Soohyun puts off leaving as long as possible, even though he knows he’ll get a scolding for being so late. He tries asking Marina a few times what happened, but she avoids the question, only responding with more ‘I’m sorry’’s. Thankfully, just before he has to go, Sarah walks through the door.

She starts a little when she sees Soohyun. “Good morning, you two. Soohyun, you didn’t stay the night did you?” she asks with a concerned frown, setting Marina’s clothes on the table.

“I fell asleep here,” he replies. Mouthing, he adds, “I have to tell you something.”

Still frowning a little as she nods, Sarah nonetheless keeps her voice cheerful when she addresses Marina. “Did you sleep well last night?”

“Well enough,” Marina shrugs, smiling.

“I’ll go then now that your mom’s here.” Soohyun rises stiffly from the chair and kisses Marina’s cheek. “I’ll be back later though.”

She touches his hand. “Okay.”

    Catching Sarah’s eye and jerking his head to indicate he’ll wait outside, he leaves, leaning against the wall and covering his eyes with a hand. Seemingly seconds later, a hand touches his arm.

“Soohyun, is something wrong?” Sarah asks, double checking the door to Marina’s room is firmly closed. “I told her I was going to check on her breakfast, but I don’t want to leave her alone for too long.”

“I don’t think she should be left alone at all. Last night-...last night Marina had a panic attack. She could barely breathe and the nurse had to give her a sedative.”

Sarah’s eyes flick to the door, wide with a mother’s anxiety. “Did the nurse say anything else?”

“Only that she’d leave a note for the Dr. Jang. I tried asking Marina what happened, but she wouldn’t tell me.”

“Nothing?”


“Nothing at all; only ‘I’m sorry.’ She slept most of the night without a problem, but I’m still worried.”

“Jacob will be here later. Between the two of us, we’ll make sure not to leave her alone and I’ll try asking her myself.”

Soohyun nods, reassured. “I’ve got to go, but I’ll try to get out as early as possible.” He turns, stopping at Sarah’s quiet voice.

“We should get the results today. Do you want me to call you if it’s before you come back?”

“Please.” Before he can give in to the temptation to simply stay, he quickly walks away.

     After he gives a final smile and throws one last heart out to the fans, Soohyun lets his happy facade fade once he reaches the safety of the tent. His steps quickly take him to his bag where he fumbles for his phone. He slumps into a chair with a sigh after he checks its screen, rubbing his temples.

Hands come to his shoulders to gently massage them. “Still no word?” Hoon asks.

“None.”

“There’re a lot of people in the hospital. Sometimes it takes the doctor half a day to get to a patient.”


“I know, it’s just last night cost me ten years of my life. I need to know she’ll be all right.”

“She will be,” Hoon assures him, giving his shoulders one final squeeze before letting go and sitting across from him. “That hospital’s top notch. Whatever happened to her, they’ll help.”

“But she wouldn’t say anything to me. Why would she tell some strange doctor? And if the results- I can’t help feeling they might break her.”

“Doctors are use to working with that kind of situation and it won’t help letting something you don’t even know yet wear you down.”

With another sigh, Soohyun gives his friend a half smile. “Thanks, Hoon.”

He only smiles back and pats Soohyun’s knee before wandering over to their manager.

    Their break ends too soon with still no call from Sarah. The next two fanmeets end in a similar fashion and Soohyun manages to keep his anxiety confined to a small corner of his mind, for the most part. As they reach another break in the middle of their radio interview, one of the coordi noonas pauses next to Soohyun as she passes out water bottles for the group.

“Weren’t you waiting for a call earlier?” she asks. “I think it came awhile ago because your phone’s been beeping since the beginning of the broadcast.”

    The words are barely out of before Soohyun dashes from his chair to the green room, his fingers fumbling in his hurry. When he finally manages to grab his phone, the voicemail icon is flashing on the screen, its cheery yellow color innocent of its content. He stares at it, half dreading listening to message. Soohyun’s fingers shake almost imperceptibly as he pushes the button and lifts the phone to his ear. Sarah’s voice is soft as she speaks, the kind of soft a person uses when she is not sure of what she’s feeling.

“I can’t talk for long since Marina needs me, but we just got the results a while ago. There is a small clot behind her right eye that she’ll need surgery done on to remove, but the Dr.Jang said it shouldn’t be causing total blindness in both eyes. After I told her what happened last night, she’s going to ask Dr.Choi to come back to examine Marina again. Marina seems to be taking it in stride, but- well, you know how stubborn she can be. I- I’ve got to go, one of the nurses is here to help change Marina’s sheets. We’ll see you later. I’ll call you if there’s anything new.”

    The hand holding his phone slips from his face into his lap. A heavy breath escapes his lips as he closes his eyes and lets his head top back against the wall. Gratefulness battles concern in his heart, both feelings trying to drown out the other.

“Hyung?”

Kevin’s voice breaks through the chaos of Soohyun’s mind, making him turn his head to look at the younger man.

“What did Sarah say?” Kevin asks tentatively, slowly coming to sit beside him.

“Marina has to have surgery, but it looks like the second doctor was right...her blindness is soma- something.”

“That’s good though, right? It means she won’t be blind forever.”

“But what if there’s no cure? It’s easy for the body to heal, but the mind...”

Kevin squeezes Soohyun’s hand. “Maybe the surgery will help. Marina’ll see again, just wait and pray. It helps me.”

Before Soohyun can answer, their manager pokes his head out of the studio. “You’re back on air in five. Everything okay?”

Shoving his phone in his pocket, Soohyun gives Kevin a thankful glance and looks back to their manager nodding. As he passes him, he asks, “When does our schedule end?”

“After this it’s individual practice. That was about Marina?”

He nods. “Please, hyung. I know I was late, but this is important. I promise I’ll work the entire day tomorrow without resting if you let me have this.”

Slowly, their manager nods, making Soohyun’s shoulders relax.

    The other members give him questioning looks as he and Kevin reenter the studio, but keep their questions to themselves. As the host chirpily gives the listeners a recap of the previous song the continuation of the interview, Soohyun meets the others’ eyes and subtly nods, letting them know he’s all right. Letting the chatter of the interview distract him, he pushes his feelings aside for the moment, knowing the closer the broadcast is over the sooner he can be by Marina’s side.

    Soohyun can barely sit still as they drive back to NH after the interview concludes. Thankfully, the rest of UKiss only asks him for the basic update on Marina’s condition, sensing his need to stabilize his own feelings to best support Marina. The drive to the hospital seems both too long and too short and when Soohyun finds himself in front of the hospital room door, he’s not quite sure how he got there. Quietly opening the door to look inside, he sees Marina with her eyes closed and her hand holding a napping Sarah’s.

Sarah’s eyes open as Soohyun approaches, smiling softly.

“How is she?”

“She’s been sleeping since after lunch. They’ve already scheduled the surgery for the day after tomorrow.”

“Has the other doctor been in to see her?”

“Not yet.”

Silently, Soohyun takes the other chair, his eyes not leaving Marina’s face. “Did she say anything to you?”

“About last night?” Sarah shakes her head with a small sigh. “She would only say it was a nightmare. She wouldn't tell Jacob any more either.”

“That’s still more than I got,” he replies, resting a hand over Marina’s.

“Give her time, Soohyun. It’s not you. She’s been like this since she was a child; if she has a problem, it’s like pulling teeth getting her to admit it.”

Meeting Sarah’s eyes, Soohyun asks, “Do you think the surgery will help at all?”

She shrugs, smoothing the rumpled waves of Marina’s hair. “We can only hope and pray.”

“I’ve been hearing that a lot lately,” he softly says to himself.

    Shortly after his words fade, someone knocks at the door. Sarah and Soohyun turn to see a slightly frazzled looking Jihoon opening the door. Keeping his voice low as he approaches the bed, he says, “Hello again. I’m sorry it’s taken me all day to get to here.”

“It’s all right,” Sarah replies, letting go of Marina’s hand and rising. “Would you like me to get you some coffee? You look like you’ve had a long day.”

“Coffee would be wonderful,” he sighs with a grateful smile. Glancing at Marina, he asks, “Has anything happened since last night’s episode?”

“The results came back today and she’s slated for surgery the day after tomorrow to have a blood clot removed. I’ll wake her up for you.”

Jihoon nods, grabbing a chair and sitting beside Soohyun.

Leaning down, Sarah kisses Marina’s cheek and softly says, “Hi, baby. The doctor’s here to see you. You need to get up.”

Slowly, Marina stirs and stretches, her fingers squeezing Soohyun’s. “What time is it?” she murmurs, rubbing her eyes with her free hand.

“Almost five o’clock,” Soohyun answers, helping her sit up as Sarah leaves the room to get Jihoon’s coffee.

“Hello, Marina. Remember me?” Jihoon asks.

Her smile is still sleepy as she nods. “How’re you doing, doc?”

“I’m a little tired, but that’s a normal day for me. And you?”

“Good as I can be being stuck here and possibly forever blind,” Marina jokes.

“Yeah, I remember how bored I got when I was stuck in the hospital for a week when I was eight and got pneumonia,” Jihoon laughs. “A day felt like forever just lying there.”

“Agreed. At least I’ve got someone here with me most of the time to help with that.”

Soohyun smiles as she briefly tightens her fingers around his again.

“That certainly does help. Now, about last night, can we talk about what happened? We can wait if you're not ready.”

Marina’s smile fades but she nods anyway. “Not like I can avoid it anyway, can I?”

“Probably not. All right, here we go. Have you had these panic attacks before?” Jihoon asks. When she doesn’t answer, he prods again. “Marina?”

Reluctantly, she nods, keeping her eyes downcast.

“Did they start after your accident? Do they happen every night?”

Marina nods to the first and shakes her head to the second.

“Almost every night?”

Just as slowly as the first time, she nods.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Soohyun asks exasperatedly, trying not to sound angry.

“Because,” she replies slowly, “I didn’t want to worry you. I can deal.”

“I don’t care if you think you can deal. You can’t shut me, us, out like this. Why can’t I worry about you? That’s what happens when you love someone!”

Jihoon lays a hand on Soohyun’s shoulder, giving him an understanding look that warns at the same time.

Soohyun closes his eyes and lets out a breath, squeezing Marina’s hand. “I’m sorry, jagiya.”

She gives him a small smile and uncurls her fingers from his to touch his cheek. “It’s okay.”

“Soohyun, why don’t you take a walk while Marina and I talk? I’ll call you when you can come back in,” Jihoon suggests.

Reluctantly getting to his feet, Soohyun kisses the top of Marina’s head and walks out the door, almost bumping into Sarah. Leaning against the wall, he looks up in surprise when Sarah joins him shortly after.
“You got kicked out too?” he asks.

“I chose to so Marina will talk to him,” she replies, copying Soohyun’s position.

“Why wouldn’t she talk with you there? You’re her mother.”

Sarah looks at him. “You’re hurt she’ll talk to Jihoon and not to you.”

Soohyun grudgingly nods after hesitating.

She gently hugs him. “It’s not you, sweetie. To her, that’s the doctor’s job and he knows how to help her so she’ll tell him things she won’t tell us. Marina’s trying to protect us, to look strong for us by not letting us know what she sees as weakness.”

“But we don’t care if she looks weak. We know she’s human, not Superwoman. We want to help her too.”

“Do you immediately tell your group members when something bothers you or you’re having issues or do you keep it to yourself so as not to worry them and add to their burden?”

His retort dies on his lips as he realizes the truth in her words.

Sarah rubs his shoulder with one hand as he runs a hand over his face. “She’ll tell us in her own time when she’s ready.”

    The two of them wait outside the room, unable to hear anything except the undistinguishable murmurings from under the door. When Jihoon finally opens the door, Soohyun’s head jerks up from where he’d been nodding off and he scrambles to his feet.

“You can come back in now,” he says, leaving the door open.

    Marina’s looking towards the door as the three of them returning, looking more tired but otherwise the same. Soohyun arrives at her side first, reclaiming his seat while Sarah remains standing.

“May I, Marina?” Jihoon asks, taking the space at the foot at Marina’s bed. When she nods, he continues, “From her notes, I believe Dr. Jang would be willing to let Marina go home a day or so after the surgery. I think returning to familiar settings would be best for her recovery. However, I’m also recommending that she come see me at least twice a week for at least a month for counseling. I’m going to prescribe Marina with some anti-anxiety pills, but they’re only a precaution in case she feels overwhelmed again like last night. Coupled with the physical therapy Dr.Jang will recommend, I think there’s a good chance of recovery.”

“Thank you,” Sarah smiles, the relief evident in her eyes. “That’s good news.”

“In the meantime, I would also suggest that someone always be with Marina. It seems that at least part of her anxiety is triggered by being unable to sense someone is near. Also, please leave the lights on for her.”

Sarah and Soohyun share a confused look, but she nods. “Of course.”

Jihoon gives them another tired smile. “I’ll try to come by tomorrow around the same time, but if I don’t see you, good luck with your surgery, Marina. Maybe you won’t need me afterwards.”

“Thank you,” she smiles.

“Mrs. Sacchieri, if I could talk to you outside for a minute?”

Returning the doctor’s farewell nod, Soohyun immediately refocuses on Marina. the back of her hand with his thumb, he apologizes again. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you. You didn’t deserve that. I was just upset you’d been keeping it to yourself.”

“It’s all right. I’m sor-”

Soohyun cuts her off with a soft kiss. “You don’t have to say that anymore. Just let me worry and take care of you, okay? You’re not alone.”

    She nods and leans sideways, Soohyun’s hand guiding her head to his shoulder. They sit with their breaths and the muted hospital droning being the only sounds, but somehow that silence between them reveals their hearts more eloquently than words could hope to.

=======================

*peeks out from around the corner* So...hi, lovelies. I'm sorry I'm epically failing at consistently updating my fics. Preparing for real life stinks. I'm applying for graduate schools and internships and worrying about senior classes so all that is unfortunately eating both my fic writing time and energy. I'll still work on it though because I really like this story. Thank you for being patient and sticking with me and again I'm sorry for being a y updater. Love you all!