It was awkward, very awkward, having to sit in between Junhong and Youngjae. They were facing each other, staring anywhere but at the other's face and I was there, beside them, looking down at my fingers and wishing I had something to do. I reached for my drink, Youngjae mimicked me and Junhong followed right after. It was funny, seeing the three of us sipping on our juice all at once.

Fortunately, the waitress came soon enough and she spread the table with dishes and dishes of Korean food. I took a bowl of rice and helped myself to it. Silence was sustained throughout the meal. It was unnerving, I'd rather eat alone than with two people who were unlikely to ever open their mouths.

All that was heard was the sound of the chopsticks clashing against the bowls and the soft classical music that was produced from the speakers above us. The food was delicious and I finished my hearty share first, regretting it a minute later when I realized all I could do right then was to watch Junhong and Youngjae eat and wait for them to finish.

"Hyung," Junhong said suddenly between mouthfuls of food. "There's a new movie showing next week. Do you want to watch it?"

"Sure," I said uncertainly. "With the members?"

"With a member," said Junhong and when I looked at him puzzled, he added. "Me."

"You know, I don't have anything to do next week too. I could come along," Youngjae said hastily.

"No hyung," said Junhong irritably. "You can just stay at home and play with your iPad like some geek."

"Yah! Choi Junhong! How dare you speak like that to someone who's older than you?" Youngjae raised his voice, furious more on the aspect that he couldn't come along than anything.

Junhong became quiet and continued eating. I contemplated the situation. It wasn't a big deal right? Going to watch a movie with Junhong was normal. It was common between two members of the same group.

So I nodded and said, "Okay."

Youngjae gaped at me open-mouthed. "Are you seriously going?"

"Why not?" I said and Junhong shot him a smirk.

"Because it’s Junhong! And you know as much as I do that he... he..." Youngjae trailed off. He couldn't finish his sentence although he didn't need to. All of us knew what he was about to say.

We all knew Junhong liked me... more than just a normal crush according to him. All of us knew that. It was just that neither of us felt comfortable saying it out loud. That was also the reason why I had hesitated before agreeing to go to the movies with Junhong. I knew for a hard, cold fact that he liked me. Youngjae obviously did too. And he didn’t like it. Because he hosted the same feelings towards me too. So it started a sort of dispute between them, where I was stuck in the middle and I didn't know what to do at all.

Youngjae grabbed his bowl and started stuffing spoon after spoonfuls of rice into his mouth. His cheeks were pink from embarrassment and he kept his head down. Junhong had averted his eyes away from us ever since Youngjae blurted it out. He cleared his throat and stared as the couple two tables away from us had a heated argument.

The tension was heavily weighing down on us and it felt like if it wasn't broken anytime soon, it would crush all of us with its weight. So in order to allow myself to breathe, I excused myself from them, making up the usual alibi that I was going to the washroom. And that was where I really went, except that I had nothing to do over there except wash my hands over and over again.

I turned off the tap, deciding against wasting the Earth's resources and whipped out my phone, leaning against the sink while opening a message I had received from Youngjae.

Junhong and I are done eating. Where are you? We're waiting for you outside the restaurant.

I smiled and put it back into my pocket only to have to take it back out when I received another text. I opened it casually, without even checking the sender and regretted it a moment later when my eyes widened in shock after reading it. It was from Ailee.

You free tonight?

I had to prevent my fingers from losing their ability to hold my phone and fumbled while hastily shoving it back into my pocket. I turned around and looked at myself in the mirror, turning on the tap for the second time and splashing water all over my face.

What did she want? Hadn't she done enough, letting everyone know what happened? Why was she still pestering me? For a second, I contemplated on whether to ignore her and just continue with my life… as it was. But something bugged me so I took out my phone and stared at it. I needed her to see the truth. I didn't know why but it felt important that she should know... at least her. Because no one would believe me as long as she strongly believed that I was the cause of my brother's death.

Gripping my phone in my sweaty hand, I walked out of the washroom and headed for the restaurant. I plastered a smile on my face as I approached Junhong and Youngjae. It seemed to work. They didn't notice a thing.

"Hyung, why were you taking such a long time, were you having constipation?" Junhong teased.

"Oh my goodness, Junhong. I just had lunch. Please don't mention that in front of me again," said Youngjae crossly.

I just smiled at the pair of them, letting them walk in front of me as I looked down at my phone and keyed in a message to Ailee.

Sure.

It only took her a few seconds to reply.

Seoul diner. At 9 sharp.

I stared at it for a long time and sighed, pushing my hand phone back into my back pocket. There was no escaping this time, I just needed to go and talk to her.

Youngjae glanced back and I reassured him that I was alright even though he didn't ask. But I knew he wanted to, that look on his face was one of obvious concern.

---

Back at the dorm, Junhong split ways with us, saying that he needed to practice his dance and hurried off to the dance studio. I entered the bedroom, Youngjae following right after. I purposely avoided eye contact with him and turned to my desk, trying to look like I was attempting to organize it.

"Dae?" he said a minute later.

"Hm?" I responded and pulled out a drawer, only to be greeted by an overflowing amount of junk.

"Is there something wrong?" I could distinctly hear a cautious tone in his voice.

I began to take out all the stuff in my drawer, making as much noise as possible so that I could delay answering him.

"Daehyun, answer me," said Youngjae.

I sighed and neatly arranged all my stuff back into the drawer. "Nothing's wrong. Why did you ask?" I was curious of his intentions for asking me.

"You seem a little... off," said Youngjae. "I noticed it when you came back from the toilet."

"Really?" I asked, my voice suddenly sounding squeaky. I cleared my throat and repeated, "Really?"

"Yeah...” Youngjae hesitated for a few seconds befor saying, “Dae, are you hiding something from me?"

"What would I be hiding from you?" I questioned back and arranged my second drawer, after having completed my first.

"I don't know. It just feels like you are," said Youngjae in a sad tone.

All of a sudden, guilt washed over me and I felt like confessing to Youngjae that I was going to meet Ailee that night. However, instead of doing so, I let out a forced laugh and quickly silenced myself when it sounded so fake and awkward.

Biting my lip, I pushed back the drawer and turned around to face Youngjae. He was looking at me with a little suspicion etched on his features. Hating myself for what I was going to do, I smiled broadly and said in a light-hearted tone, "Youngjae ah, I think you're having hallucinations. Like, come on, why would I have anything to hide from you? I always tell you everything." My voice slightly faltered at the end but fortunately, Youngjae didn't seem to notice.

He returned me a smile and relief washed over his face. "You're right," he gave a nervous laugh. "I'm just probably overreacting. It's not like you're gonna be meeting Ailee or anything right?" he grinned.

I gulped and it was all I could do to keep that smile on my face. "Sure," I replied. "Why would I meet her?"

Youngjae seemed convinced and he ed his hands into his pockets. "So I'll see you later?"

When I cocked my head to one side in confusion, he added, "For dinner."

"Oh," I was temporarily mind blanked. "Erm... I'm having dinner with a friend..."

"Oh," said Youngjae, seemingly disappointed. "Well I'll see you around then."

I nodded and watched as he left the bedroom. As soon as the door was shut, I sank onto my bed and buried my face in my hands. It pained me to have to lie to him but I really couldn't bear to tell him the truth. It would only hurt and anger him because I knew that he was doing his best to protect me from all this. What would he do when he found out I was meeting up with Ailee behind his back? I sighed and got up to sift through my wardrobe for an appropriate attire for that night.