes,’ she replied and my heart burst.

All along.

I should have known it.

Why didn’t I?

Tiffany...

Stephanie...

Miyoung...

Right from the beginning.

I finally lost control. Or should I say I found it? Maybe both.

I looked into her eyes again, trying to convey everything I couldn’t, due to my own blindness, for what seemed like a million years now, through those tiny little things we call windows of the soul. I felt like she deserved as much since she was involuntarily letting every little piece of the scenery outside slip through the blinds of her own windows too.

We just looked at one another like that for a really long time, getting lost in each other’s gazes, our souls connecting wordlessly before I decided it was time. I couldn’t seem to break her stare so instead, I blindly reached for the little lamp on the nightstand and turned it off.

She gasped.

‘Are you afraid?’ I asked as I felt her slightly trembling under me. I lead the back of my index and middle fingers down her smooth arms and back up.

‘No,’ she said in a half-whisper.

‘Then why are you trembling?’

‘Because I love you.’

I understood.

After all this time, after everything, she could love me. She could openly love me now and she was nervous to. So was I. But I gained strength from her weakness. One of us had to be strong, right?

The room was almost completely dark. But I could feel her eyes on me.

I used my thumbs to slowly and gently push her eyelids closed. Once again, I slipped my fingers between hers and as my body lowered the more and more, I could feel that it was not just her body trembling but her heart too. Mine beat just as crazily against hers as I finally closed my eyes and...

Our lips met.

In our first kiss.

In our real first kiss.

This was not “Tiffany’s criminously stolen” kiss. Nor “Taeyeon’s unrighteously claimed” one.

This was our kiss; our minds, our hearts and everything that was us connecting simply between two pairs of lips.

We moved in synch as if we were able to communicate somehow with our lips’ movements against each other, and in a way, we were. She told me stories of how much she’d been longing for this while I told her mine about how I will never want to do anything else in this world from now on.

Seconds, minutes and hours passed by without us knowing.

If I ever considered the word “magical” to be over the top to describe anything, well, now I found the right context to use it.

Because this, this truly felt magical, something you want to believe can exist but you convince yourself it doesn’t.

After all, maybe magic did exist, maybe I didn’t get an invitation letter to Hogwarts but I have found my magical world now and it was right here, in this bedroom in Seoul, Korea and the magic words were simpler to learn too.

‘I love you,’ I whispered between our slow, sensual kiss and we gradually finished our story night with a few long, descriptive sentences, wrapping up our first chapter nicely and melting into a warm embrace before letting our dreams, that now couldn’t be any better than reality, finally catch up to us.

***

Epilogue

‘Fany-ah~’

‘Hmm?’

‘What are you thinking?’ I asked, kissing her forehead, still breathing heavily as we laid under the soft blanket, half her body on mine as I laid on my back, barely changing the position she was in just a minute ago when she fell on top of me in exhaustion. My arm was draped around her torso, keeping her close. She had a leg over mine, her right knee pressing against my left thigh, and her arm across my chest. My heart was still thumping crazily against my ribcage. I’m sure she could feel it with her fingertips that rested lightly on top of my bosom, but I felt her rampaging heart too, pressed against my side.

Her weight felt so good on my body, I just couldn’t understand how something that’s supposed to be a burden could make you feel so light. And something that pushed you to such physical exhaustion, make you feel so energized. “I guess I’ll have the chance to figure it all out starting from today.” All I could tell for now is that this was amazing, a whole new world basically; probably the most amazing thing that could physically happen between two people that loved each other.

I smirked a little at the cute sight when I glanced down and saw her toes peeking out from under the covers, with her other leg being stretched out like that. She always chose nice nail polish. But I recognized this one as the one she borrowed from me just the day before yesterday.

‘I was just thinking...’ she sighed and placed her head on my shoulder, ‘you know, nine really has got to be my lucky number.’

‘Hmm.’ I moved my hand up and she shifted a little to get more comfortable, her head now resting on more of my chest. ‘Why were you thinking that?’ I caressed her cheek lightly with my thumb.

‘Well, it took nine kisses in just about nine months for you to finally come around.’

‘Hmm… if you think nine is such a lucky number, maybe we should’ve done this yesterday instead, no?’

Tiffany furrowed her brows.

I grinned, saying, ‘Since it was our 99th day—’ and got pinched. I chuckled and sighed contentedly. ‘I don’t think you can get much denser than that though, really,’ I smiled to myself. ‘Was it really the ninth? That many?’

‘Mhmm. If I hadn’t kissed you that day, we wouldn’t even be here right now…’

‘I wouldn’t be so sure about that.’ Tiffany looked at me skeptically. ‘You know, you can only mope around so long before you accidentally touch something in the dark.’

‘Meaning?’ She looked so adorable, her chin resting on me, her hair a mess and her face still flushed, looking up at me like that…

‘Meaning… if it weren’t for that kiss that night, something still would’ve opened my eyes, eventually.’

‘Oh, yeah, in another decade maybe?’ she scoffed and kept smiling as she put her head back down.

‘You’re saying it like you were so much ahead of me,’ she took my hand and started playing with my fingers. I couldn’t describe in words the feelings what simple touches like this could do to my senses. ‘It’s not like you were as fast as an ostrich or something,’ I grumbled a bit sulkily.

‘Ostrich?’ Tiffany dropped my hand as she burst out in laughter, now pushing herself up by the elbow.

‘What? Ostriches are very fast.’

‘Yeah, but really? An ostrich? Why not cheetah… or, I don’t know, a gazelle or something? Definitely something more appealing than an ostrich.’

‘Well, I was saying you weren’t like one, so…’

‘Whatever, Tae,’ Tiffany still chuckled as she laid back on me again, ‘well maybe I wasn’t, but you reminded me very much of a snail, honey.’ I pinched her shoulder for that. ‘What!’ she exclaimed. ‘I was still months ahead of you!’

‘Yeah, what, two months? That’s nothing!’

‘Well, yeah, but I’d been suspecting that maybe… you know, that maybe it was more than just attraction, to me at least,’ she sighed a little here, ‘months before that.’

‘Oh, yeah, right,’ I remembered one of our conversations from before, ‘after the fourth time, right?’

‘Nah, that was just when it finally sank in… that I was really attracted to you…’ She drew nonsensical figures with the tip of her finger on my collarbone and I felt my body tingling from her words and her touch. ‘It was after the one at the rooftop, remember?’ she stopped her movements for a moment. ‘Hey, can you scratch my back,’ she took my left hand in hers and pulled it onto her back, ‘there?’ she let go of my hand because she couldn’t reach higher. ‘A little higher, to the left— no, to the right, there!’ I scratched the spot. ‘Ahh. Thanks,’ she sighed. “Gosh, why is everything she does so adorable?”

‘Anytime,’ I grinned. “Where were we again?” ‘Wait, so you were already suspicious of your feelings for me before you started going out wi—’

‘Yeah, but before you try to leave a witty remark or say anything,’ she turned her face to me again, ‘just so you know, I didn’t start dating him just because of—’

‘I wasn’t even gonna say that!’ I paused for a moment and started playing with her hair absentmindedly, curling the now messy locks around my finger. ‘I know you’re not like that. But then, why did you?’

‘Well… he was also attractive,’ “Okay, I did not necessarily want to hear that.” ‘And he’s a man. You know that the thought of actually liking you in that way, even just liking a girl in that way was… well, much more serious than just a fleeting attraction… it was kinda scary and… I mean, I did genuinely like him,’ “Do I really want her to go on?” I grumbled inside my head. ‘So I gave it a shot.’ She took a strand of my hair and played with it, picking it up and dropping it back repeatedly. ‘But the more time I spent with him, the more unsure I became,’ she sighed. ‘It just felt wrong, so I broke it off. And, you know, afterwards, it became so much clearer how different… how right it felt… with you. So then I just had to deal with it somehow.’

‘Point is, you weren’t that much ahead of me after all. Maybe just a little more conscious about things—’

‘Point is, I still win,’ she grinned.

‘Okay,’ I sighed dramatically, ‘and you win what exactly?’

‘This,’ she kissed me softly on the lips, and I acted like I was reluctant about it though we both knew better, ‘and you know,’ she continued in “proving her point,” ‘I felt attracted to you for a looong time before I even realized…’ Another kiss followed. I smiled widely at her and she did too. She was glowing. She was the most beautiful thing on this planet. ‘And… before that… I just thought you were really cool’ a peck, ‘and cute’ and another, ‘and just generally amazing,’ she said, meeting my gaze. My face was blushing thoroughly.

‘You seemed pretty amazing to me too, actually. I still love to hear you speak English, you know that, right?’

‘Yeah, I know,’ she said in English as she beamed down at me. ‘Would you say you’d already fallen for my charms back then?’ she winked and grinned at me cheekily.

‘I guess so, but I wouldn’t have known, really,’ her hair fell on my shoulder like a dark curtain closing out the outside world. It was only us in this world. Only Tiffany, only Taeyeon. I raked my fingers through her silky hair, following my finger’s movements with my eyes in the dim light. ‘I hadn’t really looked at anyone that way back then. You know that. It felt a bit like an innocent crush, I guess, but because you’re a girl, I just… didn’t really see it… maybe I didn’t even want to see it for what it was. You?’

‘Hmm. I gotta say that looking back, it makes more sense why I was so enthusiastic about you and all,’ Tiffany chuckled.

‘Well, you were pretty enthusiastic about everything and everyone back then.’ “Well, pretty much still the same now…”

‘Yeah, but super enthusiastic about a certain shy girl from Jeonju called Kim Taeyeon. I was practically fangirling over you! I remember I was so glad that we got to be roommates…’ I had to laugh at that. We weren’t exactly the perfect roommates back then. As we got closer and learnt much more about each other, it turned way better though. ‘But, at the time, I suppose I didn’t even consider it could be anything else. I just looked at you as a friend.’

‘What about now?’

‘Still as a friend?’ she said with an innocent expression. A mischievous smirk formed on her lips as I frowned at her. Then she kissed me. ‘As a member?’ I pinched her, and she chuckled, laying her lips on me one more time, a bit longer now. ‘As a lover?’ she kissed me again, even longer this time, her lips dancing across mine while I was murmuring, ‘now that sounds better’ with a content little smile. ‘As a soulmate?’ she half-whispered and her voice sent shivers down my spine. The good kinds. I pulled her in by the head for a longer kiss, a deeper one.

Then the meaning of the words sank in and I felt butterflies come alive in me again. I kissed her even more tenderly than before and she followed my lead. My left hand kept her head close to me while my right turned to slowly run up her sides, her soft, bare skin feeling warm under my palm. The curves of her body made me want to explore her every millimeter. I tugged at her lower lip. ‘I love you,’ I said as our lips parted for a moment.

‘I love you too,’ she breathed heavily between another long and deep kiss. She broke it abruptly then. ‘How about you?’ she asked with a sudden curiosity in her eyes.

‘Huh?’ I asked as I placed a kiss on her neck now.

‘How do you see me?’

I paused. That was a very hard question. How could I put into words what she was to me? ‘I see you…’ I said and kissed her lips gently, and thought “I see you everywhere, no matter what or when or how, you’re all I see” ‘I see you’ I repeated, ‘as my past’ my lips found hers easily and savored the feeling of their softness for a moment before pulling slightly away, ‘my present’ I closed the gap between us again, relishing the unyielding heat as our tongues met momentarily, ‘and my future.’ She kissed me with a new-found vigor.

Yes, that’s what I was sure about. There was still so much ahead of us and I didn’t know how we were going to do it, I didn’t know how much we’ll lose for this, or how much we’ll have to pay, I didn’t know if there will ever come a day when we’ll be accepted. All I knew, is that I was grateful for that one little kiss that night that led up to what we’d become now, for her opening up to me and letting me see things for what they were. She was right, if it weren’t for her revelation and wordless confessions that night, I might’ve needed another few years to come to terms with my feelings for her and act. Who knows what could’ve happened by then? Maybe she would’ve been taken by then… or married even… my brain and my heart just wouldn’t cooperate to picture the possibility of a future without her.

I stopped kissing her for a moment, and looked into her eyes deeply, willing my own ones to convey every bit of emotion that was surging through me in that moment. I was drawn in by her gaze and once again, I could feel the overwhelming sense of connection that I felt that night. Not through words, nor through physical gestures, like kissing. Those were secondary.

This emotional connection could only be seen through the eyes of Kim Taeyeon and Tiffany Hwang, and only in the eyes of the other. It was invisible to anyone else. It was what kept me going, kept me breathing, what made my heart beat hard against my chest. It was the one that answered all my questions and gifted me an eternal curiosity to see what lies ahead for us, together. This connection, this love made me fulfilled, whole, complete and round, this is what made me what I always have been and forever will be: a part of her, and most importantly, an eternally and irreversibly inseparable part of us.

~~~

Well, I guess this is the end here.

Thank you so much for reading! ♥

Your thoughts are still as welcome as ever, especially because apparently, you managed to stick around from the beginning to the very end of this story.

And there is a beginning in every end too, right? Well, if you're interested, I started a new TaeNy fic too recently so please do give it lots of love~ ^^

See you there? (;

Bye!