Colour of the heart

(Seunghyun's P.O.V)

When I was a child I used to draw everything what surrounded me. People, trees, flowers, my cat... Typical things that kids like to draw. But the point was that I used only one crayon, the blue one. I didn’t know why, but it was my favourite colour. Along with pink, but this pastel was usually taken by my older sister. And there was also Dongwook who was making fun of me, whenever I touched such a girly colour. So only blue was left for me. My dad loved complaining about the depressing birthday cards that I gave him every year and my arts teacher was sure that my family was so poor they couldn’t afford buying me the whole set of crayons. Funny. He had never seen our house. That would definitely change his opinion.

“Pay attention to the road, Seunghyun.”

I blinked and looked at my brother who was sitting in the passenger seat. He was on his lollipop and staring at me with a jaded expression on his face. He seemed really tired after the whole day of training. As a captain of the team he worked the hardest to let us win the tomorrows match. Some people claimed that we didn’t stand slightest chance against the school from central Seoul but it wasn’t Dongwook’s plan to give up. Because if we did win, it would be some kind of compensation for his incident with the English teacher. He would never admit it, be he dreamt of fixing his bad reputation.

“Sorry, Hyung. I’m simply tired,” I replied, trying to focus on the road ahead.

“Tired, you say? Well, I believe that you actually think about something stupid, as always,” he mocked. “So what is it this time? Your silly costumes? Or the girl you write with every afternoon? Or maybe it is this idiot who bumped into me this morning that occupies your mind? You helped him, right? Don’t you remember what I told you?”

Great. So he had discovered it. Someone must have seen us. I doubted that this boy told Dongwook himself. What was his name? Jin Kyong? Jun Myung? Joon Sang? Ji…

G-Dragon.

The name sent shiver down my spine. I almost hit the brake to stop the car as I instantaneously saw the figure of my virtual friend standing on the road just several dozen feet from the vehicle. My vivid imagination would kill me someday. I was sure of it.

“Jiyong is my toy and I will do with him whatever I want. So please, be so kind and don’t pry into my business.”

Ah, Jiyong. I had completely forgotten the name. But why had I thought of G-Dragon instead? The boy didn’t resemble him at all. G-Dragon was far different from him. He was someone very... special to me.

I shrugged my shoulders.

“He looked so harmless that I felt I had to help him, that’s all.”

“Yeah... that’s what I like about him. He’s so shy and innocent... I simply love watching his reactions to things I do to him,” he chuckled. “And what’s even better about my precious Jiyong is that there is no one willing to help him. He will also never complain to anyone.”

I felt a sudden tightness in the heart. I couldn’t believe he said something like that. It sounded so wrong that I felt I had to do something with it.

Were we really related by blood? I glanced at Dongwook who was leaning against the window, smirking to himself. Was he inventing new ways to make Jiyong’s life even more miserable? What was the point of it…? I couldn’t find any explanation and my attempts to understand his way of thinking made my insides squeeze.

Poor Jiyong. I subconsciously decided that I would do something to protect him, despite having promised Dongwook not to interfere.

We finally reached our house. Although it was only 10 minutes by car, I had an impression that the ride had taken ages. It was probably because of Dongwook oozing a negative aura around him. He was at his least bearable when he was weary after a tiring day.

I parked the car in front of the garage and removed the key from ignition. We both got out of the vehicle, but Dongwook headed straight home.

“Oi, what about your bag?” I exclaimed.

“Take it,” he replied without turning to me and disappeared behind the front door.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. He would never change. No matter what the situation was, he was always acting like a prince. Giving orders to everyone around him was probably the biggest pleasure for him.

I grabbed two training bags from the back seat and locked the car. I went along the sinuous path leading to the main entrance. It would be easier to walk across the lawn as Dongwook did a minute ago, but I felt some kind of guilty every time I stepped on the grass my mother so cared about. She worked as a landscape architect and was obsessed with gardens and plants. She was quite famous in her industry and was often hired by rich families from our area and even from central Seoul. Everyone always told me that it is my mom who I took after, especially in terms of my drawing skills. But whenever I tried comparing her works to mine, I felt like a primary school kid in a painting gallery, admiring Monet or Dali.

I entered the hallway which always reminded me of an anteroom in a extremely expensive hotel. It had walls made of translucent milk glass with some leafy patterns. There were some tropical plants twining around two white Greek columns in Corinthian style and big mirror in golden frame with sculptured ornaments. On the top of that, a thick white carpet made of arctic fox fur was lying proudly in the middle of the way to the living room. I had never dared touching it and whenever I had to walk through the hallway I avoided even looking at it. Now I did exactly the same. Looking for a good place to leave Dongwook’s bag I went to the living room. It was very spacious and modern, with an enormous plasma TV and my mother’s avant-garde paintings on the walls. Speaking of my mom, she just came out of the kitchen with a ladle in her hand. She was probably experimenting with her own recipes.

“Seunghyun, sweetheart!” she greeted me cheerfully, brushing away her hair dyed platinum blonde from her joyous face. Her smile always made her look younger. “The dinner is ready!”

I smiled at her and shook my head.

“I’m not eating now, I’ll take a shower first. You know I hate being all sweaty.”

“The truth is that he wants to check messages from his dorky girlfriend,” said Dongwook who had been already sitting at the table in the kitchen.

I blushed a little, realising who he had on his mind.

“Oi, Seunhyun! You have a girlfriend! Why haven’t you told me?! I’m your mommy after all, we must talk about such things!”

Dongwook giggled. He simply loved causing me trouble. Mom got really excited and started searching for a clean plate to leave her spoon on.

It was high time for a retreat. I dropped training bags on the leather sofa and quickly ran to the spiral staircase to avoid explaining Dongwook’s words to my mother. She easily got attached to such type of things and I didn’t want to lie to her to make her stop thinking about it.

I jumped into my bedroom and quickly locked the door. Now I could breathe easy. I looked around room and smiled to myself. It was truly my own place on earth, so different from the modern interiors of the rest of the house. Instead of white and silver, the dominant colours were shades of brown and beige. There were no animals’ skins on the floor, but simple pine paneling. The best part of the room was surely my big round bed that I adored.

That’s exactly what I call ‘cosy’.

The first thing I did was switching on my computer. I bit my lower lip, having realised that it was what Dongwook had accused me of. ‘The truth is that he wants to check messages from his dorky girlfriend.’ He was almost absolutely right, only one single detail had to be changed. G-Dragon wasn’t a girl. But Dongwook didn’t need to know that. I’d rather die than tell him that what I did every evening was talking about clothes and fashion with another guy. What didn’t change the fact that it had been one of my favourite activities recently.

I didn’t pay attention to all the new posts on koreafashion.kr. I wanted to read G-Dragon’s answer to my message from yesterday. I opened the mailbox and… A sudden wave of disappointment forced me to slump on the chair. There was no answer.

How was that possible? G-Dragon always replied in the morning.

My message was marked as ‘read’. My heart started racing in my chest. Had I offended him in some way? No, it couldn’t be… I was reading my e-mail over and over and couldn’t find anything, what would have possibly dispirited him.

I spent next few hours doing everything what would let me stop thinking about it. Reading a book, drawing, doing homework, exercising and even going downstairs to eat my mom’s awful vegan dish - nothing helped me. I couldn’t get him out of my mind. Was I really that obsessed with G-Dragon? It wasn’t normal.

Finally I decided to take a shower as I had told my mom. When hot water was streaming down my body and the heat seeped into my overworked muscles, I eventually relaxed.

GD probably didn’t have time to write to me. He woke up too late and read the message in a hurry, promising himself that he would answer me in the afternoon. That was what had happened.

Having refreshed my body and soul, I returned to my room. I looked at the clock and realised how late it was. I had spent more than an hour in the shower. I was lucky that I had my own bathroom so no one ever disturbed me. I started putting my clothes on, when I heard a familiar notification sound. I was having heart in my mouth, when I slowly came closer to the computer. I was still logged in on koreafashion.kr and there was a chat box opened.

It was him.

G-Dragon: Hey, sorry for not answering this morning! I really had a lot on my mind…

G-Dragon: I had a day full of surprises and all I want now is forgetting about it for just a moment… ^___^”

G-Dragon: T.O.P??

G-Dragon: Are you there?

G-Dragon: You’re not angry at me, are you? : <

He thought I was in front of my computer all this time. I slapped my forehead. I should have logged out before going to the bathroom. I started typing quickly.

T.O.P: Argh, I was taking a shower and left the page opened! >.>” That’s why I haven’t replied, sorry!

G-Dragon: Oh, I see : )

G-Dragon: So you’re not angry or something??

Well, I had been, for some hard to define reason.

T.O.P: No, of course not!

G-Dragon: Great : )

T.O.P: So what about your day? Did you find someone who can be your model??

I had to wait for his answer about a minute. ‘G-Dragon is typing…’  showed up few times but it quickly disappeared. I was confused. Why was he hesitating? Had something really bad happened at his arts school? No, that was impossible. He told me once that he was popular and had many friends. He was also getting good marks. Bad things usually don’t happen to such people. I was a good example of it. My only worries were basketball matches and poor little creatures like Jiyong, whom I felt internally forced to help. I was sure that G-Dragon didn’t have problems even of such kind.

GD’s answer finally appeared.

G-Dragon: Yeah! I found one guy who will be my model from now on! I even made a few sketches, wanna see them? : )

Oh, so he did it. He found himself a model. Great. But why couldn’t it be a girl?

My eyes widened in shock. What was that?! Why am I… jealous? What would it change, if it was a girl? Jesus, something is seriously wrong with me.

Was it possible that I liked G-Dragon that way?

T.O.P: Sure!

I almost started biting my nails, waiting for the picture to upload. When I opened the file, I saw a messy sketch with some colouring. GD’s style was easily recognizable, I also knew he had used his mechanical pencil - probably 2H - and aquarell crayons. I tried not to ask myself how I could remember and recognise such things. The sketch depicted a manly boy who seemed to be quite tall. He was slander with broad shoulders, but I wouldn’t call him muscular. He was wearing a white shirt with a thin tie and black skinny trousers. Something that I could wear, actually. The most special thing about him was his tousled short hair in the colour of the sky.

Do such guys really attend art schools?

How could I even set myself against him?

G-Dragon: What do you think?

T.O.P: He’s ok. Is he your friend? Or a classmate??

Well, it didn’t sound appropriate, but I had hit ‘enter’ before realising what I had typed.

Get yourself together, Seunghyun!

G-Dragon: He’s an upperclassman. We’re not really close…

I could start dancing out of joy.

G-Dragon: Does it change anything?

G-Dragon: Is it better to work with a friend or a stranger?

I smiled to myself. He was so cute asking so many questions. He probably had an impression that I was professional in designing. Well, I had often described ‘my collections that were presented on stage’ to him, but hadn’t mentioned that they were actually costumes for my school theatre group.

T.O.P: I would avoid forming relationships at work.

But there could be one exception, if you and I were working together.

I had set my mind on wrong direction. Really, what was going on with me…

G-Dragon: I see : )

There was a short break.

G-Dragon: T.O.P, what is your favourite colour?

T.O.P: Pink.

I answered without hesitation. I would never like the colour this guy had on his head.

G-Dragon: Really? I was sure you’d say blue!

T.O.P: I used to like it, but I’ve recently changed my mind.

I could see the disappointed and hurt gazes all of my blue crayons scattered all over the desk had sent me.

“I still love you, guys,” I whispered to cheer them up.

God, I was really tired.

T.O.P: Changing the topic, I thought you were planning a collection for women.

G-Dragon: Nooo, I guess I haven’t mentioned anything like that, have I? You think I should find also a female model?

Do it. There is a possibility that she and this handsome jerk will fall in love with each other and leave you alone.

I mentally slapped myself.

T.O.P: Well, I would consider that, if I were you.

T.O.P: Maybe he has a girlfriend that could help you?

G-Dragon: Fortunately, he doesn’t.

G-Dragon: I mean unfortunately!!!

What. Was. That.

I couldn’t bear it anymore. These crazy feelings took over my whole body. My hands started shaking.

Retreat. Retreat. Retreat. Captain Choi, come back to the base immediately!

T.O.P: Oh, GD, I have to go now! My younger brother wants me to help him with his homework!

G-Dragon: Alright, I also need to go to bed : )

G-Dragon: Bye!

--- T.O.P has logged out ---