‘Well, I am jealous,’ Tiffany said. ‘I know I’m good too but... not when I compare myself to you guys.’

‘Seriously???’ I had to laugh and I too, turned to my stomach on the bed now, my arms propping me up to face her. ‘You think I’m a better dancer than you?’

‘Well... I don’t know, you just have something I don’t. The way you dance is really cute. Or really y. It depends,’ she fiddled with the corner of her pillow. I snorted in response. ‘For you, it’s like... it comes so naturally. And then there’s me and I have to put so much effort into trying to look “cute” or “y,”’ she quoted the words with her fingers, looking up at the ceiling, ’and then I just mess up the choreo. And get scolded over and over again...’

Tiffany was not the type to complain a lot. If something went wrong, if she didn’t like things the way they were, she acted. To me, she talked about these little things too though, especially when she was drunk. And we definitely have drunk some tonight.

‘Look, Fany, we all have our weak points here and no-one simply gets away with anything when you’re at SM. When you’re a member of SNSD. So, first of all, you shouldn’t feel like you’re being picked on because everyone gets their good amount of scolding each and every time we mess up.’ She was staring at her pillow now. ‘You should know that better after such a long time.

And then, secondly— who is it?’ her phone vibrated and I saw she received a new message.

She quickly opened it and ran through the message with her eyes, then she tucked the phone under her pillow. ‘Not important,’ she shrugged.

‘So, where was I?’ I lost track for a moment. As Tiffany was just about to open , I remembered. ‘Oh yeah, secondly... honestly, Tiffany, why do you want to force yourself to be something that you aren’t?’

Her eyes quickly darted at me, eyebrows raised high. ‘I’m not—?’

‘Wait. I’m not finished yet,’ I continued, knowing that she’d misunderstand if I didn’t. ‘I don’t know about me but... you are naturally cute and y. You don’t have to try to be. You are already,’ I looked into her eyes, trying to convey my sincerity through my gaze. ‘It’ll just make it seem forced if you try too hard. As for me, I don’t worry about that when I’m on stage. All I worry about is giving a good performance because that’s what really matters in the end, right? Everything else should come naturally.’

Tiffany’s lips slowly spread into a beaming smile, her eyes disappearing into their usual crescent shapes everyone envied so much. Add Kim Taeyeon to that list.

I stared back at her.

‘What?’ I asked.

‘You do realize you just called me cute and y, right?’ she wiggled her eyebrows at me.

‘Well, so did you!’

‘You do realize we just called each other cute and y, right?’ she said, still grinning. ’Fans would go craaazzzy over this,’ she laughed.

‘Wow, you really know how to ruin the mood of a good courage-speech,’ I sighed and shook my head. I was actually proud of myself for putting my words together so well even though I was drunker than any time in the past six months.

‘No, I’m not ruining it! Your speech was...’ I looked at her from the corner of my eyes as she faked thinking about the right words, ‘cute and y! Totally, I mean, the way y—’

My palm landed against , while I supported my body on my elbow and used my other hand for tickling her under the blanket. She protested, trying to speak, but only muffled noises came out as my palm pressed against her lips. She laughed hard. I laughed heartily too, saying ‘next time you have a problem, this is how I will help you out, okay? No more boring speeches, no more midnight talks, just tickling and—’ She suddenly my palm. ‘Eww~ Gross! Are you a baby or what?’ I made a face.

‘Yeah, I’m a cute and y baby,’ she laughed and winked at me.

‘Well, take your cute and y saliva back to where it belongs then!’ I wiped my palm on the sleeve of her pajamas.

‘Paa-ba-pabababa-paa-baa~ y Drooooool~~’ she started singing to the tune of “y Boy” and made waves with her hands in front of her.

“God, we’re drunk.”

‘Hey Tae,’ she then put her hands down and turned to me. ‘Honestly, I love your cute and y speeches though. So, don’t you dare refuse to do it, ever, okay?’ she said, smiling sincerely.

‘Okay,’ I grinned back at her dorkily. ‘Not even if you don’t have any problems at all. Not even if we don’t even talk to each other anymore. I’ll stalk you. I’ll stalk your children. I’ll leave little notes on the bottom of your shoes and—’ I earned a hit on my shoulder.

‘Yah! Can’t you ever take me seriously?!’

‘How could I, when you’re so cute and,’ I started singing ‘you’re so yyy y y~~’ Tiffany came towards me with a fist, ‘No, I mean it, I swear, I swear!’ I pleaded.

‘Good,’ she said, lowering her fist and getting back into position.

‘Good,’ I replied to her fist.

She kept smiling at me, and I grinned back at her.

After a while, I realized she had some kind of a twinkle in her eye. A mischievous one. Surprisingly, instead of starting to think about what kind of mischief she was thinking of, I just mirrored her expression and felt like I shouldn’t break her gaze. I didn’t want to break her gaze.

She moved a bit closer. I did the same. There was no reason. I just did it.

She was still staring at me. I didn’t mind at all, I enjoyed staring back at her and I realized that both of our toothpaste-commercial smiles have faded into gently curving lips.

Her lips. Her teeth bit into her lower ones. “Wait, when did my eyes move to her lips?” I threw my gaze back at her eyes but hers were on my lips then, before coming back to look at me.

She leaned closer and I just realized what was happening, really.

“Is she going to—?”

Too late. Her lips already caught mine between hers and I couldn’t really think about whether I wanted this or not.

She didn’t hesitate to boldly make her way in between my lips as soon as she could, by pushing her tongue inside my mouth and it wasn’t that hard either when I come to think of it. I didn’t really put up much of a fight.

It felt nice, kissing her did. Honestly. People were always obsessed with how one’s lips or mouth or tongue or whatever tasted. But I was more interested in the texture, in the movements.

My mind felt numb enough even before with the amount of alcohol I inserted into my system but now it appeared as though the valiantly fluid movements of her plump, fleshy lips, her tongue, against mine, have erased all the remaining thoughts too.

“Wow she’s good at this!” I thought.

Our position was not the most comfortable. My shoulders started to ache and my neck felt a bit twisted. I didn’t care. I didn’t feel like pulling away.

Tiffany seemed to be running out of breath but her lips took mine again and again sternly. I heard her phone vibrate again. My shoulders really hurt. Especially my left one. Instead of just simply stopping, I wanted to give one last try to win the battle our tongues were having, pushing against her hard, getting deeper, so much so, she was pushed back on the bed a bit. She stopped before I could’ve finished.

I felt like walking through a waterfall to see the other side of the world when I heard our lips smacking once we moved apart.

With both of us breathing as if we just ran the marathon, my mind hastily struggled to process what just happened.

‘Tiffany, wha— why??’ I asked with wide eyes, shifting a bit to get rid of the pain in my shoulders. I didn’t know what to think. About what she just did. I mean, what we just did.

‘I don’t know...’ her voice went up a little at the end of the sentence, making her sound very casual as she turned to pick on the corners of her pillow once more. ‘Does there...’ she looked up into my eyes, raising her eyebrows slightly, ‘have to be a reason?’

“I don’t know. Does there?”

‘No... I guess not...’ I replied dumbly. Then I paused for a moment. This was still too confusing to me. You don’t just go around making out with your friends after several years of friendship, right? ‘But... still...’

‘Okay, I know, it’s weird but... don’t overthink it. It’s just what it is, right? Kissing,’ she stated quite simply. ‘We both enjoyed it.’ Another statement. Not a question. Not an apology. Not even a belated request for permission.

But she was right in what she said.

I just had to agree.

‘Okay,’ I replied.

‘Alright,’ she said.

“Should it really be this simple? Just kissing?” I wondered.

I decided to shrug it off. Like she said, there’s no need to over think it, right?

‘Anyway,’ Tiffany continued. ‘Do you think the style they suggested for tomorrow’s show will be okay? I really don’t know about it.’

‘Well, I personally think it looks a bit like a kimbap with all the little fringes and stuff in the middle...’

We talked for a while about some trivial and less trivial things, then said our good-nights and fell asleep, knowing we would have about four more hours till tomorrow, which counted as pretty good in our case.

It was a nice day.