"I told you I'm okay." Nicole took the cup of water from Hoya as he sat down beside her now, "I'm just...I'm trying to not rely so much on my medication anymore...because I'll like to believe I'm normal just like everyone else."

"That's always good to hear," Hoya stared at her, "I didn't think you'll show up."

"You can't run away forever," she stated while drinking down the cup of water, "I'm okay though." She wiped away the small water stain off her lip.

"Saying you're okay don't necessarily mean you're okay." He stated a bit frustrated now, "It's okay to ask for help once in awhile." He now had both of his hands behind the back of his head as he took in a deep breath leaning back on the parked bench outside the hospitial.

"You've helped enough..." She stared at the evening pink sky now, "I'm okay."

Yongguk laid down on top of his bed with both hands over his head as he stared blankly up at his bedroom ceiling.

------------------------------------------------------------------ F L A S H  B A C K ------------------------------------------------------------------

"I know I'm not forgiven..." Gyuri softly replied, "that's why you can't forget..."

"I hated you..." Yongguk felt his heart thumping fast, as though he was the one who was going to break at any moment.

"I know," she looked at him with sorrow eyes, “I know you did...it's a given, tell me something I don't already know.”

“Tell you something you don't already know?” He seemed a bit more comfortable now like old times, “Lets see,” he leaned back in his chair, “If you loved me...I probably wouldn't be going out every night to the bar or club just to take you off my mind...” his tone changed. It soften and Gyuri knew then he was back to the old him, the gentle soft person she had once knew, “If you loved me...I wouldn't be making out with random girls every night...if you loved me, I wouldn't have to be in so much pain, if you loved me I wouldn't cry foolish tears every now and then, if you loved me...if only you have loved me, we would be a family right now...” he didn't look her in the eyes, she knew this well, “love comes again though you leave me...if you loved me, I wouldn't be imagining you around...you're like a disease I can't seem to get rid of.”

“There are things I regret...” Gyuri finally stated, “there were rules that I had to break, mistakes that I know I had made and I know it was I who made things this way...”

“I know...but won't you tell me something I don't already know?” His deep voiced questioned.

“Did I tell you I had three abortions already?” Her words stun Yongguk who quickly shot a concern look towards Gyuri who kept a smile on her face while staring at her cup of coffee, “Did I tell you, your best friend isn't the same guy he was five years ago? Did I tell you all those calls you didn't pick up was because I thought I wasn't going to ever hear your voice again?” Her eyes began to well up with tears as she fought back with a smile, “Did I tell you I lost hope with the last phone call that you didn't pick up which was three months ago, then Yoseob called me telling me your mother passed away and I told myself you were probably having a harder time then I? Did I tell you, Seungho has been cheating on me for the past years now?” She looked straight into Yongguk's eyes while the tears in her's trickled down slowly, “And lastly did I tell you I didn't married Seungho because I loved him...but because I was pregnant at that time just to find out two weeks after our marriage that I had a miscarriage?”

“Gyuri...”

“After the miscarriage he suddenly assumed that it wasn't his,” she wiped away her tears, “maybe if you had told me sooner that you had feelings for me then maybe we wouldn't be like this...but you told me a bit too late....”

“That...that bastard!!” Yongguk yelled standing up in anger making everyone in the shop looking towards them, “I'll kill him who hurts you!” Gyuri grabbed onto his hands calmly making him take his seat once again.

“Yongguk...”

“Ani, I'm sorry that he treats you this way...but what can I do? Nothing but feel sympathy for you, because the only thing I ever wished for you was your happiness...I can't forgive him...I won't forgive him,” he clenched his fist tightly, “but at the end you also gave me pain, not physically but mentally...you played with me, you act as if I had a chance and at the end cut me loose...I watched you walk down that aisle, I watched you kiss him, I watched you smile next to him...I stayed away...”

“I don't need for you to forgive me...as long as I've talked to you face to face I'm happy...I'll no longer show my face in front of you, nor contact you...thank you for loving me though, thank you.”

------------------------------------------------------------------ END OF FLASH BACK ------------------------------------------------------------------

Nicole closed her apartment door behind her. She lazily walked towards Junhyung's room as the moons dim light barely seeped through his bedroom window. She walked slowly towards his desk and sat down in his chair in the darkness. She felt her heart beating slowly but heavily. She felt her tears unknowingly falling down. She slowly turned to look back at the mattress on the ground where he had been sleeping for the past nights now. She wonder to herself but she didn't know if there was anything to wonder about.

“Nothing's wrong.” She then heard her phone ringing as she pulled out her phone.

Nicole was huffing and puffing the cold night Seoul air in and out of as the crispy white frost of her breath was visible. Her nose was turning a slight red as she reached the park outside Yongguk's apartments. In the night she saw him sitting alone on the park bench that they had met. He had called her out of the blue asking if they could talk. She refused until she heard his soft sob.

“Bang...Yongguk?” She slowly approached him now as he turned his head to look at her.

“Ahh, you actually came...” he then turned his attention away from her once again, now staring into the far distant, “Come sit won't you?” he asked as Nicole slowly walked passed him and sat down beside him a few inches away from him who now smelled of alcohol.

“What are you doing here at such time of day?” She asked a bit concerned though the two hardly knew each other.

“I randomly called someone...and it ended up being you how funny right?” He gave out a small happy grunt, “Yaaa, you're so much like her...”

“Like who?”

“Gyuri noona...they way you dress...the way you talk but the thing is you two defiantly don't have the same personality nor face.” Who the heck is this Gyuri noona Nicole thought to herself as he kept on staring into the distant, “I finally talked to her like old times, but my feelings...my feelings for some reason didn't seem to be there, does that mean I've finally moved on from her spell? She finally set me free?” He then turned to look at Nicole who was already looking at him with sincerity.

“You must really cherish her...even if you no longer have those feelings for her, I'm guessing she was a lover?” Nicole asked as he turned his head slowly away from her deep gaze, “Huhh,” she grinned, “I would've never expected this...”

“Did I ever get your name?” He suddenly changed the subject, “I don't think I have...”

“Jung Nicole,” she stated, “Let me tell you something,” he was taken a back at her sudden action as she grabbed for both of his hands while looking at him who tried to avoid eye contact, “Look at me,” she said waiting on him now.

“An...ani.” he drunkenly replied a bit sober now, “What are you doing?” He pulled his hands away from her grip but she held on tighter, “Yaaa....” he then finally turned to face her now staring into her eyes.

“I don't know your situation but,” Nicole suddenly let go of his hand as she turned her head to look out towards the distance now, the wind was blowing as her hair sway, Yongguk kept his eyes on her, “Everything seems fine & then all of a sudden it slowly crumbles...” Nicole felt her husky voice speaking these words for the first time, these words she only told herself, “You just have to deal with it.” Nicole turned to look at Yongguk who now stood up from his seat...“Faults are made but usually hidden because we're afraid to face defeat and when others are right we cover our ears and eyes unable to face the truth we so much crave for...”

“I was obviously drunk when I called you...” He stated coldly towards Nicole, “I'm heading back home, though I do thank you for taking your time to come...”

“No worries,” Nicole now stood up as she slowly bowed towards him, she then walked away as she felt his hands gripping onto her right wrist as he pulled her in for a hug, “Yongguk...” her eyes widen.

“Maybe I should have done this to her huh?” He asked, “Whenever I give someone my heart I have a habit of saving the other half...for her...” he held Nicole tighter to himself now, “The words that I didn’t say yet to her remains in me, the love that I didn’t give, that I couldn't give remains...”

“Don't act foolishly now, I may remind you of her, but I'm not her...don't use me to ease away your regrets...I'm not that girl...I'm sorry.” Hearing her words he then slowly pulled away from Nicole, embarrassed at the same time hurt knowing it was true.

He didn't call Nicole by accident he knew exactly why, because ever since he met her she reminded him so much of Gyuri. That's why seeing her with another guy made him ache and he hadn't realized it up until now. Why he felt these unsettling feelings when he saw Nicole the other night walking next to that police officer. He understood it now, because he wanted Nicole to become someone she would never be. Thinking he finally met someone he could start new with to only found out history was torturing him once again. It was weird, five long years and finally this girl made him feel this way...but to him every good girl had a bad side...they're not all innocent as they seemed...they're the worst...because you'll easily be fooled by their innocence and forget how awfully painful that make you feel when they leave you behind like a bucket filled with waste.

“I better get going now...” Nicole bowed one last time before walking away from him.

When she enter her apartment she found Junhyung's shoes in the entrance way. She didn't turn on any light as she made her way towards his bedroom. As she slowly opened the door she could hear his soft breathing. She walked in slowly as he was already fast asleep on the mattress.

“Maybe you are still in me...” Nicole felt the tears slowly tumbling down her face, she examined him before heading out of his bedroom closing his door shut. She stood outside for a short while then headed towards her bedroom.

The rain had been falling all morning long. His living room was filled with soju bottles. His eyes were red. With his back pressed against his wooden floors he stared up at his ceiling. Yoseob called him last night when he got back from the park after seeing Nicole, that Gyuri had committed suicide. Yoseob explained that she had taken dozens and dozens of different pills. This guilt wrapped itself around him after hearing this. All these years he had put the blame on her for something he lacked and that was his lack of confidence of confessing to her. Why couldn't he realized something horrible was wrong, something was bothering her so much that it caused her to take her own life. Maybe because he got to caught up with his own feelings he putted hers aside. All the signs were there but because he was so angry he couldn't comfort her the way a friend should of have.

“I didn’t beg you for love, I just wanted your true heart. Even on the day I saw you for the last time, I didn’t want you, I just wanted your honesty...” he drunkly whispered those words to himself, “babo, babo...I'm such a babo...”

“Ani...” the smell of peony flowers filled the room, “This is the last time I'm asking you this, erase my name off from the top of your list...” he knew it was Gyuri, “just do it, there should be no reasons why.”

“You break my heart in the blink of an eye,” he cried as the tears slowly dropped from the outer corner of his eyes as he stared at the ceiling, “all those times I let you in, just so...” he closed his eyes as his body began to shake, “just so you can go again, this is the last time, the very last time I let you in...”

“I'm sorry...” her voice was low and soft, her words whispered into his ears, as he covered his eyes with his elbows now, “I'm really sorry.”