Kyungsoo’s POV

This is it. As I heard my name being called out, I went in front of the stage. It actually frightens me because I knew that a lot of people had already stood there and only a few were able to get a good reaction for them. But, I also know that I must do my best so I won’t regret anything. Trying to internalize, I tried thinking of all the memories that I have and the first person that popped is Jongin.

Letting you go without any expression, as if it's nothing -
I practiced doing that every day but it's still awkward

I tried remembering the times when I realized that I love him. How hard it is to pretend that I’m fine. That there’s nothing wrong with me.

I also practiced how to secretly cry while smiling but
I feel like my trembling voice will give it away quickly

But each time, after each day ended, I would always come back crying in the comfort of the night. How I would mutter his name again and again. And how I’m hurt, each time I tried thinking of him. But it seems that I can’t stop. Because I know that he’s the one who would forever hold my heart.

Loving is probably hundreds and thousands of times more difficult than breaking up
But I'm a fool that can't live without you - what do you want me to do?

Even if each and every time that I get hurt, I would still love him again and again until I could love no more. Because I love him so much I don’t care if it hurts.

Severely, I guess I loved you too severely
I don't even breath and I look around for you
I don't know when I'll be able to stop
Severely, I guess I loved you too severely
I think letting you go is more severe than dying

I guess I just can’t stop no matter what I do.

No matter how much it hurts, every day I practiced
Trying to get used to spending a day as if it's nothing

But I’m so tired of loving him that I want to stop. But I guess I’m really stubborn because a part of me still wants to continue loving him.

I don't think I can forget you anyway
Even if I'm sick with an incurable disease
I'm a fool that can't live without you - what do you want me to do?
And I think that no matter what I say to convince myself, he’ll always be in my heart. And if I have a chance to do things again, I wouldn’t change a thing. Because it’s how I met him, and how I fell in love with him. If given the chance, I would still like to fall in love with him, all over again.

 Severely, I guess I loved you too severely
I don't even breath and I look around for you
I don't know when I'll be able to stop
Severely, I guess I loved you too severely
I think letting you go is more severe than dying

If this was how it's going to be, I shouldn't have loved
When will I forget you?

Foolishly, I guess I loved you so foolishly
Because of you, I can't even dream of another love
I'm a fool that only knows you - what do you want me to do?

Severely, I guess we broke up so severely
What's so hard about saying goodbye that I can't even open my lips and am hesitating?
Severely, I guess we broke up so severely
You remain deeper than a scar in my heart so I can't erase you

I love you Jongin. I would love you until the end. And if being with her makes you happy, then it doesn’t matter if I’m going to get hurt. That’s how much I love you.  Goodbye…

After the song ended, I heard loud claps and saw everyone, and I mean everyone clapping for me. Also the judges looked impressed. I bowed and exit the stage.

“Kyungsoo ah! That was wonderful!!! “ Baekhyun said.

“Thank you.” I smiled at them. Suddenly, there was this tug in my heart and all emotions that I was containing was suddenly out.

“Kyungsoo! Are you okay?” Suho asks.

I nodded my head. “Yeah. I’ll be fine. I just realized some things.”

After waiting for the results, it was announced that I’m one of the scholars that would be going to abroad next week. They all congratulated me and I was kind of happy for this achievement.

“Geez! Jongin doesn’t know what he’s missing out.” Blurted Chanyeol and we all went quiet.

“Kyungsoo hyung, are you going to tell him?” Sehun asked.

Honestly, I don’t know if I should. I mean, it’s not going to change anything, right? The others would still be there for him.

But he would be devastated

It was the day before my flight and I’m still avoiding Jongin. Sometimes, he would look at me with a confused expression and would ask me what’s wrong. I couldn’t look at him because I feel guilty of what I’m about to do. I’m going to leave him for a long time and he doesn’t even know.

Flash back

“Hyung! Wait up!” Jongin said as he rushes past through the throng of people just to get to me. I continued walking and pretended that I didn’t hear him. Suddenly, I was being dragged in an empty classroom.

“Yah! What’s wrong with you!” I shouted at the person and was surprised to see Jongin. A pissed off Jongin.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” he said. I could see hurt and confusion in his eyes but said nothing.

“There’s nothing wrong with me.” I said.

“Don’t lie. You’ve been avoiding me.” He said and I looked anywhere except him.

“I’m just busy. And shouldn’t you be with Ae cha?” I asked. Suddenly feeling annoyed.

“Oh. Her.  We’re not together if that’s what you’re thinking.” He said.

“Jongin, I really don’t have time for this.” I said. Well, it’s true anyway because I still have to pack my thing.

“You know, these past few days, I’ve been thinking.” I looked at him and he took  a deep breath to steady himself.

“Why would you lie to me? Do you think I’m stupid enough to not know what’s going on?” he said and I could see the hurt in his eyes. My vision suddenly got blurry and I knew that I was about to cry.

“Hyung, do you really think that I wouldn’t realize? That it was—“ I didn’t let him finish his sentence because I ran out of the room. He kept on calling me but I ignored him and ran as fast as I could away from him.

End of Flash back

Those words, they could mean a lot of things. It could mean that he knows I’m leaving, or that he knows my feelings, or maybe he knows that I’m the secret singer. Those words hold a million and one meanings. And somehow, I’m afraid to know what he really means.

I looked at the clock beside my bed. It’s about 6 o’clock in the evening. I gave out a long drawn sigh. Maybe it is unfair if I didn’t tell him. Gathering up my courage, I stood up and went out of my room.

I'm going to tell him. Because tomorrow, I'll be leaving and won't have a chance to do it anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: Sorry about not updating for a long time. Anyway, there's two more chapters left before I officially end the story. Comments would be very much loved. Ciao~