No sender, no recipient

(Jiyong's P.O.V)

Sometimes ridiculous things happen in your life. They just pop up out of the blue, last for a short while and leave you confused and wondering, if it actually wasn’t a dream. Then you pinch yourself and, oh, it hurts! You’re not dreaming.

Then you begin asking heavens why such a nasty trick was played on you. Did you do anything wrong in your past? Or maybe in your past life? Unfortunately, no one answers, no matter how hard you cry for a response.

It’s hard to get one, when you direct your pleas to an unknown recipient.

So eventually you start analysing it all on your own to find, if there was any sense in what had happened. You consider every possibility and reason, but then it turns out that your common sense isn’t enough to understand it.

You need time. You need sanity. You need more information. Then you will be able to sleep calmly again and hope that everything comes back to normality that you’ve got used to.

And I really wanted everything to be the same.

To forget about that irrational day.

When I finally found myself in my bedroom, I could do nothing but cry.

I was angry. I was hurt.

I felt abused. I felt sorry.

The mental and physical agony lulled me to sleep quickly, my body and mind had no energy to keep me awake. But my subconsciousness never thought about letting me rest. An endless sequence of nightmares played itself beneath my lids till morning, but the vivid images of Dongwook gobbling up my soul in a deadly kiss or Seunghyun biting my neck and drinking my blood till the last drop, haunted me the whole day.

I woke up with the dawn feeling more exhausted than before I had gone to bed. I couldn’t fall asleep again or even didn’t want to, so I tried occupying my mind with thoughts about simple things like this moment. I was in my bed, covered with fluffy blankets and hugging my red dragon plushie, and I felt like a Jiyong from the time about a month ago. The time when I was obviously unhappy in my life and dreamt about staying in my bedroom forever.

When has it changed?

I wrinkled my nose, recalling that it was probably soon after Seunghyun and I had started working together on the designs for the first stage of the contest. The first Monday after the evening in Land of Sweets café - it was the first day I went to school willingly, wanting to meet Seunghyun.

Strange that this feeling seemed so foreign right now. I didn’t want to see Seunghyun. Not after what he had done to me yesterday.

I buried my face in the pillow at this embarrassing and painful memory. It was so unbelievable that Seunghyun, my gentle and caring Seunghyun, had behaved like this. Only thinking about it was enough to send cold shivers down my spine and this feeling was far different from pleasant.

There was no need to question his reasons. I knew that he was simply blinded by jealousy, even though he shouldn’t have been. Did he seriously think that it was me who kissed Dongwook? Or that I took pleasure in it? If yes, that meant he didn’t know me at all.

I covered my head with the blanket and lay like that for a longer while, biting the inside of my lower lip. I really felt like an old me, but still couldn’t decide if it was something good. It was better to stay in bed, not going to school, where I would meet Seunghyun and Dongwook and listen to their apologies. Because I really didn’t care about those empty words. Both of them had done something horrible and I doubted that I would ever forgive them.

I wasn’t a saint. I was just Kwon Jiyong. And I wouldn’t let people mess with my feelings.

Why had I even tried being more sociable? It was only an illusion that I could actually make friends and lead a happy life my second-half. I should have known it was trouble - going out with Seunghyun. Forgetting about my golden rule “Don’t get close to Seunghyun, because where he is, there is always Dongwook”, was my biggest mistake. I was the one to blame, because I broke that rule, putting myself at risk.

But maybe it wasn’t too late yet. I could come back to my old routines. Like staying at home, drawing all night long, talking with T.O.P…

Oh, the last one won’t work anymore, I winced at sudden realisation.

So, without talking to T.O.P. I would neither do that, nor think about Seunghyun. I was sure that after some time my heart ache would stop bothering me and I would be back to normality.

So it’s decided.

Well, it was, until I heard a message notification sound which made my heart perform a pirouette in my chest and I threw the blanket away, jumping out of the bed.

Seunghyun!

I found the phone lying on the floor and picked it up, quickly unlocking the screen. Disappointment filled my body, when I read the sender’s name. It wasn’t Seunghyun.

I sat on the floor and exhaled slowly, letting the sudden hope leave my body along with the air from my lungs.

I am the one who doesn’t know me, if I thought I could forget Seunghyun that easy.

Without needless rush, I crawled up onto the bed and lay down on the pillow to read the message from Dami.

10:46 am, Dami Noona:

I left breakfast for you on the
kitchen table. Make sure you
eat it. before mom comes back
home from work.

It was the type of message Dami hadn’t sent me for about a month. I had been used to getting them every day, when I my laziness won against everything else and I stayed in bed till midday, instead of leaving it for morning classes.

Was it the normality that I wanted?

Another few hours passed before I finally found the answer for that question. I didn’t want to lose what I acquired thanks to Seunghyun. I liked my new life. I liked the new Jiyong. And I liked Seunghyun. I loved him. Was it enough to forgive him and move on?

It took me one day more to realise how much I missed him. I kept staring at my GD♥TOP ring until something finally broke inside me and I decided to find some courage to call Seunghyun. It was surprising that he hadn’t tried contacting me first. I had been waiting for a text message or call even though it was hard to admit it. I had been checking my mailbox and koreafashion.kr every few hours, but there was nothing. No sign from Seunghyun.

Is he still mad at me?

There was no other way to find it out than contacting him myself. So I tried calling him with intention of immediate apologies in the moment I would hear his voice, but he didn’t answer my call. And any other either. I kept pressing the red button whenever I was sent to voicemail and then pressed green one once more, only to listen to Seunghyun’s calm voice telling me that he was unable to answer my call and I had to leave a massage or try calling him again later. But I didn’t want to leave a massage, I wanted to talk.

“Hello, it’s Choi Seunghyun’s voicemail,” I whispered along with the voice on the phone. “I’m sorry, but I can’t answer your call now,” I continued, but a sudden gasp that escaped my mouth prevented me from declaiming the rest of the recorded message. Hot tears spilled over my bottom lids, forming salty waterfalls with shallow pools in my ears.

“Hyunnie,” I sobbed between uncontrollable heaves that shook my chest.

I hugged the phone close to my heart, clasping my hands together. My eyes closed in hope that it would stop the tears, but it didn’t help. I tried to focus my mind on my imagined stories what had always helped in such moments of crisis, but it had been before I made friends with Seunghyun. No matter how hard I wanted to distract myself from thinking about him it had no effect.

So I lay there, like a princess waiting for her prince to save her. Like a sleeping beauty. But crying, instead of sleeping. And not so beautiful as there were purple bruises adorning the neck, not golden necklaces with diamonds and other precious jewels. What was more, the princess knew the prince wouldn’t show up.

Loud knocking on the door burst on my thoughts, making me sit bolt upright.

Dami went in without waiting for my permission.

“A package for you,” she announced and put the large box on my desk.

“What?” I gasped, jumping to my feet. “From whom?!”

I ran to the desk and began searching for the address of the sender.

“It’s anonymous,” Dami said with a sigh. “I’ve already checked that. The courier didn’t want to tell me either.”

That’s alright, I thought to myself, being sure who had sent me this package. I was only curious what was inside, so I quickly began unwrapping the brown paper. My hands were tearing the cardboard, but suddenly one of them was stopped by Dami’s grip.

“Jiyong,” she groaned and I froze at a spot. I’ve completely forgotten! “Why are your wrists all bruised?” I heard her asking in a trembling voice, so I looked up slowly and instantaneously regretted that action.

“Oh my God, Ji!” her other hand lifted up to touch my neck. “What had happened? Is it the reason why you haven’t left your room for two days?”

Her delicate fingers kept touching my neck and I suddenly felt guilty. I couldn’t tell her what had happened. She was my beloved sister, but I was almost certain she would run to my mom and together they would turn the school into hell and burn the Choi brothers at a stake for hurting me.

“You were crying… Is it Seunghyun’s fault?” Dami asked as if she had read my mind. “Tell me, Jiyong!” she shook me gently to make me look at her, but I avoided the connection of our gazes.

“No,” I stated only. “I don’t want to talk about it, Noona. But don’t worry, I’m fine.”

“I don’t believe you,” she frowned. “Why did you stop going to school so suddenly? I thought you would never skip classes again.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I’ll go to school tomorrow, I promise.”

Surprise appeared on her face, but her shocked expression soon softened.

“Okay,” she sighed. “But I really hope everything is fine. If you have any problem with Seunghyun, you can always tell me. I know how it is dating a bad boy-“

“Seunghyun is not a bad boy,” I interrupted her. “But thanks, Dami, I’ll remember that.”

Dami’s lips twitched into a smile and she ruffled my hair.

“You want me to go now, right?” she chuckled and I nodded enthusiastically, because I couldn’t wait to check the content of the package. “Call me, if you need anything,” she told me before leaving my room. “I’ll lend you some scarves. You can’t go to school with such a neck,” with that sentence on her lips she closed the door behind her and finally, I was able to come back to opening the mysterious package.

With the help of scissors and paper knife I managed to remove the upper part of the box and than put my hands inside. The first thing that I touched made my heart stop. Slowly, I put it out of the package with trembling fingers. It was the owl dress - the one Seunghyun and I had sewn for CL. I swallowed hard and lied it down on my bed, before further exploration of the box. Every object I took out of it made my heart ache more and more. The book about birds, my sketchbook, my pencil case, my backpack. Everything that I had left in Seunghyun’s bedroom on Monday.

I felt tears gathering under my lids, my vision turned blurry.

Why is he sending those things back to me? Without a word of explanation…

My fingernails were scratching the bottom of the box as to find a proof that there was nothing more in it. But then suddenly the tips of my digits came across a piece of paper that had different texture than the cardboard.

Something knotted inside me and I took the piece of paper in my fingers to read the words written by Seunghyun.

‘I’m sorry.

I’ll try to fix everything. ‘

It was all it said, but my heart was about to jump out of my chest from happiness. Good that I stopped it just in time.

Because the problem was that it wasn’t Seunghyun’s handwriting.

He would never write vowel letter ‘a’ as a cross.

I slumped on the chair at the realisation that it was probably Dongwook who sent me this package. Did Seunghyun ask him to do so? I didn’t understand anything.

‘I’ll try to fix everything. ‘

It seemed that Dongwook was my ally now. His message let me know that something was actually wrong between Seunghyun and me. I really wanted to know what was going on in Choi family house. I tried imagining the moment of Dongwook’s and Seunghyun’s talk, but it was too hard. Even my vivid imagination was unable to compass it.

I propped my chin in my hands and stared blankly at my sketchbook, praying that Dongwook would be able to help me. The world turned upside down. I was actually reposing hope in Dongwook’s help, because Seunghyun didn’t want to talk to me.

I should be the one avoiding contact with Seunghyun. Alright, he might have been jealous, but it was too much. I was the one who suffered more, hadn’t he realised that? How could he treat me so callously? I knew he could be stubborn and stick to his guns without any thought of questioning his biased beliefs. The best example was his story about Dongwook and Minhun. He blindly believed in his own assumptions and what he had been told, completely ignoring some inaccurate information that begged to be checked and corrected. 

‘I’ll try to fix everything. ‘

Dongwook was going to help me. And I felt obliged to help him, too.

I decided to discover the truth about Minhun to enable Dongwook to reminisce about him positively, to prove Seunghyun that you should never believe your own conclusions ,and to occupy my own mind with something. There was no point in lying in bed and crying over my hurt feelings. I was no longer the old crybaby Jiyong. The new me would never hide in the bedroom until everything explains itself.

“Dami!” I shouted, wiping the last traces of tears from my face. “Dami, I need your help!”

~~~~~~

‘…go down the street, then turn left - it’s the first house on the right.’

Dami’s instructions were clear and this time any map wasn’t needed. Lee Seonwoong lived in our neighbourhood, so probability that I would get lost on my way was relatively low. I only hoped that Tablo hadn’t forgotten about our meeting, because I really need the information only he could provide.

I came to a conclusion that maybe I wasn’t as slow-thinking as I had always thought. I was proud of myself that I recalled just at the proper moment that my sister’s ex-boyfriend used to be a member of Kiran Junior High School gang. He was the source that would let me discover if everything, what Seunghyun had told me, was true.

To my own surprise I was able to recall names of other member’s of the gang, even though I hadn’t seen them for two years. Not that I regretted it or something. We didn’t have any kind of positive relations and I wouldn’t look forward to our next meeting after years. But Tablo was a different case - he used to be one of the seniors in the gang and would always discourage his mates from tormenting me, in view of me being his girlfriend’s younger brother. He had been helping me whenever I was in trouble, so I hoped this time wouldn’t be different.

I turned left and immediately recognised Tablo’s house - it was the only one painted blue. I knew I found myself in the right place. The gate wasn’t locked, so I entered the yard, heading towards the main door.

“Oi, little Jiyong!” I heard familiar voice calling my name, so I spun around quickly.

Near the fence stood tall dark haired boy dressed in black skinny jeans, leather jacket and army boots. He was holding a cigarette in his left hand and brought it up to his lips to pull smoke into his mouth.

“Seonwoong Hyung!” I waved at him and put my hands into the pockets of my coat, approaching him slowly. “Were you following me?”

Tablo chuckled and smiled at me. “All the way from your bus stop,” he admitted. “But you were so deep in thought that you didn’t notice me.”

“Really? I’m sorry, Hyung,” I shrugged my shoulders. “You should have called me.”

“I wanted to see, when you’ll discover my presence,” he replied with right corner of his lips raised slightly. “But it seems you haven’t changed at all. Still as vulnerable as ever.”

“I did change,” I objected with a pout.

“Right, right. I see - blond hair and eyeliner,” he patted my head and laughed. “You know, a change of appearance doesn’t affect personality.”

“I know it, Hyung!” I groaned. “I haven’t noticed you, because I was simply concentrated on something important,” I added to explain myself.

“Is it the case you wanted to talk with me about?” Tablo asked and when I answered with a nod, he opened the gate and looked at me. “Would you mind if we take a walk? I have somewhere to be in half an hour.”

“Sure,” I agreed and followed him. Half an hour was enough to get information that I needed.

We started our way down the street and I internally thanked Tablo that he had quickly realised he had been making too big steps and I couldn’t keep pace with him.

“So,” he spoke, when we finally were going arm in arm. “Dami told me you would bring friends with you, but I see on one other than you. Are they invisible?”

I rolled my eyes. “They are not,” I retorted. “Plans have unexpectedly changed.”

“Oh, I see,” he in some smoke from his cigarette.

I winced to myself, because he had reminded me what my original plan was. I wanted to come here with Seunghyun and Dongwook. Maybe I was stupid or needlessly believed that Tablo knew the truth about the night when Minhun was killed, but I wanted to show Choi brothers that I cared about it. That I cared about them.

However, they hadn’t appeared at school today. I had unavailingly checked every place where they always spent breaks, waited in front of Seunghyun’s classroom, getting late for my own classes, and even found Taeyang and Daesung to ask what was going on, but no one could answer me. Hyeah, the girl who sat next to me on history, had told me Dongwook hadn’t appeared at school since Tuesday, so I assumed it was the same with Seunghyun.

There was one person who probably knew something about it, but he disappeared from my sight in less than a few seconds whenever he saw me in the corridor.

I promised myself to catch Lee Seungri tomorrow. And there would be no more running away.

But first, I will get to know more about one mysterious murder.

“Hyung,” I started, getting Tablo’s full attention. “Do you know anyone of a name Kim Minhun?”

“Kim Minhun?” he repeated with a frown. “It rings a bell, but I’m not sure. You know I have a bad memory for names.”

Yes, I did remember. He had kept calling me Jinmyong until my 14th birthday party, when the icing inscription on the cake made him realise my name was actually Jiyong.

“I was told that Kim Minhun was a leader of Hangsoo Junior High gang, the one you guys fought against,” I explained. “Supposedly, we look alike.”

Tablo eyed me up and down and his gaze stopped on my face.

“Okay, I guess I remember that kid,” he said after a short whole of silence. “Isn’t he the one that was killed by Jin?”

“Mithra Jin? The Legendary Leader?” I gasped. “He killed Minhun?!”

Mithra Jin was a legend in Kiran Junior High. He had been expelled before I began attending the school, but rumours about him had still been living their own life in the corridors until I graduated.

“Yeah, it was him,” Tablo confirmed with a nod. “But I don’t know how it happened. I wasn’t there that night.”

“Oh,” I sighed regretfully.

I had hoped that I found a witness of that murder, so I felt disappointed. But on the other hand, part of me was happy that Seonwoong hadn’t been involved in that case.

“That Minhun kid... Jin hated him. Mainly, because Hangsoo gang suddenly wanted an armistice,” Tablo said, making me blink in surprise. “Jin liked challenges and he always repeated that it was great to have enemies like kids from Hangsoo Junior High, because they never gave up easily. But then it suddenly changed. The leader of Hangsoo gang wanted to back down.”

“Minhun did?” I couldn’t believe my own ears.

“He said he was fed up with this childish game. But we all knew he wanted to protect the new kid that had joined his gang.”

My heart beats turned louder, pounding deafeningly in my ears.

Minhun wanted to protect Dongwook.

“The new kid?” I rasped.

“The guy Minhun would buckler whenever we had a fight. He was taller and stronger than his leader, but completely unused to having more than one opponent. His reactions were slower, making him an easy target. And we had been taking advantage of that until the moment when Minhun, who was always in the attacking position, suddenly began shielding the new kid. Jin quickly noticed that he was Minhun’s weak point and chose him as his main victim.”

“And what did he do?” I asked in a trembling voice.

Tablo had dragged his cigarette, before he spoke again, “We had a spy in Hangsoo gang. He informed us about Minhun’s every move and plan, as well as his meetings with the new kid. Once we kept Minhun occupied at the time of such meeting and the rest of our group took care of his friend,” he looked at me and cocked his head to the side. “Don’t make such a face, little Jiyong. You’ve asked, so I’m answering.”

I shook my head, trying to suppress an overwhelming heartache that seized my chest.

“What about the night when Minhun died?” it was the last thing that I needed to know.

“Like I said - I wasn’t there,” he dragged the cigarette for the last time, then threw the on the ground and trod on it. “But I know Jin and Minhun agreed to meet in the old factory without their gangs-“

“Wait! In the old factory?” I interrupted him in surprise. It didn’t match Seunghyun’s version. “Not the warehouse?”

Tablo wrinkled his nose. “No, I’m sure it was the factory. You have something against factories?” He smirked.

“No,” I shook my head. “Go on, please.”

“In fact there isn’t much I can say,” Tablo shrugged his shoulders and put his hands into pockets of his leather jacket. “Jin called an ambulance himself, after he had stabbed Minhun in his chest. He simply panicked, and no wonder. He claimed that it was an accident, but after the investigation and case in court that lasted about a year, he got 25 years in jail.”

“So the rumours about him were true,” I realised, feeling a taste of bitterness on the back of my tongue. “That he ended in prison.”

Seonwoong nodded. “It had only one positive effect - both gangs stopped using the knives while fighting. No one wanted to share Minhun’s or Jin’s fate. Death or imprisonment - it was not an option for us, who treated it only as a game. Fortunately, none of us had to pay for what Jin had done. He took all the blame.”

“And the Hangsoo gang? How did they react?” I asked.

“They were furious. But surprisingly, they didn’t seek any revenge. I guess they didn’t know what to do without their leader. Some of them accused us of doing something to that new kid, but none of us had a slightest idea what had happened to him that night. I later heard that he was found by the police, but it seemed his disappearance wasn’t related to Minhun’s case, because he didn’t even testify in court.”

“So that night when Minhun died… There were no plans of gangs battle? Only Minhun’s and Jin’s meeting?” I needed a confirmation, but I was sure it wouldn’t be enough to stop my racing mind or heart that thumped wild in my chest.

“Yeah, that’s right. Jin asked us not to come with him and I believe Minhun did the same. I was even surprised that he managed to come alone. His friends always followed him, especially that new kid,” Tablo said. “But Minhun wanted to mend fences with our gang in a  secret. Seems he failed to achieve it, though.”

But there was one thing he did achieve. He successfully protected his best friend. He had never betrayed Dongwook. On the opposite, he had cared about him the most.

But Dongwook did not know that. Nor did Seunghyun.

I bit my lower lip, feeling sorry that they hadn’t come with me here today. Everything would have been easier then. Now I had to find another way to give them the information that I obtained, what seemed to be a very hard task, taking into consideration the fact that probably none of them would appear at school till the end of the week, plus Seunghyun ignored my every call, text massage and e-mail.

We walked a few minutes in silence. Tablo didn’t interrupt my thoughts, letting me rethink everything what he had told me. Finally, he sighed and took out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, inverting it and rapping the side with his finger to encourage the cigarette to come out. I observed him as he removed the emerging one with his teeth and lit it up, but then he noticed my gaze on him.

“Want one?” he asked, raising a brow and I quickly shook my head.

 “It was simply interesting to see someone removing a cigarette with their lips,” I confessed, before I bit my tongue.

I felt my ears turn red at my stupid comment and it didn’t escape Tablo’s notice.

“You don’t know the world, little Jiyong,” he chuckled and extended the hand with opened pack to me. “I can teach you, if you want.”

“No, thanks,” I replied. “It’s not for me.”

I brushed my thumbs against the tips of fingers, thinking how strange it would feel to hold a cigarette. I had a hidden aversion to smokers as I could easily recall my aunts, touching my drawings with their wrinkled fingers that were smelly and slightly yellow and their acrid breaths that tickled my nose, whenever they kissed my cheeks, complementing me on my great talent. I had promised myself I would never start smoking. I couldn’t imagine drawing with such hands. Or kissing Seunghyun with such breath.

If he still wants to kiss me.

“You’re right, little Jiyong,” Tablo admitted with another chuckle. “I guess Dami would kill me, if she found out that I made you smoke. How is she, by the way?”

“Fine,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders. “Her studies aren’t as hard as she thought they would be.”

“That’s great,” he nodded to himself. “So what she is studying?”

“Biology.”

“It has always been her favourite subject,” he dragged the cigarette and then exhaled slowly, blowing out the smoke. “Is she seeing someone? Out of school, I mean.”

I couldn’t stop a smile from forming on my lips.

“No, not really,” I said with a smirk. “Super Junior members still ignore her letters of affection.”

Tablo almost choked on his breath, as he burst out laughing suddenly. “That was good,” he managed to say, patting my back and still shaking with chuckles.

I smiled to myself, seeing his reaction to my little joke about Noona. I thought I had missed Tablo’s presence in our life. He was a funny person to hang out with, I could even forgive him being a heavy smoker. I considered encouraging Dami to meet with him more often and decided that it was a good idea. I didn’t tell Tablo about it, though, not to spoil his surprise, when Dami would call him to go out somewhere (if she agrees, of course).

We kept on talking about Dami, my school assignments and Tablo’s internship at an auto shop till we reached his friend’s house, which occurred to be located not far from Choi family manor. I managed to suppress the wince of displeasure until Tablo and I exchanged goodbyes and promises to keep in touch. Then I finally gritted my teeth and kicked the ground in paroxysm of sudden anger that arouse in me.

I dashed to the front door of Seunghyun’s house and pressed the doorbell once, but long enough to make sure everyone in the house would hear it. I waited a short while, but there was no answer. Then I pressed the doorbell for the second time, then a few times more.

“Seunghyun!” I shouted, banging on the door. “CHOI SEUNG HYUN!”

I yelled louder and louder, trying to tame my aggression and willingness to kick the door, because I knew there were alarms in such big houses. But maybe Seunghyun would finally stop ignoring me, if I broke into his house? It was quite possible, but I was afraid his family wouldn’t be pleased.

“Seunghyun! Dongwook!” I cried at the door, losing my hope with each such shout. 

Impossible. That was simply impossible.

Was it really that hard to open the door?

Were they going to avoid me forever?

“I am not Kim Minhun!” I yelled. “And even if I were, there would be nothing wrong in that!”

I banged on the door for the last time and then my heel to run home.

~~~~~~

The bell rang announcing the end of today’s classes, but for me they had finished an hour earlier. I skipped the last lesson only to hide between the wending machine and a locker that belonged to a certain individual that kept avoiding me during every break. I was sure Lee Seungri didn’t expect to see me here at the end of school day, so I only had to wait for him to show up here. Luckily, his locker was located at the end of corridor and was partly hidden by the mentioned wending machine that was broken for more than half a year, so there was no risk someone would discover my hideout before Seungri appeared.

It wasn’t particularly comfortable place to hide, especially if you had a school bag with you and two envelopes in your hand. I kept looking down at those flat paper containers that had no addresses written on them. There was only one name on each envelope. One letter was for Seunghyun, the other for Dongwook.

I had decided it was the best idea to explain everything that way. My plan was to force Seungri to give the letters to Choi brothers and make sure they would read it. It was my last chance to sort everything out, before the start of winter break, so I prayed that Seungri hadn’t decided to go home earlier.

It seemed that my pleas were heard, because only a few minutes later I heard footsteps coming closer and closer to my hideout. My fingers tightened on the letters I was holding and I prepared myself for attacking Seungri the moment he would come into my field of vision.

I smiled to myself, seeing him approach his locker and when he entered the code to open it, I stepped out from the hideout.

“Hi, Seungri,” I greeted him with a mischievous smile. “Long time no see.”

Seungri jumped back at the sound of my voice and he shot me a startled look. “Jiyong Hyung!” he gasped in shock. “What are you doing here?”

“I was waiting for you, of course,” I replied. “I want you to do me a favour and give these letters to Seunghyun and Dongwook, because it appears they don’t want to talk to me.”

I extended a hand with the letters to Seungri, but he didn’t move. His gaze traveled from my face to the envelopes and he swallowed hard.

“I-I’m afraid I can’t give it to them,” he said, looking at me apologetically.

“And why is it so?” I winced, poking his chest with the envelopes. “I’m sure Dongwook contacted you, didn’t he?”

Seungri nodded slowly.

“So take these letters and bring them to his house. Maybe they will let you come in, because I didn’t have this pleasure yesterday.”

“H-Hyung,” Seungri cleared his throat. “They went to Busan.”

My eyes widened in shock and a strange feeling filled my chest.

They did WHAT?!

“B-Busan?” it was me who stammered this time. “They came back to Busan?!”

“Only for winter break. They do it every year. It’s a family tradition or something!” Seungri explained quickly, seeing my panicked expression.

“Why didn’t he tell me?” I whispered to myself, feeling hurt to the core. Seunghyun left the city without saying a word. How could he be that… cruel? “When they’ll be back to Seoul?” I turned to Seungri who couldn’t hide his sympathetic expression.

“I’m not sure,” he shrugged his shoulders. “Probably in January.”

“January?” I repeated, my heart freezing in my chest. “H-How… I-I…,” my mouth opened and closed, because I couldn’t really think about a sentence I wanted to say. The size of my inner pain was indescribable. It felt as if my world had ended.

“I’m so sorry, Hyung,” Seungri mumbled, looking down.

“Not you fault,” I choked out and was ready to spun around to go home, leaving Seungri alone, but his grip on my forearm stopped me from doing so.

“Well, partly, it is,” he said in a quiet voice. “It’s also my fault that they didn’t take you to Busan with them. I should have stopped Dongwook Hyung-“

“What?” I groaned. “You had something to do with his plan?”

Seungri confirmed it with a nod. “He wanted me to bring you to the storeroom to lock you there for the night and then somehow prevent Seunghyun Hyung from finding you, so that you would feel betrayed by him and decline the invitation to Busan.”

“That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard,” I said. “I would never accuse Seunghyun of betraying me.”

“Dongwook thought different. He was sure that you would feel that way,” Seungri said. “But it was Taeyang Hyung who came with you to the storeroom and that’s why he couldn’t turn his strategy into action.”

“Did he tell you what he did to me instead?” I asked coldly, making Seungri fidget under my gaze.

“Y-yeah, he did. But he really regrets it… It was all because he hadn’t seen your blond hair before, so when you appeared in the storeroom and Taeyang Hyung directed the flashlight at you… Dongwook Hyung told me something had changed in him then. He said you looked exactly like his old friend and that shocked him so much that he literally went crazy. It was such a coincidence that Seunghyun Hyung told you the story about Dongwook Hyung’s friend and you came back to school to save him. He wasn’t thinking straight, when you came to him… .”

Now it was me who was unable to think straight. My mind went empty and couldn’t say a thing. My body felt numb and it was a miracle that I managed to control my shaking legs and remained in a standing position.

“Hyung, are you alright?” Seungri asked in a worried tone.

I shook my head slowly. I wasn’t alright since Monday, but I realised it just a while ago.

“Please, send those letters to Busan,” I rasped, taking his hand into mine and putting the envelopes in between his fingers. “I have to go.”

~~~~~~

“Jiyong! There is mail to you,” I heard my mom shouting downstairs.

Something knotted in my heart, but I drove off the feeling of hope that sprouted in my chest.

“I’m coming!” I yelled back, putting the pin into the sleeve of the swan dress.

“Would you please not shout in my ear,” Dami complained and grimaced.

“Sorry,” I shot her a smile and made a few steps backwards to admire my work. “You can put your hands down, Noona.”

She sighed and did what I had told her. She didn’t really like when someone was giving her orders, especially if it was me being her younger brother, but she stopped complaining about it recently, when she realised that listening to my commands was necessary, while working with me. She was my own living tailor’s dummy, irreplaceable when it came to sewing the next dress for the birds collection.

Right now Dami was wearing an almost ready dress inspired by formation of swan feathers and I couldn’t stop myself from feeling extremely proud.

“Marvelous,” I whispered and nodded to myself. “Spin around, please,” I asked Noona, but this time she protested.

“Ji, go down and check your mail, okay? I want to sit down and rest for a while.”

I pouted and willy-nilly, left the room and went downstairs. I wasn’t really happy that something pulled me away from my work that was everything to me in the past week.

“Mom, where are the letters?”  I asked loudly from the corridor.

“On the kitchen table, sweetie,” the answer came from the living room, so I pushed the door on the opposite side.

There were three envelopes. Each addressed to me in different handwriting.

I inverted them in my hands to read who  the senders were and suddenly my heart felt as if it was stabbed three times with an icicle.

Choi Dongwook.

Choi Eunsun.

New Fashion Talents Designing Competition Organising Committee.

_________________________

While writing this chapter I realised that it might be a little hard to remember how old each character is, because their fictional ages don't match the actual ones of YG family members (& GD's sister). That's why I made a chart to help you (and me, too) :) hope you'll find it useful~

*colourful bullets indicate members of the same class