Dear Self,

He's getting farther away. Farther away. These painful memories. This sadness, he's taking them all away. But...he himself is getting farther away. I hate him so much, I despise him so much. He's the worst. Then I start to wonder about him...let me play with his heart with mines. Everything I do for him will not be the cause of love, but so he'll think it is. Just so that I can believe I'm in love once again. I'll become exactly like his type, so he'll truly understand the pain he has put other girls through...I'll play his childish game...he who doesn't know. Game start.

Jung Nicole

Yongguk let the letter drop down onto his lap. He stared blankly down at his wooden bedroom floor. So that was her true intention all along. The both of them were playing around with one another. He had changed completely to fit her type and yet she has done the same to fit his. He picked up his phone and searched for Nicole's number. He pressed on her name and let the phone ring. He waited.

"Hello?"

"Hey it's me...how are you?"

"I've been better," she stated.

"Busy?" Yongguk pulled his phone away.

"Nicole-ah," Yoseob stated on the other line, "I need to talk to you."

"I'll meet up with you. Lets grab some coffee? I'll be waiting." Nicole's bubbly voice answered from the other line.

"Araso." Yoseob replied.

Yongguk stood up and grabbed the clothes that were piled up as he took them out to wash them.

Nicole waited for Yoseob who had finally showed up. She stood up and bowed towards him then taking her seat again.

"So I've heard..." Yoseob smiled.

"Heard what?" She asked playing with her straw.

"Hoya told me..."

"Ah, I also heard you two started talking again." She looked up and gave him a smile.

"You've been going out more lately...to the club and bar something you hated." Yoseob finally brought it up.

"So I've changed..." She let out an exhausting sigh, "Oppa..." Nicole shifted her eyes out towards the window, "it's a beautiful day today isn't it? But I don't feel beautiful at all...I feel the exact opposite. Though the sun is shining I feel like their is a rainstorm inside me."

"The rainstorm inside you was caused by you..." He replied, "the rainstorm was caused by the fact that you were moving on but you couldn't."

"How is he doing?" He was surprised she asked about Yongguk, "Though I hated him...I also missed him..."

"He's doing better actually...though I haven't talk to him in awhile. He's becoming a better person. Funny...he stopped drinking, stop going to the club, he stopped a lot of things...for what reason? His only reason, I want to become a better person for my girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" Nicole shook her head slowly, "I was never his girlfriend...so why would he change for me?"

"Then why did you change for him?"

"Oppa..." Nicole looked straight into his eyes.

Night was slowly approaching. Yongguk placed all his laundry nicely into his closet and headed out into his living room. His phone started to ring as he picked up.

"Lets grab a few drinks together tonight ?" Yoseob asked.

"Hyung," a smile appeared on his face.

The two were eating out at a local restaurant. People were chattering away as the two sat down cooking the meat.

"We haven't gone out together for awhile now...how are you?" Yoseob asked while turning the meat on the stove.

"Been visiting my father more...that's mainly it..." He looked at the meat while slowly rocking back and forth.

"That's good..." Yoseob stated, "I met Nicole today..." Yongguk slowly looked at Yoseob who kept his eyes on the meat then opening the bottle of soju, "lets drink." He poured Yongguk a cup first then himself.

"Oh..." Yongguk grabbed the cup of soju, "Aishh," he tried to laugh it off, "I haven't been drinking for awhile now. I wonder how my stomach is going to take it." He tried to change the subject as he shot down the soju in one gulp, "Waahh, it taste so bitter..." He put down his cup, "hyung," he grabbed for the soju bottle which surprised Yoseob, "You don't mind if I just gulp this whole bottle down by myself right?" Without an answer he drink out of the soju bottle.

"I said I saw Nicole today..." Yoseob stared at Yongguk who was now opening the second bottle of soju.

"Stop talking about her..." Yongguk put down his bottle, "I came here to drink with you for the first time in awhile....but why do you bring her up?"

"Because I know you miss her..."

"Me missing someone? Never," Yongguk replied, "how long has it been since I've seen her? If I missed her don't you think I would've called her by now? Don't you think I would've have gone to see her? Obviously I don't that's why I don't do all those things!" He yelled out of frustration now as everyone started looking towards their way.

"Then why did you change so much for her?"

"I change for myself not for her." He became annoyed.

"That's not what you said to me last time,"

"Last time? There's no last time, that's all in the past."

"Then why don't you officially break up with her?"

"Hyung..."

"Exactly...because you still miss her...I'll tell you whether you want to hear it or not." Yoseob removed the finished meat onto a tray now, "I talked about you to her.”

"How is she doing?" Yongguk interrupted now.

"Let me finish."
 

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"I changed for him because I wanted to become like him. Cold and cruel to love...I wanted him to fall in love with me so I at the end could hurt him...then I soon realized he wasn't cruel...it was just a way for him to feel something again...something I was doing to him...I wanted to hurt him...I go to the club or the bar and he's no longer there, I take a few shots of alcohol and return home wishing me and him could've started over. If only our meeting was different...we were both at fault..."

"Nicole..."

"Aniya, I actually gotten used to this living style..."

"Why don't you just call him?"

"I've tried many times before...just to stop myself from being so clingy...he doesn't seem like the type to like clingy girls...and because I tell myself if he really wanted to talk to me he would've called by now? That's why I say this was never really a relationship."
 

=========================================e n d  of  f l a s h b a c k==========================================
 

"I know her reason well..." Yongguk softly replied, "I saw the letter she wrote.”

"What?"

"Do you know how angry it makes me!?" He stated

"You did the same thing." Yoseob defended Nicole.

"I...I" Yongguk felt stuck, “I...”

“But little did you know you only did it because you didn't want to fall in love...I know you well...” Yoseob sigh, “I told you, at the end the only one who was going to get hurt was you.”

“Answer me now...how is she doing?”

“Why don't you?” Yoseob grabbed Yongguks phone off the table and towards him, “She's probably waiting.”

Yongguk ran out the restaurant getting into his car as he drove off. Yoseob sat by himself as he began to eat the finished meat. He drink down the bottle of soju that Yongguk had yet not finished. A smile crossed his face. Yongguk waited at the stop light a little bit impatient now.

“Yongguk-ah...” His body froze to the familiar peony perfume scent now, it was as if the whole world had now stopped, “Good luck...”

BEEP BEEP

Yongguk heard the car behind him honking as he then realized the lights had turned green. He quickly drove towards Nicole's apartment building. He parked and quickly got out of the car. He enter the building while waiting for the elevator put got impatient and started running up the stairs. When he reached her apartment door he huffed for some air then ring the door bell and waited.

“Please be home...please be home....” he waited and waited.

Two hours had passed and Yongguk was still waiting outside her apartment door. He slump down with his head back towards the door now. He then heard the echoing of footsteps approaching him. He looked up and saw Nicole standing in front of him now. He quickly stood up and stared at her. She was dressed up in a golden low cut dress.

“What are you doing here?” She asked half awake, “I must be dreaming huh?” She leaned her right hand towards Yongguks face.

“Nicole-ah,” he felt his tears slowly falling down, “Nicole...” he could smell the strong aroma of alcohol on her.

“Why are you crying?” She asked confused, “I'm so tired...when I wake up from this dream you'll disappear again so tonight I won't beg for you to stay...” Nicole walked past him and unlocked her door, she turned back around telling him to follow so he did.

Yongguk closed the door behind and watched as Nicole stumbled towards her bedroom. She kicked off her high heels and lied on her bed. He looked at her who seemed more innocent sleeping now. He wasn't used to her thick eye liner and dressy way. He fixed her up in her bed. He pulled away her fallen hair behind her ears. He stood up as he felt her hands grabbing for his.

“This isn't dream right?” She opened her eyes, “It doesn't feel like a dream...”

“Of course...” he bended down towards her now, “this isn't a dream...so I'll stay...”

“Really?” She felt her tears falling down from the outer corner of her eyes, “I'm really not dreaming?”

“No...go to sleep..when you wake up I'll still be here.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

“Okay...” she smiled and closed her eyes.

When morning came Nicole heard the dishes rattling. She sat up rubbing her eyes and didn't realized she was still wearing the makeup from last night. She got out of bed and made her way out of her bedroom and towards the kitchen. The smell of freshly homemade breakfast made it's way towards her noise. She peeked in and saw a tall man standing with his back towards her fixing something near the sink.

“Hi...” Nicole was confused on who it was.

“Oh,” Yongguk quickly turned around, “you're up already?” His gummy smile appeared.

“Yongguk...” Nicole's eyes widen, she now realized she hadn't been dreaming, “Yongguk...”

“My girlfriend must be really mad at me for being unable to contact her for over two months huh?” He walked past her and put down the rest of the food onto the table, “Hurry lets eat.” He sat down waiting for her who slowly walked towards him and sitting across from him now, as he let out a small giggle.

“Why are you laughing?” She asked.

“I like your morning make-up.” He grabbed his chopstick and started to eat.

After breakfast Nicolegot ready for the day. She walked Yongguk out towards his car as the rain had began to pour down again. They stood outside for awhile as Nicole held onto the black umbrella with the both of them under.

“So...” Yongguk stated, “are you mad at me?”

“Ani...” she smiled, “I'm just really happy to see you again.”

“Stop living like that,” he put her loose hair behind her right ear, “don't change for me...” he stared right into into her eyes.

“I won't...” she looked away.”

“You don't sound to promising...” He stated.

“Let's go on a trip together...” she interrupted him, “yeah?”

“Oh...where do you want to go?”

“Hmmm....the beach...”

“Alright...after you stop going clubbing...”

“I don't do anything...I take a few drinks to get you off my mind...”

“Well, there's not reason to drink anymore then...”

“Lets go on that trip soon alright?”

“Alright...I have to get going now...” Yongguk leaned forward and planted a kiss onto Nicole lips which surprised her.

“I'll watch you leave first before going in...”

“Alright...ahh Nicole-ah,” He turned to look at her before getting into his car, "It's you for me...got that?" Yongguk then got into his car and drove off.