Chapter Seven

 

Kim sat at the table and faced her parents. Her hands shook with joy and relief as she pushed the check across the battered kitchen table that was covered in happy yellow plastic suns. “Gerald and I want you to have this to pay off the mortgage,” she announced. “There will be no arguments or protests. We talked about this for a long time, and we’re lucky to have so much money. We want to share. It means a lot to us, so please accept this as our gift.”

Their matching stunned expressions made tears prick her eyes. How many nights had she tossed and turned, feeling guilty for being unable to get her parents out of their financial mess? As the oldest sibling, she hated the helplessness that choked her. She decided dealing with Gerald and her own burgeoning emotions was worth it. The payoff of security and safety for her family eased a deep ache, which she’d fought since her father had the heart attack.

“But how can you do this?” Evelyn pressed trembling hands to her lips as William put his arm around her. “Gerald shouldn’t feel like we’re a burden. You’re a young married couple with dreams. For your bookstore. For your family with lots of children. You shouldn’t be taking care of us, Kimberly. We are the parents.”

William nodded. “I already decided to take an extra job. We don’t the money.”

She sighed at her parents’ innate stubbornness. “Listen to me. Gerald and I have plenty of money, and this is important to us Dad, a second job isn’t an option in your condition, unless you want to die. You heard the doctor.” Kim leaned forward. “This will give you the home free and clear so you can concentrate on paying the other bills. Save for Lakam & Twinkle’s college. Help William through his final year of medical school. We’re not giving you enough to retire guys, just enough to make things a bit easier.”

They exchanged glance. Wild hope glimmered in her mom’s eyes as she clutched the check. Kim gave them a tiny nudge to push them over the edge. “Gerald didn’t want to come with me today. There’s one condition to this money – he never wants to hear about it again.’

Evelyn gasped. “I have to thank him. He needs to know how much we appreciate this – how he’s changed our lives.”

Kim swallowed around the tightness in . “Gerald doesn’t like to show a lot of emotion. When we discussed this, he insisted he never wants the money mentioned again.”

William frowned. “He won’t accept a simple thank-you?” After all, if it weren’t for me we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“Anyone can get sick, Dad,” she whispered.

The grief of the past ravaged his face. “But I left.”

“And came back.” Evelyn grasped his hand and smiled. “You came back to us and made it right. No more talk like this.” Her mother straightened in her chair, eyes shining with emotion. “We will accept the check, Kimberly. And we’ll never mention it to Gerald. As long as you promise to go home and tell him he is our angel.” Her voice broke. “I’m so proud you are my daughter.”

Kim hugged her, After a few more moments of conversation, she kissed both her parents and left the house. Poetry night was taking place at BookWorm and she couldn’t be late. She started her shuddering Volkswagen Bug and headed toward her store as her thoughts whirled.

The money ruse was unfortunate but necessary. She’d never admit to Gerald how bad her parents’ financial situation was. The image of him tossing a wad of money at her like enough bucks could solve any problem made her squirm. Her pride was important, and so was her parents’. They solved their own problems. She had an instinct that Gerald Anderson believed money took the place of emotion, which was a lesson his parents had delivered on a daily basis. She shuddered at the thought.

No, she’d manage to do this on her own.

She settled down and drove to work.

……………………

Kim glanced around BookWorm with satisfaction. Poetry nights drew a large crowd, and all were book buyers. Every Friday night, she transformed the back of her store into a performance center. Moody background music floated through the dimly lit aisles. Overstuffed apple-green chairs and battered coffee tables were dragged from the storeroom and arranged in an informal circle. The crowd was a nice mix of intellectuals, some quite serious, and others who just wanted an entertaining night out. She dragged the mic over to the small lifted platform and checked her watch again. Five minutes to go. Where was Maja?

She watched people settle into the chairs and mumble about coffee whule discussing stanzas and imagery and the bleeding of emotion. On cue, the door opened to release a rush of brisk air, and Maja stepped inside. “Java, anyone?”

Kim raced over and grabbed two steaming café mochas. “Thank God. If I didn’t serve them caffeine they’d read to one another in the Starbucks down the street.”

Maja set down the cardboard tray and lined up the cups. Her cinnamon-colored hair swung past her jawline when she shook her head. “Kim, you’re nuts. You know how much money you spend on coffee just so these artists can read poetry in front of one another? Let them get their own coffee.”

“I need the business. Until I find way to get a loan ti expand the store, I need to keep them caffeinated.”

“Ask Gerald. He’s technically your husband.”

She shot her friend a warning look. “No, I don’t want him involved. You promised you wouldn’t say anything.”

Maja threw her hands up. “What’s the big deal? Gerald knows you’d pay off the loan.”

“I want to do this on my own. I took the initial payoff and that was the deal. No more. It’s not like this is a real marriage.”

“Did you give the money to your parents?’

Kim smiled. “Almost made the company of your brother worth it.”

“I still don’t get it. Why not just tell Gerald the truth about the money? He’s a pain in the but has a good heart. Why are you playing games, girlfriend?”

She turned away, afraid to confront her friend. She’d always been a y liar. How could she possibly tell Maja she lusted after her brother and needed every barrier imaginable to keep her distance? If her believed she was a cold hearted money-grubber, he might leave her alone.

Maja studied her face for a long time. Her brown eyes filled with shock as the light bulb suddenly flashed. “Is something else going on with you two?” You’re not attracted to him, are you?”

Kim forced a laugh. “I hate your brother.”

“You’re lying. I always know when you lie, You want to sleep with him, don’t you? Oh, yuck!”

Kim snatched the last cup of coffee. “This conversation is over. I am not attracted to your brother, and he is not attracted to me.”

Maja followed close on her heels. “Okay, now that I’m over the initial grossness of the idea, let’s talk about it. He’s your husband, right? You might as well be getting for the next year with someone.” Kim walked to the platform. All eyes were now on her. The word definitely gets people’s attention, she thought. She ignored her friend and made the initial introduction for poetry night.

As the first poet made his way onstage, she stepped aside and settles herself into her chair. She grabbed her notebook in case she needed to write down any nuggets of inspiration and cleared her mind floor the reading. 

Maja knelt and whispered, “I think you should sleep with him.”

Kim let out a long-suffering sigh. “Leave me alone.”

“I’m serious. I’ve now had a few minutes t think, It’s perfect. You both have to be faithful anyway, so you know he won’t be sleeping with someone else. This way you get the se you need, and in a year, just say good-bye. No hard feelings. No complications.”

She squirmed. Not because she was embarrassed by Maja’s suggestion. No, just the opposite. The possibility intrigued her. She lay awake at night, picturing him in the room down the hall. His , muscled body stretched out on the bed, waiting for her. Her hormones shook greedily at the image. Hell, at this rate she’d end up in a mental institution by the end of the year.

Cause: celibacy.

Maja snapped her fingers in front of her face and jolted Kim out of her reverie. “You disappeared on me again, is Gerald coming tonight?”

“Oh, yeah, your brother would just love this kind of night out. He’d probably prefer a root canal and a prostate exam.”

“How are you two getting along? Besides the physical attraction.”

“Fine”

Maja rolled her eyes. “Lying again. You’re not going to tell me, are you?”

Kim realized she’s always confessed everything to Maja except for one event. The first time Gerald kissed her. She’d known she loved him back then. Friendship turned to rivalry and then to a girlish crush. That first kiss twisted emotion to pure within her she believed it was love. Her heart beat for him, full of joy at the possibility of them being together, so she uttered the words, her voice echoing through the trees.

“I love you.”

Then waited for him to kiss her again. Instead, he’d stepped back from her and laughed. Called her a silly baby and walked away.

She learned her first lesson in heartbreak in that moment. Fourteen years old. In the woods with Gerald Anderson.

She wasn’t about to repeat the lesson.

She pushed the memory away and decided to keep her second secret from Maja. “There’s nothing going on.” Kim repeated. “Can I listen to the next poem in peace, please?”

“I don’t think peace is in the cards tonight, babe.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ge’s here. Your Husband. The guy you’re not attracted to.”

She swung her head around and stared in shock at the figure in the doorway. He was obviously out of his element, but his presence was so confident, so overwhelmingly male, she in her breth and realized the man had the power to fit in anywhere. And he wasn’t even wearing black.

Most men who wore designer clothes allowed the fabric to dictate to them. Gerald wore the Calvin Klein jeans as if he were nothing at all. The dnim hugged his thighs and hips as if folding to his will. He reflected a man who knew himself – and didn’t give a damn what anyone else thought.

The turtleneck was a deep caramel cream in a thick cable knit stitch that emphasized his chest and stretched over broad shoulders. Definitely Ralph Lauren. The boots were Timberlands.

She waited as his gaze perused the room, skated over her, stopped, and then came slowly back.

Their eyes met.

Kim hated clichés, and what she hated most was becoming one. But at that moment, her heartbeat thundered, her palms sweated, and her belly dipped and plunged as if on a roller-coaster ride. Her body went on full alert, begging him to come to her, promising him surrender. If he told her to go home, get in bed, and wait for him. Kim was sure she’d follow his instructions.

The weakness of her will infuriated her. Her honesty made her admits she’d do it anyway.

“Oh yeah. Definitely no attraction there.” Maja’s words broker the weird spell and allowed Kim to gather her composure. She had issued the invitation to Gerald for poetry night because he hadn’t seen her bookstore. He’d politely declined, citing work as an excuse, and she hadn’t been surprised. Once again, she had reminded herself they came from different worlds, and Gerald had no desire to visit hers. As he walked toward her, she wondered why he had changed his mind.

 

………………………………….

 

Gerald picked his way through the bookshelves. Some guy dressed on black spouted into a microphone about the correlation between flowers and death, and the scent of cafe mochas rose to his nostrils. Sounds of a flute and the faint calling of a wolf drifted to his ears. All of his impressions were secondary to the sight of his wife.

Her true iness lay on her ignorance of her effect on men. Aggrevation tickled her nerves. He lived in a constant state of emotion turmoil and he hated every moment. He was the calmest man around and dedicated his path to avoiding messy feelings. Now, his normal day ranged from annoyance to frustration to anger. She made him crazy with her wacko arguments and impassioned speeches. She also made him laugh. His home seemed more alice since she’d moved in.

He reached her. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

He directed his attention to his sister. “Maja Ross, how goes it?”

“Fine, brother dearest. What brings you? You’re not going to read that poem you wrote when you were eight, are you?”

Kim tilted her head in interest. “What poem?”

He actually felt himself flush and realized the two women before him were the only ones who ever made him lose his composure. “Don’t listen to her.”

“I thought you had work.” Kim said.

He did. And he didn’t know why he was there. He had left the office and entered an empty house and the silence bothered him. He’d thought of her surrounded by people in the bookstore she created and wanted to join her world for just a little while. He said nothing, thought, and shrugged. “I wrapped up early. Thought I’d check out poetry night. Do all artist smoke? There’s a long line outside and they’re all puffing away.”

Maja snickered and stretched both of her legs out on the floor. Her back was propped up against the side of the chair. Her green eyes held the teasing light of a younger sister who still enjoyed torturing her older brother. “Still having cravings, Ge? Bet I could bum one for you.”

“Thanks. It’s always nice to have a family member as your drug pusher.”

Kim gasped. “You smoke?”

Gerald shook his head. “Used to. Quit years ago.”

“Yeah, but when he gets stressed or upset, he regresses. Do you believe he doesn’t think it counts as long as he doesn’t buy?”

Kim chucked. “This is very enlightening, guys. We need to get together more often. Tell me; Maj’s does your brother cheat at card games?’

“All the time.”

Gerald reached down and snagged Kim’s fingers, pulling her up from the chair. “Show me the rest of the store while this guy finishes up.”

Maja chuckled and settled herself into the empty chair. “He’s afraid of what I’ll tell you next.’

“You’re absolutely right.”

Gerald led her away from the crowd. With an instructive motion, he stopped in a shadowed corner by a sign entitled RELATIONSHIP. He guided her so her back pressed against the bookshelf, and then dropped her hand. Gerald shifted his feet and cursed under his breath at his sudden uneasiness. He hadn’t planned what to say, just knew he had to break the tension between them before he got crazy and drugged her into his bed. Somehow, he needed to bring the relationship back to friendship. Back to older brother/younger sister camaraderie. Even if it killed him.

“I want to talk to you.”

A slight smile switched those bee-sting lips. “Okay.”

“About us.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t think we should go to bed with each other.”

She threw back her head and laughed. Gerald didn’t knew if he was annoyed at her amusement or fascinated of her open beauty. This was a woman who enjoyed life and gave out a full belly laugh. Not one of those calculated smiles or slight chuckles. Still, he hated when she laughed at him, even though he was older, she dragged him back to a time when he was endlessly trying to be cool, and she thwarted every step.

“Funny, I don’t remember offering you my body. Did I miss something?”

He frowned t her casual disregard of their problem. “You know what I’m trying to say. The night of the party got out of hand, and I take full responsibility.”

“How chivalrous of you.”

“Syop being a smart-mouth. I’m trying to tell you I was out of line and it won’t happen again. I had too much to drink, I was pissed about Guidicelli, and I took it out on you. I intend to stick to our original agreement, and I’m sorry I lost my control.”

“Apology accepted. I’m sorry for contributing to the whole episode, too. Let’s put it behind us.”

Gerald didn’t like her terming such ual heat as an episode, but he ignored the twinge. He wondered why he wasn’t feeling relief at her easy agreement. He cleared his throat. “We have a long year ahead of us Kim. Why don’t we try to build on friendship? It will be better for appearances and for us.”

“What you have in mind? More poker games?”

An image of her against his chest. Of squirming, soft female flesh all over him, ready to burn up in his arms. As if on cue, he looked up and read the title of the book right beside her in full presentation.

How to Give a Woman Multiple s.

.

“Ge?”

He shook his head and tried to clear the fog. Was she multu-osgasmic? She shook in his embrace over simple kiss. What would her body do if he gave her a full-blown ual treatment, using his lips and tongue and teeth to push her over the edge? Would she scream? Would she fight her response? Or take it with pleasure and give it all right back?

“Ge?”

Sweat formed on his bro as he pulled his focus from the book and back to reality. He was a damn chump. Two seconds after stating they could be friends, he had her coming in his fantasies.

“Ummm, right I mean, sure, we can play card games. Just not Monopoly.”

“You always at that game. Remember when Maja made you cry when you landed on Boardwalk? You tried to bargain but she wanted cash. You didn’t speak to her for a week.”

He glowered. “You’re thinking of Harold, the kid who lived down the street. I’d never cry at a game.”

“Sure.” He crossed arms and expression told him she didn’t believe him.

Aggravated, he dragged his fingers over his face and wondered how she made him lose it over a Monopoly game that never happened.

“So, we’ll be friends. I can live with that.” She said.

“Then it’s a deal.” “is that why you came to poetry reading?”

He looked in her face and lied through his teeth. “I wanted to show you I can compromise.”

He wasn’t prepared for the sweet, sunny smile that curved her lips. She looked genuinely pleased, even though he admitted he’d done it for smooth sailing ahead.

She touched his arm. “Thank you. Gerald.”

Startled, he pulled back. Then fought embarrass-ment. “Forget it. Are you going to read tonight?”

Kim nodded. “I better get back. I’m usually the last one. Go ahead and look around.”

He watched her go back to the crowd and wandered through the shelves. He listened absently to the next poet, who recited line through the muted wilderness music, and wrinkled his nose. God, he hated poetry. The spilling out of emotion, messy and unbridled, for any stranger to pick up and share. The convoluted comparisons between nature and rage, the endless clichés, and the confusing imagery made a man question his intelligence. No, give him a good biography or a classic like Hemingway. Give him the opera, where within the fierce emotions there was control.

A familiar, husky tone spilled over the micro-phone.

He pause in the shadows and watched Kim take the small stage. She joked a bit with the crowd, thanked them for coming, and introduced her new poem.

“A Small Dark Place.” She said.

Gerald prepared himself for high drama, and he’d already started forming some compliments in his mind. After all, it wasn’t her fault  he didn’t like poetry. He was determined not to make fun of something so important to her, and he would even give encourage-ment.

“Hidden between soft fur and smooth suede;

My legs scramped and folded beneath me.

I wait for the end and for the beginning,

I wait for the bright, clean light to bring me back;

To the world of glittering colors and of perfumed scents that attack me nostrils;

To the world of sharp tongues, snaking out to shred soft smiles. I listen as ice tinkles against amber liquid.

Heat burns within, a reminder of a suicide from the past; a reminder of a silent murder.

Seconds....minutes...centuries....

The sudden knowledge twists my belly; i am home, I open my eyes to the blinding flash of a door opening.

And wonder if i will remember.”

Kim folded the piece of paper and nodded at her audience. Silence settled over everyone. Some people wrote feverishly in their notebooks. Maja gave a whoop. Kim laughed and stepped off the stage, and then she began to gather empty cups and chat as the night came to a close.

Gerald stood alone and watched her.

A strange emotion bubbled up inside of him. Since he’d never experienced it before, he couldn’t seek out a name. There was a little left in life that touched him, and he admitted he liked it that way.

Tonight, something changed.

Kim had shared an important part of herself with a room of strangers. With Maja. With him. Open for criticism, vulnerable to the whims of others, she took what she felt and made him feel it, too. Her courage stole his breath. And as much as he admitted her, doubt rose up inside of him like a monster out of a swamp and he wandered if beyond all his rationalizations, he was just a coward.

“What’d you think?”

He blinked at Maja, then tried to focus. “Oh, I liked it. I’ve never heard her work before.”

Maja grinned like a proud Cub Scout mother. “I keep telling her she can get an anthology published, but she doesn’t seem interested. Her real passion is BookWorm.”

“can’t she do both?”

Maja snorted.”Sure. You and I would do it in a heartbeat, because we never miss an opportunity. Kim is different. She’s happy just by sharing – she doesn’t need the glory of publication. She’s been printed in some magazines, and she goes to a critique group, but that’s more for the others than for her. That’s our problem, bro. Always has been.”

“What?”

“We’re better at taking. Part of our childhood screw-up’s. I guess.” They both watched Kim as she escorted her patrons out the door with her usual good humor. “But Kim found her way by doing the opposite. There’s nothing she won’t do for someone,”

Maja suddenly him. Her eyes blazed with a fierceness her remembered from the old days. Her finger jabbed into his chest. “One warning, pal. I love you dearly, but if you hurt her, I’ll personally kick your . Got it?’

Instead of rising to the bait, he surprised himself by laughing. Then he dropped a quick kiss on her forehead. “You’re a good friend, Maja Ross. I wouldn’t be so quick to judge yourself as a taker. I just hope the right guy sees that one day.”

She stepped back. dropped open. “Are you drunk? Or an imposter? Where did my big brother go?’

“Don’t push your luck.” Gerald paused and glanced around the bookstore. “What’s going on with the expansion?” he watched his sister’s eyes widen, and he held a chuckle.

“Don’t worry – it’s no longer a secret. Kim admitted she wants the money to add a cafe. I gave her the check but figured she’d ask me for a consult.” His sister blinked and refused to speak. Gerald frowned. “Cat got your tongue, Maja Ross?”

“Oh, .”

He quirked a bow. “What’s the matter?’

Suddenly, she busied herself with her lone coffee cups and cleaning up the table. “Nothing, Umm, I think she may be embarrassed because she’s hiring someone else to do it. Didn’t want to bother you.”

He fought a surge of annoyance. “I have time to help her.”

She took off in flurry. Gerald shook his head. Maybe Kim didn’t want him involved in her project. After all, she had citied many times the fact that their relationship was based on a business contract.

Just as he had wanted.

He made a note to bring it up later. He helped lock up and walked his wife to her car. “Did you have dinner?” he asked.

She shook her head. “no time. Want to pick up a pizza on the way?”

“Ill throw something together for us at home.” His tongue tripped on the last world. Oddly, he’d started to think of his sanctuary . “Oh, Gerald don’t forget...”

“The salad.”

Her eyes widened, and her powers of speech seemed to desert her for a moment. She pulled herself together with a speed he admired. And she didn’t even question how he knew. “Right. The salad.”

Then she turned and walked to her car. Gerald began to whistle as he made his way toward his BMW. He was definitely learning. He liked catching her by surprise. About time he got the upper hand.

He whistled most of the way home.