I'm really sorry this isn't a new chapter. The reason I'm writing is I want to be honest with you.

Essentially, a few days before I left for China in 2013, I had my first panic attack. I had slight anxiety before, but it all came to a head that day. Since then, I have had 3 more severe attacks, but as either a symptom of my anxiety or in addition to it, I also developed depression. Unfortunately, one of the symptoms I did and am experiencing is a loss of interest in something I found enjoyable: writing. I can't tell you how many times I opened this story, determined to get the whole tale that's in my head onto a page, but.... I just couldn't write. I couldn't focus, I couldn't hear the characters' voices, nothing. I would get so frustrated and upset that I had to repeatedly walk away and nothing I tried to get myself to write work. I deeply apologize for holding you all in false hope.

I am only recently coming to terms with this as I spent a lot of time wishing it wasn't true and hoping I could deal with it on my own, but I finally spoke with my doctor two weeks ago. She confirmed my suspicions about my illnesses. While my anxiety has gotten a bit better because of forced immersion(I had to take a job as a waitress when no one else would hire me&student loans were due), my depression has only worsened in the past few months. Unfortunately, I can't afford therapy or medication to help. 

I don't want to whine, but there are some days where it takes everything I have not to spend hours crying or even get out of bed. I don't want to give up. I don't want to. Since I can't afford medical help, I am going to try self-help methods I've researched. Among them is reintegrating writing into my daily habits again.Hopefully this method will be at least somewhat successful and I will produce more of this story. I hope I won't disappoint you all again. I just wanted to explain. I'm sorry.